The sounds.

The words.

The tears.

It kept coming back to me. I kept reliving it as an attempt of what I could have done better. What I could have done at all. But in the back of my mind, this voice keeps telling me how nothing would have worked, she wouldn't have wanted anything from me. It wouldn't let me have a moment of peace. And it was because I deserved it.

"Naomi?"

"Yes," I said, Declan's voice pulling me away from my thoughts and back to the common room of the base.

He gave me a concerned look, his hand on my shoulder probably from shaking me to pay attention. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Are you sure?" Declan pressed. "You keep spacing out."

"Was it something that Brennan did?" Bennett asked me. "She can be traumatizing. Believe me..."

I let out a forced laugh. "No, of course not."

I couldn't say anything, I had no right to. I had to be conscious of how people perceive me when I kept thinking about it. Brennan noticed it the moment I stepped into the car, but allowed the ride back home to become silent. Now the guys notice that I'm acting differently. I need to stop it.

"You don't know how long we were out looking for the two of you," Bennett told me.

"And you even turned off your location setting from the Trace Ace App," Jordan said, shaking his head. "How could you?"

"Sorry Jordan, I'll be sure not to do it again until the next girl's night out."

Jordan fell back onto the couch, clutching his heart, having been shot by the betrayal.

"You even dragged Lynn into you and Brennan's adventure," Declan said. "Anyway, how was she?"

"She's fine," I said curtly but when realizing that it wasn't a good response, I added, "She baked cookies and we watched a movie."

Bennett opened his mouth to say something.

"Pre-made from the store."

Bennett closed his mouth to no longer say something.

"Should you guys tell her now?" Jordan asked the others.

"Tell me what?"

Declan scratched the back of his head. "Bennett and I are going to have a three-day weekend."

I was confused. "What are you talking about? There's no holiday on Monday."

"Is that really how you were going to explain it?" Jordan said with a laugh.

"We have business at the northern side of the city," Bennett explained. "We're skipping school tomorrow."

"How can you possibly skip school with a gang-related explanation without your sister or Declan's parents not... Nevermind."

Jordan's face lit up so brightly it could have powered solar panels for years.

"Obviously with my technical prowess, I can easily-"

"Yeah, I get."

"The school's database will never know-"

"And we certainly will."

"No one can ever match my-"

"You can stop."

"Can't you let me have this?" Jordan cried.

"How come Jordan can't come with you," I asked. "You're actually going to leave me with him?"

"Well if you put it that way it almost sounds like they're setting us up," Jordan said with a sly smile.

"Let me rephrase it to show the fact that I'm babysitting a child: You're leaving him with me?"

Jordan looked away in rejection.

Bennett explained, "It just a simple quarterly report. I have to be there in person to receive it. They can't send it and leave some kind of digital trail with it. And Declan's just the muscle. We don't need Jordan; he's usually for contracts and negotiations."

Jordan sniffled. "They don't need me."

"Who are you meeting?" I asked.

"Someone from one of the main gangs of the city: the Ursa Sleuth that controls the northern side," Declan said.

"That's a fitting name," I said.

"Why's that?" Jordan asked me.

"Ursa is probably from Ursa Major or Minor. Either is a constellation of a bear in the northern sky, the difference is their sizes. A group of bears is called a sleuth."

"Alright," Jordan said. "Slow down, encyclopedia."

"Oh be quiet," I said. "There's nothing wrong watching science documentaries."

"They're one of the oldest of the main gangs. Surprisingly for a big biker gang, they're pretty punctual for the reports compared to the others," Declan turned to Jordan. "Jordan, make a note we need to contact the other gangs to schedule a report drop before I smash their faces into some keyboards to write their reports."

I moved away from Declan who realized what he just said. He crumpled down to the floor in defeat, muttering attempts to defend his words saying they're so lazy. Jordan was no help by laughing at him.

"What are the reports about?"

Bennett shrugged. "It varies. Skirmishes between major or minor gangs. Trends in any kind of crime activity. Sometimes information we specifically ask for."

