"I don't get this Blueberry guy? What's so bad about being remembered? I mean, I know this sounds messed up, but if I die and everyone starts forgetting about me, I'm going to haunt the shit out of people—starting with my friends."

"I wondered about that, too. And honestly, after that conversation, the guy haunted me too."

"Wait, so you fell for him because of that?"

"No . . . It's just . . . He never left my mind. Somehow, that conversation with him stayed with me. Yung mga mata niya, nagdala sila ng kirot sa puso ko. Akala ko mawawala lang 'yon pagkatapos ng ilang araw, pero hindi. Paulit-ulit ko siyang naalala hanggang sa pakiramdam ko, parang mawawala lang ang kirot kapag makikita ko siya ulit. I wanted to see him doing fine and smiling again. "

"You felt worried?"

"I felt like a total loser."

✦ ✦ ✦

"Tree, sinong hinahanap mo?"

It felt like there was a big fat L written on my head when I realized that I was looking around the cafeteria, hoping I'd somehow catch a glimpse of him happily hanging around with his friends. It had been days since the last time I talked to the guy. 

I faced Carri who was sitting right across me and to my horror, I saw the last of my takoyaki sitting on her plate.

"Hoy, ano ba! Takoyaki ko 'yan!" My words were as fast as my hands. I grabbed the takoyaki and stuffed it straight into my mouth. 

"My God, Tree! Ang init pa no'n!" bulalas naman ni Carri, nanlalaki ang mga mata.

Carri wasn't kidding. My mouth felt like it was burning, but I was already feeling like a total loser kaya pinanindigan ko na sinubukan itong nguyain habang bumubuga ng mumunting hangin.

"Luwa mo na, bilis!" Mabilis na pumulot si Carri ng tissue. She almost threw her body over the table, trying to hold the tissue under my mouth. 

Umiling-iling kaagad ako at pilit na lumayo mula sa kamay niya. I was already feeling like a loser. Tama na. Sobra na.

"Good morning, coach. May brown rice po kami ngayon." 

Awtomatiko akong napatingin sa direksiyon ng counter nang marinig ko ang server na magsalita. My attention went to the balding, middle-aged man dressed in brown pants and tucked-in blue shirt. The white whistle around his neck screamed 'coach' to me.

Napanguya-nguya ako sa takoyaki at agad na lumunok.

"Hoy ba't mo nilunok?! Ang init no'n! Sino ba ang—OMG! Na-love at first sight ka ba kay Sir Costas?" bulalas ni Carri ng sundan kung saan ako nakatingin.

Gusto ko biglang batuhin ng tinidor si Carri. Mabuti na lang talaga at medyo pabulong ang pagkakasabi niya kaya mukhang wala masyadong nakarinig.

"Who's that?" tanong ko na lamang.

"Seryoso ka sa bet mo?" Carri's mouth was left hanging open as she winced. 

"It's for my business!" giit ko na lamang.

"Ohhh." Carri giggled and breathed a sigh of relief. "Kinabahan ako do'n, akala ko bet mong maging asukar-de-tatay si Sir."

"Carri, focus." I snapped my fingers. "Me needs the info."

Carri sat up straight and grinned. "Coach Alex Costas. 40-something. Very pretty ang wifey and 3 kids. Dating coach ng high school basketball team, pero lumipat sa college para siya pa rin humawak sa dream team niya. People say he has a strong attachment sa players, but I think the players have strong attachment to him. Sobrang bait and mala-tatay daw kasi ang vibes. I think it's kinda true kasi naging sub-teacher ko siya noon sa P.E at binigyan niya ako ng energy bar pagkakita niyang putlang-putla na ako."

"Close talaga sila ng players niya?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Mmm-hmm." Carri fetched out her phone from her scarlet leather handbag and started tapping away.

While waiting for her, I grabbed my glass of orange juice and took a few sips. Ramdam ko na ang hapdi sa bibig ko dahil sa lecheng takoyaki.

"Here! Looky looky!" Carri raised up her phone and showed me a group photo taken from what appeared to be a graduation ceremony. Coach Costas was standing in the middle of a group of guys wearing white caps and togas. All of the graduates looked so happy, but the coach looked incredibly proud. They were standing so close to each other, arms draped over one another. You can feel their strong bond just by merely looking at them.

