It's funny how much life can change within a month. And Lucky for me, the change in my life was a good one. 

"Tree, wala ka bang mas malaking ngiti diyan?" Blueberry asked as he held up the film camera up his face with one eye closed.

I smiled as wide as I could and raised two thumbs up while standing next to a really huge tree.

"Wala bang mas sincere diyan?" reklamo niya.

I glared at him and just kept my smile. "Just take the photo!"

"Ayoko! Bigyan mo ako ng mas sincere na—"

Sa sobrang inis, umakto akong magtatanggal ng sapatos upang ibato sa kanya. "Kanina pa masakit ang panga ko! Leche ka—"

All of a sudden, the camera's light flashed, leaving me frozen with my mouth wide open. My left foot was even raised.

"Cute mo talaga." Humalakhak si Blueberry at hindi nakuntento, kumuha pa ng isang litrato. 

As soon as the camera flashed for the second time, my head snapped back to reality and I found myself running after him.

Panay ang sigawan at tawanan namin ni Blueberry habang naghahabulan sa paligid ng cabin na nirentahan namin. We were at a small campsite and since it was a weekday, it felt like we had the entire place to ourselves.

I know Blueberry couldn't run for long so I stopped at my tracks, pretending like I was tired and breathless. "Time out, basketball star! Lampa 'tong girlfriend mo!"

Actually, I didn't really have to pretend. Pagod na talaga ako at hinihingal na.

Nagulat ako nang biglang may bumundol sa akin mula sa likuran. It was Blueberry and he instantly wrapped me in his warm embrace as he laughed like he was having the time of his life. He wasn't the only one.

I turned my face to the left and cupped his cheeks, planting a kiss on it. Napansin kong itinaas niya ang hawak na camera upang kumuha ng litrato naming dalawa kaya naman pumikit ako't at mas diniinan ang halik sa pisngi niya.

He kept taking photos while we were in each other's embrace. Sa sobrang likot at ingay namin, himala na lang talaga kung maayos ang kahihinatnan ng kinuha niyang mga litrato.

On our first days as a couple, Blueberry asked for a favor. It was more of a promise. A promise that while we're together, we will be each other's safe space. That no matter how messed up our personal lives will get, we'll always find comfort in each other. 

Because of that same promise, Blueberry forbid me from learning more about his sickness. He wanted me to just look at him as Bryan Leandro Emanuel, a retired student athlete who wants to live life to the fullest. He wanted me to play dumb and blind over the fact that he had a sporadic case of ALS. And the thing about ALS . . . it doesn't have a cure yet.

I thought he was being too much for making me promise to act like he wasn't fighting the toughest battle of his life. I was even pissed at first when he shut me down after asking about his symptoms and doctor appointments, but soon I realized why he was being like this. I was his safe space after all. After that, I promised not to ask or talk about it anymore. I will be his escape.

"Blueberry, slow down! I think I'm going to pass out! My God!" Humahangos akong napahawak sa railings ng pagkahaba-habang hadang gawa sa bato. Sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na ako nagpapanggap at nasa sarili ko na ang buo kong pag-aalala. 

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita si Blueberry na nagawa nang makaakyat sa tuktok ng hagdan. Parang nawala ang lahat ng pagod ko nang makita ang matinding saya sa kanyang mukha. He punched the air triumphantly and screamed so loud as he faced what looked like the sea of clouds and sunset right in front of him.

Blueberry was a sight to see and I was forever grateful to God for allowing me this very moment with him.

All of a sudden, he turned around. With the sunset's glow just behind him, Blueberry raised both of his arms, happily welcoming me. "You can do it, Tree! Just a few more steps!"

I smiled as tears began to pool up my eyes. My knees were weak and tired but I soon found myself running up the stairs just to get to him. 

By the time I reached Blueberry, it was my turn to give him my tightest embrace.

"I told you you could do it." He chuckled, hugging me back. I felt him leave a light kiss up my forehead, much to my heart's delight.

While still hugging each other, Blueberry's feet shuffled a little and all I could do was follow his little steps. Soon, we found ourselves facing the sunset and watching the sea of clouds that seemed to glimmer in orange.

It was a sight like no other, and with Blueberry with me, it instantly became a memory that I would forever cherish.

***

Five months later and more changes happened. This time toward Blueberry. And unfortunately, the changes in Blueberry's life weren't good ones.

"Nakakapanibagong wala si Bryan. Kailangan ba talaga niyang mag-drop out?" nanlulumong sambit ni Janus habang wala sa sariling ginagalaw-galaw ang pagkain gamit ang kanyang kutsara.

"Nakaka-miss 'yong sobrang init ng panahon tapos may nakikita kang naka-hoodie pa rin," sabi naman ni Carri na hindi ko alam kung seryoso ba o nanggagago lang.

I swallowed my food and sighed. "We all miss him, but this is for his sake. I bet if he had a choice, he'd rather be here—what the hell?"

Pare-pareho kaming nagulat nang dumating si Jasper na gilid ng labi at may bahid pa ng dugo ang damit. Natural na mukhang masungit si Jasper sa unang tingin, pero sa pagkakataong ito'y parang napakainit talaga ng ulo niya.

"Anong nangyari sa 'yo?!" Agad napatayo si Janus, kunot-noo at parang gusto agad sumabak sa giyera.

