2 years later

"Katrielle, nakikinig ka ba?!"

Nagulat ako nang biglang sumulpot si Mama sa harapan ko. Sa sobrang gulat, dali-dali akong napaupo mula sa pagkakahiga sa kama ko at naibaba nang wala sa oras ang headphones patungo sa batok ko. 

"Ha? Bakit?" Walang kamalay-malay kong bulalas.

"Kanina pa ako sigaw nang sigaw tapos hindi ka pala—"

"Mahal, huwag mo nang pagalitan si Katkat." Napalingon ako sa direksiyon ng pinto at nakita si Papa na nakasuot pa ng kanyang apron. "Anak, baba ka na. Nagluto ako ng paborito mo."

Napangiti na lamang ako at tumango-tango. Humarap naman ako kay mama at nagtaas ng limang daliri. "Ma, five minutes. As in five minutes na lang talaga, tapusin ko lang 'tong chapter ng audio book."

Mama sighed, shaking her head. "Mahal, ewan ko talaga rito sa anak mo. Manang-mana sa 'yo."

"Diyos ko, huwag naman sanang mamana lahat," biro ni Papa. "Tara na sa baba, baka dumating si Carri at hindi natin marinig."

Natawa na lamang ako sa mga magulang ko. Sinundan ko sila ng tingin hanggang sa lumabas na sila't sinara ang pinto ng kuwarto ko. Nang marinig ang mga yabag nilang pababa ng hagdan, saka ko lang sinuot ulit ang headphones ko at muling nahiga.

Napatitig ako sa kisame nang may ngiti sa mukha. Patuloy kong pinakinggan ang boses ni Blueberry na nagsasalaysay ng isang kuwento. 

Pagkatapos umalis ni Blueberry, saka ko lang nalaman na nag-save pala siya ng mga audiobook niya sa laptop ko. Halos isang daang audiobook din kaya naman dahan-dahan ko itong pinapakinggan upang huwag maubos kaagad.

It's been two years since Blueberry and I broke up. Two years since he left to fight for his life and pursue his dream at the same time. I wanted to keep in touch with him despite being former lovers, but he wasn't responding to my messages, so I respected his decision even if it hurts.

Over the years, Blueberry and I drifted apart, but that didn't mean I loved him any less. That didn't mean he wasn't included in my prayers. 

Noong una, masakit. Pero kalaunan ay nakuntento na lamang ako sa ideya na nasa ibang bansa siya para sa sarili niyang kapakanan. It was easy to manage my heartbreak knowing Blueberry was out there, living his dream and continuing the fight. I worried about him constantly but I thought he wouldn't want that, so I chose to just put all of my faith in him.

Carri and I still continued to have lunch with the twins from time to time, but as the twins began their internship, it got difficult for our schedules and locations to match. Hindi ko alam kung may communication pa rin sila ni Blueberry dahil sa tuwing ito ang pinag-uusapan, iniiba agad nila ang topic. It was either hindi nila kayang pag-usapan si Blueberry or inutusan sila ni Blueberry na wag siyang banggitin sa harapan ko—knowing Blueberry, I think it was the latter.

Braylee, on the other hand, seemed to be handling it better than I thought—at least that's how it looked like on her social media. Her wish of having best friends seemed to have come true based on the photos she have uploaded so far. We still talked from time to time, but it was more of greeting each other whenever there's a special occasion. I never asked about Blueberry but I did ask Braylee to forward him my greetings. Like the twins, Braylee kept changing the subject every time mentioned him. Sa sobrang daming beses nitong nangyari, nasanay na lang ako.

"Ang cute kasi ng reaction mo nang makita ako!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla kong marinig ang sarili kong boses mula sa audiobook ni Blueberry. Kilalang-kilala ko ang boses ko dahil pagkatapos umalis ni Blueberry, nagpatuloy ako sa pagre-record ng audiobook. 

I retired from being The Goodbye Girl. With Blueberry being my hardest goodbye, I didn't think I could ever continue, so I carried on Blueberry's legacy by recording audiobooks on the same company. 

Honestly, at the back of my mind, I was always hoping my audiobooks could reach Blueberry. I was hoping it would give him the same comfort that his audiobooks would always give me.

"Ikaw talaga . . . " 

Napapikit ako dahil parang natagpuan ko ulit ang sarili ko sa yakap niya. Parang naramdaman ko ulit ang halik niya sa noo ko nang mga sandaling nairekord ito.

"You're full of shit but I still love the hell out of you."

"I know . . . I love the hell out of you too."

"S-Sorry, it's acting up again,"

"Five months later and you're still apologizing for stuff that you shouldn't be sorry for. Nothing's wrong with you. I love you, Bryan Leandro Emanuel. Nothing's ever going to change that."

"Bakit?"

"Five months and three days . . . Thank you for staying with me for the last five months and three days."

"Thank you for staying with me for the last five months and three days. To more years together okay? . . . Bryan? To more years together okay? No matter what happens, it's going to be us until the end."

"Promise you'll move forward without me?"

I hit pause and gasped. I sat up in my bed and dragged my headphones down my nape. It was only then I realized that tears were already streaming down my face.

All of a sudden, the wounds in my heart felt fresh and bleeding again. All of a sudden, I longed for him like I couldn't breathe at all.

"Tree?" Narinig kong kumatok si Carri mula sa labas ng pinto. May kung anong kakaiba sa boses ni Carri kaya naman dali-dali kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko.

Tinanggal ko ang headphones na nakasabit sa leeg ko at hinagis ito sa kama. Nagtatakbo ako sa pinto at agad itong binuksan.

Parang namanhid ang buo kong katawan nang makita ang pulang-pula at maluha-luhang mga mata ni Carri. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin nang diretso at pansin kong nanginginig pa ang mga labi niya.

"Carri . . . anong nangyari?"

Unti-unting bumuka ang labi ni Carri hanggang sa mapakawalan niya ang mga salitang muling pumunit sa puso ko. "Tree, si Bryan . . .  s-sabi ni Jasper . . . "

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Nagpatuloy lang sa pagpatak ang mga luha ko.

Unti-unting napatingin si Carri sa mga mata ko. "Tree, hindi na raw kinaya ng katawan ni Bryan."

My knees weakened until I found myself sitting on the floor, crying my heart out.

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