Nepenthe (noun)

- anything inducing a pleasurable sensation of forgetfulness, especially of sorrow or trouble.

~*~

People didn't apprehend that friendships could cause heartbreak too. Losing a friend was as painful as losing a loved one. It's as if they wake up one morning and concluded that you're no longer important to them. The memories were cast away and you both drifted apart.

That's exactly what happened at the start of sophomore year. Jillian was a completely new person. She had new goals, ones that didn't involve me, my brothers, Jeremy or Astrid. The girl decided to go her separate way without so much as an elaboration.

It was the one thing that plagued me all these years. To this day I still had no hint as to why Jillian cut us off. I, for one, was there for her when she was being bullied. Then abruptly she cut me off, forming her clique rule. I never understood why it was so easy for her to leave us behind. I wasn't not going to lie, it was the main reason why I harboured so much anger towards her. Our friendship clearly meant nothing if it was that easy to walk away.

Whenever I ran into her at school, I put up a front and pretended to be a wolf. I pretended that she didn't mean shit to me and I couldn't care less about her and her ridiculous rule. But deep down, I was secretly a lamb, commiserating with Jillian because I knew there was a reason behind her rule. Being bullied could change you and Jillian Rooney knew that better than anyone else.

I groaned, stopping just outside of my room. My muscles were aching because of the baseball game the cheer team just performed at. It was irritating having to watch Miles swagger his stuff on the field. I wanted so badly to seize the baseball bat from him and swing it where the sun didn't shine.

A snort left me as I favoured against the wall next to my door, envisioning myself chasing Miles around the field with a bat. The image was comical and I pressed a hand to my mouth to keep from giggling.

Uproarious voices resonated from downstairs and I queried why the boys needed to be so boisterous. It was Friday night and after soccer practice, the team elected to chill at our house. I glimpsed around the hallway and felt a rueful smile tug at my lips as I took note of the numerous pictures illuminating the plain wall.

There were photographs of us as little kids. I giggled when seeing the one taken at Tammy's ninth birthday party, Astrid's arm around my shoulders as she beamed even though there was cake all over her face. A big photograph stood out, one of me, Christian and Caleb in the tub as babies. Back then, we all looked exactly the same before my features became more feminine.

Another picture caught my attention. In this one, the entire soccer team was present. It was taken during my sophomore year when Dad had just recruited the last person. He asked me to be part of the picture too as he stood with a big smile in the middle.

Luke and Ethan were pretending to kiss whilst Jeremy cheered them on. Caleb stood in the centre like a proud parent. Simon was trying to do the splits with Mike and Gabe tugging on each of his legs. Nick's arm was thrown around Donnie's shoulder and Christian had me on his shoulders. It was a perfect family picture.

My smile slipped when I saw some photographs that included Jillian. No matter how much I tried to disregard it, she was once a big part of my life.

"Why be moody when you can shake your booty?"

I grinned, despite my sombre mood. Looking up, I found Liam walking closer. He was adorned in a fitted t-shirt and black soccer shorts. I thought he'd stop a few feet away from me but he stunned me by pulling me into his arms. "Get off," I giggled, striving and failing to push him away.

"You stink," he murmured with a chuckle as he snuffed my hair which was pulled into a loose bun. The cheer uniform I wore felt sticky on my skin and my face was still flushed from all of the routines we did. Five of them, if I remembered correctly. Maya wanted us to be prepared for the Martelle game.

Swatting Liam's arms away, I pouted. "What do you expect? We had a game tonight. I'm human. And if you didn't know - humans sweat."

He rolled his eyes as he pursued me into my room. "I thought girls didn't sweat," he used air quotations and I snorted. "Apparently they don't shit either." A smirk swiftly developed on his lips as he winked at me. "Do you shit, Blondie?"

I scoffed, seizing a shirt from my closet and staggering on throbbing legs into my bathroom. Leaving the door open so that we could still converse, I slipped out of my sweaty cheer uniform and into the baggy shirt I stole from Christian. My shower could wait another fifteen minutes. I needed to unwind first. "Of course I shit."

"Let me guess," Liam recommenced and I detected the creak of my bed as he thumped onto it. "Your shit smells like roses."

Once I slipped out of my tennis shoes, I padded barefoot into my room and flung my uniform into the laundry basket. "If that's what you want to think, go ahead, big guy."

Liam dragged his gaze away from my bare legs. "Miss Rosy Shit. I like it."

