Saturday Evening

October 19, 2019

I stare up at the intimidating house before me. It's a cookie-cutter of my own which is located at the end of the street. Two, large windows take up space on either side of the dark oak door. Directly above those windows are two more windows at the second floor. One, I know, looks into Steven's room, the other into his father's home office. Off to my right is a regular-sized garage where, usually a car would sit. Tonight, though I know both of Steven's parents are out to dinner, which is why he invited me to grab a bite out. A loose translation of 'let's pig out on McDonald's and junk food'.

The door in front of me opens and I jump like a skittish cat. My frown deepens and I look up to meet my childhood friends' confused and concerned gaze. His brows are furrowed. "Hey, how long have you been out here? Why didn't you come in?" He questions and his eyes dart around the space around us. Most people are home or out with their friends right now. It's becoming too cold to just loiter outside for no good reason.

"Just lost in thought. You ready to go?" I turn not waiting for him to respond. There's a whispered curse and some shuffling behind me before I hear the door slam. A moment later Steven is falling into step beside me.

"Everything all good Car? You seem a little distant and distracted."

I cast a glance towards my childhood friend and, for the first time this week, really take him in. Over the last few days, I'd been here with him physically trying to help him through his transfer student issues but, mentally I'm ashamed to say I was never there. Not really. I was always stuck in my own thoughts. After the talk with Seth earlier and coming to terms with myself I realized that fact.

I've been here physically for the last two years but I've never been here mentally.

I smile. "I'm okay."

I'm sorry.

I nudge him and continue, "So, tell me how things are going with your jester." At the words Steven's face warms, turning a soft red in the dimming light of the evening. It's an amusing sight and one that has my smile turning genuine. I've never seen him like this. For as long as I've known him, Steven has never had a crush on anyone.

At least not that he's ever told me or none that I've ever noticed. It feels a little bit... refreshing.

"Hmmm." I hum my tone holding an underlying chuckle. "Am I to assume that means things went good yesterday?"

Steven lets his gaze travel up to the sky and gives a half-hearted shrug, his hand lifting to rest on the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess it went okay." Despite the nonchalant words and actions, I can see him trying to hide his smile. I squeal in delight and wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him into an awkward side hug as we walk.

"Oh my god! That's great, Steven! It worried me when I left, what with the way the atmosphere was when Seth dragged me away."

"It was a bit... strained." He flinches as he says the words no doubt remembering back to the conversation. "Nothing neither of us couldn't handle. I think," he pauses and chews on his words as if trying to find just the right ones. I let him take all the time he needs, not wanting to rush. This is a big thing for him. "I think we needed that, though. At least, I think I needed it just so it would push me to let everything loose, you know? It gave me a drive, to be honest with him and myself."

At his words, the events of this morning rise to the forefront of my mind. My lips draw into a taut line and my stomach does a little somersault.

Be honest, huh?

Countless sentences and words filter through my thoughts, my eyes darting to look at my childhood friend. There's a list of never-ending things I could say to him right now. To be honest with him, but I hadn't even been able to say much else to Seth even after our heart to heart this morning. Talking to Steven, confiding in him even though that's what he does with me still seems like an impossible task.

I'm a solid ground for him. A foundation that he feels comfortable confiding it. If I tell him I'm not okay, what will that mean to him? How will that hurt him? He needs someone strong. Someone okay.

I force my lips to turn up in the corners once more. "I'm really glad to hear that, Steve. You've no idea how happy I am for you right now."

Steven returns my smile with one full of gratitude. "I'm glad I can talk to you about it. Thanks for being here, Car. Without you, I'd probably be a jumbled up mess right now."

"Anytime, King. I've got your back." We continue on in silence after that, the McDonald's soon coming into view. It's a welcoming sight, my stomach rumbling at the prospect of food. I had eaten little breakfast this morning, my nerves to high strung with anxiety at working with Seth in the library and after everything that had happened, I hadn't been much in the mood for lunch either.

