(Two coworkers have just been seated at a table in a restaurant during their lunch break. They begin to peruse the laminated menu and one of the men spots Chicken Pot Pie as an item choice.)

"Oh wow they have Chicken Pot Pie!" He says enthusiastically. "I haven't had that in a while, that sounds good on a cold day now doesn't it?" He looks to his coworker for reassurance.

The coworker takes a deep sigh and then replies, "You know Ken, I used to love Chicken Pot Pie, but that was before that fateful day." He then stares off into the distance in a blank, yet sorrowful expression, as if he is reliving all those emotions of that fateful day 一 once again.

Ken gently places the menu down on the table and stares intently at his coworker and asks, "What happened?"

The coworker puts his hand to his temple and bows his head down in utter distress and says, "It is so mortifying, and lays so heavy on my heart, that I'm afraid that I don't have the strength in me to tell you."

Ken shrugs his shoulders and moves on with the conversation unbothered, "Okay. So yesterday...."

The coworker interjects with vehemence, "Fine! I'll tell you since you want to know so badly." He takes another deep breath, bracing himself for his tale. "Okay, so I used to have an immense fondness for chicken pot pies. When I was in middle school I would eat them practically everyday for lunch. The school's cafeteria offered some of thee best-tasting, microwavable chicken pot pies I've ever had...granted I only ever tried those specific chicken pot pies so I didn't have anything else to compare it with, but that is beside the point. They were delicious is what I'm trying to say."

Ken attentively nods and says, "Okay."

"So one day I received my chicken pot pie from the lunch lady, in its typical film-wrapped dish. I then proceeded to take my usual seat, at my usual table, with my usual friends. Yet this time, something unusual occurred."

"Please explain." Ken commands.

"I was going to before you interrupted." The coworker says with slight indignation.

"I'm sorry, please continue." Ken says apologetically.

"This time was unusual because the girl of my dreams, Cara Beckintosh, sat down across from me. And I'm telling you Ken, beauty has never been so encapsulated in one person before. She was otherworldly, a goddess is a word I'd use to describe her." He pensively looks up, thinking about her.

"She sounds hot."

"She was normal temperature. So anyways, we were all chit-chatting having a wonderful time, and I was mindlessly eating my food, then something terrible happened..." Suddenly pain is overtly displayed on the coworker's face.

"What!" Shouts Ken in eager dismay.

"The chicken pot pie was not cooked all the way through, it was still partially frozen in the middle. So I had this disgusting combination of hot, warm, and ice-cold remnants of chicken pot pie all in my mouth simultaneously. "

"I think I'm going to puke." Ken's face was green with sickness.

"I haven't even gotten to the worst part."

"I don't know if I can handle anything worse." Ken says, looking extremely uneasy and nauseous.

"We've already gone too far to stop."

"You're right, continue." Ken shakes off the queasiness.

"So Cara, being the attentive beautiful girl that she was, noticed the disgust that was being shown on my face. She also noticed that I was suddenly silent, and she thoughtfully asked me what was wrong. Me, not wanting to ignore my beloved, tried to answer her, but a frozen pie crust became lodged in my throat, and I began to choke."

Ken is in obvious distress, with his hands raised to his mouth he exclaims, "Oh no!"

The coworker's voice raises as he is filled with fervent emotion and he leans forward, "Chaos ensued. Help him! Cara shouted with great concern. My good friend Billy hopped out of his seat and began to hit my back, trying to dislodge that frozen pie crust and save my life. *Wham!* *Wham!* *Wham!* Billy was smacking me." The coworker acts out the event in real time.

Ken is on the edge of his seat, completely enthralled with the tale.

"After a few solid hits square on my back, the frozen pie crust with hints of frozen chicken and squashed sweet peas ejected out of my mouth like a cannon. These chewed up food particles landed squarely on Cara's once unblemished, gorgeous face."

Ken's eyes widen in fear and he utters, "Oh no."

"That is exactly what I said after I could finally speak. My friend Billy shouted, Dayum!!! I stared at Cara, absolutely horrified and in complete shock. Cara let out a blood curdling scream, her friends rushed to her side and stared at me with great animosity. My friends laughed and I immediately apologized to Cara, but she didn't say a word to me. Her friends grabbed her by the arm and took her away from the embarrassing scene. I begged Cara for forgiveness the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that...But she didn't forgive me, Cara never forgave me...and I never forgave chicken pot pies! Because of those wretched things I lost the love of my life!" The coworker slams his fist down on the table, causing the condiment holder to jump. "Cara and I could have been married, but those damn chicken pot pies ruined my only chance with her. The devil take them away!" Sadness and anger remains powerfully alive in the words of the coworker.

Ken grabs his coworker's arm with compassion and empathy, "That is the most tragic story I've ever heard."

The coworker is on the verge of tears, and with such tremendous emotion he says quietly, "It probably will be the most tragic story ever told."

The waitress appears at the table and cheerfully asks, "So what can I get you two?"

Ken looks at the coworker to see if it is okay to answer, and the coworker nods at him before looking down in sorrow. "I think I'll have the Chicken Pot Pie." Ken says to the waitress with a kind smile.

"You bastard!" The coworker yells and viciously jumps at Ken across the table.

The End.