Butterflies in my stomach. I always heard about the phrase, but somehow it still sounded very foreign to me. It was probably because I never really felt it . . . until Blueberry's sudden confession.

Truth is, it was more than just butterflies in my stomach. It felt like an entire army of happy monkeys shooting up obnoxiously loud and colorful fireworks. 

"Nanliligaw ako sa kanya."

Four words. It only took four words from Blueberry to set off the monkeys and the fireworks.

Like a miracle sent from heaven, the university bell suddenly rang, breaking the silence that completely covered our table. 

"Bahala kayo sa mga buhay n'yo. May quiz pa ako," I said as coolly as I could and left my seat, pushing the speechless Janus out of my way. 

As I began to walk out the door, bigla na lamang humabol sa akin si Blueberry at sumabay sa paglalakad ko na para bang wala siyang pinakawalang makapangyarihang bomba. Paglabas na paglabas namin ng cafeteria, agad ko siyang hinila patungo sa direksiyon ng botanical garden.

***

"Nababaliw ka na ba?!" bulalas ko nang kaming dalawa na lang. Pakiramdam ko'y nagbabaga na ang pisngi ko dahil sa sobrang init nito. 

"Sorry. Kaysa ba naman malaman nila ang sikreto ko?" He chuckled softly while scratching the back of his head, looking all shy and unable to make eye contact.

Napakurap-kurap ako at kusang napangiwi. "Wait, hindi 'yon totoo?"

And just like that, all of the monkeys and the fireworks were wiped away by a merciless storm.

Blueberry suddenly grinned and tilted his head, giving me a side-eye. "Bakit parang dismayado ka?"

"Ako? Dismayado?" Humalakhak ako nang pagkalalakas-lakas sabay hampas sa kanyang balikat. "Bro, you're not my type! Mangarap ka! Hahaha!"

"Aray naman, Tree! Ang bigat ng kamay mo!" He cried out and held his shoulder.

"Sorry! Sorry!" I instantly felt bad, remembering that he was sick. "Gusto mo kabila rin para pantay?" biro ko na lang.

Awtomatikong napahawak si Blueberry sa magkabilang balikat sabay atras palayo sa akin. He looked so cute with his hands crossed over his chest. He even pouted and like a sad little puppy.

Tawang-tawa ako sa kanya at huli ay napailing-iling na lamang. When I felt my heart calm down a bit, I took a deep breath and casually sat on the edge of one the enormous plant boxes. 

"But seriously, Blueberry. Bawiin mo agad ang sinabi mo kanina. Mamaya maniwala pa ang mga kaibigan mo." Pati ako, muntik maniwala. 

Blueberry sighed and smiled shyly, sliding his hands in the front pocket of his jeans. He looked at me like he wanted to say something but he was just so shy about it. Kung hindi langs siguro siya cute, nahagisan ko na siya ng fertilizer.

"Bakit?" Agad ko siyang tinaasan ng kilay. 

"I was just thinking . . . " He bit the bottom of his lips as he smiled. "Can't we just do it?"

The monkeys in my stomach suddenly awoke from their graves. "Do what?"

"Magpanggap na lang tayong nililigawan kita para may excuse na tayo sa tuwing nakikita nila tayong magkasama?" He tilted his head, now smiling questioningly. "What do you think?"

His smile felt so contagious. Pakiramdam ko'y mapapangiti na rin ako kaya kaswal ko siyang inirapan at tinalikuran. "I'll think about it."

"So it's a yes?" he asked.

And just like that, the monkeys are all awake and shooting up fireworks again. He was just asking for us to pretend, but holy moly, why does his voice sound music to my ear?

Pasimple kong hinigit ang hininga at pinagmasdan ang mga maruming dahon sa paligid, tahimik na nagdarasal na sana huwag niyang mapansing para na akong nasisiraan na ako ng bait.

At that point, I could no longer deny it to myself . . . I was starting to like Blueberry. 

Unprofessional, oo. But who cares? It's just a harmless little crush. Besides, lots of girls in the campus are into him. Therefore, I was having normal feelings toward a very kind and cute guy. Besides, it wasn't like I wanted a relationship with him. After all, it was just a harmless little crush.

"Whatever." I cleared my throat and successfully wiped grin off my face. "Nga pala, off-duty ako this week and next week para mag-focus sa exams. Your goodbyes can wait a bit, right?"

"Sure!" He quipped and suddenly stood next to me. He started looking around the leaves like he was trying to figure out what I was looking at. "Need my help?"

"Nababaliw ka ba? Hindi naman ako ang in-charge dito." The absurdity of his question had me blurting out.

