Friday Morning

October 25, 2019

"Oh, it'll all work out chickadee. You'll see." Gwen said the next morning, dark circles lining the under part of her eyes. We'd stayed up the rest of the night talking and I appreciate her doing her best to cheer me up now despite her own exhaustion. I nod and force a smile I don't feel. She returns it with one of her own, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and pulling me into a side hug. "Hey, at least we can both be glum about our love lives together." There's a snort behind us and we turn around.

"What love life? You're single as a Pringle miss Torture and Reveal." Steven smirks as he tosses his arm around my shoulders from my right side, sandwiching me between both of them. I smile, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach making me feel warm and loved.

"Shut the hell up. You're single as a Pringle too and you love the name. Don't even lie." They continue tossing insults back and forth between one another until I start laughing.

"I don't know what I'd do without you guys," I said, letting my arms wrap around their waists to pull them into a group hug.

"Just suffer a painful and miserable life as you forever wander this world wondering just what it is your life's purpose really is because let's be honest, without us you'd be terribly lost." Steven and I look at Gwen, eyebrows raised at the horrid picture she'd just painted. "What can I say, I'm morbid." Silence ensues around us before laughter bubbles to the surface.

"Oh my god, I cannot believe you." I giggle.

"You're terrible, Gwen!" Steven smacks her arms playfully and Gwen laughs harder.

"I know. I know, but you guys still love me."

"Forever and always," I confirm as I hug my two childhood friends. They return the gesture tenfold and I'm pretty sure had it not been for the sudden gasps and obnoxious stamped of students we'd have stayed there all day.

"What, can people not see that we're having a heartfelt moment right now? What's with all the noise?" Steven huffs in annoyance and we pull away from each other as our gazes lock on the crowd of students at the end of the hallway right by the entrance of the school building.

"I don't know but let's go check it out!" Gwen latches onto my hand, dragging me forward, eager to see what the buzz is all about. Steven follows behind us and I'm glad he does since he's the only one out of our trio who's tall enough to see over the crowd.

"Oh my god." He murmurs, though it's loud enough for Gwen and I to hear.

"What? What is it? What's going on? Tell meeeee." Gwen draws out the word like a child but Steven pays her no mind as his eyes dart to me.

"I don't know if you're gonna take this well."

My brows knit together in question. "What?" Before my childhood friend has a chance to fill me in on what he'd seen the crowd in front of us parts. I spin on my heel only to lock eyes with the kid known around school as Mop Head. At least, that's what his name used to be because now he's anything but. "Oh my god," I whisper, my hand lifting to my mouth in awe as my eyes scan over the visible face of Seth.

His strong facial features and beautiful hazel eyes are on display for everyone to see. The hair that used to cover his head now all but gone thanks to the buzz-cut he sports. "Seth." I breathe the name and a smile lights up his face as those hazel eyes zero in on me.

"What's up, buttercup?" His voice doesn't hold a care in the world as if the events of last night had never happened. I take a step forward, reaching out.

"Seth, what did you do?" My voice is trembling as I ask the question.

"Hmm? Oh, this?" He motions to his hair and shrugs. "I just thought it was time to change things up already." He flashes me a toothy grin that only makes me feel as if I'll be sick. "Like it?"

What happened?

I question as I shake my head and take a step back from this person who is little more than a stranger to me now. Two strong hands come to rest on the small of my back, giving me a gentle shove forward. I look over my shoulder towards my smiling friends, belief and reassurance in their eyes. They each give a small nod and I look forward again steadying myself before walking forward and latching onto Seth's wrist. "Come on." I don't give him a chance to fight back as I drag him to our spot in the library.

"Carmen." He calls my name but I don't stop walking. "Carmen!" He calls my name once more. "Carmen, stop!" Seth yanks his wrist from my hand and I spin around on my heel.

"What happened?!" I all but scream at him. "What-what happened to you, Seth?"

He looks at me with confusion swimming around in his beautiful hazel eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Don't bullshit me, Seth, you know exactly what I mean. Why'd you go and cut your hair? What happened? You told me you'd never cut your hair. That you loved it. That it stood as this type of symbol because no matter what, no matter how bad the bullying got or what people said it wouldn't matter. They could never do or say anything to make you change who you are." I stand taller and take a step forward as I ask again, "So, what happened?"

