Chapter 55, Now Where Do We Stand?
"You left me and you didn't care!"

✧

With her full magic back, Mia refused to make the long journey back to Forks by taking a flight. Instead, she apparated back home and left Edward and Alice to fend for themselves in Italy. A part of her felt terrible for leaving them stranded, but she figured that if they had no trouble abandoning her, she might as well return the favor.

It was morning when she arrived in Forks. Her mother had spent a restless night that by the time she returned, lots of reprimands were given. It was safe to say she was grounded for the rest of her life, but if she was being honest, Mia couldn't be bothered by any of it.

With having been absolved from the curse and regaining her magic back, she felt whole again that everything else rolled down her back. Now that she was aware that the only reason Dimitri appeared to her was because of their link, she was no longer afraid of the night. Anything he decided to throw at her, she would be able to handle.

From what Isobel learned back in New York, Dimitri wanted to mentally torture her in order to weaken her and make her more willing to take the Dark Mark. It would be easier for a broken soul to head to the dark path, which was why he used every good memory and altered it to fit his perception. By breaking her mind, he believed it would grant him the needed respite, but having been unlinked left him defeated and forced him back to England.

All the puzzle pieces were starting to come together. It took months to get here, but Mia was grateful to be closing a chapter and heading onto the next. She was finally returning home and reuniting with her friends after all this time. The thing was, she would be leaving the friends she made in Forks behind, which broke her at the thought of being separated from those that have become important to her.

However, Isobel insisted that Mia graduate first before moving back. With all the secrets and heading back to Italy without her permission, Mia knew better than to argue back. Now it was just a matter of revealing her plans, but she had time to break the news.

Good thing graduation was in the first week of May and April was already starting.

As she stood in front of the ocean, Mia deliberated heading back to town. La Push Beach was the one place she could breathe without having Edward constantly apologizing and regretting everything he did. She tried ignoring him and even resorted to casting a spell to keep him out of her house. It sure helped having Isobel's support since she threatened to hex him if he were to continue coming back.

Of course, Edward was incredibly resilient. He knew at school, Mia wouldn't be able to use her magic on him, which was when he pleaded for forgiveness and expressed his regrets. Regardless of his apologies, she wasn't willing to move past it. He destroyed her and made her think the worst of herself. He left a mark on her that would take a very long time to disappear and he wasn't certain it ever would.

Mia was just so angry that she couldn't imagine returning to him. She would constantly be doubting his feelings and wondering they were real or not. It wasn't a way to live and she would rather they go their separate ways than be tortured with constant doubts. Not to forget how she didn't trust him anymore. To her, trust was everything and once it was broken, simple apologies wouldn't be enough. Work needed to be put, but work took a long time. Even then, she wasn't certain trust would be fully repaired.

"What did I say about you staying away from the water?" Bella called out as she approached her.

Mia took a step back from the shore, now standing only a couple feet from the ocean and closer to the drier sand. "I'm away from the water now, Bells. Like promised."

Bella stood alongside her as they look out onto the shore, allowing the ocean mist to drench their faces. "How did your mom handle your impromptu trip? Did she go easy on you?"

"Well, I'm grounded for life now," she nonchalantly said, still not bothered over the consequences. "But at least I'm whole again. My magic is fully back, so I'm not complaining."

"I'm glad traveling to Italy brought one good thing at least," Bella frowned at the remembrance of the Cullens having returned. After all they put Mia through, she couldn't stand the mere sight of them. "Are you okay with him being back?"

Mia folded her arms across her chest, internally wincing at the mention of him. She tried so hard not caring for his return, but it was hard pretending he didn't exist. After everything, she still loved him and she hated herself for it. "I'm dealing with it, but he's not making it easy."

"I can imagine," Bella said. "He's been trying to get me to convince you to hear him out. I just can't believe he's that stupid to believe I would take his side, like who does he think he is?"

"Unbelievable," Mia rolled her eyes, officially becoming more angry with him. She was appalled at how far he was going after she had been explicitly clear of wanting space. It seemed after everything, he still hadn't learned his lesson. "But hey, it's a good thing they arrived to a destroyed home."

