So back in my last randomness book, on a tag Amelia_Vale made about "Reasons Not to Die", I briefly mentioned that I was given a chance to live which motivated me to keep on living. A couple of people didn't understand what I meant by that, so here's the small explanation of it. Trigger warning, just in case.

When my mother was pregnant, she and my father went to get a blood test to check the health of their baby (a.k.a. me). It was to see if the baby would turn out okay by measuring the chromosomes in something-or-another (I hate science). However, the doctor told them that something about it wasn't right, and that there was a high chance that I was going to come down with an intellectual disability like down syndrome.

So the doctor recommended that my mother have an abortion.

Just to be safe and not risk it.

My father wanted to take it into consideration, but my mother was completely adamant in what she thought.

She refused to do the abortion.

And so here I am, alive and without an intellectual disability.

My mother told me this story years ago back when I couldn't fully understand the concept of life, but as I look back on it, I'm just taken aback. What if my mom gave it some thought? What if my mother believed the doctor's assumptions?

What if my mother agreed to have the abortion?

So many things wouldn't have happened.

I wouldn't have anxiety. I wouldn't have depression. I wouldn't suffer through so many mental battles with myself. I wouldn't question every single thing I did, replay the things I did do in my mind, and regret them to a fault.

But then I wouldn't have met you guys. I wouldn't have met my friends, crushes, family members, and establish so many relationships with others I would've never imagined. I wouldn't have people to laugh at my dumb pick up lines, cry over sad movies, or fangirl love square ships with.

I wouldn't have anyone.

Despite what tensions go on in my family, and the many, many disagreements that happen, I've come to recognize that I've been blessed with a gift:

The opportunity to live.

I'll stay true to my mother's decision and live out what I was given.

For if she chose otherwise, I wouldn't be here today.

And I wouldn't be able to say: Fuck you, doctor 🖕

♩ ♫ ♬

A friend of mine introduced to me "King" through an AMV for "The Forest of the Fireflies", and ever since I've been listening to this song on a daily basis. It's been two years since he showed me it.

I tend to listen to this the most when I'm having a rough time. It's a really good song to listen to when feeling a bit down.