Maybe it was the way how she smiled whenever I used to talk. Or I guess, it was how she used to grab my arm to stop me from bursting my head. I can have pages full of pointers and reasons on why is she still on my mind and maybe the biggest reason for this is that I don't want to forget her.

I walked into my room and looked at the big, red wall in front of me. I just stood there and stared it for some minutes. I don't know why was I doing that. I went on for some more time and finally, a tear fell out of my left eye, followed by the right one. I don't think those tears were caused by the strain on my eyes.

'Come and have some dinner.' Mom called out for me and I was brought back to reality.

'I've already had dinner.' I told her and she entered my room, without knocking- yeah, manners.

'First, you come home at 10 PM and then you tell me to throw away the food?' She shook her head in disbelief.

'You want my belly to burst?'

'Just shut up, will you?' I don't think that it was a nice time to bring in my sarcasm. 'What kind of birthday party starts at 10 in the morning and ends at 9 in the evening?'

I could have told her about Sunburn's parties that go on for days but I guess that could have got me a slap. So I avoided Sunburn.

'Mom,' I raised my arms. 'I left the house at 10, right?'

She nodded.

'It took me and Faizal 2 hours to find the right gift and we reached there at 3, I guess. The party went on till 6 and we left at 7. All the traffic and metro delays took me three hours- that's it.'

At first, she didn't say anything but then, said, 'What did you gift him?'

'Set of six mugs.' I said avoiding a minor detail- they were beer mugs.

'Alright,' she said leaving my room, 'I'll leave the food in fridge. Just microwave it before you eat it.'

'Thanks, mom.'

I walked up to my bed and crashed on it. Well, it was a rough day.

I guess it was the alcohol that brought everybody's past out of them, that evening. I wasn't drunk, yet I told them that she dumped me. Though, it was only me who knew the whole story.

My phone buzzed and I looked at 3 missed calls by Shruti and 12 messages. She is a nice girlfriend but I can bet that she can never even go close to those 73 missed call I got three years ago.

My eyes have dried up but heart still cries for her—Everyday. I got up and locked the door. My heartbeats rose as I started to remove my sweatshirt. Now I got more and more dragged towards my past as I started removing my t-shirt.

With tears in my eyes, I looked at my left arm. I flexed those muscles. Well, I'm not showing off my biceps, here (I'm very skinny, by the way) but I took a good look at the portion of my body that I hated the most. I could still see a scar left. No one can tell what that meant. If looked closely, you can almost make out an English alphabet- "O". The only letter left from the name Aarohi.

***

August 4, 2013

***

'I still haven't got my Friendship day's gift.' Aarohi complained as we walked back home from our respective tuitions.

'I told you that I forgot today is friendship's day.' I told her and still she made a face at me. 'By the way, I just love this band.'

I looked closely at the friendship band that Aarohi had given me. It was kind of difficult to tell the colour at that time. Well, come on, it was 8 PM and Delhi is not a glowing ball after 7.

'Of course you do.'

'Your every word hurts me like a gunshot.' She chuckled briefly at me and then continued walking.

That girl was ignoring me and, folks, I just cannot stand someone ignoring me.

'Hey,' I said and grabbed her arm to stop her. 'I'm sorry.'

'Mister,' she said and walked close to me. 'You do realize that I am a girl and it's a lonely place, right?'

'Something tells me that you trust me.' I came up with a good line without getting nervous.

'I do.' She said and looked deep into my eyes. She walked even closer. Was that a hint?

'You do realize that I am a guy and it's a lonely place, right?' I said and took a step towards her.

'Well, something tells me that I am about to get my friendship day's gift, right here, right now.'

What the heck was she talking about? I didn't have the slightest idea on what to do next and so I just looked into her eyes and continued smiling confidently.

What happened next was completely unexpected- she eliminated all the distance in between us and wrapped her arms around my neck.

'Say it, Vidhan.' She demanded.

I exhaled in relief and hugged her even tightly. 'I love you.'

So that was what she was talking about.

Maybe after a minute, we withdrew and spent the next thirty seconds looking at each other. Yeah, love makes us do crazy shit.

She then, moved her face towards mine and our lips touched for a moment that seemed like an eternity. And later that second, I realized that I just got my first kiss.