I snorted again before clutching a brush and plaiting my hair. "I've always liked that name. Rosie, I mean. When I was younger and we played dress-up, my name was always Rosie." There was a bitter gleam in my eyes for a moment as I thought back to the girl I played dress-up with, Jillian.

He was soundless for a moment and I looked away from the mirror to peep at him. He was watching me with a faint smile. "You gonna name your daughter Rosie one day?" With my fear of childbirth, I wondered if I'd ever have kids. But the thought was nice nonetheless.

Shrugging, I snickered quietly. "It'll be quite the story if she ever wants to know where her name came from." Another giggle left me. "I'll be forced to say that her dad came up with it while questioning if her mom's shit smells like roses." I laughed again, shaking my head and expecting Liam to laugh along with me. But he was mute. I looked up, seeing a massive grin on his face, eyes wrinkling with the intensity of it. "What?"

Liam stood up and I took a step back as I tied the elastic around the end of my plait. "You, baby, just implied that you see yourself having kids with me." He stepped closer.

I gasped, realising what I had said. "I need to shower."

He grasped my wrist before I could get away and pulled me towards him. Winding one arm around my waist, he let his free hand outline my jaw as his thumb smoothed my bottom lip. He beamed suddenly and my breath left me, questioning how someone could be so pretty. Leaning closer, my eyes rippled closed and I felt the scantiest of strokes of his lips against my own.

"Finn! We're gonna play a game of pool!"

My grimace was immediate as I pulled back at the sound of Caleb's voice. Liam seemed to be stifling a groan as he grumbled something about interruptions. He stepped away from me as my lips stung from where they grazed his briefly.

Sending me a wink, he headed towards the hallway. He stopped suddenly and I stilled, waiting for him to say something. His eyes were on something outside of my room. "You know, Blondie. I noticed these pictures back when we had our movie night. Of you and Jillian." My lips twitched. "It's weird because you guys are like enemies now. I mean, I know you two were friends but what happened?"

"I don't even know what happened," I murmured, not even apprehending that I spoke out loud until I noticed Liam gazing at me with a compassionate expression. At times, I'd question what happened but it seemed like Maya pushed the ordeal completely out of her memories. Obviously, she was hurt the most because she lost her best friend.

Sensing that I didn't want to talk about Jillian, Liam asked, "am I invited to your birthday party next week?"

My brows pounded together in dismay as I pouted at him. "Didn't Caleb invite you? He always invites the entire team."

Liam nodded. "He did."

"Then what-"

"But I wanted to be invited by you," the cheeky asshole had the audacity to wink at me and I was pretty sure I was a puddle on the floor at that point. His coffee-brown eyes were eyeing me expectantly. "Always you."

Notwithstanding the redness creeping up my neck, I succeeded to stabilise my voice and question, "would you like to attend my birthday party next week, Liam?"

A handsome smile emerged on his lips as he opened his mouth to speak but was obstructed by the ding of his cellphone. He drew it out of the pocket of his shorts as he read what I believed was a message. All evidence of playfulness vanished as his features stiffened. "Fuck."

"Liam?" I sought as he ran a hand through his hair. He was beginning to freak me out and I was pretty sure that his hands were trembling. "Are you okay-"

"I gotta go," he said suddenly and glimpsed at me. "I'm sorry, baby, but I have to go right now."

In a blink, he rambled closer, pressed a kiss to my head before he left, the sound of his motorcycle quieting into the horizon. I stood there in a balloon of uncertainty. I'd never seen Liam that panicked before. My heart throbbed, resenting that he was suffering on his own.

I suspected that he'd message me later or call me. My phone was taken off silent and placed on my bedside table that night. I stared at it, waiting for him to call. But he didn't.

~*~


I despised going to the grocery store. It was always so bright, something that I knew my future wasn't. Sundays were supposed to be days of relaxation. Sure I had all of that yesterday, spending the entire Saturday watching episodes of Phineas and Ferb. But I was planning on doing it today too. Watching tv kept my mind off from the fact that Liam still didn't contact me.

"What is with you and fucking growling?" Christian grunted as he drove the shopping cart and I flung bags of chips into it. We were on shopping duty, in charge of getting the snacks for our party on Saturday.

Overlooking his question, I dragged my feet noisily as I roamed through the aisles, my brother trailing closely. He thumped the shopping cart against the back of my feet and I glowered at him. "Can you stop that?"

