Monday Morning

October 14, 2019

My eyes shift between my reflection in the full-length mirror and the orange and red long-sleeved sweater that adorns my body. The colors clash with my pale skin and seem to highlight the already painfully clear dark circles that live under my muddy brown eyes. The material is tight and molds to my body. On anyone else it might appear flattering, on me it just looks off. I'm skinny, but it's not any type of healthy making the material cling to certain parts of my body while it hangs loose on others, reminding of a child playing dress-up with her mothers' much too large dresses. I'd loved how dress had looked when I tried it on in the store, all the flaws I'm seeing now having never been visible in the small changing room. Now, all I feel is a hate for the sweater.

"Isn't that how it always goes?" I mumble as I pull on the cuffs of the sleeves, stretching them as far as they'll go. My stomach turns over as my right hand brushes across my left arm. It pulls a sigh from my lips and I meet my reflection's eyes, the words I'm thinking visible in the muddy brown color.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

I repeat the words in my thoughts over and over until I believe them, my right hand pulling on my earlobe for comfort. It's a habit I'd picked up from my mother a long time ago and I smile at my reflection, enjoying the knowledge that we share something other than just strawberry blonde hair and eye color.

"Carmen, you ready for school sweetheart?" My father's voice drifts through my open door. My eyes scour my reflection once more and I tug at the sweater, trying to make it hang loose on certain parts of my body while smoothing out wrinkles here and there. I scrunch my nose at the look and wrap my arms around my waist.

"Yeah, dad! I'll be down in a minute!" Chewing on my bottom lip I force myself to turn away from the mirror and begin gathering my things.

"Car's leaving!" My father taunts and I roll my eyes. He'd never leave without me.

I shove all of my loose leaf papers in my backpack along with a few select school books before zipping it closed and reaching for my binder and notebook, the only two things I care enough about to hold in my arms throughout the day. I hug both to my chest before zipping downstairs just about bulldozing into my dad as I go. "Woah there sonic, cool your jets. I won't actually leave without you." He laughs and I smile up at him, enjoying the deep sound. It's not one I get to hear often.

"I know."

He gives me his own lopsided smile, his actual age coming alive in his features making my heart go out to my father. Dark circles similar to that of my own line the under part of his eyes and his light brown locks of hair are peppered with graying strands. Wrinkles line his face and the toll of working too many late nights is clear in his emerald eyes. My father reaches up and ruffles the top of my head, my already messy braid becoming even more so as more stands come loose.

"Daaad." I draw out the world and he chuckles, though it doesn't last. His eyes grow serious and my mouth grows dry as I recognize the look. It's one that I can never seem to escape from no matter how good I may be at hiding in the shadows. I know the question he's about to ask and I know my response. It's already poised on my tongue like a cat poised to jump on it's prey.

"You alright kiddo?"

I nod and smile. "I'm okay."

He looks at me for a long moment, those emerald eyes of his scouring my face and looking for any indication that I may be lying. He finds nothing, he'll always find nothing and lets it go, accepting my answer. My muscles relax as I follow along behind him to the car sitting outside. Moments later we're driving down the street heading for my school. It's silent as we go, neither of us much for conversation anymore. That was always my moms department.

My stomach twists at the thought of her and I shove it away, instead switching my focus down to my lap. My eyes roam down to my notebook and binder, both of which are for my fifth period class and my excitement for the day grows. While the teacher, Mrs. Pelinskie doesn't know a thing about coding and game design outside of what she's read in the textbook, I eat up every little thing she says, eager to learn more on the subject.

I'd picked up a love for the craft when I was in middle school around the time my mother was admitted to the hospital for brain cancer. The house had grown quiet and, in my father's absence, away at work to pay for the medical bills I'd filled the silence with a love for video games. Of course, I had my childhood friends Steven and Gwen around for emotional support but they had their own lives and couldn't tend to me 24/7 so I coped the best way I knew how. Eventually, it got to the point where I'd begun creating my own storylines for video games. I was never very good with the coding side and I was terrible at any type of art, but being able to create the character dialogue and challenges they were forced to overcome morphed my dark and dreary days to ones I looked forward to.

I glance out the car window at the passing scenery and smile as I lean my head against the cool glass. I'd brought every new story to my mother in the hospital and she'd eat up each one saying they were amazing and entertaining. That they were the best part of her day.

She'd say she would die of boredom without my storylines to read.

I chuckle and run my hand over the worn notebook full of prospective stories. Last week in my coding class Mrs. Pelinskie had mentioned a partner project where we'd have to pair up with one other person and create a short and playable PC game to present to the class. While the thought of working with another person turned my stomach in uncomfortable ways, I was excited to dive in and create a story for the game. So excited, in fact, that I may or may not have already created the entire plot line from beginning to end.

"What're you thinking about kiddo?" My father asked, drawing me from my thoughts. I look towards him and smile, my hands curling around the notebook filled to the brim with ideas, characters, and worlds much more appealing than the one I live in.

"Just excited for class today."

A/N: If you enjoyed this chapter don't forget to comment and vote! It means the world to me and I love hearing from you!