Blueberry slowly turned to me, eyes turned into slits with an annoyed straight face. "Sa pagre-review, Tree. Sa pagre-review."

Hindi ko napigilang ngumisi. The sarcastic look on his face was too adorable for words. "'Talino ka?"

"Pshhh . . . " He crossed his arms and looked at me smugly. "Dahil sa akin, walang member sa team ang nagkaka-problema sa acads. Ako pa nga ang tutor ni Braylee."

Braylee . . .  Girlfriend niya? Tunog cute. Malas.

"Girlfriend?" pang-aasar ko. Nilakasan ko pa nang konti ang tawa ko para mas kitang nang-aasar lang ako.

Agad siyang ngumiwi. "Younger sister."

"Ohhh . . . " Natawa na lamang ako at tumango-tango. "Cute niya siguro."

"Dahil cute ako?" Ngumisi siya at pabiro akong siniko.

Ngumisi rin ako at siniko siya pabalik, mas malakas. "Nakuha niya lahat ng cute genes. Walang binigay sa 'yo kahit katiting, e."

Huwag sana akong tamaan ng kidlat.

"Cute ako, ayaw mo lang aminin." He playfully frowned, crinkling his nose as he stood up straight and started walking out the door.

You have no idea, Blueberry. You have no idea.

***

I forgot how fun it was to have a secret crush. The secret glances, the silent admiration, and the excitement every time I see him from afar. 

It's funny how one guy had me looking forward to attend my torturous classes, knowing I'll have the chance to see him in the campus. 

I was being a total loser over my client, but I really didn't care. After all, my secret was safe with myself.

"Girl, ikaw ang lowest sa quiz pero bakit parang glowing ka pa rin?" Carri asked as we walked out of our classroom after a bloody calculus session. Lowest ako sa quiz at na-announce pa sa buong classroom ang score ko, pero okay lang dahil lunch time na—may chance na makita ko ulit si Blueberry sa cafeteria.

"Matagal na akong glowing at matagal ko na ring alam na bobo ako. Self-awareness is the key. You should try it some time," I answered with a straight face and shrugged.

"Ang sabihin mo, inspired ka lang kasi may manliligaw ka." Carri giggled and started poking my waist. "Ayieee! Ginayuma mo no?"

Pabiro kong inakbayan si Carri at binulungan siya sa tainga. "Marunong akong mambarang. Gusto mong ikaw ang biktimahin ko?"

"Tree naman, e!" Agad akong tinulak ni Carri. She stomped around while frantically scratching her ear, palibhasa narito ang kiliti niya.

Natawa na lamang ako at nagsimulang tumakbo. "Ang mahuli, manglilibre ng lunch!"

***

Pareho kaming humahangos at nagtatawanan ni Carri nang tuluyang makarating sa cafeteria. Dahil medyo maraming tao, naisipan ni Carri na siya na lang ang bibili ng pagkain namin samantalang ako ang magpapaiwan sa mesa upang huwag kaming maagawan.

Nang makapuwesto ako, pasimple ko sanang hahanapin si Blueberry nang bigla na lamang sumulpot mula sa kung saan ang kambal. Gaya nang dati, naupo ulit sila sa magkabila kong gilid.

"Isa pang pangsa-sandwich sa akin at iisipin kong gusto n'yo akong maging triplet." I shot them a bored look one by one.

"Convince him not to leave the team," Jasper said with a cold gaze, obviously trying to intimidate me . . . which was kinda working dahil agad akong napaiwas sa mga mata niya.

"Sagutin mo na lang ang tropa namin," sabi naman ni Janus, dahilan para agad akong mapangiwi.

I rolled my eyes and buried my head on the table, which was a really bad idea because I ended up slamming my head on the table, creating a loud thud. It hurt my head a lot, but I was too embarrassed to react. Pumikit na lamang ako nang mariin at hindi na gumalaw pa.

Jasper and Janus started giggling like a pair of fools.

"Come on, lowest ka na nga sa calculus kanina. Palalalain mo pa," Janus scooped down my forehead and pulled me up, making me sit. Pakiramdam ko tuloy isa akong mannequin.

"How the hell did you know?" I glared at him, my shoulders still slumped.

"May mga mata kami doon," sagot naman ni Jasper.

"You guys are spying on me?!" bulalas ko sabay hampas sa sarili kong dibdib.

"Puno naman, gusto kang siyotain ng tropa namin. Malamang gusto naming makisagap ng chismis." Humahagikgik naman tugon ni Janus.

Napasinghap ako sa sobrang inis at napatingala sa kisame, humihingi ng karagdagang pasensiya sa kalangitan.

