Author:
Title: This Time

What inspire me to write?

“Some people says, Love is sweeter, the second time around.” But... to be honest? I’m someone who doesn’t believe in second chances. For me, once is more than enough already, as long as you treasure and value it. It’ll last a lifetime.”

But sometimes, no matter how much we try we need the first chance to prove that second chance is better. And you can now say, THIS TIME, I’LL MAKE IT BETTER, MUCH BETTER THAN THE FIRST TIME.

THIS TIME

“IF you’d asked me, five months ago. Why, I’m chasing my runaway wife? I would say; because I want her to sign our annulment paper.

But now… all I want to know is where she is, so I can come, surrender, and ask her humbly for forgiveness. To tell her how sorry I am, for hurting her, beg her to stay and never leave my side ever, again.

Five months ago…

“DARLING, please believe me. Wala akong ibang lalaki. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko. Ikaw lang ang nag-iisa sa buhay ko.” nakaluhod at luhaang pakiusap ni Anna sa asawang si Byron.

Subalit tila ito bingi na hindi man lang siya pinapansin. Sa halip ay tinawagan pa nito ang sariling abogado para mag file ng annulment paper.

“Don’t do this to us, darling. Alam ko na galit ka pero pakinggan mo muna ang paliwanag ko.” muling pakiusap ni Anna sa asawa  habang pigil ito sa kamay.

Iwinaksi naman ni Byron ang kamay sanhi.upang matumba ang asawa at tumama sa gilid ng wooden table kaya napaimpit ito sa sakit. Pansamantalang natigilan si Byron na napatingin sa asawang nang mapansing nasaktan ito, akma niya sana itong lalapitan nang maalala ang pagtataksil nito sakanya kaya naman mas minabuti niyang tumalikod at lumabas na lang ng silid.

Hindi pa man siya lubusang nakakalabas ay muling nagsalita ang kanyang asawa. “You’ll hurt me now, because you are angry. But I can understand you. I LOVE YOU, and I will not allow you to ruin our happiness, just because you accuse me of something na hindi ko naman ginawa o magagawa sa’yo. Aaminin ko may pagkakamali ako at hindi kita masisisi kung ganyan ang nararamdaman mo.

“Shut up! Wala kang karapatan na magsabi niyan dahil hindi ikaw ang nasaktan! Just go, I don’t want to see you-” putol ni Byron sa sinasabi ni Anna, subalit hindi nagpatinag ang babae, sa halip ay tumayo ito palapit sa asawa saka malungkot na tumingin bago naunang tinungo ang pinto, saka nito tinapos ang ano mang sasabihin.

Darling, I’m not going to stay with you- for now, but i know someday… somehow… you’ll realize that our love is stronger than any mistake we did. At kapag dumating ang araw na mapatawad mo ako, hihintayin kita para tulungan akong patawarin ang sarili ko. At sa pagkakataong iyon wala ng sinuman ang makakapaghiwalay sa atin.

We have to bear being alone for the time being. Darling, just always keep in your heart, and mind, at night when you’re awake and couldn’t sleep, I’m somewhere out there thinking of you. And when you missed me at night, you’ll know that my heart is longing for your every touch, and kisses. And when you can’t stand it anymore, I’m there waiting for you-  with open arm.”

Matapos itong magsalita ay saka ito lumabas ng walang-lingon sa asawang tila estatwa pa rin na nakatayo habang tanaw ang asawang palayo.

And that was the last time he saw his wife.

“Sir, nagpunta na po ako sa bahay ng parents ni Mam Anna, pero wala po siya doon. Nagtataka nga po ang mga magulang niya kung bakit hinahanap ko.” minsa’y sabi ng abogado niya na siyang inatasan niya para hanapin ang asawa at papirmahin ng personal sa annulment paper nila.

“Did you check his friends house? Baka isa sa kanila doon nagtago si Anna.” Aniya na tila sumasakit na rin ang kanyang ulo dahil ilang linggo nang walang balita sa asawa.

“Yes, sir. Nagtalaga na ako ng mga detective upang mas madaling mahanap ang asawa ninyo subalit wala po talagang may alam kung nasaan siya.”

“Go and find her! Huwag kang magpapakita sa akin kung wala kang magandang balita.” pasigaw na utos niya kaya naman mabilis pa sa alas kwatrong lumabas ang abogado na laglag ang nga balikat.

