Do you know what makes me think we're never getting back together again?

You told me: 

"Do you always see yourself as the victim?"

When you told me that I could tell you anything.

When you promised me that I could be open and honest.

When you swore that you would never break up with me, ever. 

And yet here we are; with you leaving me. 

How could you?

How could you say such hurtful, painful things to me?

I haven't been able to sleep.

I haven't been able to eat.

I can't keep food down without throwing up.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I can't stop reminiscing about the times we had together. 

So many years together... Reduced to this. 

How did this happen?

It's all because I was honest.

All because I spoke up about how I felt.

I know that I should've. 

But because of how it's ended up, it feels like I should have bottled it up forever.

That my feelings are never valid.

That I can't ever be open and honest. 

I was hoping that ranting on here would keep me sane.

Would keep me away from bothering you,

Would allow you the time and space that you need;

I'm trying to not "victimize" myself,

But what about what I need?

I need you.

It's not codependency;

IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. 

FUCK.

WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?!

WHY DID YOU LET YOUR FRIENDS SWAY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME??

WHY COULDN'T HAVE WE WORKED IT OUT TOGETHER, AS A COUPLE?!

WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE KEPT ANY OF YOUR PROMISES;

OF US GOING ON A DATE THIS WEEK AND HANGING OUT EVERY DAY;

OF US GOING OUT ON VALENTINE'S AND YOUR BIRTHDAY TOGETHER;

OF OUR TRIP TO SAN JOSE TOGETHER;

OF NEVER BREAKING UP WITH ME...

I'm so hurt.

I'm so broken.

I never thought I would be without you.

But here we are.