I stilled when my eyes suddenly landed on Blueberry who was standing right next to the coach. The Blueberry who asked for my help and the Blueberry on the photo had the exact same face and smile, except the Blueberry in the photo looked so warm, carefree, genuinely happy. 

He felt like sunshine in a field of blooming flowers. However, clouds covered up his glow and now he's bringing blues wherever he goes. 

"Ito pa!" Carri suddenly swiped to the left and I saw a photo taken in what appears to be a dining room. The coach was with the same male students, only this time, nagsisiksikan na sila sa likod ng isang mahabang table kung saan nakapatong ang cake, lechon, at iba pang handa.

"Wait, birthday ba 'yan ng coach?" Naningkit ang mga mata ko nang mapansin ang hugis 43 na candle sa ibabaw ng cake.

"Wait . . . " Carri momentarily checked her phone before confirming. "I think so . . . and oh, looks like sa makalawa na ulit ang birthday niya."

After seeing the photos and finding out the coach's birthday, Blueberry's hold on my mind only strengthened. Ni hindi ako maka-concentrate sa klase ko.

I've had tons of clients before, but Bluberry's case just felt different. It bothered me. He bothered the hell out of me, so I came up with an idea.

Soon, I found myself walking around the campus grounds. I had my earphones on but I wasn't paying attention to the songs at all. My eyes were busy scanning for Blueberry, while my mind was trying to come up with reasons why I was doing what I was doing.

I hated myself for what I was doing. I couldn't understand myself too. All I know was that I wanted to help him say goodbye.

I froze when I suddenly spotted a guy sitting outside the botanical garden. Nakasuot siya ng kulay puting hoodie at para bang bagot na bagot kaya pabunot-bunot na lang ng damo sa lupa.

All of a sudden, he looked up. It was Blueberry and our eyes freaking met.

My brain suddenly went blank. Everything that I rehearsed in my mind was gone in an instant. I swiftly turned around and started walking back.

I kept walking until someone suddenly ran up to me. It was Blueberry again and he quickly blocked my way. Nagtaas pa siya ng mga kamay na para bang naglalaro kami ng basketball at ako ang may dala ng bola.

"Mukha ba akong may dalang bola?" I looked up at him with an eyebrow raised. 

"Sorry. Force of habit." He chuckled and stood up properly. That was only when I noticed the shoebox he was holding.

"Bakit?" I crossed my arms and tried to look uninterested, but deep inside I was hoping that he wouldn't be able to see through my act. "If you want refund, hindi na puwede. You signed a contract. Besides, good for one goodbye lang 'yong downpayment mo."

"Ha? Wala naman akong kontratang pinirmahan, a?" bulalas niya, natatawa pa.

"Delayed lang. Valid pa rin." I murmured.

"Hindi mo ba ako tatanungin ano 'tong dala ko?" aniya, may tono nang pang-aasar pa sa boses niya. Sa kabila nito, naroon pa rin ang matamis niyang ngiti . . . pati na rin ang lungkot sa mga mata niya.

I sighed and put my arms down. "Okay, Blueberry. What's in the box?"

"Pugot na ulo." He grinned and opened the box, revealing a pair of blue sneakers that looks hella expensive. 

"You changed your mind?" I tilted my head, trying to stop myself from smiling.

"Kasalanan mo 'to. Ba't mo pa kasi tinanim sa isip ko." He sighed and smiled, closing the box and putting it under his left armpit.

"If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the people who loves you. For their sake, tell them goodbye." There. I finally said it. Ilang araw ko rin itong kinimkim sa isip ko.

Blueberry suddenly gave me a side-eye. "O Baka gusto mo lang ng kliyente?"

"That too." I shrugged. Finally, I was able to grin comfortably again. "Since we're back in business, let's plan your goodbye to Coach Costas?"

He let out another loud sigh and nodded, smiling with lips pressed together.

***

"Naku, salamat talaga sa inyo. Saktong-sakto, hirap akong maghanda kasi nilalagnat ang mga anak namin," todo pasalamat ang asawa ni Coach Costas habang nililipat namin sa dining table ang mga in-order naming pagkain at inumin. "Iwan ko muna kayo diyan, ha? Titingnan ko muna ang bunso."