Bella chuckled when remembering how they trashed their home and left it in shambles. She wondered if they fixed it already or were still dealing with the aftermath. "I hate admitting it, but it was actually fun."

"Destroying things is always fun, especially when it belongs to those that deserve it," Mia glanced down at the water, suddenly getting an idea on how to make this outing better. She took advantage of Bella's distraction by hastily reaching down and splashing water onto her, laughing when seeing her bewildered look.

"I'm so getting you back for this," Bella returned the action, eventually resulting in them having a water fight. She smiled when hearing Mia's laughter and realized how much she missed it. It seemed traveling to Italy brought the old her to the surface and as much as she disliked the Cullens for what they did, she was grateful the circumstances led to this moment.

Mia continued splashing water onto her and Bella surprised her by taking her further into the ocean. She laughed like never before and forgot about what was waiting for her beyond the reservation.

But then that's when a few teens playing volleyball but their moment short.

A ball hit the back of Bella's head, causing them to freeze and stare at the other with shock. It wasn't until a few seconds later when they start laughing as they remember this was how they first met. Bella was to terrible at volleyball that she ended up hitting Mia on the head. A friendship between them was meant to happen that they couldn't imagine never having met each other. It seemed life worked out in surprising ways and now with everything starting to fall into place, this moment was the only one that mattered.

Mia rested against the sand and leaned her head back. She closed her eyes and let the ocean breeze hit her face, allowing it to become a part of her and wash away the distaste of her long forgotten fears.

"I've missed that," Bella suddenly said.

"Missed what?"

She stared ahead, "Your laugh. It's been months since I last heard it that it just makes me happy hearing it again."

It was now when Mia realized that all these months of darkness didn't just affect her. They affected everyone around her. Her friends and her mother, she hurt them by losing her essence and it destroyed her learning how much it took from them.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been myself," she hugged her knees together, averting her gaze to anything but her. "I hate that I let Edward's opinion of me affect how I saw myself. I'm still trying to find my way back and I'm not sure I can return to the girl I used to be, but I'll try-"

"Mia, you loved him and he broke your heart. You don't ever have to apologize for working on healing yourself," Bella said, and reached for her hand. "You're my best friend, practically my sister now, and I just want you to be happy, and if you ever decide to forgive him, I'll do my best to move past my dislike and support you."

"I'm not forgiving him," Mia stated without an ounce of uncertainty. "Every time I see him, I just hear what he last said to me. I don't trust him anymore and I can't imagine returning to him without worrying that he will hurt me again."

Bella remained silent, letting her continue.

"And the rest of them, I mean, they expect me to treat them as if nothing happened," Mia chuckled in disbelief and ran a hand through her messy locks. "They think that because it was Edward that said those things, it means they're not to blame, but they are. After making me feel like I was a part of their family, they were so willing to leave without saying goodbye. How can I trust them if they were able to toss me aside as if I were nothing? I just- I can't."

Bella nodded in agreement, "Then you don't forgive them."

"I don't forgive them," she repeated, but saying it aloud hurt more than expected. She loved Edward with her entire heart and the Cullens were still important to her. Even after everything they put her through, she still loved them and it hurt not being able to push her feelings for them aside.

Bella already knew what she was thinking with just one look. She wrapped her arm around her, both of them resting their heads on each other's and remaining on the beach just a little longer. If there was one good thing that came from the Cullens' departure, it was bringing them closer and they couldn't be more grateful for it.

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Mia pressed on the brakes too harshly when seeing Edward waiting for her in her front porch. He held a small velvet box and continuously switched it between his hands too nervously. She cursed under her breath and parked in her driveway, slamming the car's door as she reluctantly approached him.

"What part of me not wanting you near, don't you understand?" Her eyes darkened as she glared at him so intensively, ensuring he was able to know how much she detested his presence.

Edward knew her anger was justifiable. He put her through so much and nothing he did would ever fix his mistake, but it didn't mean he would give up on them that easily. "I know and I'm sorry, but I just want to talk to you."

"I don't care what you want," she shoved past him to the door, but he blocked her path. "Get out of my way."

"Mia, the only reason I left was because I thought I was protecting you," Edward tried to explain, his voice sounding desperate and broken. "I was getting my memories back and struggling to separate what's real from what isn't. I was losing control and I was seeing my murderer everywhere. I thought it was better if I left to keep you safe."