"Only if you stop growling," he countered. My glare hardened. Christian was about as happy as I was about grocery shopping. Both of us wanted to stay holed up in our respective rooms. Honestly, Christian looked like he just woke up. He donned a crinkled hoodie and shorts, paired with messy hair that looked like he didn't brush it in weeks.

It was soundless between us again as I began launching random stuff into the cart, not even paying attention to the list that Caleb wrote in that awful chicken scratch he called handwriting. I could scarcely make out what the list said. "Fuck Caleb and his stupid handwriting," I murmured.

It sounded like there was a commotion in the next aisle over but I wasn't in the mood to get involved in other people's drama - I already had my own to deal with. But it seemed as if Christian was paying close attention because he was peeking around the corner. Once I gathered two boxes of sodas, I called my brother over so I could place it in the cart.

"Do you think I'd make a good lawyer?" he asked out of nowhere and I froze in the process of flinging tubs of ice cream into the cart. His face was impassive. It looked as if he was thinking things over because he swiftly said, "nevermind."

The guy was just full of surprises. Knowing better than to question him, I stretched for some bags of gummy bears on one of the higher shelves. Suddenly, there was a resounding bang and I flinched, turning around.

Our entire shopping cart was laying on its side with the contents scattering out of it. The tubs of ice cream rolled away and the cans of soda began fizzing. Christian stood with his arms crossed and on the ground was a girl lying on her back. Upon closer investigation, I discerned that it was Jillian.


"Christian!" I blurted with wide eyes. "Did you just fucking run her over with our shopping cart?!"

"She was in the way," he grumbled, rolling his eyes as if he didn't just bulldoze her with a shopping cart. He could kiss his career in law goodbye if he thought running people over was normal.

I had no words for the anomaly that was Christian James. As he picked up the cart and began furiously putting everything back, I made my way over to Jillian who was gradually coming to her senses. A box of tampons was next to her and I picked it up. "I'm so sorry about my brother. He-"

"It's alright," she brushed it off with a distressed smile in the direction of my fuming brother. "Thanks," she said as I handed her the box of tampons.

"Are you okay?" I inquired, giving her a once over. My mind still couldn't process that my brother just ran her over with a cart. "Seriously. Are you hurt?"

She looked so different outside of school. It was as if the girl she was at school was all just a facade. Currently, she wore a pair of tights and a large flannel shirt - something she wouldn't be caught dead in at school.

Jillian smiled gently. "I'm okay. Promise. It was just a freak accident."

"More like an accident done by a freak," I muttered with a scowl in the direction of Christian. Jillian snorted at my words and I suddenly found myself becoming uncomfortable. I blinked rapidly before I apprehended I looked like an idiot. Jeremy's words rang through my head and I prayed that I didn't embarrass myself. "Hey. You busy on Saturday?" Jillian froze, lips parting in astonishment. "It's our birthday party."

It was weird of me to invite her since she and Mattia were plotting against me and I was kinda-sorta maybe blackmailing her. But Jeremy was right. We needed to be mature about this and talk about it. I also realised that it'd been years since Jillian celebrated my birthday with me.

She smiled swiftly and I wondered whether the Jillian we all knew once upon a time was still there. "I'll check my schedule. Thank you. For inviting me, that is. Not for running me over," she rambled and I found myself smiling. "I was actually hoping that we could talk?" I froze, surprised that we were having a civil conversation. For a second, I wondered if she hit her head when Christian ran her over.

Clearing her throat, she continued almost as if she was apprehensive. "I was actually heavily encouraged to do so by Liam."

I raised a brow. "And when did this happen?"

"I ran into him at the pizza parlour last night. He told me that it'd be good for me to talk to you about this whole thing." A shiver ran down my spine. So Liam had time to fix my problems but no time to speak to me?

Just as I was about to respond, my phone rang and I excused myself from Jillian for a moment. "Hello?"

"Charlie!" It was Sabrina and I grimaced as she barked into the phone, momentarily reminding me of Tammy. "Are you free right now? Do you have a lift? Is there a chance that you could make it to my house? Please tell me you're available. I'm currently at my mom's house and I can't make it. Please, Charlie-"

I cut her off. "Woah. Slow your roll. What's happening?" And did I hear her correctly? Mom? I briefly remembered Aunt Judy bringing their mom up but that was it. Neither of the siblings spoke about her.

She heaved before speaking again. "Please tell me you'll go to my house right now."

"Why?" I interrogated, wondering why Liam couldn't do it.

And with one sentence, my blood ran cold. "It's Liam."