"I made you cry."

The confession comes fast and it's so straight forward that I blank. Seth continues on. "I," he pauses and looks away his jaw clenching and unclenching as I watch the struggle in his eyes. "Wednesday night, I didn't mean what I said, Carmen." His head whips back around, eyes meeting mine, a pleading in them. "You've got to understand that. I never meant for those words to come out. I was just so angry that you found out. That you saw those-those-"

"Scars?"

He shakes his head. "Moments of weakness." He looks away once more and I catch his nose twitching and his eyes glossing over. "I stand here and I talk a big game about how everyone can go screw themselves. How whatever they say doesn't matter. That it'll never matter because I'm who I want to be. That I'm me." His hands clench and unclench at his sides and as I look at him I see my own reflection from a week ago and, when he looks up, eyes meeting my own I hear the mantra, the words I thought were magic, being repeated in his own thoughts.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

"But sometimes it does. Sometimes it gets to me and before I know what's happening I'm already doing it and there's another shameful mark on my skin."

"Seth."

"I'm sorry, Carmen. I was supposed to be this person. This stable person who could help you, who could be there for you. Someone you can lean on when you needed to be able to say you aren't okay but I'm-" Seth can't finish his words as a guttural sob rakes his entire being. He lifts a hand to his face in a motion similar to what he'd do if he were brushing back hair. My heart breaks for the boy standing before me. The boy whom I thought was so strong nothing could phase him.

I was a fool. An immature, moronic fool. No one is completely invincible.

I take one step forward, my own tears manifesting in my eyes now before taking another and another until finally, I'm wrapping my arms around Seth, pulling his head down to rest in the crook of my neck. A few days ago he'd been there for me. Now, it's my turn to be here for him.

"I'm sorry." He repeats the two words like they're some kind of chant over and over and over again until it gets to the point where I become scared. What am I supposed to do in this type of situation? How do I reassure someone who's so broken inside that I'm not sure I could even count all the pieces?

You're one of the only people who can understand.

That thought alone pushes me forward and I guide us both down to the ground. "Seth," I speak his name, my tone soft and gentle as if speaking to an infant. "Seth, I'm sorry too."

"For what?"

"For royally beating your ass at our pillow fight Wednesday night." The sentence is so out there that it rouses a hysterical bubble of laughter from the boy and I smile at the small victory, glad to have been able to ease some of the tension before continuing. "No, but I am truly sorry. I know, Seth. I know what you're going through right now. I know what you've been going through. I've lived through it once before as well and all I did when I saw it happening to you was turn a blind eye." I look down at the floor, stomach knotting as I remember the past. All of the foul names, the laughter, the mockery, the times spent on the bathroom floor with bandaids and cleaning alcohol. "I didn't want any of the attention back on me. I was sick of it, content to just live in the shadows and hide away because at least there I felt some semblance of safe even if it meant I wasn't happy."

"Carmen."

"A part of me thought that what I went through was worse than yours. At least you stood up to them. You'd walk through these hallways with your head held high, mop hair and all." I chuckle and continue, "I really envied that, you know? How you were able to hold yourself with such confidence even with all the shit people gave you and that's why I never thought, even when we started talking because of this project, that you'd ever..." My sentence dies off.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes to me once more and I shake my head.

"No, I'm sorry because no person should ever have to be that strong. I should have been there all those times. I never should have been such a coward." I pull back and meet Seth's hazel eyes, a trembling smiling pulling up the corners of my mouth. "It's okay to not be okay Seth. You don't need to bear that burden of being strong for both of us on your shoulders. We can do it together." And I think those are the words that we both need to hear right then because neither of us can seem to hold back our tears as we collapse in on each other, supporting one another as we should have from the beginning.

Now,

I thought, my hands gripping onto Seth, pulling him close and nuzzling my face into his warm neck.

Now, we're okay.

A/N: We've finally reached the end of Carmen's story. Any final thoughts on everything? If you enjoyed the story don't forget to vote and leave a comment below! I love hearing from you.

There will be a final note posted in the next day with updates on what's to come now that Carmen's story has come to a close. Thank you for reading The Girl in the Shadows and keep a lookout for the next update!