Reviewer: Moni5253
Story: Yaariyan
Author: _willow_avenue_

Payment: A Permanent Follow

About the story ---

Mainly it's a Fan Fiction of Swara & Sanskar (SwaSan) of Indian Television Serial "Swaragin" with side roles of Manik & Nandini (Manan) and Fab 5 of Indian Youth Show "Kaisi Yeh Yaariyan".
The story starts from where Swara leaves from Maheshwari Mansion after her divorce due to her sister Ragini's plot against her. From there Swara starts her new life or I can say goes back to her old life with her old school friends gang.
There are many additional characters & their past.

Review ---

  * The cover is quite simple. It could be more attractive with whole cast in it or a quote which'll help the readers to have a picture about the story.

* Title is opposite of what the actual story is all about. Title is taken from Kaisi Yeh Yaariyan but the story is of Swaragini's main lead which makes readers confuse about the story.

* Description is what the readers look for after Cover and Title of the Story. Description is good but could be more interesting with some suspense in it. You made it quite obvious revealing the further storyline in description only.

The main plot ---

It's a simple story with cliffhangers and character's past which hold the readers interest.

Although it's a Fan Fiction which obviously means that it's of a particular couple or character but other characters also should be given proper space so as to avoid any kind of confusion. In my opinion, if a character is introduced & is present in the scene his/her character needs their presence felt in the story & if not then what's the use of their presence?

It's always better to have the knowledge & know the use of grammar which'll make it easy for the reader to understand. If words are difficult or cannot be easily understood by the reader for that words meaning can be provided for better understanding.

I found the story is in simple language which is good for the readers that they don't have to find the meaning of the words which are difficult for them to understand. At times I found sentences left in middle and grammatical and punctuation mistakes here and there which can be easily corrected with little concentration and proof read .

Points to Improve and Tips ---

* Prologue/Blurb should be short description of the story without revealing much details and it should create a mystery or cliffhanger which will attract readers to peep inside story.

* Set the words limit for each chapter which  should neither be too lengthy nor too short. Try to complete the whole chapter within the limit. If you're free then try to extend your word limit but don't decrease the word limit unless if necessary.

* Try to make use of maximum vocabulary as you can. It'll help to improve both yours and readers language.

* Try to use proper punctuations like where there's a need of pause make use of Commas (,) and always end the sentences with Full Stop (.) rather than Ellipsis (...) which shows you ommited the long paragraph, which you definitely didn't cause your writing style is not in paragraph but in play/dialouges form.

* Try to give Character description in the beginning of the story after Prologue or whenever the new character is introduced so as to avoid any confusion for readers.

* You can also add the images of each character at the time of their introduction so it'll be easy for the readers to imagine a character while reading the story and make it more interesting for them.

Best Things ---

* Amazing Plot and cliffhangers which keeps the readers hooked up to the story.

* Nice try for writing and language improvement and my best wishes for your future success in this field.

Conclusion ---

Overall I recommend this book to all the readers who are fan of SwaSan and  Fab 5 with Manan and love both the shows.

Do remember my points while writing. Take it as an advice and don't get offended by my words dear. Keep writing more and more stories and entertain the readers with your fantastic writing skills and plots.

Thank you
Moni