"So he asked your help to say goodbye because he was going abroad for his treatments?"

"Yeah . . . I thought it was because he was giving up the fight, turns out, he wanted to fight until the end. My man was a fighter through and through."

"Tapos lolo pala ni Reika ang sponsor niya? Ang liit nga naman ng mundo."

"Sinong Reika?"

"'Yong laging nakasuot ng itim mula ulo hanggang paa."

"Ah, 'yong madaldal?"

"Oo, 'yon! Nga pala, kaya mo pa bang magkuwento? Baka humagulgol ka na bigla . . . "

"Ako? Baka ikaw ang mas mauna! Teka, sa'n na nga ako . . ."

✦ ✦ ✦

Time flew by so fast that next I know, Blueberry and I only had a few months left until he leaves for his treatments. 

It was painful knowing we'll have to say goodbye after three months, but knowing it will be for his own good made it hurt a little less. The most consoling part was the fact that it was Blueberry's choice, and for that I support him wholeheartedly.

"Come on, it's okay. That claw machine is rigged anyway." Natatawa kong awat kay Blueberry dahil ayaw niyang tantan ang kulay blue na bunny stuffed toy mula sa machine. 

Blueberry lost his ability to use his left hand and arm completely. He was right-handed, but getting used to only using his one hand in everything took a toll on him. But Blueberry being Blueberry, in just a matter of weeks, he was able to rise above the situation. Pabalik-balik pa kami sa arcade para lang makuha ang bunny na gusto niya.

"Baby, even if it's rigged, you know I never give up." He glanced at me and smiled.

"That's why I love you." Natawa na lamang ako at naupo sa car racing machine na nasa tabi lang niya. He was playing his game, I might as well have fun too.

"But promise you'll get some rest if it gets unbearable again?" pahabol ko sa kanya.

"I promise to get some rest if it gets unbearable again," nakangiti niyang sambit, concentrate na concentrate na ulit sa pagpapandar ng claw gamit ang kanang kamay.

"Ano ba kasing meron sa bunny na yan at hindi mo matantanan?" pasimple kong tanong kahit na alam kong hindi ako sasagutin ni Blueberry nang matino. Ilang beses ko na itong tinatanong sa kanya, e.

Blueberry shrugged and just continued maneuvering the machine.

***

"Blueberry naman, e! Ba't ka ba nagpakapagod nang sobra doon?" Mangiyak-ngiyak ako habang inaalalayan si Blueberry na mahiga sa kama niya. 

The moment we stepped inside his house, his breathing started becoming erratic and his tremors acted up. Gusto ko na sanang dumiretso kami sa ospital, pero nakiusap si Blueberry na magpatulong na lang na mahiga sa kama niya.

"I just need some rest," Blueberry assured me for the nth time. "It's fine. My breathing will be okay any minute now."

"I'll call your parents," giit ko. "Baka mamaya—"

"Huwag . . .  Please, Tree, huwag." Nanghihina man, nagawa niyang mahawakan ang kamay ko. "Ayokong magmadali silang umuwi dahil lang sa akin. Malayo-layo rin ang pinuntahan nila."

Lost and confused, all I could do was look at Blueberry. "Paano kung hindi ka okay?"

Blueberry smiled weakly and patted the empty space next to him. "Dito ka lang sa tabi ko at magiging okay ako."

"Hindi ako nakikipagbiruan sa 'yo." My voice came out cold and firm. 

"Alam ko." He smiled sheepishly. "Kaya nga gusto kong dito ka sa tabi ko."

Napairap na lamang ako at bumuntonghininga. Napatingin ako sa mga kamay naming magkahawak at nahiga na lamang ako sa tabi niya. He moved his body a little, trying to give me more space.

Nang makapuwesto sa tabi niya, bigla siyang tumagilid ng higa at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. Kunot noo akong tumagilid at humarap din sa kanya, pero bago pa man ako makapagsalita, hinalikan niya ako sa labi.

"Nanghihina ka na, nanghahalik ka pa rin," pabiro kong reklamo kahit na gustong-gusto ko naman ang bawat panlalambing niya sa akin.

He smiled and kissed me again. "Just making every moment count."

