I've been writing a lot of these "journal entries" because I have nowhere else to say how I feel. 

I really feel like I'm not enough for you.

I'm not enough for anyone.

I thought that if I gave my all, that I did everything you ever wanted,

You'd want to stay with me.

But it feels like I'm not enough.

If I do anything selfishly, I'm victimizing myself.

I cannot be allowed to hurt. 

I have to way over a week to see you.

I'm dreading it; how long it'll take, and when I can finally talk to you.

I keep having Dong reassure me that you're trying to fix things,

But I'm scared of the worst possible outcome;

That you don't want to be together,

And me trying so hard to respect you and what you want will be for nothing.

That we can't be together.

I want to be with you,

I think.

I just can't have what's happened repeat itself.

Not again.

Not with you,

Not with him,

Not with anyone.

That's why I just want to quit life.

I've been scheduled for outpatient therapy,

My dad is holding my meds,

Because I just want to not be here anymore.

What am I fighting for, if it's going to be fruitless in the end?

I can't lose another person that I love,

Especially the person I love the most.

Not again,

and again

and again 

and again...