"Wait, he's in the hospital?! Bakit hindi n'yo sinabi agad?! How's he doing?! Is he okay? How bad is it? Saang ospital?" sunod-sunod ang bawat tanong ko sabay bangon mula sa kama. Wala akong pakialam kahit alas singko pa ng umaga. Dali-dali akong kumuha ng damit mula sa cabinet ko upang magbihis.

"Tree, chill ka lang. Okay lang si Bryan." Bumuntonghininga si Jasper mula sa kabilang linya. Taliwas sa kanyang sinasabi, bakas ang pag-aalala sa boses niya. "Huwag ka nang pumunta rito. Madi-discharge din naman daw siya maya-maya lang."

"He doesn't want me to come see him again?" Halos maluha-luha kong sambit.

"Alam mo naman 'yon pagdating sa 'yo," he muttered, frustration written all over his voice. "Huwag kang mag-alala, mahal ka no'n kaya ganito siya kung makapagtago sa 'yo."

Kung tutuusin, dapat masanay na ako. Sa daming beses niyang naisugod sa ospital, ni minsan hindi niya ako hinayaang bumisita. Pati pamilya at mga kaibigan namin, hinaharang din ako. Ayoko rin namang sumama ang loob ni Blueberry kaya wala akong ibang ginagawa kundi maghintay. Dapat sanay na ako, pero mabigat pa rin ito sa kalooban ko.

Three days passed and I heard nothing from Blueberry—or even from his parents, or even from Braylee. The twins assured me that Blueberry had been discharged from the hospital and that his entire family just went to a trip.

I was more than relieved that Blueberry is alright, but his silence didn't sit well with me. I hated how he didn't call or text me at all, but I couldn't dare to contact him first either. 

It was hard, but I tried to carry on with my daily schedules. I couldn't let my mother's hard work go to waste, so I put all of my attention in studying hard. Inaamin ko, paminsan-minsan, sumisilip pa rin ako sa cell phone ko.

"Girl, matagal ka pa ba diyan? Nakauwi na silang lahat, oh?" tanong ni Carri nang pumuntahan niya ako sa library pasado alas singko na ng hapon.

"Mauna ka na. I promised the librarian that I would wait for her here," I assured Carri with a smile.

Ngumisi kaagad si Carri at pabiro akong tinaasan ng kilay. "Ikaw ha? Malaki ba bayad sa 'yo ng librarian?"

Natawa na lamang ako at umiling-iling.

I wasn't planning on having other clients other than Blueberry. Truth be told, I just wanted to focus on helping him with his goodbyes. But after finding out that the librarian needed help on how to say goodbye to her staff for her upcoming retirement, I knew I had to do something.

At first I was in it for the money and small percentage of helping people, but after meeting Blueberry, my principles have changed. I just wanted to help people completely, regardless whether I get paid or not.

***

I couldn't see a single star in the night sky as I walked along the empty pathway that led to the university gate. The air was a chilly, so I slid my hands inside the pocket of the jacket that I was wearing, but not before I glanced at my wrist watch. It was already 7pm, no wonder the university felt almost deserted.

"Tagal mo ma'am, a?" sabi nang guard nang tuluyan akong makarating sa gate.

"Oo nga, e." Ngumiti na lamang ako at bahagyang tumango. 

Nang tuluyang makalabas ng gate, naglakad na ako patungo sa paradahan ng jeep. Bago ko pa man ito marating, napansin kong para bang may taong sumasabay sa paglalakad ko pero nasa kabila siyang direksiyon ng kalsada.

I stopped walking and faced the person right across the other side of the road. 

My shoulders automatically dropped when I saw Blueberry smiling and waving at me. Tears filled my eyes as I pouted uncontrollably. I wanted to smile at him and wave back, but my emotions were too much for me to control. I couldn't even take a single step.

A car passed and I lost sight of him for a second or two. By the time it went away, I saw Blueberry running toward me with the same lovely smile that I always adored.

Blueberry closed the distance between us by wrapping me in his warm embrace. "Na-miss kita, Tree."

Na-miss rin kita. Bakit hindi ka nagparamdam? Alalang-alala ako sa 'yo. Bakit ang daya mo? Nakakainis ka pero mahal na mahal pa rin kita—napakarami kong gustong sabihin sa kanya, pero sa huli ay wala akong nagawa kundi umiyak sa mga bisig niya.

***

"Hindi ka na nagtatampo?" Pangisi-ngising tanong ni Blueberry habang naghahapunan kami ni Blueberry sa restaurant na paborito namin–iyong may indoor garden.