"Information like what?"

Bennett didn't say anything for a moment. Instead, he was thinking about his next words then carefully said, "You'll learn in the next meeting in a few months. I know you want to tag along, but we want to keep you a secret for a bit longer."

Declan answered the question read on my face. "You're a secret to the other gangs. They know there's a fourth musketeer thanks to Jordan."

"But I was so proud of my baby growing up," Jordan cried.

"We need to introduce you officially. They can be hostile to change. And we can be hostile if they try anything to us or you."

"They won't do anything bad, Naomi," Declan assured me. "The most they're going to do is complain. They just don't like change in power since there's a new addition to the group."

All this information was so overwhelming. "I shouldn't have joined the gang..." I began.

"And that is where you're wrong," Jordan said. "We wanted you to know us better."

"It didn't seem right for us to continue being friends without knowing," Declan told me.

"And even when we knew the danger that put on you," Bennett said. "We were ready for anything to protect you."

A small smile managed onto my face. "Thank you."

Jordan pinched my cheek, cooing over me. "Aw, you're so cute."

"Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends," I whined like a child.

"We'll get you something from our trip, Naomi," Declan told me.

"I'm not a child," I said. "But that would be greatly appreciated. As well as you two not getting hurt like last time."

Declan wore a boyish grin. "I'm not getting any more battle scars like that. You just need to watch out for Jordan for us. If he tries anything, we'll come running."

-

"I'm calling Declan," I said as I fought against Jordan trying to grab my phone as I held it away from him.

"But all I did was glance at your quiz!" Jordan exclaimed desperately. "Please don't call him!"

"You cheated on me once, and you did it again," I said.

"Naomi, forgive me! I'll change my ways!"

Jordan tripped and the both of us smashed into a couple of lockers. I tried to wash away the pain with thoughts of how Declan and Bennett will kill Jordan.

"But I won't change this position."

I finally realized that Jordan stood in front of me, his arms on either side of me with my back against the lockers. Our eyes were locked onto each other. My hands were against his chest to push away, but they didn't dare move. Jordan closed his eyes then let out a sigh.

"Now, I'm not going to try anything like that."

He stepped back. "Don't look at me like that, Naomi. I know what I said before. But I would never do anything bad."

Jordan showed me my phone in his hand, making me realize that I was too shocked to have noticed him taken it although I wouldn't have noticed it even I wasn't so... distracted. He put it in his pocket. "You're not getting this back until you get back home," he said as he walked down the hall.

I pulled myself together and followed after him. I took a moment to collect myself before talking to him. "Too bad Bennett's not here so we wouldn't have to take the bus home."

"Nothing is wrong with not having to waste Bennett's gas money dropping each of us off," Jordan said. "As well as exercising for once."

"I thought you said that you'll create a form of transportation like the people from WALL-E so your feet will never touch the ground."

"I'm a changed man," Jordan said as we walked down the steps of the school's front entrance. "And for that, we're going on a trip."

"On our favorite rocket ship?"

"I love you for making that reference," Jordan said before saying dramatically, "But alas, we have no such ship."

"Do you guys always hang out afterschool?" Dominic said, having come between us and began matching our pace. "I always thought you carpooled with Frazier. Oh, but he wasn't here today. Neither was Lynch."

"They both caught the flu," was the first thing that I thought should come out of my mouth.

"And neither of you didn't? Good thing you two got your flu shots, huh?" Dominic smiled at me. "Either way, they were able to dodge today's quiz, lucky them."

"Yeah, lucky them," Jordan muttered, realizing what they did to him.

"So I believe you are in both in need of a ship," Dominic said. "Care to set sail?"

I chuckled. "You're so lame."

"And not needed," Jordan added. "We're fine on our own."

"Oh relax it's not like I'm going to join you," Dominic said. "Just helping my classmates in need for a lift."