"You could have told me this and I could have helped you," Mia tried to keep the pain he caused her inside, but listening to his reasons for abandoning her made it a million times harder. "But it's like you told me months ago, you didn't trust me, so really, what did we have? We had nothing."

"That's not true," Edward shook his head, refusing to let her continue believing their months of happiness had been a lie. "I do trust you. I was just afraid of what it would do to us if you knew. I didn't want you to be afraid of me, so I stayed silent. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you."

She narrowed her eyes, "But you already did. You hurt me by using something I trusted you with as a reason to leave me. Instead of being honest, you betrayed me and I just..." she trailed off and looked away to blink away the tears. "I just can't forgive you for that."

Mia noticed his composure start to deteriorate. She could see the panic flood his eyes and his hope that she would forgive him gradually fade. His golden eyes melted upon her declaration and it destroyed her causing him pain, but she couldn't bring herself to forget the torture these months have been. He ruined her perception of herself and made her believe she was not meant to be loved, because how could a monster like her be worthy of such sentiment?

"Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do," Edward tried reaching her, but she moved back as if he were poison. His heart clenched and was destroyed, but he knew this was well deserved. He deserved her resentment and much worse. "I know it will take a long time to earn your trust back, but I promise to do right by you. I will show you how much I love you and hopefully with time, you can forgive me."

It was unlikely, but Mia didn't say anything. Instead, she just walked past him and unlocked her door, but suddenly felt his fingers intertwining with hers. She froze at his touch, the electricity he gave her flowing freely through her veins and making her heart skip a beat. She hated how much she still loved him and even more that he was aware of it.

"I should have given you this a long time ago," Edward handed her a small velvet box, the same gift he meant to give her before leaving, but couldn't.

"No," Mia removed her hand from his and glanced down. She had no desire in receiving anything from him. It would only serve as a reminder of his betrayal and make it harder to move on. "I don't want your gift."

Knowing he won't be able to enter due the spell, Edward tried one more time to get her to stay. He rested his hand on her waist and spun her toward him, both of them now standing so close they could feel their different temperatures. She forgot how to breathe as the only thing she could focus on was their proximity. His golden eyes stared into hers as if he were able to know what she was thinking. Worrying she might have brought her walls down, she reinforced any doors she might have left open, refusing to let him see a glimpse into her footnotes.

Mia wished everything were simple. She wished to put everything behind her, but she could still hear his words and how he had so effortlessly chosen the worst way to abandon her. All of these months, she would see him in the back of her mind. He would haunt her at every hour, run through her system like a burning fever, and strand her into the past.

While everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that forest. It was her last memory of him and like expected, the bad memories outweigh the good. But how good were they if they were all a lie? It didn't matter if he claimed he lied, because she didn't believe him.

Edward crossed a line and like the river, his betrayal would flow through the current and downpour into a cascade. His claims of loving her were forgotten beliefs, only becoming the torture instead of respite. He longed to put everything behind him, but forgetting was a betrayal to herself.

Her words collide into the other, unable to place themselves into a perfect string. She became entranced by his presence and it angered her not being able to part ways. It was impossible to stop loving him, which made this entire mess worse knowing he had been the cause and he was the one to destroy them.

Mia wanted to push him away, to demand him to give her space, or to disappear from her life like he did months ago. She desperately wanted to express her resentment, but feeling his graze collide with hers left her stricken as if she were seeking for a glimpse of paradise. Breathing heavily, she was finally able to mutter a few words, "I'm returning to England."

Edward leaned away, still trying to process what she said, "What?"

"I was asked to move back a month ago and I wasn't ready to leave yet, but I am now," Mia explained, now avoiding looking at him and creating distance between them. "There's nothing here for me, so I'm leaving after graduation."

It was absurd of him to want to ask her to stay. He had no right considering he did the same thing months ago, and besides, he was aware her move to Forks was temporary. They used to discuss how they would become long distance and he even planned to move back with her. Now, he was afraid she would demand him to stay away. He couldn't fathom not having her in his life and he felt like such a fool for feeling this way. After all he put her through, she wouldn't want him near and it destroyed him having caused this.