"Matitiis ba kita?" pataray kong sagot at nagpatuloy sa paglamon. Magsasalita pa sana ako pero napansin kong para bang hindi ginagalaw ni Blueberry ang kaliwa niyang kamay. Sa totoo lang, para bang hindi niya magalaw ang kaliwa niyang siko.

Bago pa man ako makapagtanong, bumungisngis si Blueberry at dinagdagan ang pagkain sa plato ko gamit ang kanan niyang kamay. "Kain ka pa, tatlong araw lang tayo hindi nagkita pero nangayayat ka na."

I smiled and just played blind again, knowing he was trying to hide it from me. "Nga pala, saan ka galing? Bakit pati si Braylee hindi nagpaparamdam?"

"Pumunta kami sa Filimon Heights. Tiningnan namin ang papasukan ni Braylee na dorm at university," Blueberry said with a smile, but I noticed it . . . the tears slightly pooling up his eyes.

"Filimon Heights?" Nakunot ang noo ko. "Isn't that like 6 hours away? And dorm? Okay lang sa mama mo na mag-dorm si Braylee? 'Di ba nga halos hindi siya payagan na sumama sa mga road trips natin?"

Blueberry chuckled and nodded as he continued eating his food. "I made mom promise."

It felt fishy how Blueberry was being all casual about it. It felt like he was using food as a prompt so it wouldn't seem like a big deal. 

"Promise what?" For some reason, I felt nervous. I wanted to know more about it. I couldn't play dumb anymore.

Blueberry shrugged. "To let Braylee fly and find her own sky."

All of a sudden, it felt difficult to swallow the food I was eating. Still, I swallowed hard and just put down my spoon and fork.  "Y-Your mom won't just let Braylee fly like that. What's the catch? Lilipat ba kayong lahat doon? You know you can tell me, right? I mean, okay lang naman sa akin kung lilipat—"

"I've always planned to go overseas before my condition gets worse. I wanted to go there alone but my parents won't let me. Gusto nila sama-sama kaming apat doon," Blueberry confessed with his head hanging low. He had a faint smile on his face but he couldn't look at me in the eyes. "Braylee lived her entire life inside a cage. If I let her come with me, her cage will only get smaller and she might never be able to earn freedom. It's time for her to find her own path in life. This is the only thing I can do now as her older brother."

"Overseas . . . " Nagkaroon ng hindi maipaliwanag na bigat sa dibdib ko. Agresibong namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko kaya bumaling ako sa kung saan-saan at kumurap nang kumurap, pilit na pinipigilan ang kanilang pagpatak.

Everything began to make sense . . . why Blueberry approached me to help him say his goodbyes. He was planning to leave the country all along.

"Tree?" From my periphery, I noticed Blueberry look up from his plate.

I felt like a cornered prey. I couldn't run away or hide. In the end, I lowered my head and just closed my eyes shut, trying my best not to break down. "You're leaving overseas to get better access to treatments, right? I mean, siguro mas advanced ang treatments sa ibang bansa. Tama lang yata talaga na doon ka muna. P-Pero babalik ka naman kung okay ka na 'di ba?"

Naramdaman ko ang marahang paghawak ni Blueberry sa kamay ko. "Sinuwerte ako, Tree. The former mayor from the city where I was born, he chose to sponsor me for a clinical trial overseas. He even wrote me a recommendation for a scholarship so I can still study while I'm there."

"Clinical trial? Ligtas ba 'yon?" Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya at hindi ko na napigilan ang tuluyang pagpatak ng mga luha ko.

Blueberry smiled and nodded. "My condition is progressing too fast, Tree. Joining the clinical trial won't just help me, it could help other patients and their families find answers that we've been praying for."

"Is this what you really want?" I asked. "Bryan, when people are sick, that doesn't mean their lives are already over. I know I'm in no position to say this, but your life is not over yet. You can still live a good and happy life. You can fight this."

"That's why I'm leaving." Blueberry nodded and kissed my hand. "Alam kong medyo nakakatawang pakinggan pero ang totoo, high school pa lang ako, pangarap ko nang makapag-aral sa ibang bansa. Kung ano-anong scholarship ang nilapitan ko, pero wala talaga. Tapos ngayon heto, may scholarship offer si Attorney Magno. Clinical trial, better access sa treatment, at makakamit ko pa ang pangarap ko—hindi lahat sinusuwere gaya ko, Tree."

"Do we have to breakup?" I know I was being selfish but I just had to ask.

Blueberry smiled and kissed my hand again. The way he looked at me, I got his answer.

"You will always be the love of my life," he said, wiping my tears.

//