Days turn into weeks. And weeks turn into months. Sometimes he wished the clock will stop it’s hand from running, as well as the pain he’s feeling right now. He wants everthing to stop and turn back time were they’re happy and together.

At sa bawat araw na lumipas ay hindi rin maganda ang dulot niyon kay Byron. He pushed himself busier with his business, but he can’t really concentrate. He make sure that he’s so busy… so damn busy that he doesn’t have a chance to think about his runaway wife. But when he’s in his room all he can see was the fading memories of his wife, that’s  when he start to think of her, over and over again. So, he make sure that whisky is just around the corner, to accompany him, until he falls asleep.

Their house felt like a prison, not a home anymore, and still he waited, thinking somehow that Anna was putting him through this torment to teach him a lesson, a well-deserved lesson that he’ll surely wouldn’t want to feel ever again.

But the scenario was the same over and over again. Paced back and front on their living room. Still, he can’t find the answer where his wife is.

“Darling, where are you? Are you safe? Are you eating, properly? Do you even miss me? I can’t take it anymore, darling. I just want to see you, so I can surrender. I’m so sorry, darling. Please come back.” minsa’y kausap ni Byron ang  hawak na larawan nilang mag-asawa na parehong nakangiti  habang suot ang damit pangkasal.

If this is a battle of wills, he hoped that he can find the victor, so he can surrender. Because he can’t take it anymore, as if he’s going crazy for hurting his beloved wife.

If i could turn back time, where she was telling me all those painful words? I would want to hold her tight, hug her, and tell her, I didn’t mean every word I said, that I was just blinded by anger and jealousy.

Oh, God! Please, please I promise this time, I’ll take care, and love her without any doubt and reservation. I will love her with all my being.

“Sir Byron,” agaw pansin sa kanya ng secretary na nakatayo sa pinto ng kanyang opisina na agad niya namang tiningnan. “ Father Arevalo of St. Therese parish and Childrens foundation, was here to see you.” dagdag nito.

“Let him in, please.” saad niya saka binitiwan ang mga papeles na hawak saka tumayo para salubungin ang paring papasok.

“Hello, father!” nakangiti niyang bungad habang minuwestra na maupo ito sa tapat niya.

“Salamat iho, napadaan lang ako dahil matagal ka nang hindi nabibisita sa bahay ampunan, hinahanap ka na ng mga bata.” nakangiti nitong tugon sa kanya.

“One of these days, father. Busy pa po kasi ako.” sagot niyang hindi makatingin ng deretso sa kaharap. Father Arevalo, knows him well. Dahil doon siya lumaki. He was just lucky dahil mababait ang mga taong umampon sa kanya. Kaya naman lumipas man ang maraming taon ay hindi niya nakakalimutan ang ampunang minsan ding nag-aruga sa kaniya.

“Is there something troubling you, son?”

“Po? Ah, no father. Busy lang po talaga ako.”

Napabuntong hininga na lang ang pari saka nito inabot ang isang invitation card. “Recognition ng mga bata, we want you to give some speech and motivate them, also. I wouldn’t accept No for an answer.” anito saka tumayo na at nagpaalam.

Ilang minuto nang nakaalis ang pari subalit hindi pa rin niya binibitawan ang hawak na invitation card dahil nakatitig lang siya sa pangalang nakalagay doon.

“To: Mr&Mrs Byron Bandoja”

“Sir, I already cleared your schedule for that day.” pormal sa saad ng kanyang secretary, marahil ay si Father Arevalo na ang nag-utos. Palibhasa ay matagal nang naninilbihan ang kanyang secretary sa kanya kaya kilala na nito kung sino-sino ang mga taong malapit sa kanya at mas binibigyang priority.

“Salamat, Grace.” ang tangi lang niyang nasabi saka muling itinuon ang tingin sa hawak na card bago napabuntong-hininga.

The program was about to start nang dumating siya sa Orphanage. Hindi naman ganoon karami ang bisita dahil karamihan lamang sa mga naroon ay ang mga sponsors, teachers, and volun-

Saglit siyang napahinto sa paglalakad nang matanaw ang isang pigura na nag-a-assist sa mga bata patungo sa mga upuang nakahilera doon.