"Mia, you can't leave," he muttered, staring at her in disbelief.

Her eyes narrowed into slits, "I don't remember asking you for permission. I'm returning whether you like it or not, and I really hope it's enough to keep you away from me."

Edward reached for her hand, but she harshly shoved his grip off, "It's too dangerous for you to head back. With the war approaching and many after you, you will be putting yourself at risk."

"I have been more at risk in this town than anywhere else," Mia argued, her tone becoming full of disdain and resentment. "I'm safer anywhere that's away from you."

Her heart broke when seeing the pain in his eyes, but she couldn't let him back into her life as if nothing happened. The wound was still fresh and seeing him was adding more salt to it. Moving away might sound like she was running away, but sometimes, running away could lead to healing.

"Please, Mia. Don't go," Edward tried reasoning with her, but she refused to listen to anything he says. "Stay."

A sense of satisfaction was felt as she's reminded of how she was in this exact position, but now it was him pleading her not to abandon him. The tables have turned and while it faintly quenched her desire to give him an ounce of the misery he caused, she was appalled that he believed himself to still have a right to demand her something.

Mia stared into his eyes and as much as it hurt being this close to him, she forced herself to ignore the pain and the love as for the first time, she could get an upper hand before he did. "I need to look out for myself. Getting out of Forks is the only thing that matters."

They were the same words he told her in the forest. She noticed the recognition on his face and the hurt consuming him. She looked away to avoid being tempted to take back what she said, but even without staring at him, the bond they shared prevented her from not feeling his exact emotions.

Like a tragic poem, they remained connected by their lines, following after the other like stanzas. A poem was meant to remain together and no amount of attempts would separate them to the ends of the earth.

"Mia, I'm so sorry for what I did," Edward desperately said, but she refused to believe him. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, because I love you and I can't imagine a life without you."

There used to be a time when she would have fallen for his words. She would have believed him like a naive, senseless girl, but she was no longer the girl he knew. Everything that happened changed her into a different version she never thought would emerge. If before, she used to view her trust issues as a curse, she now viewed them as a gift. It would prevent her from falling for another deception and from encountering someone like him.

He claimed to love her, but he still moved forward and chose to hurt her in the worst possible way. How could she believe anything he says? How could she betray herself by not becoming wary of everyone she were to encounter?

Like many say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

"Please don't leave," Edward tried reasoning with her one more time, but he knew it was useless when receiving a worrisome look. "You don't know the dangers you can encounter, and I know I have no right to ask-"

"You're right," she interrupted him. "You don't."

Edward internally winced at her hostility, but he was aware he deserved this punishment. Nothing he says would make the previous months disappear and it destroyed him knowing he ruined the best thing that happened to him. "But it doesn't mean I won't worry about you. If you return, you will be even more exposed to danger. You can't leave, Mia."

"You really have some nerve to ask me this, or did you already forget how you did this exact same thing to me?" Mia raised her voice, but remembered they weren't inside and decides to let him enter. She slammed the door closed, now jabbing a finger to his chest, "I begged you to stay, but you didn't care how I felt. You only cared about yourself and chose to leave. You left me and you didn't care!"

"I did care," he argued. "I always have, but I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving. I wanted you to be safe, so I left to try and give you the chance of having the life you deserve."

"Nothing about my life is safe," Mia flailed her hands for emphasis, urging him to observe her guarded home. "Look around you. This whole house has been spelled to prevent intruders from entering. You thought leaving would keep me safe, but your abandonment made everything worse."

Edward remained silent, unsure of what more to say.

"I blame you for everything that happened, so don't expect me to forget, because I won't," Mia blinked away the tears, wanting nothing more than to be able to forgive him that easily, but she can never trust him again. She would never be able to confide in him without being afraid he wouldn't use it against her.

If she used to consider him heaven, he was now her purgatory. Returning to him would be returning to misery and regardless of being tempted to fight everything for him, she will no longer descend for him. He became her enemy and like all enemies, she was set to vanish them from her life, and moving back to England was the first step.