"Wala pong problema, kami na po ang bahala rito." Blueberry smiled at Mrs. Costas reassuringly.

"Hay, ang bait mo talagang bata. Ang suwerte ng mga magulang mo sa 'yo," Mrs. Costas replied. It was clear how much she adored him.

Napatingin ako kay Blueberry at napansin kong wala na ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha.

"Kayong dalawa, ang susuwerte ng mga magulang n'yo sa inyo." Mrs. Costas glanced at me, smiling happily. "Sigurado ba talaga kayong hindi kayo mag-boyfriend at girlfriend? Parang sayang kayo kung magkabarkada lang, e."

Sa sobrang awkward ng sinabi niya, natawa na lamang ako at napailing-iling. Kahit si Bluberry ay natawa na lang din ulit at marahang giniya ang ginang patungo sa hagdan lalo't buntis ito at may kalakihan na ang baby bump. "Si Ma'am talaga, nang-aasar pa. Dahan-dahan lang po sa pag-akyat."

Hindi na ako nagtaka sa pagiging malapit ni Blueberry sa kanila. Gaya nga ng narinig ko mula kay Carri, Blueberry and Coach Costas go way back from high school.

I felt so glad that Blueberry changed his mind. It would be too cruel for all of them if Blueberry left without even saying goodbye.

"Pasensya ka na sa pang-aasar nila, ha? Kahit ako, walang ligtas sa kanilang mag-asawa." Padaskol sa naupo si Blueberry sa dalawang magkatabing silya. Halos humiga pa siya rito na parang pagod na pagod. Akala mo naman kung ano ang ginawa.

"Hey, no resties! Tawagan mo muna ang friends mo! Remember to ask one of them for updates to make sure when the coach is coming home!" pabiro kong utos at naupo na sa sahig upang magpalobo ng mga balloon. All of the food and utensils were arranged, kaya decor na lang ang kailangan naming pagtuunan ng pansin.

Blueberry lifted his head up to see where I was. He then started dragging his body lazily toward me. Natawa pa ako nang kaunti kasi masyado niyang nalakasan ang pag-upo sa tabi ko, narinig ko pang sumalpok ang puwet niya sa sahig.

"Masaket?" I couldn't help but laugh.

Napahagikgik siya at tumango-tango. "Saket."

Blueberry's giggle looked so adorable—from the way his nose crinkled, to the way his eyes turned into deep slits. For a moment there, it felt like the the clouds thinned enough for me to see his sunshine again.

"May isa ka pa bang pump?" he asked, pointing the tiny air pump that I was using to inflate the balloons.

"No, it's fine. Just call your teammates—or anyone who's close to your coach," I insisted. "Nga pala, aalis ako pagdating ng 5 PM ha? May long quiz pa ako sa calculus."

"Yes, boss," aniya at pabiro pang sumaludo. "Gusto mo ng pointers? May calculus din ako kaninag umaga."

***

"Shuta ka, Blueberry," panay ang bulong ko sa sarili mula sa pagsisimula ng quiz, hanggang sa pag-che-check ng papel. Pabigay-bigay ng pointers, mali naman lahat.

Saktong 7:30 na nang lumabas ako ng classroom. My blue band-tee reeked with the remnants of the food we handled, while my jeans had little ketchup stains by the legs. I felt so sticky and icky, but I couldn't care less kasi uwian na. Problema na lang ay ang reaksiyon ni Mama pagkakita sa mantsa.

"Sa tagal mong natapos, dapat na-perfect mo 'yon." Mabilis akong napalingon at nagulat ako nang makita si Blueberry na nakatayo malapit sa pinto. His arms were crossed and his hoodie was covering his head again.

"Thank you sa pointers ha? Napakalaking tulong!" I smiled sarcastically as I walked towards him. "Ginagawa mo rito? May pahabol na request? Bukas na. Gutom na ako."

"Tamang-tama." He grinned and suddenly held out his hand like he was waiting for me to hold it. "Tara, hinahanap ka nina Coach at ng asawa niya. Pinasundo ka talaga nila sa akin."

