KHUSHI

It was past midnight and Arnav had kept himself locked in his room since morning, I couldn't understand why he was so angry about what I said, I know I was rude and I should have thought before I said anything but it just came out and honestly it wasn't something new between us, I always said a lot of hateful things to him but today I don't know why he behaved this way and God knows why I was regretting it.

Maybe I was too much engrossed in hating him that I dint even realize there might be a reason behind him being this way, maybe there was a reason why he hated marriages like he had mentioned a few times, at least what he said to me today made me believe that.

Maybe for the first time in my life, I had judged a person wrongly, he had done nothing wrong to me still I was always rude to him, Apart from him being irritating, it wasn't that he had murdered somebody or done something terrible to me, I disliked him but he was never bad towards me, he took care of me today, he even cooked for me, I was just being heartless maybe.

I stood in front of the door of his room wondering if I should knock or not, I had cooked dinner for him, he hadn't eaten anything since morning and I couldn't just let him be like that.

I knocked at the door nervously and waited for a while for him to open but he dint, I stepped back thinking he might be asleep, it was 2.am in the morning for God sake! Just because I was awake dint mean he also had to be awake.

"Arnav, if you are awake please come outside, I need to talk to you." I said as I knocked at his door once again and then headed back to the hall, if he was asleep I dint want to keep knocking at his door and disturb him.

I settled down on the couch and stared at the calm ocean in front of me, it was shining like a diamond in the moonlight.

I heard the sound of the door of his room opening and the next moment he was standing next to the couch.

"Are you okay? Did you take the medicines?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah, that's not what I wanted to talk about, it's about what I said in the morning, I was just angry and moody and it came out, I dint mean it, I am really sorry." I said as I looked at him sadly.

He nodded as he sat next to me but maintaining a distance, he stared at the ocean without saying anything, I stood up and rushed to the kitchen to get him something to eat.

I walked back and handed him the plate as I sat down next to him, he looked sad, although he smiled at me when I handed him the plate his eyes looked a bit sad and that's when I realized that even though unintentionally, I had maybe opened a closed wound.

He took a bite and kept on staring at the ocean, there was an awkward silence, I dint know what to say but I just wanted to say something to him to make it up to him.

"I don't hate love Khushi, neither do I hate people who get married, I just hate the fact that people are so eager to get married they don't think out things, yes get married but when you are ready and when you know that you would be able to stay in it, why do you have to get married just because it's something that should be done?" He said, his voice sounded so deep and so sad, I hated myself for doing this to him.

Today, I was seeing a complete different Arnav, he wasn't the one who used to irritate me or be happy always, it was like a complete different person was seated next to me, because as far as I had known him, I had always seen him being this happy person and irritating to me of course but he was never sad like he was today.

"Sometimes even after knowing each other for so long, marriages don't work out Arnav, and it's not anyone's fault in that." I said.

"I know, but I dint mean it in that way... not working out is a different thing..." He shrugged

"Then what are you implying on?" I asked as I looked at him curiously, there was more to what he was showing and although we both weren't that close and there was no reason for him to trust me and tell me anything related to his life, I still hoped he would tell me.

I wanted to know why he was like this, so caring yet so rude, why he was the person he had become, what made him like this, why did he have different views on marriages and couples.

"I was only eighteen when I first saw her, it was my first day at the college and she was the first girl I saw, there was something so attractive about her that even in a crowded place, my eyes would only see her." He started speaking, he looked hesitant but still he continued telling me his story while I listened to him calmly.

So one day I approached her, we talked and got to know each other, we were friends for almost an year, and in that time I had fallen in love with her, deeply.

I told her about my feelings and she said she felt the same towards me, so were got into a relationship, it lasted for another five years.

When I turned twenty three, I wanted to build my career, I wanted to start a business or do something big but she wanted marriage and it wasn't because she was ready for it, it was because all her friends were already married or were getting married.

