Meraki (verb/adverb) {Greek}

- to do something with soul, creativity, or love; when you leave a piece of yourself in your work.

~*~

I ran a hand through my hair and sobbed, body wracking with the force of it. I stepped over to the door where the doctor had escaped through and sagged against the wall next to it. Another sob escaped me. I was panicking and didn't know how to stop.

My dad had a heart attack. He had a fucking heart attack. Luckily, the janitor found him in his office and called the ambulance instantly. I didn't want to even imagine what would've happened had nobody found him.

Christian nearly drove us into a tree in his scramble to the hospital. I couldn't comfort him when I saw a tear trail down his face. I couldn't calm down Caleb when he began to have a panic attack in the passenger seat. I couldn't even fret about Liam who sat in the backseat, frightened. I couldn't find it in me to support him as it'd been a long time since he drove in a car. I couldn't be proud of Liam for being willing to drive in a car for me. I couldn't do anything. My dad was hurting.

We were asked to remain outside the hospital room. That was two hours ago. When Caleb, Christian and I was permitted to glimpse inside, I felt my heart split right down the middle. Dad was so drained. His face looked gaunt and he was unmoving. The doctors reassured us that he was okay. I didn't listen to them as they described the circumstances to my brothers. I didn't want to discover how much my dad had suffered. The only words that I heard were: stressed, tired, overworking.

"He's awake," Caleb spoke with a sombre look as he glanced out of the hospital room, eying me with teary eyes. "You guys can come on in." His sentence was levelled towards half of the soccer team that were on the benches. The other half was at my house, ensuring that people were sent home and everything was tidied up. The cheer squad was helping too - except for Bella. She was out cold.

A tremulous voice queried, "Is he okay?" I looked up to see Nolan hunched against a wall, eyes red from sobbing. The sight of him made me whimper and I looked away. I lost count of how long I sat in Nolan's arms crying.

Caleb nodded, glimpsing one last time towards me before entering the hospital room, the boys trailing him. I cleaned my tears. Dad was in good hands. The doctors would take care of him. They had taken care of him. He was fine now - I kept reminding myself.


"Blondie." The voice was exhausted.

I glanced up with blotchy red eyes, stare matching the concerned coffee-brown eyes belonging to Liam. He was the only other person in the hallway, declining to go inside without me. "I can't go in there, Liam," I sniffled, wiping at my wet face. "I can't."

He grimaced at my expression before speaking. "I know you're scared. And you'll continue being scared if you don't go inside and see for yourself that he's fine." A more profound frown assaulted his lips as he watched my lower lip tremble. "None of us could've predicted that this would happen." I stared at him for a while, lower lip projecting out in a pout. It shuddered as I endeavoured to keep my tears at bay. Liam gently opened his arms before saying, "come here, baby."

As much as I wanted to be tough, as much as I wanted to demonstrate that I could manage to see my dad like that – I couldn't. I blundered towards him and collapsed into his arms, sobbing into the hoodie he wore. "It's all my fault," I whined.

"Shhh," He cooed, grazing the strands of hair from my face. "It's not your fault. No one could've seen this coming."

"No," I shook my head, choking on another cry. "I could see how tired he was. I could see him getting weaker. No matter how much I told him to take it easy, he wouldn't listen. If I'd just told my brothers, they could've gotten him to rest."

Liam dropped a kiss on my forehead as he carried me to the benches. He hugged me close to him as I wept. "You tried your best. But it's not your fault, Blondie. I'm sure your dad will say the same thing." The hallway was silent (save for my cries) as we sat on the bench, inclining against the wall. My head reclined on his shoulder and his arms were enveloped around me.

"I hate that he was in pain," I said after a while, voice croaky and feeble. "He's been through enough already. If I could, I would've taken his pain away." Liam clenched his jaw, grip tightening around me imperceptibly. "He's done everything for us. I just wish that he didn't have to hurt."


Liam cleared his throat. "I don't like the thought of you in pain. Your dad won't like it either. The only thing that matters right now is that he's okay. And I'm sure he wants to see you. You only went to check on him when he was asleep. He wants to see you now."

He went still, expecting me to speak but I didn't want to. I was still on edge, still panicking. It was like my mind didn't perceive that the danger was gone, still observant and anticipating something to go wrong. I just wanted Liam to keep speaking. He could talk to me for hours and I wouldn't get exhausted of it. His voice was like a natural drug, never failing to soothe me.

I elevated a trembling hand to push back the stubborn hairs from my face but he beat me to it, lifting his hand to smoothly brush it away. "I'm afraid that I'll break down if I see him so weak," I informed him, feeling his body tense. "I nearly lost my only parent tonight, on my birthday. This day must be bad luck. If I'd lost my dad, I know I wouldn't have been able to recover."


Liam inhaled piercingly. "But you didn't lose him. He's here, alive. He needs support."


"I know," I acknowledged softly. "Half the soccer team is here. My brothers never left his side but I just can't do it. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay –"


"And you say you're fine," he cut me off. "I know. Trust me, I've noticed."


I reared my head slightly to look him in the eyes, nearly getting lost in the whirls of coffee. "Just because I said I'm fine – doesn't mean that I'm not panicking or hurting. And as selfish as it sounds, I'm angry at my dad."


He looked down at me, a hand softly running over my cheek, relishing in the fact that I sank into his embrace. I never apprehended what it meant to crave another human being so severely. But as his fingertips outlined my face, I felt my skin enkindle in a flame.

"Why are you angry?" he questioned as I heard laughter originating from the room. It sounded like Jeremy was recounting to Dad how Bella pissed on Mattia's shoes.


It was soundless between us again because I couldn't comprehend how to properly answer his question. I leaned my head back on his shoulder as I witnessed a doctor scamper past us. "I'm angry because he put himself in this position. He knew he was ill. He knew that I was worried. He knew he was working too much. Yet he continued. And I nearly lost my dad because of it."


Yet, part of me knew that nothing could've kept Dad away from soccer if it wasn't severe. Soccer was his passion. He found delight in coaching. He could no longer play like he used to but at least he got to teach others. Part of his soul was in soccer.


Liam's rejoinder was instant. "People make mistakes every day. Your dad will understand now that he needs to put his health first." There were a few beats of silence before he discoursed again. "I know you're scared but imagine how scared he was. He could've died. He could've left this world without seeing you or your brothers again. He'll understand that he can't put you guys in a position to lose another parent. Hell, if my dad was here, I wouldn't even be pissed that he came to get me from that party or that he yelled at me. I'd just be happy that he was there. But we're not all that lucky."


I could apprehend the distress in his voice as he articulated. Liam had lost his father yet mine was alive in a hospital bed and I couldn't bring myself to go and see him. That was self-centred on a whole new level. "I'm sorry, Liam. I'm being selfish. Do you-"


"Think you're being an idiot?" he appeared to know precisely what I was thinking and it reminded me of one of the reasons I'd fallen in love with him in the first place. "No. You're hurt. You're sad. You're scared." 


I shook my head slightly, "I'm being inconsiderate. Dad's the one who nearly died."


Liam swallowed loudly. "But he didn't." He strained forward and took my face in his hands, turning me to him. "He's still here. I know you heard my conversation with your dad this morning." I reddened at the fact that I was caught and he smirked. "You know how much he loves you. Even though he's surrounded by everyone in that room, he's waiting for his only daughter."


Without thought, I tipped ahead and caressed my lips against his. The kiss was delicate. There was no tongue or desperate, slovenly movements. Just one, soft peck. He drew away with a tender smile.

"Thank you for being here, Liam. And for putting up with my bullshit." A smile pulled at my lips and I kissed him again, wanting to indulge before I broke down at the sight of my dad. We pulled away after a few seconds, foreheads leaning against each other. Our eyes were still closed. "Would you like to be my boyfriend, Liam?" I murmured, cheeks flushed.


Liam opened his eyes, caressing my cheek and wiping away the last traces of my tears with a simper. "If you go inside to see your dad, I'll be your anything." His tone was tantalising and I giggled softly as he helped me stand up. On tottering legs, I entered the room.

Everything went silent.

The guys were all squashed on two sofas. Caleb rested on a seat next to the bed and Christian pitched against the wall by the windowpane. In the bed was Dad, coated by an azure blanket. His eyes were sunken and his skin was ashen - but he was conscious and breathing. I was nervous, everyone was observing me. I felt like an outsider. Liam clutched my hand in his.

"There's my princess," Dad spoke in a hoarse voice and opened his arms.

"Dad," I whimpered softly clenching my fists, knuckles white. I shook my head as I felt my eyes begin to throb with impending tears.

A heavy sob split from my parted lips as I floundered, nearly collapsing to my knees and still unable to rip my gaze from Dad's open arms. No words could define the feeling that I had at that exact moment. Pain, resentment, relief. I staggered ahead, scarcely able to stand up straight and shoulder my weight. My face was plausibly red as I wailed, tears producing a path down my cheeks.

The next moment, I was enclosed in my dad's embrace as he kissed my head. I felt Caleb run a therapeutic hand over my back as the soccer boys hobbled out of the room to give us solitude, leaving only my brothers, Nolan, dad and me. Liam sent me a grin as he was hauled out by Jeremy, the latter aching to know everything that Bella did while intoxicated.

"I'm so happy you're alright," I whispered, eyes glazed over with tears, lips trembling with each word. "I'm sorry I hesitated to see you. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry." My last words were nearly inaudible.


"Charlie," Dad grumbled, unlatching himself from me slightly. "You have no reason to be sorry. What happened to me was my fault. Don't blame yourself."


"I swear, Dad, if you don't take it easy - I'll kill you myself," Christian muttered, jaw clenched. Anyone with eyes could see how agitated Christian was - even more than usual. Hell, we all were. This was unquestionably the scariest alarm we'd ever gotten. It might just have startled Dad the worst. Hopefully, he'd see that sometimes he needed to put himself before his kids. 


Dad sent him a watery smile whereas Caleb coughed out a laugh. "I'll keep that in mind, Chris." He turned slightly to pick something from the table next to the bed. It was a little cupcake with candles stuck into it. "I asked one of the nurses to get this for me. Seems there are some candles that need blowing out."

Collectively, my brothers and I blew out the candles with my dad wishing us a happy birthday. Nolan came forward to hold my hand as Dad repeatedly kissed my head, fussing about how uncomfortable the bed was. He rustled about how the doctors said he should take it easy for the next few months.

Even though my eyes were closed as I nestled into my dad's chest, I could feel Caleb tense.

Why?

Because how were they going to train and do final preparations for the Martelle match without a coach?