Kunot noo akong nagbaba ng tingin sa kamay niya. "Ano 'yan? Holding hands?"

"Hala, sorry!" He blurted out and started laughing, pulling his hand away. "Nasanay kasi ako sa kapatid ko na nagpapahawak ng kamay, lalo na kapag tumatawid."

Natawa na lamang ako at umiling-iling. Biniro ko na lamang siya, "You just want to hold my hand, huh?"

Dali-dali siyang umiling-iling. Akala mo talaga krimen ang dine-deny. "Hindi, a! Muscle memory lang!"

"Oh my God, I'm kidding! Calm down!" Natawa na lamang ako at nauna nang maglakad. Sumunod naman siya kaagad sa akin. "Safe ba akong pumunta doon? Baka mamaya naroon ang friends mo at mapagbintangan pa tayo ng kung ano."

"Oo, kanina pa sila umalis." He chuckled as he assured me. "At saka, okay lang naman kung makita ka nila roon. Huwag mo lang sabihin na nagpapatulong ako sa 'yo."

"How about we pretend that we're cousins?" I jokingly asked.

"Hmmm..." Blueberry slid his hands inside his jackets' pocket and turned around, walking backwards while looking up at the starry night sky. "Gagana sa iba, pero hindi sa kambal."

"Kambal?" I asked.

"Oh come on, you don't know the twins?" Natatawa man, bakas ang pagkamangha sa boses niya nang magbaba ulit ng tingin sa akin.

I shrugged. "I think I heard something about twin basketball players before."

Blueberry gave me a side-eye again. "Anong klaseng ka-eskuwela ka, Tree . . . "

I shrugged again. "Gusto ko lang gumraduate at gumawa ng pera."

Pabirong ngumiwi si Blueberry at nag-thumbs up. Dahil sa ginawa niya, hindi ko napigilang ngumiwi rin at mag-thumbs up. Sa huli, pareho kaming nagtawanan. Pareho ba naman kaming mukhang ewan.

***

"Paano kayo nagkakilala?"

"Nililigawan ka niya, no?"

Gusto ko lang kumain nang matiwasay sa hapagkainan pero talagang pinagitnaan ako ng lecheng sina Janus at Jasper. Sa bawat tanong nila, lalo ko silang gustong pagpapaluin ng kutsara't tinidor.

Umuwi na ang mga bisita at silang dalawa na lang ang natira, kaso sa sobrang ingay nila, parang puno pa rin ng tao ang buong kusina.

"Nakita ko kayo sa botanical garden, anong ginagawa n'yo roon?" tanong pa ng Janus. No wonder he looked familiar.

Janus and Jasper are twins. They look exactly the same to me kaya tinandaan ko na lang na si Janus ang may piercing sa tainga, samantalang si Jasper naman ang may blonde highlights sa tuktok ng buhok. Both of them looked hella cute, but not as cute as Blueberry.

Jasper sighed, shaking his head as he laughed. "Mamaya na nga lang tayo maki-tsismis. Pakainin muna natin si Tree."

Bigla na lamang kumuha si Janus ng kutsara mula sa mesa at kumuha ng fruit salad. "Tree, here comes the choo-choo train!"

Napatulala ako at napakuyom ng mga kamao. Lord, give me strength. Ayokong maging isang kriminal.

"Siraulo ka, Janus! Nagcha-charge na, o! Lalayo na ako, mamaya madamay pa ako sa hagupit niyan!" Tawang-tawa namang tumayo si Jasper mula sa kinauupuan. 

"Janus, Jasper, pasuyo naman, oh? Nasira na naman kasi ang computer ng panganay ko, kayo na lang ang paayusin namin para tipid." Parang anghel na bumaba mula sa hagdan si Mrs. Costas. 

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Ako ang aayos uy! Ako ang mas magaling!"

"Neknek mo! Gusto mo lang magpabilib kay coach!"

 Kaagad nag-unahan sa pag-akyat ng hagdan ang kambal at halos magtulakan pa. 

Nang magkatinginan kami ni Mrs. Costas, panay kaagad ang pasasalamat ko sa kanya. Tumawa lamang siya at sinenyasan akong kumain pa, kaso bago ko pa man magawa, bigla na lamang akong nakatanggap ng tawag mula kay Mama. Kahit hindi ko sagutin ang tawag, alam ko nang kailan ko na talagang umuwi. 

