Todoroki Shouto

What was love? Todoroki Shouto wouldn't know. His family had no love, except the love of his mother and his siblings. There was no mutual love between the parents. Some say children were created from the love of two people: but Todoroki Shouto wasn't, for he was just a 'product' created by his father to create the perfect hero.

Whenever Todoroki Shouto saw a happy family walking on the streets, he couldn't help but wonder. Why was their family filled with love and joy, but mine isn't?

During his younger days in school, the teachers taught that families were precious treasures. Even the illustrations in his textbooks were drawn as a happy father and mother, along with their happy children.

But in reality, Todoroki Shouto's family was never like that: it was anger, agony, pain, sadness. The happy families that were in the textbooks, the happy families of the people around him, never resonated with the boy.

This is a lie. Shouto thought whenever he sees a happy family on his textbook, and he would colour the faces of the father black, just as how he had hoped his father would be. Hatred had been the only thing that kept him going, ever since his beloved mother was taken away from him. The part where the boiling water scalded him still ached after weeks whenever he thought of her.

It's all your fault. I hate you.

In Shouto's world, the phrase 'happy family' never existed.

***

"Do you want to visit mom?" Todoroki Fuyumi, Shouto's older sister asked as she knelt down beside Shouto. Shouto was rolled into a ball, a defensive position he held whenever Fuyumi asked him to visit his mother.

He didn't hate his mother; instead, he loved her very much. He had yearned for her warmth, her touch, her voice...... but he couldn't take it upon himself to visit her.

For he knew he was the reason why his mother had ended up like this.

Shouto had hypnotised himself that his presence was why his mother had become mentally unstable. If only I had been stronger, then that person wouldn't hurt her... then she would......

No matter how many times Fuyumi tried to coax him, he wouldn't listen. Fuyumi was barely 13 that time; she didn't know the appropriate words to console the boy, to tell him it was never his fault. Without proper counselling, Shouto's mentality and mind had begun to be twisted.

...... I will be stronger. I will protect my mother.

......I will never use this quirk of his. Ever. I never want to be like him. Ever.

"Ice cream! I'll buy you ice cream! Strawberry-flavoured right? And I'll buy you cold soba too!" Fuyumi did her best to cheer her brother.

At least, in this cold, vacant house, Shouto's sister was still there for him.

He had two other brothers: Touya and Natsuo. Natsuo had been sent to his maternal grandparents, while Touya......

Shouto let his older sister pull him along. Her big, cool yet somehow warm hand gripped Shouto's tight, as if she was afraid he would disappear out of sight. It was a cooling spring afternoon. The trees lined by the streets had blossomed with beautiful, pink sakura, littering the streets pink petals.

"What do you want? I know! You like this one, right?" Fuyumi asked as she showed an ice-cream cone she had picked up from the freezer outside of a small shop. Shouto's eyes glittered with joy but he refused to let it show on his face.

Standing near the pair of siblings was a family of four. The little girl had purple hair tied into double pigtails. She was tugging her father's sleeve as he picked ice cream from the refrigerator which was loomed over the little girl. Shouto was immediately disgusted with the father character.

The little girl tiptoed to see the ice cream her father had picked. When she found it was chocolate ice cream, a wide grin spread across her face. It was filled with bliss and happiness. Shouto scowled.

An older woman with long lavender-purple hair was holding a child in her arms. The child was twirling the mother's long hair in his chubby little fingers and chuckled gleefully when he found it interesting.

They were the happy family—the family that Shouto could never have.

What a happy family. I wish mine was like that.

***

A family was what people will form after they have grown up. But not Shouto. Since he came from a broken one, he didn't imagine to form a new one in the future.He was so focused on his goal that he never made friends in his school life. He was a lone wolf, and he enjoyed it. No one dared to come close to him, since he looked cold. The girls in his classes however, kept commenting on his looks and gave him chocolates and letters during Valentine, which he never reciprocated at all.

But everything changed when Shouto joined U.A.

First, there was this irksome girl with purple hair who had been stalking and bugging him. Then, there was this green-haired boy who broke his limbs to fight Shouto. They easily penetrated his cold, defensive barrier and introduced to him the true meaning of friendship. That was the first time he made friends, real friends.

Aside from Takasaki Eria and Midoriya Izuku, there were Iida Tenya and Uraraka Ochako, who without knowingly, became Shouto's friends. Shouto admitted, it was a pretty big change that it scared him at first, but slowly, he realised he preferred having their company than being a lone wolf. Then, his friends circle expanded to his other classmates: Bakugou Katsuki (who refused to admit they were friends), Sero Hanta (who lent him mangas), Kirishima Eijiro (who helped him to rescue the kidnapped Takasaki and Bakugou) ......