Mia would always love him, but she would also hate him. For the rest of her life, she would hold on to the memory of the man who broke her heart with ease. She would find a way to forget him, but it was one thing evicting him from her mind and another from her heart. It wouldn't be easy, but for the meantime, she wouldn't hesitate to be selfish.

Edward tried masking the pain of her resentment. He lost the right to express his regrets after all he did. Still, it didn't mean he would stop trying. Even if it takes years, he would ensure to show her how much he loved her and prove himself to be worthy. She was his purpose, his glorious destiny, and his God given solace. Losing her would be a grave mistake and he wouldn't dare make the same one twice.

"Then I'll be coming with you," he declared and she gaped at him like he had said the most ridiculous thing.

"Edward, I don't want you near me," Mia said the words slowly as if hoping it would get through to him.

"I'm not making the same mistake twice," he came closer and stood a couple inches from her. "You might hate me, but I love you and I will protect you with everything that I am and everything I will become. You are my purpose, Mia Grey, and I'll be damned if I lose you."

"You already lost me," she clenched her jaw and shoved past him. "Nothing you say will make me forgive you. You ruined what we had, but it only made me realize that I was right in hating you back then."

He knew she referring to his human years. The ones where they were competing against the other and expressing their mutual dislike by tormenting each other through every waking minute.

"Trusting you had been a mistake and I just want you to leave," Mia opened the door with her magic and averted her gaze to anything but him. "I don't want you anywhere near me, so get out."

Edward didn't want to leave, but he knows when he lost and this was one of those times. She needed space and he would grant her that. He reached into his pocket for the gift as he walked away, but before exiting, he left the velvet box on the side table.

Mia still didn't look at him once she slammed the door. She covered her mouth to prevent her cries from being heard, but her racing heart and the gasp she let out was enough to ruin everything. She didn't want him to know how much she cared as it would only make him believe he had a chance of obtaining forgiveness. Even if she still loved him, she couldn't bring herself to move forward.

It hurt being near him, especially when he sounded so sincere and regretful. He sounded just like the man she loved and not like the one who broke her heart. Things would be easier if she were able to truly hate him, but she could never. Not fully at least.

Why did she still love him?

Mia suddenly started feeling a heavy pressure mount on her chest. It was getting harder to breathe and harder to remain standing. She found herself sitting against the stairs and placing her palm against her heart. Her palpitations were running faster than ever, their beats becoming the loudest and its sound traveling all the way to her head. She tried to control her breathing, but feeling the walls caving in and feeling her temples pound like bass drums prevented her from acquiring a glimpse of rationality.

She closed her eyes, a few tears escaping and sliding down her cheeks. Controlling her breathing was no longer in her grasp and she was terrified of not acquiring any oxygen. She begged the universe to help her, to grant her a respite and help her move past this. Nothing seemed to be working. Nothing was helping her and she was falling deeper into this hole.

Mia loudly gasped, gripping onto her hair and providing small hits. She wanted to believe everything would be temporary and she wouldn't feel this way forever, but how could she pretend this wasn't destroying her?

He used to make her feel safe and loved, but he shattered how she viewed herself without remorse. He claimed he did it all in means of protecting her, but what pained her was how hurting her was the only way he considered ending things. There could have been any other way, but he chose the cruelest one.

Mia didn't trust he wouldn't hurt her again, and when he does, she won't be able to pick up the pieces. After everything she went through, trusting was now the most terrifying thing. Opening her heart never led to anything good and she would rather fall dead than hand it to anyone ever again.

She could have continued loving him and he could have let himself be loved, but he didn't let her. All these months, she had been haunted by his memory that it brought her comfort knowing it was his turn. When she leaves, he won't forget her and would always remember her voice. He would remember all the pain he caused, the deception, the lies, the betrayal, and it will torment him.

Forgiving him was a spell she would never cast. It was a chance he lost and it was his cowardice that transformed their dream into a nightmare. Their crossed paths were now parallel lines, never meant to connect or meet at the ends.

Edward used to be her home.

And she longed for the time when she used to believe he was.

Author's Note

And that concludes the end of act 2!
Next up, Hogwarts!

Hope you guys enjoyed New Moon era and are ready for even more angst, but with more magic and those magical characters we know and love!

I have so much planned that I'm so excited to share!
Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

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I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions!