Mudita (noun) {Pāli, Sanskrit}

- taking delight in the happiness of others, vicarious joy.

~*~



The hours ticked towards my birthday and I could feel the excitement building as well as sorrow, sorrow at the fact that my mom wouldn't be here to celebrate with us. 


Just 3 more hours and it would be 12:00 am and my brothers and I would hit the big 18. My tummy felt full due to all the food Dad just fed us at dinner. He spent the entire day cooking and it troubled me to see him so frail. But he insisted on cooking for us and not going to lie, the food was exquisite. 


Halting outside of my room door, I took a second to look at the pictures on the walls. Maybe, just maybe things would be fixed between Jillian and me. She still hadn't spoken to me at school, wanting to stick to her rule but she texted me on Wednesday to say that she was available for the party tonight. The thought of her having to sneak out made me giggle.

Entering my room, I shut the door behind me and saw Liam slouched across my bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Every night for the past week, he'd slink into my room through the window and just sleep. Some nights he'd want to snuggle and other nights he'd just lay in silence before falling asleep. 


My guess was that he was still distressed about his mom wanting to cut him out of her life. Aunt Judy was back home from her trip to her boyfriend but Liam never stayed the night there. Sabrina was back too and hated seeing her brother so hurt. They both tiptoed around each other. During the early hours of Tuesday morning, Liam murmured to me that he struggled to look Sabrina in the eye after he picked up alcohol. 


After Liam had finished sobbing in my arms, Aunt Judy and Sabrina entered their house, the latter looking devastated at the sight of the numerous empty beer bottles. The older woman put two and two together and from what Sabrina told me at school, she was trying to subdue her own addiction for the sake of the kids she was trying to raise. 


"Hey," I acknowledged softly, shifting to sit at the edge of my bed and crisscrossed my legs, fidgeting with the Captain America shorts I wore. "When did you get in?" I inquired as I glimpsed in the region of the now-closed window. 


Every night I'd make sure to leave it unlocked so that he could get into the room. His motorcycle was fixed and he parked it a distance from my house so my dad wouldn't see. He'd have a coronary if he knew a boy was staying the night. 


"Hey," he nodded in acknowledgement, inclining his head imperceptibly to give me that handsome smile I'd come to love. "Just a few minutes ago. How are you?"


I pouted and pushed closer towards his opened arms. "I was about to ask you that. " I comprehended that he was hinting at the fact that the anniversary of my mom's death was fast approaching but I wasn't going to ignore him still being troubled over what happened with his mom. 


Liam yanked me against him and kissed my forehead. "I'm fine. She's not worth it."

Lightly running my finger over his jaw, I asked, "did you speak to Sabrina yet?" It was weird seeing them avoid each other. Liam felt guilty about drinking whereas she felt guilty about going to the wedding. At school, she'd told me the real reason why she went but she was afraid that her brother was angry at her.

But I assured her that he wasn't and that speaking to each other would do them both good. That way, she'd see that he didn't blame her for anything and he'd see that she wasn't disappointed in him.

He nodded. "She wanted to do it in person. She wanted to look our mom in the eyes when she told her that we wanted nothing to do with her." I squeezed his hand, smiling to myself at the pure pride in his voice. "I told Brina that she didn't have to cut her off for my sake but she said-"

"-that her blood has more in common with yours than it does with hers," I finished for him, already having heard it from Sabrina. He smiled down at me, placing a kiss to my lips. 


"I just hate that Brina no longer has a proper family. I couldn't give two shits about me but her - I want her to have everything." Liam spoke and closed his eyes. "My mom had her new family sit upfront and made Sabrina watch like a bystander. I know she was only there to say goodbye but my mom had the audacity to place Sabrina behind her new family. Alone–"


"Sabrina has you," I cut him off and pressed a kiss to his jaw, liking the way that his stubble caressed my lips. Liam groaned and relaxed his forehead against mine. I was still for a moment, recollecting everything that had happened thus far. "She has Aunt Judy. She has Nolan and she has me. She has the whole freaking soccer and cheer teams. Sabrina does have a family. And so do you. "


My words made me reflect back to Jillian and my heart tensed, hating that someone was as lonely as her. A little compassion went a long way. And even if she dropped our friendship all those years ago, I didn't mind being the bigger person and putting it all behind us in order to move onward, just like what Liam was doing with his past. 


Liam nodded and squeezed me tighter. "And I'm beyond grateful. Even if I don't exactly deserve it."


I felt my eyes begin to glisten, a lump settling in my throat. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, Liam. You're not a bad guy."


Looking up at me, he smiled, a sluggish and rueful smile. "I don't deserve to be this happy. I don't deserve you."


An appalled gasp fled my lips and I struck his chest as hard as I could even though he didn't wince. "How dare you say that?"


"It's true," Liam sat up as well, pulling me back into his arms. "People like me, they don't deserve someone as pure as you. I think life was being a bit unfair to you because it led you to an asshole like me."


"Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not that pure. You know I can be a bitch," I wrinkled my nose and he snorted. "Besides, Sabrina idolises you. You've gained Christian's respect - of all people!" I blurted, emphasising the fact that my brother was basically a granite wall in the form of a human. "The boys on the team respect you. Hell, my dad respects you. " 


I didn't even want to add in the fact that Liam was being considered for the position of striker - from what I remembered from the conversation with my brothers. As far as I knew, they hadn't come to a decision yet so I didn't want to get Liam's hopes up. If he was chosen, Nolan would become central midfielder. Nothing was set in stone yet but the fact that Liam was even considered for striker although he was new to the team - that was something to be proud of all on its own.

With that, I brought him in for a kiss, sighing at the feel of his lips. I would never get enough of kissing him. Once I pulled away, there was silence for all about five minutes before Liam spoke again, "I'm sorry for not telling you about this sooner."


I kissed his jaw. "You didn't have to tell me anything. This was personal. You needed time, which I understand."


Liam drew away and gawked at me. His eyes narrowed and he shook his head before cursing. "Shit."


"What?" I laughed as he ran a hand over his face, looking exasperated. 


He snorted before veering closer and grazing his nose against mine. "I'm turning into a sap."


Giggles left me as he proceeded to place butterfly kisses on my nose. "Why would you say that? Because we're talking about feelings?" I waggled my brows and he let out a laugh. 


"Because I look at you," he started, whisking some hair from my face. "And I'm just overwhelmed-"


"I overwhelm you?" I exclaimed before relaxing my voice, not wanting my brothers to poke their heads in to see who I was talking to. I feigned anger and Liam rolled his eyes. "Well you're no walk in the park either, buddy"


"I was going to say," he flicked my nose and I squealed, nearly falling from the bed but he caught me just in time, stretching forward to cup my face. "I'm overwhelmed by how much I love you."

There was no halting the blush on my face. Liam never ever spoke about his feelings. But that night at his house, when he finally let the barriers around him slump, he seemed to have opened up the floodgates because whoa. This past week, Liam had been all kinds of affectionate. 


It was kinda charming. He was like a newborn baby, seeing the world for the first time. His hand was always holding mine and he always had an arm around me. Each time he reached for me, he had this questioning look in his brown eyes as if asking if it was okay and I fought the urge to squeal every time he did it.

I stared at him with a fond look and grinned tenderly. "I love you too, Liam." I remained looking at him. My heart felt like a sink overflowing but instead of water, it was love.


Sure, I loved a lot of people because I was an overly affectionate person and felt the need to constantly let everyone know how much they meant to me - but this was different. I'd known that it was different since the day Liam roused those silly butterflies in my stomach. Looking up at him again, I let my lips tug into a minuscule smile. 


"Why are you looking at me like –"


I tilted forward and caressed my lips against Liam's, stopping him from saying anything further. He gripped my hips tightly as he sucked on my bottom lip, pulling me over onto his lap. One of his hands trailed up my body, intertwining with my hair as he licked into my mouth. 


A breathy sound departed my lips as his tongue grazed against mine. I grasped at his hair and tugged, forcing a loud growl from his mouth. His fingers traced across my thighs before clutching the back of my neck tightly, holding me crushed against his body. I could feel him pressing against me and I shifted slightly, causing a groan to descend from his lips. I giggled and kissed the corner of his mouth.


Liam shook his head in amusement at my antics and leaned forward to nibble at my ear, fanning warm air into my neck. He smirked when he felt me tremble against him. I leaned back and stared into his coffee-stained eyes. Reaching for the bottom of my t-shirt, I pulled it over my head, revelling in the look of utter passion crossing Liam's features. 


I didn't even know what the fuck I was doing. It was the first time I'd gone this far with someone. 


He cussed and tugged me closer again, sucking harshly at the skin of my collar bone. "Liam." I winced at the stinging sensation but couldn't help but moan as he levelled his tongue against it in order to alleviate the stinging. With a harsh tug, I managed to pull off Liam's shirt too.


"We're not gonna have sex," he told me, voice husky with pleasure but glazed in amusement. 


I sank back and stared at him. His hair was an outright mess because of how I'd tugged it. His eyes were eager and he was panting heavily. I could see the look of lust as well as affection swirling in his eyes. He'd never looked so dangerous yet weak at the same time.


"And why not?" I murmured teasingly, containing a laugh at his frustrated eloquence. I was barely even able to get my words out before he grunted animalistically and threw me back onto the bed, settling between my legs. 


He groaned as he pressed me against him and began peppering kisses from my bare shoulder all the way to my mouth before tending back, an intense look in his eyes. "You're underage." Liam sounded like he was trying to restrain himself.

Sure, I'd be 18 in a few hours but I didn't want to hasten anything and I'd bet big money that Liam didn't want to either. I snickered and nodded with a tiny smile, dragging him back to me. He beamed in return as I ran dainty fingers through his silky hair. "I am."


"Too bad, so sad," Liam stated, staring into my eyes, a playful look taking over.


I pulled at his hair and planted a delicate, tender kiss on his swollen lips. "Doesn't mean we can't make out."


Liam grinned at me and pecked my nose, pulling a sweet giggle from me. With another kiss to my lips, he drew away and said, "fine by me."