Friends were just enough for Shouto. He didn't need to think of anything else. As long as he had friends for the rest of his life, he didn't need to think of romance or love.

"I'm just super, super curious...... for someone as perfect and handsome like you, Todoroki, what kind of girls you like?" Ashido asked him on one fine day, to Shouto's bewilderment.

He didn't know how to answer. He had never thought of it before.

Why of everyone else here did Ashido Mina ask him? Was it an important issue other than getting through school?

But he did realise it was somewhat an important issue among people of his age. In every stage of education he had gone through, the topic of love never ceased to exist. People of his age speak of boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives...... something so alien to him that Shouto felt it was kind of scary.

"No, I don't think I like anyone for now. But......What does it feel like to like a person romantically?"

It was an honest question. Shouto had never liked a person romantically before. It had never occurred to him, since he was focused on his goal and the ghosts of his past still haunted him.

Somehow, the flow of the conversation changed when the spotlight fell on Takasaki. Shouto stared at his best friend, whose face was blushing like a red tomato. He began to wonder which opposite gender she had been interested in romantically. Occasionally, he did notice Takasaki was hanging out with Bakugou often......

Innocently, he blurted. "Is it Bakugou?"

Instantly, the discussion turned into an uproar. The bystanders were pounding Takasaki with questions, and she flustered furiously, denying all accusations.

The ugly feeling that often pestered Shouto made its glorious return. It happened ever since Takasaki was associated with Bakugou in the romance topic. The feeling continued to fester within Shouto whenever he saw Takasaki spending time with Bakugou. Now, when he was faced with the possibility of Takasaki liking Bakugou, the feeling had worsened, as if an invisible force was squeezing his heart.

He didn't like the feeling, so he retreated to his room to focus on his letter to his mother. Even so, Shouto couldn't stop thinking of Takasaki and Bakugou. At the same time, he also couldn't stop thinking of love. Maybe he should investigate further on love and that 'ugly feeling'.......

After all...... it seemed interesting.

***

And so, Todoroki Shouto began his 'quest' to search answers on the topic of love. The first people he thought of were Midoriya and Iida, instead of Takasaki. Somehow, he was a little reluctant to ask her, considering she might harboured feelings for Bakugou. That idea continued to irritate him.

"L-love?" Midoriya gasped and flustered, his face turned red. "W-why are you asking me that?"

"I was curious," Shouto replied nonchalantly.

"I don't think now it's the time to think of romance," Iida commented strictly and adjusted his glasses.

"But do you know how does it feel to like someone romantically?" Shouto asked.

The two friends shared a puzzled look.

"Actually, I don't really know," Iida said honestly.

Midoriya's face was still burning red. "I-I don't know either......"

That was not helpful to Shouto. So, the boy tried to turn to someone else for help. As he wondered who he could ask, he stumbled upon to the group of girls who were talking by the sofa.

"You're asking us about romance?" Ashido gasped, her eyes gleaming with joy. "Well, it's simple! You're happy when you're with her. You keep thinking of her. Your eyes would automatically look for her wherever you are, hoping to meet her there. You want to see her all the time. You care for her more than anyone else. You want to make her happy. You would do anything for her. You would think of her first whenever something happens. The list goes on!"

"In conclusion, she is your utmost priority in everything!" Hagakure concluded with a giggle.

Jirou twirled her long earlobes absentmindedly. "That seems like it."

"I think you don't have to give too much thought in it," suggested Asui. "It will come naturally I supposed. Though I haven't got one yet......"

Shouto was slowly digesting the information he received. It was a little overwhelming, but he was getting an inkling of what love really means.

However, to be honest, Shouto hadn't felt the feelings the girls had described for anyone.

"Don't worry, Todoroki. Love will come when it's time," Uraraka said while stifling a chuckle.

Yaoyorozu nodded feverishly to her friend's answers while her cheeks were red. "I-I never really thought of love before......"

"So~ anyone fits into the puzzle?" Ashido snickered evilly. "Like...... Eria?"

Hagakure was flippant; Yaoyorozu hid her face with a pillow; Asui mouthed an 'oh'; Jirou sighed and shook her head; Uraraka tried hard not to laugh.

Shouto was bewildered. "Why Takasaki?" he asked calmly as he tilted his head slightly.

"Eh?! But aren't you two quite close to each other?" Hagakure asked, surprised.

"But I thought she likes Bakugou," Asui commented as she tapped her chin.

On the other hand, Uraraka was holding her stomach as if she was having a serious stomachache.

The mention of Bakugou's name with Takasaki's name irked Shouto a little.

Takasaki Eria. Come to think of it, a lot of what Hagakure described matches the relationship between me and her. But I don't think that's really love......She's my best friend. Of course I care for her, like how I care for Midoriya and Iida and......