I glared at him. "Matulog ka na nga lang. Kung ano-ano pang pinagsasabi mo."

"Sa tingin mo, matagal pa ba sila?" aniya, parang nang-aasar ang tono ng pananalita. "Tutal parang okay na ulit ang pakiramdam ko . . . "

Hindi ko napigilang matawa. Pabiro ko na lamang na pinitik ang dulo ng ilong niya. "You and your antics."

Baka kung saan pa mapunta ang usapan kaya umayos na ako sa paghinga at tumitig na lamang sa kisame niyang tadtad ng glow-in-the-dark stickers na si Braylee raw mismo ang nagdikit. Mula sa gilid ng mga mata ko, nakita kong umayos na din si Blueberry ng higa. 

For a moment, silence enveloped the two of us. I tilted my head a little, just enough to see Blueberry staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars as if he suddenly got lost in his own thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't help but ask.

"You. I'm thinking about you." He grinned, still staring at the stars.

"Seriously, what's going on in that head of yours?" I asked, worried a little. I don't want him to feel alone in the toughest moment of his life.

Blueberry's smile turned into a faint one as he tilted his head to look at me. "Alam mo ba kung anong itinatak ko sa isip ko mula nang malaman ko ang kundisyon ko?"

"Ano?" tanong ko.

"Live like how you want to be remembered," he said, looking up at the stars again. "Everyone in this world will die, and when it's my turn to go to heaven, I want people to remember me with a smile . . . so I'll do my best to make that happen."

Tears brimmed up my eyes once again. It was bittersweet hearing him say those words.

"How about you, Tree? How do you want people to remember you?" he asked.

I shrugged and smiled, trying my best not to cry right in front of him. "I don't know . . . It's hard to live like how you want to be remembered when most people will only remember you for your mistakes."

"Then, let's break the cycle . . . " Blueberry smiled at me again. "Even if it's just the two of us . . . let's remember other people for their growth, and for their will to do good and do better."

I nodded and moved closer to him, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Let's do that."

***

"Sigurado ka bang hindi ka sasama?" tanong ni Blueberry habang magka-akbay kaming naglalakad patungo sa sasakyan ng papa niya. It was his parents' wedding anniversary, so we planned an outing for them at their favorite nature park.

"I'll be helping the students say goodbye to the librarian today. Have fun with Braylee and your parents today okay?" sabi ko na lamang. 

"Teka, akala ko ba ang librarian ang kliyente mo?" he asked.

Nagkibit-balikat na lamang ako at ngumisi. "I did a little switcharoo to surprise the retiring librarian instead."

"I'm proud of you," said Blueberry and it felt like music to my ears. Akala ko nakakatuwa lang itong marinig mula sa mama ko, pero masarap din pala itong marinig mula sa ibang tao.

"No, I'm proud of you," sabi ko naman at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.

"Ewww!"

Pareho kaming napalingon at nagtawanan na lamang nang makitang nakasunod pala sa amin si Braylee at todo ngiwi ito dahil sa amin.

"Magkaka-boyfriend ka rin!" biro ko, pero agad din akong nakatanggap ng masamang tingin mula kay Blueberry. "Or . . .  girlfriend?"

"Best friends lang please!" Braylee cried out jokingly. "I promise to be do my bestest, just give me best friends please!"

Blueberry snapped his fingers and turned to Braylee with a smile. "Matalinong bata!"

Seeing how much Blueberry cares for Braylee, it only made me more determined to hide Braylee's secret from him. Tama si Braylee . . . mas mabuting huwag na lang malaman ni Blueberry ang dinanas ng kapatid niya sa mga estudyanteng iyon, dahil alam kong sisisihin lang niya ang sarili niya. 

"Tree, hindi ka talaga sasama?" tanong sa akin ng papa nila nang lumabas na rin ito ng gate kasama ang mama nila.

Umiling ako at ngumiti. "Pasensiya na po, pass muna ako."

Sa totoo lang, wala naman talaga akong ibang schedule. Ayoko lang talagang makadistorbo sa outing nilang buong pamilya. Blueberry will soon leave with his parents, and Braylee will be studying in Filimon Heights. It's going to take a while for them to reunite again.