***

Present day

***

I had turned off the lights and wiped off a tear, again.

What an idiot I was, I told myself. I mean, I could have easily grabbed her by her waist after she had pecked me and we could have shared a nice and warm kiss. Maybe what they say is true. We only regret the stuff that we could have done and didn't do. We only regret the chances we didn't take.

After that day I didn't leave even one chance. We made out almost every day- yes, I am the most shameless person, telling this the most shameless way.

Things were going perfectly amazing between two of us. No girl had ever loved me the way she had loved me and I had never loved somebody that much. I was in love with her. Maybe, it was then that God checked his watch and told himself, "Oh, hell! This kid needs to grow up, right away." And maybe it was then that he said the magical words and turned my life upside down.

Aarohi lived with her uncle and aunt in here. Her parents lived in Bangalore and wanted her to be an engineer and so she was taking an IIT coaching. I met her in the entrance exam of one such coaching center. One day, we saw each other again and realized that we shared the same timing for our classes. Days went after that first encounter and we started going back home together.

As our friendship evolved, we got to know more about each other. She encouraged me to write more and eventually told me that she wanted to be a fashion designer. Her parents didn't know about her dream and I, as a friend, didn't ever ask her to tell this to them. But now that we were dating, I told her to tell her parents everything about what she wanted to be in life.

That was the worst thing I could have done. I brought this fate on myself.

Her parents were shocked to know that she wanted to be a fashion designer and they had a huge discussion over it over a phone call. If you ask me, I'd say they were idiots to have a long distance call for maybe a couple of hours. Her parents could have Skyped her from Bangalore- wait, I'm drifting from the track.

Yeah, so, after that long phone call, my love life came to an end.

***

November 23, 2013

***

'What do you mean that you've to go?' I let go of her hands in shock and at once, the light in her eyes was replaced by tears.

'I-I have to leave this city, Vidhan.' She said softly.

'I heard that.' I muttered. 'I'm asking what you meant by that.'

'My p-parents,' she began, 'they have realized that I'm wasting my time over here. I'm chasing their dreams and they have realized that I can never catch it. Th-they want me to come back to Bangalore, to them. They want me to start over- and this time, with Humanities.'

'No.' I broke out into tears. 'They can't do this. You can't do this.'

'I-I'm sorry-'

'Are they mad!? I mean, you can change your stream in Delhi, as well.'

'You're talking about my parents, Vidhan.' Those teary eyes warned me but I wasn't going to be tamed.

'You are talking about my life, Aarohi.' That shut her up.

For a long moment, none of us spoke anything but then she broke the silence.

'We... We will be in contact.' She wiped my tears. 'We'll Skype every weekend.'

'Please stay.' I pleaded but what she did was totally unexpected.

She stood up at once and said in the most disgusted tone ever, 'You cannot stop me from following my dreams.'

That day I realized how one can die for more than one time.

'Thank you for the most beautiful four months of my life.' I said getting up and she realized what she had just said.

'Vidhan, I-'

'It's fine. Go live your dreams.' I also realized that even smiling can be the toughest thing some times.

'So, is this it?' She said. 'Are we breaking up?'

'No,' I said. 'You're dumping me.'

'I told you that we'll be in contact.'

'Do me a favor and never contact me in your life.'

'That's not you. It's your ego talking.'

I stayed quiet.

'For now, it's a goodbye but I have your number. I will call you after you finish twelfth and get a college.'

'I hope that day never comes.'

She ignored my comment and said, 'Write something for me, will you?'

'I'd rather pour acid on my hand. The pain would be lesser.' I don't know if she deserved that, but it was my final goodbye to her.

After reaching home, I took my compass and started scratching my (skinny) biceps with it. I kept on scratching till it started looking like a name- a name that I wanted to forget, yet I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I scratched even more, till some blood came out of the letter "O" and then, I stopped.

***

No matter how much I hate to admit it, I still wait for that call that she had promised me she'd make.

Today, I look at my arm and sometimes, give a short laugh on what an idiot I was. That way, she literally left a mark on me- maybe for the rest of my life. But still, whenever I look at that portion of my body, I feel the pain. And the funny thing is, that portion is not the one that hurts.