Well, it feels like our conversation is over for now.

I don't want to force you to talk to me.

I don't want you to think I'm still codependent.

But I still miss you a lot, and I miss talking to you.

I'm sad that Snapchat deleted our messages together.

I hope they're still saved on your end.

I'm sad.

I'm lonely.

I'm scared. 

I want us to be together,

But I don't want to force things,

Because what if that makes you leave me?

Leave me forever, not just for now?

Dong keeps reassuring me that you still want to work things out,

But what if you don't like anything that I ask of you,

What I need you to change for me?

I'm willing to change myself for you,

And for myself;

I know there are things I need to be better about,

But do you?

My therapist made a really good point for the first time in a long time, 

That "if you broke all my boundaries, why should I be forced to respect yours?"

And she's not wrong.

You are the one that assaulted me, 

And yet I comforted you,

And am trying my best to respect what you want.

Is that really how I want our relationship to be?

Can I really be okay with that?

Or would you really put in the effort to do better on that?

I don't know.

My thoughts are jumbled.

I'm lost.

I wish you could help me.

But no.

I have to navigate everything alone.

I'm hurting. 

It still feels like goodbye.