Graysexual - an identity on the asexual spectrum. Individuals that fall under this identity feel sexual attraction only on occasion and lie somewhere in between asexual and sexual. Other names: gray-a, gray-ace, or even grace.

Demiromantic- an identity on the aromantic spectrum that falls under the gray umbrella. Individuals that fall under this identity feel romantic attraction only after having an emotional connection to someone. Romantic attraction is experienced as a secondary attraction and not a primary attraction.

Ah, that makes sense, I thought as I scrolled through the many search results on Google. It was all coming together. This explained why it was so easy for me to just put dating on the back burner in high school(and part of college) or how my friends would be more excited about my crushes than I was (sometimes I just made up the crushes to seem normal). Honestly, I knew I didn't feel attraction the same way as everyone else, but I just thought that something was wrong because no one else felt the same way.

*****

Now, it was over a year and a half later and I was in my junior year of college. Since then, I came out to my friends and save the occasional question, everything had gone back to normal. Or so I thought.

It was the last two weeks of the semester and I was scrambling to finish my physics homework before class. Physics was my best and worst class. For one thing, I constantly struggled with the work and for another, my lab partner was Charlie. He plopped his notebook next to mine, his blonde, curly locks tumbling ever so slightly over his face.

"Morning, Blake!"

"Oh gosh, you are way too energetic this morning," I laughed.

He smirked. "It's the energy drinks and a constant lack of sleep."

"I don't know how you can stomach those."

"Not everyone can survive on green tea and the hopes and dreams of unicorns."

"No, it's green tea and the blood of my enemies, get it right."

"Damn, hardcore. That explains it."

Charlie was Aiden's childhood friend and was part of our friend group since freshman year. I didn't know him well at first, in fact, I only saw him at meals or in passing. It wasn't until we became lab partners that we became closer. It scared the living shit out of me.

"Earth to Blake." His breath fanned over my ear.

I snapped out of my thoughts right as the professor finished her soliloquy about the end of semester reports.

"Ye-ah"

"You ok?"

"Just tuned out for a sec."

"Understandable. She's collecting the homework, FYI."

When the lecture ends, Charlie turns to me.

"So when are you free to finish the paper?" He winks in jest.

My heart quickened and I felt like vomiting.

.

"Friday or the weekend work. "

" I have a fencing match over the weekend. So would Friday after class, work?"

"Yeah, see you then."

"See, ya." He waved as he headed out of the lecture hall. I waited for my next class, dreading Friday.

The week sped by and soon enough I was waiting in the library, crunching on chips.

Charlie ran into the library, hair damp and tied back, hauling his fencing equipment.

"Sorry, fencing went over."

"That's ok. I wasn't waiting long."

He sat across from me and opened his laptop. "So what do we have left of this report?"

"We just have the discussion and to insert the graphs for the results."

"Cool, so we should just be able to bang out the discussion and finish it tonight."

We then got to work, exchanging smiles and laughing our way through the paper. I ended up back at my dorm at 10pm, sighing as I closed the door.

"What was that for?" Spencer turned to me.

"Nothing."

"Totally has nothing to do with a certain lab partner."

"It's definitely a certain lab partner." Aiden popped up from his lounging spot on the couch.

"It is. But it's not as fun as you guys are making it seem. I feel like a fraud and by having feelings for him... like maybe I was lying to myself. But then if I'm not lying to myself I feel my identity becomes a problem. Relationships involve a lot of lovey-dovey stuff and, ya know, sex... what if it's not enough, considering if he even likes me at all?"

"Several things. First, come here for a hug. Second, you do not have to be a single pringle forever to prove your identity. Everyone experiences things differently and that's ok. And even if you did switch identities, it doesn't mean you lied to yourself. You are still learning about yourself."

"Also Charlie definitely likes you, though I am breaking the sacred bond of brotherhood so don't quote me."

"Ok, so if that is true, what about the other stuff?"

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. If, allegedly, hypothetically, you and Charlie liked each other, you would figure it out."

The last week of school came and went and soon enough we were on the same couch, hanging out before winter break.

 "Pass the popcorn!" Spencer handed me the popcorn.

"So what movie are we watching?" Aiden flicked through the choices on Netflix.

"Horror sounds good."

"How about a comedy instead?"

"Typical Blake. Never one for horror. Perhaps a horrific comedy."

We were both rolling our eyes at the dad joke when we heard a knock.

"Must be Charlie." Aiden stood to go get the door. Sure enough, Charlie came in with soda and some snacks.

"Did you get my text?"

"No, why?" Aiden did a facepalm.

"I forgot the cups and I texted you to bring them from our dorm."

"Oh, I can go back and get them, no problem."

"Cool - hey, Blake didn't you forget a sweater in my room."

"Yeah?"

"Charlie is heading back over there if you want to go with."

Soon enough, I was taking a chilly night time stroll with Charlie. The silence was almost deafening.

"So how was your fencing match?"

"Good, we didn't win but it was a good match."

"That's good." We walked in silence some more.

Charlie turns to me. "Kinda weird not seeing you every day."

"Yeah, we barely saw each other all week."

"Would it be weird to say that I miss it?"

"You do?"

"Yeah. I enjoy laughing with you and getting to know you. Not to mention that your focus face is a winner." We both laughed. "But seriously, I'm attracted to you."

"I have feelings for you too. It's weird because you are the first guy I ever considered getting closer to. So... uhm, you know I'm-"

"On the aro and ace spectrum. Yeah." He scratched his head and gave an awkward grin. "I finally understood it after a couple of hours of research in the library with Aiden and Spence. Granted we goofed around for a bit, so it took longer."

"You guys did that?"

"Yeah, we are your friends. Also hence why I didn't bring it up. I didn't want to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable. I was happy just being your friend."

I smiled. "So if we were to hypothetically give this a shot, it wouldn't bother you."

"No. The way I see it we define our relationship. I mean it may be a bit different, but that's the beauty of it. I like you the way you are and I'm willing to try it out."

My smile grew wider and I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. I didn't care because I was just so excited. I gave him a big hug and kissed him on his cheek. He kissed me on my forehead. I didn't know where we were headed, but for once, I didn't feel alone.