"So, what was that all about yesterday?" Steven asks, drawing me from my fantasy of a double cheeseburger with extra lettuce and a large fry.

"What was what all about?"

"Mop Head. Why'd he drag you away? Was it really just for the project?"

I freeze up at the nickname, missing a step as we walk. Thankfully my arm is still wrapped around Steven's waist and he catches me, stopping my fall. I look up at him, my smile becoming difficult to maintain. "Yeah, it wasn't really anything important. Just project stuff. We didn't even talk for that long, Seth had other things to do."

Steven's eyes search my face, trying to find some flaw with my statement. He and Gwen both know how much I hate any attention and I'm not ignorant. I've seen the way they've been keeping a closer eye on me these last few days since they'd heard about the partner assignments. The knowledge had turned my stomach, it still does.

Just how much of a loose cannon do they think I am?

"You're really okay? Mop Head hasn't said anything?" He asked once more and my smile twitches at the nickname. I nod, trying not to let it get to me.

"Yeah, Seth hasn't said anything."

Steven seems to relax at the reassurance. "Good, I for sure thought I'd have to kick some ass. Of course, I've never spoken to the guy, so I've no idea what he's like, but he doesn't seem altogether. I mean he's called Mop-"

"Seth," I interject, unable to stop myself.

"What?"

"Seth," I say once more, my blood beginning to boil. I meet my childhood friends' eyes. "His name is Seth, not Mop Head. Don't call him that."

Steven's brows furrow. "What? But just a few days ago you were calling him it too."

"I know and it's wrong. Just like you said, you don't know him so why call him Mop Head? There's no reason for you to. I mean, if everyone went around calling people by their flaws it'd be terrible. There'd be no reason for even having a thing like names in the first place." I continue on, not letting Steven get even a word in. My chest rises and falls as I speak in rapid-fire. "I mean, if we go by that logic then people might as well just call me Scars!" My mouth clamps shut at the word and everything around us falls silent. We'd stopped walking a few moments ago as I went on my rampage and are now facing one another. Steven looks on at me, eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

Scars.

My eyes dart to my covered arms. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end when I feel Steven's steady gaze move to the same place. Ever since the event two years ago neither Gwen, him, nor I had dared to speak about it. Sure, there's always been the underlying questions from them. Why had I done it? Am I really okay? Why did I say nothing? How could you let it get that far? But, just as there were underlying questions, always apparent but never spoken, there was also a silent agreement. An agreement that none of us would ever speak about the events.

"I..." my voice trails off and my right-hand lifts, tugging on my ear as I look around every but at Steven.

"Carmen."

"I'm okay I just-just-his name-"

"It's Seth." Steven interjects and my eyes travel to his, his mouth set in a taut line and a war waging in his brown eyes. It's clear he wants to ask but he's biting his tongue. He knows I don't have any desire to answer him, nor will I ever I'm sure.

"Yeah." I nod and look away, shame rolling over me once again at being unable to talk to my best friend.

"It's okay, Car. I shouldn't have ever started calling him the name in the first place. You're right." His arm reaches out and rests over my shoulders, pulling me into his side. My muscles tighten before relaxing after a minute and I melt into my childhood friend's side, basking in the sense of security it brings. Just as Steven had told me before, I don't know what I would do without him or Gwen.

"Thanks, Steven." He doesn't reply, but he doesn't have to. The surrounding atmosphere lightens and I understand the message in the gentle squeeze to my shoulder.

He's here for me, no matter what.

"Let's get you a double cheeseburger and a large fry. Maybe two. I swear the other side of the world can hear your stomach rumbling." He jokes and I laugh along with him, thankful for his presence in my life.

A/N: So, Carmen has spoken some to Steven. Thoughts on the matter? On the book so far? If you enjoyed this chapter don't forget to vote and leave a comment below with your thoughts! I love hearing from you!