Jordan gave me a look. I returned him a look. After a heated argument with unspoken words, we took up Dominic's offer. He led us to an old model of a Honda Civic which he said he bought it himself. Before I had a chance to react, Jordan wordlessly sat at shotgun. Dominic and I shared a look before taking our own seats with me having nowhere to go but at the backseat.

"So where to?" Dominic asked as he started his car.

"Just head towards downtown. We're going to grab something to eat," Jordan said, curtly.

"Ooh nice. I'm pretty hungry."

Jordan shot him a glare. "I thought you said-"

"That I'm not going to join you," Dominic finished as he began driving off his parking space. "I was just messing with you."

"Hilarious," Jordan muttered as Dominic drove out of the parking lot.

I was suffocating by these high levels of testosterone. I can simply just open the door and free myself from this.

"Hey Jordan," I said, calmly touching his shoulder. "You don't need to act like this. He's even giving us a ride."

"You know what's really funny, Naomi?" Jordan asked him. "I can't find anything about our friend over here."

"Find what?" I asked.

"Stalker alert," Dominic said in sing-song.

"There isn't anything I can find about this guy," Jordan bit out. "After you left until you came back, I couldn't find anything about where you were and what you did."

"Interesting," he mused, clearly enjoying himself.

"I barely have anything on either him or his family. Only his dad and even then-"

"Oh, there's no need to bring my family into this."

"Fine, I can at least respect that."

Dominic let out a snort.

"Given: no criminal records. But his medical records barely came up with anything. Only found your birth certificate, no check-ups or anything."

"I keep myself healthy. An apple a day-"

"He still stayed in this state. The only time he came back up again was to get his driver's license."

"To which you must be very grateful for," Dominic replied. "By the way, we're almost there."

"No jobs. No bank account for checking or savings. You don't even have any insurance."

"I'm still in high school, I don't need to the first two. And for that last one: I like to live dangerously."

"You came to attend Dartwell High for your senior year, but you have no school records prior. Besides Griffyn Elementary until you up and moved away. I couldn't find anything."

"It's called being homeschooled. You should try it sometime"

"And there aren't even any social medias under your name. Not even a MySpace account."

There was a pause. Why did he decide to end this revealing with social media...

"I was kidding about the last part. Not that he has one, but that no one has one."

Of course.

"I don't have any kind of social media," Dominic said with a shrug. "It distracts me from my studies. Except perhaps for this one book site I particularly enjoy..."

"Don't you find this weird Naomi?"

"What's weird is how you tried to get a background check on me," Dominic told me. "And it seems almost worth it seeing that you don't have anything on me. You probably expected some dirt on me but came up empty."

Jordan didn't say anything.

"Ok, he's a bit right there," I told him. "You took it too far having to background check him."

And telling him you did.

"I do that with everyone, it's perfectly natural. His existence isn't."

"Ouch," Dominic said as he stopped his car and put it in park. "And this is where you have to get out."

He has taken us downtown just as we asked. I looked at Dominic who rested his head against the steering wheel before turning his head towards us.

"Words can describe how amazed I am that you don't understand the definition of privacy."

"I know you're hid-"

"I wonder what happened to you in your life to make you like this."

"Like what?" Jordan demanded.

"Naomi, please leave the car. I want to talk to Wallace for a moment."

I stared at him incredulously. "No."

"Just go Naomi," Jordan told me. "I wanted to talk to him alone for a long time."

"I'm tired of you guys always..." I gritted my teeth. "Fine." I got out of the car and slammed the door with good measure.

I saw even through the tinted windows them arguing. Dominic was calm while Jordan was visibly angry showing that Dominic was successful in striking all his nerves with whatever he's talking about. Of course, I couldn't hear anything but the muted talking from the car. I've never seen Jordan like this, at a level of anger parallel to that of what Declan is capable of. Maybe they're more alike than they would like to believe.

Then I realized where I am, outside of the car, once again removed from the conversation. This wasn't the first time I've been left out of the loop, the conversation, knowing anything, and it certainly won't be the last. Sometimes, I understand that they want to protect me but... other times, it feels almost unfair. But I deserve this anyway. All of this...