"May tarantadong nagsabi na nag-drop out si Bryan dahil pina-rehab ng mga magulang niya," iritadong bulalas naman ni Jasper.

Sa puntong iyon, napatayo na rin ako. "Sinong nagsabi?"

***

"Tree? Anong nangyari sa pisngi mo?" tanong kaagad ni mommy ni Blueberry nang pagbuksan niya ako ng gate.

"Ah, ito po?" Nag-panic ako nang kaunti at napahawak sa pingi ko. Akala ko hindi na mahahalata dahil tinadtad na ni Carri ng makeup. "Nakalmot lang po ng pusa," palusot ko kaagad.

Kung alam ko lang na matalas ang kuko ng girlfriend ng kulugong 'yon, sana nginatngat ko muna ang kuko ko bago kami sumugod sa kanila.

"'Yan talaga ang dahilan bakit wala kaming pusa, e. Sa sobrang kulit ni Braylee, tiyak makakalmot lang siya lagi no'n. O siya sige, akyat ka na roon sa kuwarto ni Bryan. Dadalhan ko kayo ng pagkain maya-maya lang," sabi pa ni Tita kaya tumango na lamang ako at dumiretso na ako ng akyat sa hagdan.

The door to Bryan's room was a little open, so I pushed it lightly, revealing Bryan who was sitting right in front of his desk, reading a book out loud right in front of his little microphone.

I leaned against the door frame and just watched him do his thing. I couldn't help but smile. He's just a lovely little thing without even trying. Or maybe I was just too in love with him that everything he did became a precious moment.

Minutes passed and Blueberry turned to my direction. His face lit up as he smiled from ear to ear. Mabilis niyang sinara ang kanyang librong binabasa at tinanggal ang suot na headphones. "Nandiyan ka lang pala! Bakit wala kang sinasabi?"

The way he looked so happy to see me . . . it almost made my heart melt. My lips unconsciously curled to a pout and I found myself running toward him. And when he stood up to meet me halfway, I wrapped him in my warmest embrace.

"Oh? Bakit?" Natatawa niyang tanong pero niyakap niya pa rin ako pabalik.

Binaon ko ang mukha ko sa kanyang dibdib at umiling-iling. Ramdam ko na ang luhang pumapatak mula sa mga mata ko.

"Umiiyak ka ba?" he asked, voice as sweet and gentle as ever. He tried to bow down to see my face, but I clung to him even tighter and shook my head again.

I knew what I was in for from the very beginning, but that didn't mean I was okay with it. I was never okay with it. I will never be okay with it.

"Ang cute mo kasi," sabi ko na lamang.

"Ano?" pag-uulit niya natatawa pa rin.

"Ang cute kasi ng reaction mo nang makita ako!" pasigaw kong pag-amin sabay hawak nang mahigpit sa suot niyang kulay grey na t-shirt.

"Ikaw talaga . . . " Naramdaman ko ang pagdampi ng kanyang labi sa noo ko. "Cute ako palagi, masanay ka na."

Hindi ko napigilang matawa at kasabay nito ang unti-unting pagluwag ng yakap ko sa kanya. Mabilis akong nagpunas ng luha at saka nag-angat ng tingin para matitigan ang mga mata niyang paborito ko sa lahat. "You're full of shit but I still love the hell out of you."

"I know . . . I love the hell out of you too." He smiled and tried to cup my cheeks affectionately, but then I felt it—how his left hand stiffened and trembled. Wala sa sarili kong napatingin dito at gano'n din si Blueberry.

"S-Sorry, it's acting up again," he said and I could feel the mixed sadness and embarrassment in his voice as he quickly put his hand down. He was about to hide his hand behind his back so I gently took a hold of it and pressed it lightly against my cheek.

I smiled and looked up at him again as I savored the warmth of his hand. "Five months later and you're still apologizing for stuff that you shouldn't be sorry for. Nothing's wrong with you. I love you, Bryan Leandro Emanuel. Nothing's ever going to change that."

For a few seconds, Blueberry didn't say anything. He just looked at me with a faint smile.

"Bakit?" Napakurap-kurap ako.

"Five months and three days," he said, almost whispering as his eyes and smile remained fixated on me. "Thank you for staying with me for the last five months and three days."

"Thank you for staying with me for the last five months and three days," pag-uulit ko sa sinabi niya at dinampian ng halik ang nanginginig niya paring mga kamay. "To more years together okay?"

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me like I was the most special thing in his life—at least, that's how I felt from the way he looked at me.

"Bryan?" I choked up, but tried to keep my head high. "To more years together okay? No matter what happens, it's going to be us until the end."

"Promise you'll move forward without me?" he asked.

"To more years together okay?!" pasigaw kong pag-uulit kasabay ng tuluyang pagbuhos ng mga luha ko.

Instead of answering me, Bryan pulled me into a hug and planted another kiss on my forehead again. He wasn't saying anything, but his silence made me cry even more. "One day I'll be a piece of your memory, and it's okay. I'll be happy if you keep me in your heart, but I'll be happier if you move forward and live a good life with someone else."

"Ewan ko sa 'yong Blueberry ka! Kausapin mo ako kung may matino ka nang sasabihin!" I pulled away from his embrace and ran out of the house, crying my eyes out.

//