Note: I may sound rude, but it is for your betterment.

P.S.

Before judging the book, I'm not from Manan fandom, I don't know about the show as well, but as it is not from the show, I have taken up your book for review.

I don't know Manan's character as well. So, I'll be reviewing this book based on random general fiction. Hope you are fine with it!

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Author - Charmedone22

Book - His Queen

Reviewer - polymath_land

Review

Title -

The title is common and not much rare. But as it matches to the plot, it's fine.

According to me, the title should be short and intriguing, your title is short and simple but it's not intriguing. You can use synonyms of 'Queen' in the title, like Queen - Monarch, sovereign etc.

Remember, if you don't have any choice other than to create a title which is not a rare one, search synonyms of it.

In the end, the title is your wish as you are the author and not me.

Cover-

The cover is attractive, but you have written a quote on it which is not visible much. Try to change that. Otherwise, good job at cover making.

As the story revolves around Manik, Prerna and Nandini, the cover is justified. But, as the story is about the kingdom of Kings and Queens, you could have added a background picture (slight contrast) of something about the kingdom.

Blurb-

Blurb is short and simple, but you could have made it more intriguing, as it is all about the kingdom, you have a choice to add more in the blurb.

Have a look at that.

Plot-

The prologue is a nice try. Good at it! I'm not judging the prologue because it's not presented in the 7 part story yet. 

But, I didn't understand why Nandini behaved like a kid at the end in the prologue, being angry in the start, requesting Manik to marry her sister, made me think Nandini as a kid who is scared of her father/mother.
I did not find her mature enough but as the story did not reach the point, I'm not judging it as I don't know the reason behind her behaviour.

This is what I thought when I read the prologue.

The plot is good but definitely not rare. But, as a plot is authors imagination, I can just review and not judge.

Narendra and Tara have children, Prerna and Nandini, while Prerna is treated like a princess, Nandini is treated as a curse because of some priest words.

Prerna's character is definitely something new, her being Prerna and Naina at the same time who is the love of Narendra, who got killed by Tara, Tara killing Naina to marry Narendra, Naina's thirst of revenge which took birth in her sisters aka Tara's womb who is none other than Prerna is something new to read.

Prerna/Naina making the priest lie of being Nandini as a curse, Prerna's partner(love) Rishab is a good plot. It did increase the curiosity.

The relationship between Nandini and Manik from friendship to love is presented well, their emotions are presented in a good way but you could have made it more emotional.

Nandini getting tortured by her mother, you could have elaborated about it in terms of emotions. Because according to me, considering someone as a curse is really painful, you could have reflected the same emotion in Nandini more(especially when she was accused of murder), in a way that should make someone cry as 'curse' is a big word.

Manik's determination to make Nandini, his queen who is already a one, made me feel good. He's definitely a sweetheart. His anger towards her parents, his possessiveness made me feel warm.

A good plot it is. I appreciate you for that.

Nandini is ' HIS QUEEN ' and I agree with the title which is apt to the plot.

Character development -

As the story is ongoing, I can't able to judge the characters by reading 7 chapters which are too short.

All I can say is,

- Manik and Nandini's relationship, understanding between them did build up in a good shape. I appreciate you for that.

- The love between Manik and his siblings is easy.

- Prerna's introduction is good.

I'm expecting more from Prerna and Nandini, as I think they are the main leads in the story.

Narration-

It's the main part of the story, you have presented the story well, but its narration is not up to my mark.

A story needs either a writer's pov or character's pov, and you made a mistake here.

You have explained some part of the story in your pov while some part in the character's pov. It's definitely a minus point because it may confuse readers as it did to me. So, stick to the one. Otherwise, you are good at it.

You need to look at the pov's asap.

Also, please leave a line space between the conversation. Readers may get confused.

Look at this for example,

"What are you thinking bhayu?", My both sisters Alya and Mukti asked at the same time. Cabir thinks and says, " about his future wife?"

It is not the way to present.

Here, look at this,

"What are you thinking bhayu?", My both sisters Alya and Mukti asked at the same time.

Cabir thinks and says, " About his future wife?"

This is how you should present, it will not confuse anyone and it's easy to read.
Don't you think so?

This is needed to be changed asap.

Also, you have to stop writing A/N's in between the chapters unless you want to distract your readers. Write it at the end/start.

You have said somewhere, "convolution, that's what I found in Google" should be avoided, write this particular fact in the author's note at the end/start.

Readers should not get distracted while reading, it may irritate them, and would eventually stop reading.

- Chapters are short, it will irritate the reader while reading. The reader may lose interest if your chapters are too short or too long. Limit the words between 2000-4500 per chapter.

Grammatical errors-

-You missed using tenses and plural forms in the correct way, here and there.

-The punctuations were not used properly in certain places.

-I found typos and spelling mistakes.

-Sentence formation is missed and you could make the sentence more attractive. Have a look at it.

You need to edit and proofread it.

Positive points-

1) Plot.

2) Cover.

3) Blurb (if improved some more)

Negative points-

1) Narration.

2) Grammatical errors.

3) Expressing emotions (especially in case of Nandini)

I'm expecting more emotions from Nandini and Prerna.

It's totally a good read book, and I'd like to recommend this book to Manan fandom.

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Note-

As I said earlier, please don't mind if you found me rude/harsh. It is for you to become a little better as a writer.

Hope this review helps you! I'll be glad if it does.

All the best for your future works.

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