I asked her for some time, I told her we would get married when I was settled and ready, career wasn't that important but being ready was and I wasn't but she kept on pressurizing me. Our five year old relationship was at stake and I loved her so much I dint want to lose her only because I wanted to concentrate on my career and not marry her, so I agreed thinking that I could build my career even after getting married so we got married."

He stopped speaking suddenly, I kept on staring at in shock, I never knew he was married, Shrey never told me anything about it. I kept on looking at him waiting for him to continue but he dint, I saw his hands trembling, whatever that it was, it was surely hurting him too much, he kept on staring at the ocean with his sad eyes trying hard not to cry but his eyes were already moist.

"It was just on the second day of our marriage Khushi, just the second day, I came home from work early thinking I would cook something for her and surprise her because she used to tell me she really loved the food I cooked for her, so I thought when she comes back from work and finds me at home with food cooked for her she would be happy, all I wanted was to love her and make her happy anyway, so I unlocked the door and headed inside the apartment.

I headed to my room to freshen up and when I opened the door to my room, I was left stunned. She was on our bed, with another guy, I can't explain what it felt like, it was heartbreaking, it was like someone tied paper bag on face face to suffocate me until death.

You know the world says that boys are strong and we don't get hurt or stuff but that's not true, I was strong but seeing her that day broke me to the maximum, I was hurt, I'm still hurt and I know that it's been five years and she's moved on in her life, maybe she doesn't even remember me now but for me she was the only girl I ever loved!" he broke down into tears, he stood up and placed the plate aside as he walked towards the window.

Honestly, seeing him like this made me feel so bad, even after five years he was still in love with her, he was still hurting for her when she was the one who did wrong and she should be the one suffering.

"When I confronted her, I realized that she had been cheating on me since long, even before our marriage and the only question that came to my mind was, why did she get married to me then? I wasn't the one who forced her for it, instead she did.

You know what she told me Khushi, she said she was never ready to get married to me but she just wanted to secure her future, I could give her all the things the other guy would have never been able to give her, so imagine it, she got married to me just so she could secure her future yet keep on cheating on me behind my back, if i hadn't caught her that day, she would have continued doing this to me.

Marriage was such a pure thing for me, I believed it brought two people together and tied them together forever, but for me what it did was to ruin my entire life. I never blamed her for not loving me, I just... why did she have to do that to me? Use me like that?"

I walked towards him and placed my hand on his shoulder hesitantly, he turned to look at me with his bloodshot eyes, tears formed up in my eyes, he was so hurt, even after all this years, it looked like it had just happened yesterday.

He tried to smile once again and walked back to the couch, he sat on it and lifted his head up to look at me.

"After that, I decided to focus on my work but then everywhere I went, I kept on coming face to face with a lot of people who were in marriages like mine, just that they dint have an idea, either the husband was cheating or the wife, I mean why the hell promise a together forever if you can't keep that promise? Just don't get married, it would be easy that way.

When I married her, I knew she was going to be the only girl in my life, I knew I was never going to give anyone else her place, at least if we weren't married I would still know I had a chance of losing her but after marriage when I was so sure I wouldn't lose her that when I lost her.

So Khushi, I don't hate marriages, I just hate how people get married when they aren't sure because the whole world is doing it or for securing their future or any other stupid reasons.

Don't they realize it? That they're spoiling someone else's life because of their own selfish reasons? Marriages not working out because of differences is another thing, but cheating, it's not justified.

Why cant people just get married because they love each other and want to be together? why do they have to get married because they are being told to, or their friends are doing or for any other stupid reasons?

She could have at least told me before she decided to sleep with him!" he punched the couch angrily.

"Hey Arnav, relax!" I rushed to him and sat next to him, I held his hand and pressed it between both my hands, he looked at me and I tried to smile at him, I wasn't really good with consoling people, but what he had gone through was terrible and I wanted to make him feel better.