A Bit About the Author:

GeneralPretzel is a writer who loves storms and cats and is a huge fan of Tolkien, Sherlock, Merlin, Marvel, and host of other fandoms. (Plus she writes amazing Silmarillion fanfiction, but that's not exactly the point I'm trying to make in this review...)

*slowly backs out*

Title:

The title is, in many ways, perfect. Short, easy to remember, and is very intriguing. The main reason I wanted to read it, actually. Excellent work on that point. However, I think that it shouldn't be so long on Wattpad. I.e. cut the Book One part or something. 

Cover:

This cover and I have issues. First off, the number of stickers is drawing too much attention to themselves and not enough attention to the actual cover. I'd recommend you getting rid of them and just posting them in your book or something. The type is very hard to read and the cover is so simple... The slap text cover in general is making my eyes bleed. Please, please, I beg of you, please fix. T_T Rowan is embarrassed. 

(Yes, I asked her.)

I have graphic recommendations if you want it redone. Then again, my shop is open... *eyebrow wiggle*

Blurb:

Even though I'm not a fan of long blurbs in any way, shape, or form, yours passes. ^_^ I like it, despite its length, and minus a few punctuation mistakes, it's perfect and does what any good blurb should do. Good work on this point--I have nothing else to say. 

The Good:

Definitely, your strong point would be characters, settings, and action. Oh, and dialogue. All of these areas, even for a first draft, were very good and enjoyable to read. I had some difficulty getting into the story in the first few chapters, but then you had me hooked and I couldn't stop reading. Your dialogue is spot-on and it is easy to keep characters apart when speaking. Your dialogue did not feel stilted in anyway and was a breeze to read. Also, the stupid things people say like knocking on tents... *doubles over in laughter again* 

Your characters were a bit hard to get into in the very beginning, but I was able to keep them all separate and I love them all so much, even Rowan in her own way despite the fact she's supposed to be the enemy of everyone else I love. 

The action was easy to follow and was just the right pacing. I myself struggle a lot with writing battle sequences, but you nailed it. Just the right tension and I couldn't stop from going onto the next chapter when I had the chance. :D 

The Bad:

The main thing I want to talk about here is punctuation. Just a few slip-ups here and there (common in first drafts, if I'm honest) that should be fixed. Mostly it was its incorrectly written as it's. I think you probably know the rule for that so I'm not going to give a mini grammar lesson here. 

Despite the usual roughness of first drafts--honestly, yours wasn't bad at all--the other issue I want to address here was description of settings. I know that this is supposed to be taking place in Oklahoma and though I have family there, I have never been there myself. Plus, this is in what, the 3000's? Sometime in the future anyway, and OK has probably changed. I would like to see more of what places look like. What does the landscape look like in general? What do the characters see or think of when they look at the world around them? And so on. I think you get the picture. If not, just let me know and I'll clarify further. :) 

What the Reader Thought: 

I had no idea I was going to get this invested in your story. I knew autumn_sunfire was continually fangirling over it and therefore must be good, but I didn't expect to like it quite this much. Your character and story development is fantastic, the work as a whole engaging, and I seriously can't wait for the next update. You definitely have me hooked. 

However, don't touch the peeps. >:( They must be kept safe, precious. 

Overall, amazing story and this is going on my Favorite's list. Also, it may have inspired some things for my own story yet to be written...

Score: 9.5/10