Let Her Go ~ Passenger^^

[Chapter forty-nine]

-Noah-

{ Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go... }

I stare down at Nevaeh in the dim lighting as she sleeps, my hand grasping hers.

She's gotten worse in the last couple of days.

She sleeps a lot, she doesn't eat, she barely drinks water.

"Stop staring." She croaks out without opening her eyes.

"If I were cliché I'd say 'I'm admiring'." I start, a small smile on my lips as I repeat what she said to me when she came back. "But I'm not. I can't help it, you're ugly."

"Okay, first of all, that's my line." She opens her eyes and stares up at me, a small smile on her face. "Second of all, you and I both know I'd be the prettiest damn clown in the circus, remember?"

I chuckle softly, brushing her hair away from her eyes. "Carter, you're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on."

She crinkles her nose. "Stop being cheesy."

I smile slightly. "I'm not being cheesy, I'm stating facts."

She gives me a grin, her dimples popping. "Still cheesy."

That smile.

That damn smile.

How the hell am I supposed to get used to not seeing that smile everyday?

I have to let her go.

But I can't.

{ Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies }

I stare at the bottom of my glass of Coke as Max, Dylan and I sit around our dorm island in silence.

Mum sent us home to shower and relax for a bit while Megan and Danny spent some time with Nevaeh.

We didn't leave until she threatened to beat our arses with her shoe.

Oh, how I love my mum.

"What was I thinking?" Max suddenly pipes up, making Dylan and I look share a look before staring at Max in confusion. "What the hell was I thinking when I decided to talk to Nevaeh in detention three years ago?"

Dylan frowns, his eyebrows furrowing as his mood dampens and he looks at Max in sadness. "Max..."

"We promised we wouldn't get close to anyone after Anthony and I still got close to her and dragged the two of you with me." Max doesn't look up from his glass of milk. "And now, we're going to lose her."

"You know what, Max?" I start, making him look at me. "I'm glad you dragged us with you and sat down next to Carter all those years ago. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be dating Megan and I wouldn't be dating Carter. Dylan most likely wouldn't have come out. And we wouldn't have Carter in our lives. We're lucky to have known Carter even if it was only for four years."

"Really?" Max whispers.

"Yeah." Dylan nods. "If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have been friends with Nevaeh."

Max smiles slightly. "I have a confession."

Dylan raises an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"I kind of had a little, tiny, itty-bitty crush on Nevaeh when we first met her." He admits shyly. "It was only for a little while, it went away after I realised Nevaeh and Noah were made for each other and, you know, I was pretty in love with Megan."

Dylan purses his lips before speaking. "She made me question my sexuality for a little bit when I first saw her face."

"She made you question if you were straight?" Max looks at him. "That's a new one."

Dylan shrugs before looking at me. "Sorry, Noah, your girlfriend's just that gorgeous."

I shake my head, chuckling slightly. "Believe me, I know."

"Please don't kill us." Max quickly rushes out.

"Don't worry. I'm not mad." I sigh. "If you had told me this three years ago, then yeah, I would have been mad. But now? I'm not. Not when there's other things to be mad about. Like how bloody unfair life is."

Max and Dylan both look down at my statement and we sit in silence again.

I let out a breath through my nose, pushing my glass to the side as I make a wall with my arms on the countertop, resting my head on it.

I close my eyes and all I can see is Nevaeh's grinning face.

My eyes snap open and I take a deep breath.

I have to let her go.

But I can't.

{But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go }

I sit outside Nevaeh's hospital room while the doctor checks her vitals, and Max, Dylan, Megan, Danny and mum are getting us all food from the cafeteria.

I feel someone sit down next to me and look up to find Mila, Nevaeh's aunt.

"She really loves you, you know." Mila states before looking at me.

"She tell you that?" I question, rather curiously.

Mila smiles softly, shaking her head slightly. "She didn't have to."

"You know, the first time we kissed, I accidentally pulled her hood off and she punched me in the face." I chuckle slightly at the memory.

"That she told me." Mila laughs softly. "She didn't mean to. She panicked and apparently, her first instinct was to throw a punch. You're lucky she didn't break your nose."

We sit in silence for a moment.

"I really love your niece." I suddenly state, looking at her. "She's my home. Whenever I'm around her, I feel safe and that nothing can go wrong, as bloody cheesy as that sounds."

Mila smiles softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad she found someone that loves her as much as you do."

I have to let her go.

But I can't.

{ Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep }

I lay in the hospital bed with Nevaeh cuddled into my side as she sleeps.

I stare up at the ceiling as we lie in the dark, thoughts and memories rushing through my head.

All the times she put me in my place instead of putting up with my bullshit.

All the times she told me she loves me.

All the times she gave me her beautiful smile.

All the times she acted like everything was okay when it wasn't.

What happens when she...leaves?

As much as I should regret getting close to her, I don't.

I don't regret anything.

I don't regret getting close to her, I don't regret kissing her, and I sure as hell don't regret telling her I love her.

I love her too much and I dove too deep.

I have to let her go.

But I can't.

{ Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go... }

{ Oh, oh, woah, oh, oh
And you let her go
Oh, oh, woah, oh, oh
When you let her go
Whoa }

I'm going to miss her. So, so much.

I have to let her go.

But I can't.

{ 'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go... }

"Noah?" She whispers weakly.

"Yeah, Carter?" I look down at her.

She lifts her hand and touches my lips softly. "You have to let me go."

I can't.