KHUSHI

Since Shrey and I came here to live, I hadn't really been to the beach, I mean I would always looks at it from the window of our apartment and that was it so I dint even remember when was the last time I stepped here.

But as I walked barefoot on the soft sand, I realized how much I missed coming here, I had kind of forgotten the feeling, it was peaceful, the sun was almost settling leaving an orange tint on the water, it was an amazing view.

I sat down on the sand as I looked at the setting sun, despite everything being so peaceful, I dint feel any kind of peace inside me.

It had been six months since Arnav made the decision for all of us and left because he thought he was the only one supposed to take the decision, I was angry on him for that but then when I look back, I realize that if it was upon me to take a decision, I wouldn't really take one.

I dint know whom to choose, neither did I know it then, nor now so I decided to accept life as it came, but I couldn't deny that there was a part of me that always thought about him and missed him.

I always wondered where he might be, what he would be doing and how his life would be, I wondered if he ever thought about me or missed me like I missed him or maybe he met someone new and fell out of love with me, I felt sad about that though.

A part of me always wanted for him to love me as much as I loved him but the other part of me also knew that I was married to Shrey so it was wrong to feel that way, I guess I had been feeling wrong for a long time now I dint even know what feeling right was like.

I remember when he left, Shrey told me about it that he never showed up at work or anything, we both tried to find him in the beginning, we went to his house, visited all the places he used to visit, we tried to call him but he was unreachable, we looked for him in all the places possible until Aria told us about her last meeting with him.

She told us how he told her it was a goodbye and she was confused at that time what he meant but she understood it later, It broke my heart to know that he could tell her goodbye and not me, why?

Despite the anger Shrey felt towards him for whatever that happened between us, I knew he also missed his best friend, he always thought about him but he just never said it.

I grabbed a fistful of sand and then held my hand up in the air letting the sand drop slowly, this was my life literally, dropping out of my hand slowly and no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't just stop.

The visits to the hospital and the chemo sessions had got me so exhausted and tried, somedays I just wanted to stop doing it and live the few days I had of my life happily so I could die in peace but Shrey wanted to try to save me, as for me, I dint know if I wanted to be saved anymore.

I stood up and headed back home, I met Shrey in the parking, he had just arrived from work so we both got into the elevator and headed to our apartment.

"All okay? You seem tired?" I asked looking at him worriedly, he always seemed tired, I knew after Arnav left he had a lot to do, a lot of work pressure and then on top of it my illness, somedays I just wanted to run away like Arnav did so I wouldn't feel like I was a burden on Shrey.

I knew I wasn't a burden on him, but then I couldn't really see him this way, everything about him had changed so much and somewhere it was all because of me. Deep down I knew he still hadn't forgiven me for whatever that happened between me and Arnav but he was just trying to be normal because I had my illness to worry about and he dint want me worrying about anything else.

Some days when I compared Arnav to Shrey, I would wonder what did Shrey do to deserved this from the both of us, I mean Arnav just chose to run away when things got difficult but Shrey, he stayed, always by my side, then why did I still feel anything towards Arnav?

"Yeah, just too much of work, anyway I'll freshen up then we can go for dinner outside today?" He asked.

"Sure, I'll get ready then." I smiled at him as we both walked inside the apartment, he headed straight to the bathroom to shower while I stood in front of the cupboard looking at my clothes wondering what to wear.

I felt my head spinning a little so I walked to the bed and sat down but the next moment, everything blacked out.

*****

I tried to open my eyes but the bright light in the room was hurting my eyes, I blinked the severally until I managed to open them.

I could hear some voices but nothing was clear, I tried to concentrate so I could get an idea on what was happening here.

"I don't know, her health is just deteriorating suddenly, I'm trying all I can but I can't promise anything." I hear Aria's voice.

"I trusted you, I've been trusting you ever since, you can't just tell me that! I did all I could so I can save her!" I hear Shrey's angry voice and wonder what's happening, why does he sound so angry?

I try to speak, I open my mouth so I can call out his name but the voice refuses to come out, I feel so weak.

After a couple of tries I finally manage to let out a whisper of his name and I see him rush towards me in a hurry.

"Don't worry baby, everything is going to be okay." He assures me.

"What happened? How did I end up here?" I ask.

"I found you passed out on the bed when I walked out of the shower." He explains.

"Shrey, am I going to die?" I ask.

"No." I hear two voices, one that belongs to him and one that I haven't heard for a while but even in this state I can know who it belongs to.

Shrey turns to look behind him and so do I as both of us look at Arnav in shock, so he disappears for months and now he shows up out of nowhere, I feel so angry on him I want to get up and slap him but I lack the strength.

Shrey stands up and looks at him, I can't really know how he feels about seeing Arnav back because he has his back facing me but I do know what I feel seeing him back.

I feel angry, but I also feel relaxed, it's like I was waiting to see him since ages, I actually was, I was happy that he was here but I was also angry that he left.

"Why are you here?" I heard Shrey's voice, and his voice tells me that he's angry.

"I came to see how she was doing." Arnav replied.

"Oh so after six months of disappearing is when you realize that you care for her? Where were you all this time Arnav, when I needed you the most? When she needed you? you said you loved her and then you just ran away!" Shrey said.

"I dint run away." Arnav said, he sounded angry too.

"Yes you did, you ran away Arnav!" I add, I am definitely supporting Shrey on this.

"Khushi I..." He looks towards me sadly and then back towards Shrey.

"I dint run away, I was just trying to make things right. I felt like I..."

"Who told you, you could feel anything!" I was so angry on him I swear.

"Khushi I dint want to leave, all I wanted was to stay here but I couldn't, things were too messed up and complicated." He said as he turned to look from me to Shrey.

"You cant tell me you're angry on me for leaving because that's what you asked me to do! I left because you told me never to show you my face. I was just trying to repair the damage I had caused, I thought if I left maybe things between you both would get back to normal. I left because you asked me to!" Arnav looked at Shrey angrily.

Well this was a revelation, I dint know that Shrey told him to leave but I couldn't really be angry on him about that, he was just trying to keep me to himself because he loved me. God why was life so messed up?

"Because I dint want her to choose you!" Shrey said angrily.

"Seriously guys, it was my decision to make, who told you to make it for me? So you tell your best friend to leave because you want me to choose you and Arnav you leave because you want me to choose Shrey but who the hell gave you that right?" I looked at the both of them angrily. Even though I don't know who I would have chosen but it was supposed to be my decision and maybe I would have made it if they dint choose to do this.

"Khushi, I am sorry." The both of them said in unison.

"Look, I don't want to do this right now, I feel so weak at the moment so can we all just be good to each other for now? Why can't we forget about everything that happened for a while and sit here and talk peacefully about everything else but that?" I looked at them hopefully.

Honestly at the moment, all I wanted was peace, and calmness, I dint want to think or worry about anything else, I just wanted to be happy that the both of them were here with me.

"Please sit down." I said as I patted on the bed, they both nodded and walked closer to me, they sat down beside me and in this moment, everything just felt so perfect.