"Look bro, she's flabbergasted!" Humagikgik lalo si Janus at tinuro ako.

Hindi ko alam anong ibig sabihin no'n kaya kunot-noo akong napalingon kay Jasper. "Ano raw sabi ng kambal mo?"

Jasper just shook his head and sighed. "Napahiya siya sa Literature class namin kanina dahil sa salitang 'yan kaya ngayon paulit-ulit niyang ginagamit ang tamang pronunciation. His way of taking back his dignity or something."

"Wait, siya ba 'yong nagsabi na flabbergaysted  habang nasa recitation kanina? I heard literal na na-flabbergast ang professor.

Pare-pareho kaming nag-angat ng tingin at nakita si Carri na dala ang tray ng pagkain namin. Natatawa siyang naupo at ibinigay sa akin ang chicken meal ko.

"Teka, ba't mo alam?" Natatawang bulalas ni Jasper. "Nag-sit in ka ba sa classroom namin kanina?"

Umiling si Carri at ngumuso. "I saw another student tweet about it. Classmate n'yo yata. It's getting 50+ retweets as we speak."

"Fuck." Napasinghap si Janus at siya naman ang nagbaon ng ulo sa mesa. "Pare-pareho tayong pinoy! Normal lang na magkamali sa banyagang salita!"

Sa isang iglap, bigla na lamang dumating si Blueberry dala ang sarili niyang tray. Kaswal niyang itinuro si Jasper, medyo natatawa pa. "Flabbergasted?"

"Flabbergasted," sabay-sabay naming sagot nina Jasper at Carri.

Blueberry chuckled and placed his tray on the table, but before he could even sit next to the vacant chair next to Carri, Jasper suddenly stood up.

"Dito ka na maupo sa tabi ng nililigawan mo, o? Nahiya ka pa," Jasper offered, grinning.

Blueberry and I looked at each other, stunned and speechless.

"Flabbergasted," sabay na bulalas nina Jasper at Carri.

Naupo naman nang maayos si Janus at natatawa kaming itinuro ni Blueberry. "Flabbergasted."

Blueberry cleared his throat and just smiled. In the end, he had no choice but to sit next to me.

I was trying to look indifferent, but deep inside the monkeys were going wild again. Si Jasper na talaga ang paborito ko sa kanilang kambal.

***

I thought it would've been a one-time thing, but I was surprised when the twins continued having lunch with Carri and I. Tuloy, no choice si Blueberry kundi sumabay na rin sa amin palagi.

At first the five of us just kept having lunch together, but soon we began to hang out every time we crossed paths during our free time. And with exams approaching, we found ourselves reviewing and sharing insights together. And Blueberry wasn't kidding because he was one smart cookie. The twins weren't so bad too dahil natutulungan din nila si Carri sa ibang subject.

"Tree, huwag kang ma-pa-flabbergast ha? May ka-holding hands na high-schooler si Bryan, o?" Janus said while we were having one of our review-lunch sessions.

I rolled my eyes and just chuckled. The 'flabbergast' thing became our inside joke, and so does teasing me with Blueberry.

"Nah, don't worry, Tree. That's his sister. Your future sister-in-law," Carri assured me kaya agad siyang sinamaan ni Janus ng tingin.

"KJ." Janus hissed.

Carri giggled. "Ano meaning niyan? Klabber Jasted?"

"Ang ko-korni ninyo! Utang na loob gusto ko lang kumain nang matiwasay!" Pikit-mata namang tumingala si Jasper at huminga nang malalim. 

"Korni? Nag-joke na naman ba si Tree?" 

We all looked to our left and saw Blueberry arrive while holding hands with a high school student. Kung hindi ko lang alam na magkapatid sila, baka nanlumo na ako. 

"Mas korni ka uy," pabiro kong ganti kay Blueberry at pasimpleng pinagmasdan ang nakababata niyang kapatid.

Braylee. From what I know, that was her name. She looked painfully shy but she still managed to smile warmly and wave at us. She was as adorable as Blueberry. Their resemblance was even sort of uncanny.

"Bray, sister-in-law mo, o?" biro ni Jasper sabay turo sa akin.

Blueberry's sister looked at me and as soon as our eyes met, her eyes widened with shock.

"Look! She be flabbergastedding!" Humalakhak nang pagkalakas-lakas si Janus sabay turo kay Braylee.

All of them were laughing over our inside joke, but just like Braylee, my eyes widened when I realized that this wasn't the first time I saw her.

My stomach dropped as soon as I realized that Braylee Emanuel was being bullied by Marika Ronelio and her peers.

//