Ilang ulit niyang kumurap-kurap dahil baka namamalik-mata lamang siya subalit hindi pa rin nawawala ang pigurang iyon. At mas lalo pa siyang tila natulala nang magtama ang kanilang paningin, pakiramdam niya ay ilang segundong tumigil ang pagtibok ng kanyang puso.

“Iho, I know you’ll make it!” masiglang bati ng pari sa kanya kaya saglit niya itong hinarap at magalang na yumukod at nagmano.

Pagkatapos niyon ay muli niyang nilingon ang lugar kung saan nakita ang asawa subalit wala na ito.

“Are you looking for something, Byron?” tanong ng pari.

“Po? Ah, Father… is my wife here?” pagkuway tanong niya subalit tiningnan lang siya ng makahulugan ng pari na para bang tinatantiya kung ano ang nasa isip ng kaharap.

“Come along child, the program is about to start. Ikaw ang opening remarks.” Ang tanging sagot ng pari kasabay ng paglakad nito papunta sa stage kaya naman wala siyang nagawa kundi ang sumunod doon.

He knows that there’s a time for that. Kung kinakailangan niyang halughugin ang buong lugar ay gagawin niya.

“She’ll wait for you. She’s been waiting for you. She will always wait for you. She will never run away again. Rest your mind, son.”

Bahagya siyang natigil sa paghakbang nang marinig ang mahinang turan ng pari ngunit hindi iyon nakalagpas sa kanyang pandinig.

Dahil sa narinig ay gumaan ang pakiramdam niya, pero hindi pa rin siya mapakali. Gusto niyang hilain ang bawat sandali na matapos na ang programa upang makausap ang asawa at masabi ang mga dapat niyang sabihin.

HE’s now outside of the room kung saan isang pinto na lang ang pagitan niya sa asawa, ngunit tila naninikip ang kanyang dibdib. Hindi niya alam kung paano ito haharapin.

Dahan-dahan niyang pinihit ang seradura saka marahang binukas ang pinto. Agad niyang nakita ang asawa na nakatanaw sa labas ng bintana kung saan tanaw ang sari-saring bulaklak.

He wants to run towards her and hug her tightly pero natatakot siya. Natatakot siyang sa kabila ng lahat ay namumuhi pala ang asawa sa kaniya.

“Do you remember? Two years ago, we met during recognition ceremony?” narinig niyang sabi ni Anna na ngayo’y nakaharap na sa kanya.

He didn’t say anything, he can’t say anything dahil tila may kung anong nakabara sa kanyang lalamunan.

Nasaan na ang kinabisadong mga linya na gusto niyang sabihin sa asawa? He wants to lecture her first, then punish her with a searing kiss and make love at her, till she can’t leave his side anymore.

Nakatitig lang siya dito dahil walang kahit anong salita ang namutawi sa kanyang mga labi. He drown his self with her beauty, until he saw her tearstained face.

“One step, two step, three step and you’re mine forever, eternally.” sabi niyang pilit pinapatatag ang boses habang idinipa ang magkabilang braso.

Nang hindi makapaghintay ay inisa niyang hakbang ang pagitan nilang dalawa saka niyakap ng mahigpit ang asawang walang tigil sa pag-iyak.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, darling. Please come home. I can’t live without you. Please give me a chance. I love you so damn much!” ani Byron na hindi na rin napigilan ang mga luhang kanina pa pinipigilan.

Wala namang sagot mula kay ani maliban sa walang tigil na iyak at pagsigok.

“Stop crying, darling. It hurts so much. And I can’t bear seeing how it’s paining you. I’m sorry, I’m so damn sorry for hurting you.” paulit-ulit na sambit ni Byron.

Makalipas ang ilang segundo ay pilit na tinigil ni Anna ang pag-iyak. And Byron knew then that Anna doesn’t want him to get hurt evenmore. And he can’t help his self not to kiss her. Kaya naman pinagtapat niya ang paningin nilang dalawa bago niya sinakop ang labi ng asawa na agad din nitong tinugon ang bawat dantay ng kanyang mga labi.

Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay naupo silang dalawa sa sofa kung saan ay yakap pa rin ni Byron ang asawa tila ba takot itong bitiwan dahil baka isang panaginil lamang ang lahat.