"Oh yeah, you will also feel jealous!" Hagakure added. "You don't like seeing her spending too much time with other boys!"

"Isn't that possessive? But she is supposed to be able to hang out with other boys right?" Jirou questioned with doubt.

"It's a natural feeling," Ashido replied. "It's some sort of insecurity stemmed from the fear that your crush might fall in love with someone else other than you. It could also be resentment or anger...... you just don't like the possibility of your crush loving someone else who is not you."

"Love is complicated," Jirou sighed. "Better just focus on school and my music."

So the ugly feeling I felt was jealousy? I didn't like seeing them together for a very long time, since--

Since the time it was rumoured that Bakugou had confessed to Takasaki.

"Check this out. 'But on a deeper level, jealousy is a sign of wanting to feel special to the person you're in a relationship with. Jealousy is also a fear of losing any special connection you may have with the person'," Yaoyorozu read out a Google Search result from her phone.

So, does this mean I'm afraid to lose the special connection I have with Takasaki? Shouto fell into deep thought. I did feel jealous yesterday when I said Takasaki likes Bakugou. They kept talking about him. What's so special about Bakugou? Is he really someone special to Takasaki?

...... but I guess Bakugou is a nice friend. Even though he is loud and rude and likes to fight me for no reason, I think he is a nice person. Shouto's kindness refused to allow him to think the worst of Bakugou Katsuki. Maybe I was jealous that she spends a lot of time with Bakugou, since she likes him......I can't blame her. I'll just have to accept that my best friend would prefer to spend time with the one she likes than her own best friend. This is what humans do I guess...... even though I thought best friends are supposed to be together......

"So, what are you talking about?"

Takasaki's smooth voice made Shouto flinch slightly. Speak of the devil.

"Nothing~" the girls chorused.

Takasaki was displeased. She glared at everyone, especially at Shouto and Uraraka. With her cheeks puffed, she stormed off to find someone else for company.

Shouto felt bad for talking about his best friend behind her back. He wanted to cheer her up, but she was heading towards Bakugou and his friends, who were playing chess. Seeing the wide grin on Takasaki's face as she greeted Bakugou, jealousy reared its ugly horns within Shouto. He disliked watching their interaction, especially when Takasaki seemed happier spending time with Bakugou than Shouto.

While the girls continued their discussion on romance, occasionally Shouto watched Takasaki from afar. He wanted to talk to her; he wanted her attention to stay on him and not Bakugou. Eventually, Shouto could no longer just wait and watch. He excused himself from the girls and approached Takasaki, who was in a deep struggle on chess against Bakugou.

"You shouldn't move that," Shouto had commented before Takasaki moved a chess piece that could result in her defeat. Luckily, she didn't refuse his help. Bakugou, on the other hand, was fuming and shot a piercing glare at Shouto.

After a few moves, Shouto demonstrated his prowess in chess and checkmated Bakugou's king. Takasaki, Kaminari and Kirishima were looking at Shouto with infinite gratitude gleaming in their eyes, especially Takasaki, who was in complete awe with her jaw dropped.

Seeing the bright look on her face, Shouto felt happy — and victorious, for somehow it felt like he had defeated Bakugou in a mysterious way.

A grunting Bakugou retreated to somewhere where Shouto wasn't while Kaminari and Kirishima went to watch TV. Finally, Shouto was left alone with Takasaki. So, he began telling Takasaki what he was doing lately. It was an automatic response — he just wanted to share everything with her truthfully.

The topic of love took a rather 'physical' turn that involved hormones, touching, hugging, kissing...... something that was unprecedented from the previous conversations he had with his other classmates. He was taken aback at first, to hear Takasaki talking about doing the aforementioned intimate things with her crush. But his surprise evolved into irritation when he recalled her crush was Bakugou.

When he voiced out his thoughts, it earned an angry glare from the girl. She pinched his cheeks so hard that he thought he would feel it in the morning.

"No! It's not true!" she retorted.

"But......"

"Do you believe me, your best friend?"

Shouto nodded. "I do."

"Good," she huffed.

Ah, so I was wrong after all. The jealousy in his heart vanished in thin air and he felt at ease. "......then I'm glad."

She looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

"I mean......I don't think he's a suitable suitor to you. I think you would prefer someone nicer," Shouto explained truthfully. Bakugou was too rough, too noisy, even though he excelled in a lot of things. Takasaki wouldn't like him in that way.

......right?

No. I should believe in her. She is my best friend. She wouldn't lie.

Since she truthfully told me her crush isn't Bakugou, I should explain to her why love is not important to me.

And so Shouto did. He told him about his deep thoughts on love and romance, and how he thought real love would never happen to him. When Takasaki told him he would find one eventually, he was relieved a little, for he truly believed that he would find one, just like how she believed in him.

Maybe I will find one. Maybe I will finally have a happy family...... like how everyone around me has.

***

"I hate him, but I was still worried for him. Is something wrong with me?"

Shouto was scared. He was insecure.

He hated his father. He hated how he robbed him of a happy family.

Even when a few moments earlier he was a little hopeful that he could form a happy family in the future, now he realised he was worried for the person he hated so much. He was worried that Endeavour might die in battle.

What is wrong with me? I hate him so much. He took everything from me. But why did I still......

"There's nothing wrong with you," Takasaki replied gently. She had been following him to his room, probably worried sick of him.

"It's because you're a very kind person, you're worried of him. You couldn't bear to see him die, no matter how much you hate him. That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing, for a hero should be kind to everyone, even to his enemies."

Shouto looked at her. The heaviness of her words rested in his mind.

How could everything you said helped me so much? Takasaki Eria, you're......

Shouto held her tight in an embrace as he muttered the sincerest words to her. "Thank you, Takasaki. I couldn't have done it without you."

......you're such an important, irreplaceable person in my life. What can I do without you?

If Shouto hadn't met Takasaki Eria, he wouldn't be able to make friends or overcome obstacles or become who he was now. Indeed, Shouto never knew how attached he could be with someone until he met her.

Shouto cared for Takasaki a lot. He grew extremely concerned when she was kidnapped and when she went missing, and it caused him to go through extreme lengths to get her back, to make sure she was well and unharmed. Her wellbeing had become his priority before he knew it. However, he felt the same for all of his friends: Midoriya, Iida, Uraraka, and even Bakugou. If anything happened to them, he would also do the same for them.

One tiny, trivial thing that separated Takasaki from the rest of his friends...... though Shouto doubted it was trivial, considering that they argued over it that time.

It was during the time Takasaki had help Shouto refurbish his room. They sat very close to each other and he could actually feel the heat that emanated from her skin. Her porcelain-white skin was glistened with sweat and an urge to touch her bubbled in his chest as he wondered how soft it would feel under his touch.

It must be my cursed hand. Why would I want to touch her? That...... isn't what friends are supposed to do, right?

Shouto fell into a deep conflict. He couldn't comprehend his 'irrational' action. Whenever he recalled that awkward incident, his face would burn, his heart would pound and the image of Takasaki's soft skin remained imprinted in his mind. He suspected he was becoming a pervert, probably infected by Mineta.

On the other hand, Takasaki would not hesitate to touch him. During hardships, she would touch his arm or weave her fingers through his, as if it was her way to show support. Normally, Shouto would cringe from such skinship, but her hand was always warm — the kind of warmth that reminded him of his mother. And when she was dejected, she would always ask for hugs. Eventually, he ended up liking hugs too.

So this is normal, right? For friends to comfort each other through touching and hugging...... At first, physical touch confused Shouto, but after some contemplation, it justified his so-called aforementioned 'irrational' action. So I'm not a pervert for trying to touch her... that's a relief.

Then, there was Takasaki's smile. Sometimes it was a small smile that barely curved; sometimes it was a wide, toothy grin. He had grown so accustomed to her smile that his day would seem off without seeing her smile once a day. Occasionally, Shouto would know instantly when her smile was a fake one — it was by instinct perhaps, then he would know something was wrong and he would do anything to cheer up his best friend.

Shouto wanted to protect that smile; the smile that reminded him of his mother's smile whenever she saw him. Whenever she smiled it tugged his heartstrings a little.

The boy tossed and turned on his bed. The brown, fox-like doll that Takasaki called an 'Eevee' rested next to his pillow. She said it reminded her of him. Unconsciously, a small smile crept onto his face.

I'm blessed to have known you, Takasaki Eria. Thank you.

No matter what the others say about a 'romantic relationship' between the two of them, Shouto didn't believe it as so. Even though everything they said matched the current relationship of him with Takasaki, he still strongly believed it was just a platonic friendship. He treasured their friendship, and he would never want anything to tarnish it.

Shouto stopped thinking about romance. His thoughts returned to normal, where he wondered of school work, supplementary lessons...... and of course, a little dose of Takasaki Eria that brought a smile to his face.

***

Author's notes:

1. Can someone please explain to poor Shouto if he is experiencing 'platonish' friendship or love? What do you guys think?

2. Chapter updates are going to be long again because I am currently working from home. So please be patient :) I'll do my best to update with the best chapters, kay?

3. Feel free to comment anything in the story! And don't forget to vote!

4. Most importantly, stay safe, take care, wash hands, stay home. I hope all my beloved readers are safe and sound. 

Thanks for reading! Bye!!