Pagkatapos magpaalam kay Mrs. Costas, dali-dali akong lumabas. Magpapaalam sana ako kay Blueberry kaso hindi ko na siya nakita, pati na si Coach. 

Dahil gabi na, wala na masyadong sasakyan sa daan kaya naman naglakad-lakad muna ako hanggang sa makakita ako ng isang waiting shed. Habang naghihintay ng masasakyan, bigla akong nakarinig ng mga boses mula sa likuran ko.

"Naku, hijo! Hindi ka na sana nag-abala. Nagplano na nga kayo ng party sa akin, may kasama pang regalo."

"Coach, walang-wala 'to kumpara sa lahat ng mga naitulong mo sa akin . . .  naalala ko pa, noong mga panahong sirang-sira ang sapatos ko at nahihiya akong humingi ng dagdag na pera mula sa mga magulang ko, ikaw mismo ang bumili ng sapatos para sa 'kin . . ."

Pasimple akong napalingon at nagulat ako nang makita sina Blueberry at Coach sa isang maliit na tindahan ng batchoy. Nasa labas silang mesa, malayo sa ibang customer. Dahil dito, malapit lang sila sa akin.

Ayokong makadistorbo sa kanila kaya naman agad akong umiwas ng tingin at tumayo malapit sa naglalakihang mga halaman upang huwag nila ako kaagad makita. The last thing I wanted was to interrupt Blueberry's goodbye.

"Coach, alam kong sobrang dami mo nang narinig na mga mensahe ng pasasalamat kanina, pero gusto ko lang magpasalamat ulit . . . napakarami mong nagawa para sa amin, lalo na sa akin. Sa totoo lang, hindi ako tatagal nang ganito sa paglalaro kung hindi dahil sa pagtatiyaga at pagpapasensiya mo sa akin. Salamat din kasi nasasabi ko sa 'yo 'yong mga bagay na natatakot akong sabihin sa mga magulang ko."

Narinig kong humalakhak si Coach. "Pambihira ka naman, Bryan. Tapos na akong umiyak kanina sa mga mensahe ninyo. May dagdag ka pa pala ngayon? Ano, o-order na ba ako ng beer?"

"Pass na ako sa ganyan, coach . . . Hindi na raw puwede, eh . . . "

I felt like I was invading their privacy by listening to their conversation kaya naman kinuha ko na ang cellphone at earphones mula sa bag ko, pero bago ko pa man ito maisuot sa tainga ko, nagulat ako sa mga sumunod na narinig.

"Ah oo . . .  'yong sitwasyon mo . . . " Coach suddenly began sniffling. I was shocked because it sounded like he was crying.

"A-Alam mo na ang sitwasyon ko?" Blueberry stammered. He sounded rattled, even as he chuckled. "C-Coach, may sinabi ba ang mga magulang ko?"

The coach sniffled louder and I could almost hear him whimpering. "Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangang mangyari 'to sa 'yo . . . "

"Minalas lang talaga, Coach . . . " Blueberry began to sniffle, but he still continued to chuckle. "Pero okay lang ako, Coach. Kaya ko pa 'to."

"Bryan, hindi mo kailangang magpanggap sa harapan ko. Alam kong nag-aalala ka sa mga magulang mo, pero ako? Wala kang dapat ipag-alala, magsabi ka lang sa akin at makikinig ako."

After what Coach Costas said, silence suddenly enveloped the two of them, until Blueberry began to sniffle. 

"Coach . . . " Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan nang marinig ang tuluyang pag-iyak ni Blueberry. "Coach, natatakot ako. Takot na takot ako. Ayoko pang mamatay, Coach. Ayokong iwan ang mga magulang at kapatid ko."

Napatakip ako ng bibig dahil sa mga narinig at hindi ko na rin napigilang lumuha.

As Blueberry continued to pour his heart out, I decided to walk away. 

All of a sudden, Blueberry's rules finally started to make sense. I felt bad for hearing his secret, but at that very moment, I became more determined to help him say his goodbyes.

//