Nang tuluyang makapasok sa sasakyan sina Tito, Tita, at Braylee, napaharap sa akin si Blueberry at marahang hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Ayaw mo talagang sumama?"

Ngumiti ako at umiling. "Have fun with your family, okay?"

Blueberry took a step closer to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.

I closed my eyes and smiled, savoring every moment.

"Babalik ako agad," aniya.

"Say that when we're at an airport a few months from now," tugon ko naman.

Blueberry didn't say anything. Instead, he kissed my forehead again.

***

We spent every day as if it was our last. Maybe it was why I never felt regret as I noticed how the days turned into weeks, until the weeks turned into months.

Two weeks before Blueberry's flight, I got curious when Blueberry told me that he wanted me to meet someone. Nagtaka ako dahil lumipas na ang high school graduation celebration ni Braylee kaya halos nakilala ko na ang buo nilang angkan. Sino ba ang ipapakilala niya sa akin?

I kept asking questions during the car ride but Blueberry wasn't saying anything. Kahit si Jasper na siyang nagmamaneho para sa amin, wala ring imik. Nagulat na lang ako nang bigla kaming nakarating sa isang correctional facility, tatlong oras ang layo mula sa lungsod.

"B-Bibisitahin natin si Janus at Carri? Kaya ba hindi natin sila kasama ngayon?" Dinaan ko na lamang sa biro ang kabang biglang dumagan sa puso ko.

Jasper would normally laugh and add some bullshit every time we tease Janus kaya lalo akong kinabahan nang manatili siyang tahimik.

Blueberry opened the car door and went out with the help of his cane. Sa sobrang pagkawala ko sa sarili, hindi ko siya naalalayan. Mabuti na lang at mabilis umalalay si Jasper sa kanya.

Gulong-gulo at kinakabahan man, tinuon ko na lamang ang atensiyon kay Blueberry. He was advised to stay in bed after his symptoms acted up to the point that it was getting harder for him to walk on his own.

Dumaan kami sa masusing kapkapan at inspection bago makapasok. Unang beses ko itong makapasok sa isang correctional facility kaya panay ang lingon ko sa kaliwa't kanan. Buong oras na naroon kami, si Jasper ang laging kumakausap sa officer in-charge.

Dumiretso kami sa daanang puno ng dilaw na rehas ang bawat gilid hanggang sa makarating kami sa isang malaking kuwarto na puno ng mesa at silya. Mukha kaming nasa isang cafeteria, pero imbes na mga estudyante, puro mga presong nakadilaw at bisita nila ang nasa paligid.

"Anak?"

Sa isang iglap, bigla akong nakarinig ng isang pamilyar na boses. Sa sobrang pamilyar, mabilis akong napalingon sa mesang nasa kaliwa ko.

Gulat na gulat ako nang makita ang isang lalakeng may napakalaking pagkakahawig sa papa ko. Ang kaibahan lang, mukhang mas matanda at mas payat ang bilanggong nasa harapan ko.  May kahabaan din ang buhok niya at medyo may balbas pa siya.

Bumuhos ang luha ng lalake at kasabay nito ang pag-angat ng kanyang labi sa isang ngiti. Nakangiti man, wala akong ibang nakikita sa kanyang mga mata kundi matinding kalungkutan at pangungulila.

"Katrielle, anak . . .  "

Nag-unahan sa pagbuhos ang mga luha ko nang marinig muli ang boses niya, lalo na nang sambitin niya ang pangalan ko.

"Pa?" Parang nanghina bigla ang mga tuhod ko. Wala ako sa sariling napatakip sa bibig at tuluyang napahagulgol. "Pa? Ba't nandito ka?"

"Hindi ka niya iniwan Tree. Ni minsan hindi ka rin nawala sa isip niya." Narinig kong sinabi ni Blueberry mula sa likuran ko.

Nagsimulang maglakad si Papa pero para bang wala ring lakas ang mga tuhod niya. Dalawang hakbang lang at bigla siyang napaluhod, umiiyak. Sa sobrang pangungulila, agad akong napatakbo patungo sa kanya at niyakap siya nang napakahigpit.

//