“I’m really-”

“Shhh!” pigil ni Anna sa sasabihin niya. “Let me explain first, please?”

“No. It’s okay. Really okay! I don’t need to know what happen. I believe you, we will start again and forget everything!” mabilis na tugon ni Byron. Ayaw na niyang ungkatin ang nakaraan dahil natatakot siyang baka mag-iba ang pakitungo ng asawa sa kanya at ayaw na niyang magalit baka di na niya kayanin kapag muli itong umalis.

“Darling, please. We need to talk. You have to know what really happen. Hindi tayo lubos na magiging masaya kung sa bawat pagkakamaling magagawa natin sa future e mauungkat ang nakaraan. We have to face this and end it. Nang sa gayon ay hindi ito maging anino sa ating kinabukasan.” paliwanag ni Anna, hindi naman sumagot si Byron sa halip ay mas hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap sa asawa.

“Una, nothing really happen between me and your brother. When you saw me sleeping on his bed, I’m on sleeping drugs.” paliwanag niya na sandaling napatigil sa pagsasalita dahil lumuwag ang yakap sa kanya ni Byron.

“It’s okay we can just forget it.” ani Byron na pilit iniwas ang tingin, pero hinawakan siya sa magkabiling pisngi ni Anna at saka hinalikan sa mga labi.

“Bryan Called me, saying that your mom wants to see me, but when i reached there, mom isn’t around. It’s just him, alone.  He offered some drinks but i didn’t know that he put some sleeping pills.

When I woke up, i saw you and… and you already hated me!” napipiyok na kwento niya pero pinipigilan na huwag maiyak.

“I’m sorry, darling. I’m such a jerk and hot headed. I should have believe you. But after seeing you lying on my brother’s bed, nandilim ba ang paningin ko. Jealousy eat me and all I think is you betrayed me.

Bryan already confess to me. He said that he just want to irritate me. You know how we always piss each other. What he didn’t know that-that I will do stupid things and decided to annul our marriage without confirming what’s true.

I was just blinded by jealousy. My mom and dad blast at him for making such terrible and horrible joke. They also nag at me for not believing or trusting you. After I learned the truth, i feel like killing myself, because i give you so much pain.

If you can’t believe my words. Atleast beIieve in my feelings I do really love you. And I’ll do anything to make you happy.” mahabang paliwanag ni Byron

“ I know you did,” Anna told her softly. “ Dahil kung hindi mo ako mahal, you wouldn’t get hurt deeply, that you even want to cast me aside. If your feelings is not real, hindi ka masasaktan ng ganito, at hindi ko ipaglalaban ang pagmamahalan natin kung hindi ako naniniwala na mahal ko ako. You loved me so much, that it hurts you too.

Ako ang dapat na humingi ng tawad, O shouldn’t leave your side too long. I’m sorry, darling.” nakangiti ngunit hilam sa luhang sabi ni Anna.

Byron can’t help it, but to kiss her gently. He wants to pour everything.

“Let’s go home, darling.” Byron said na tinanguan naman ng asawa.

“Yes. Yes, darling. Let’s go home!”

Next day….

Byron woke up alone on his bed. Kaya napabalikwas siya ng bangon at mabilis na iginala ang paningin sa loob ng silid.

Was it all a dream? Ganoon na ba siya nangungulila sa asawa at maging sa panaginip ay umaasa siyang umuwi na si Anna?

Muli sana siyang magtatakip ng kumot sa mukha nang mahagip niya ng tingin ang pagbukas ng pinto ng CR kasabay niyon ang paglabas ni Anna na nakabathrobe lang.

Mabilis siyang tumayo at inisang hakbang ang pagitan nila saka ito mahigpit na niyakap.

Nagulat man si Anna sa naging reaksyon ng asawa ay pinagwalang bahala nalang niya saka yumakap din ng mahigpit.

“Don’t do it again. Don’t leave me. At first I.thought everything was just a dream.” Tila batang naglalambing na sambit ni Byron.

“I won’t. I’m not going to leave you. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.” malumanay na sabi ni Anna.

She can’t imagine those day, and night na wala siya sa tabi ng asawa. Kaya nangangako siyang hinding-hindi na ito muli pang iiwan.

This time, she knew what to do. This time, their love is much stronger than yesterday.