The slam of the door ended me with my thoughts. Dominic sped away and I was left with Jordan, still visibly angry, pacing and muttering to himself.

"I'm going home," I stated, and began walking towards the nearest bus stop.

"What? Hey, Naomi. Wait." Jordan ran to me and got in my way. "Look I'm sorry, I got a little out of control back there."

"A little?" I asked him. "It was uncalled for. He gives us a favor and you give him an interrogation."

"But he deserves it! Don't you understand how insane this guy is? He has no digital footprint. He has nothing!"

"He has perfectly good reasons for all of the things you said against him."

"Well, maybe he prepared those reasons just for that," he said. "Don't you find it weird how he seems to pop out of nowhere?"

"Yes, maybe I do, but that doesn't give me a reason to get him a background check," I told him. "Maybe you can do this for the-" I stopped, looked at my surroundings then continued "- for the gang, but you can't just do this whenever you feel like. It's unethical."

"H-He's hiding something. I know it."

"No, you're hiding something. We're all hiding something. And we have that right of privacy. Just because you have the ability to destroy that right doesn't mean you should. I bet you background checked all of us. Do Declan and Bennett know you did?"

His silence answered it.

I looked at him, amazed. "You're unbelievable, Jordan."

Jordan grabbed me by the shoulders, hard. He looked desperate trying to make me understand. "Look, Naomi. You don't know anything." He kept shaking me. "Y-You don't... Sometimes you just need to shut up for your own good because-"

That hit me, hard.

"Let go of me," I told him, tears pricking my eyes.

I'm trying to understand all of this. You guys never tell me anything and... What is even the point of my existence here?

He looked hurt upon realizing what he was doing, what he has done. He instantly let go of me and backed away from me once more. "Naomi, I'm so sorry."

I looked away from him.

"I-I know you want to go home," Jordan said slowly. "But I need to walk you home. You know that I can't let you go alone. And I won't touch or-"

"I know. It's ok."

We began walking to the nearest bus stop when a man nearly crashed into Jordan. They both apologized and Jordan and I continued walking. But for some reason, I looked back. And the man kept staring at us.

It was a quiet way back home. Jordan didn't say anything to me. This was scarier than anything. I saw him touching the band-aid on his pinky finger and staring off into the distance. He kept a steady distance. He felt completely different.

When we arrived to the front of my house, we awkwardly stood next to each other. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off by hugging him. He hesitated but slowly hugged me back, but it was a soft hug. I knew it wasn't the Jordan I knew. Something happened that caused him to be like that. Regardless, he is still my best friend, and differences aside, I won't let that stand between us.

"I-I'm so sorry."

"I know."

"I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know."

"I need to tell them once they come back," he said softly. "And they're going to kill me."

I didn't want to tell him that I already knew.

Fun fact. None of this was supposed to happen. The car ride with Dominic and the "argument" between Naomi and Jordan. And I really hesitated on that ending. I really hope I won't regret it in the future. So I guess I have to rethink the current outline of the book and Jordan's character. That'll be really fun... These are one of the perks when you write chapters on the spot with only a general outline to work with. Thank you past me, thank you.

Shoutout to the conversation between @RockieJackson and @xLydiaVioletx talking about the difficulty in convincing a person with a disorder to get help because (and I'm paraphrasing) that they can be in denial, hopeless or comfortable in what they are doing. It was a really good insight, so thank you to the both of you. There was a lot of negativity for Naomi, which I do not blame you. I'm always sad when people don't approve of Naomi's actions because I get the underlying feeling you're mad at me as the author for writing them. But it's a childish thought. You're free to think what you like, and Naomi has done questionable things, perhaps maybe she's an anti-hero, who knows. But in bringing up the topic of such types of disorders, I want to show you what can or can happen if you were to be a bystander. Hence the title of the story. So just be patient, open-minded, and prepared for the lessons ahead.

Dedicated to @Awesomeflower101. A great classmate, an even greater friend. Hope you enjoy this one, maybe.

Rubix