I am sorry for last chapter and this one, you are going to hate me for life.

Paisleys pov

"Do you know how it feels?" I  repeat for the second time tonight, but more stern this time. He shakes his head. I knew it.

Then I begin leaning in towards him, his eyes flutter closed slowly and for the first time tonight, for a split second, I thought I could forgive him. But then I remember how much pain I was in for a solid year of my life because of him and I went back to my original thoughts.

"Then believe me Luke, when I tell you.. That I am truly sorry for this." I whisper, then I pull away and leave the hotel room, hopefully showing him that this is what it feels like to have your heart crushed and hopes risen for nothing. Who am I kidding, he doesn't care.

It killed me to leave that room, and it killed me to leave that building, and it also killed me to drive home by myself. I cried the whole way back, to the point where as soon as I got out of the car, I threw up because I was hyperventilating so badly.

Then I had to walk up the stairs, on the way up, I had ripped my hair out of its flowered bun, taken off my heels, and took off my jewellery. By the time I had gotten to the room, I was already halfway undressed with the exception of my dress.

I opened the door and headed straight to my room, knowing very well that Justin was sleeping and I shouldn't wake him.

Then from my bedroom, I changed into some sweats and a t-shirt and then collapsed on my bed.

"I hate you Luke Robert Hemmings." I mutter to myself, clawing at my eyes in hopes that I will stop crying shortly. I don't need to be wasting tears on people that don't feel the same way about me as I do them.

Luke's pov

"I love you Paisley Aurora Leigh." I say to myself as I wipe the tears that are streaming down my face away.

At this point, I don't know whether it's the water from the shower that is soaking me and my clothes, or if it's my tears. I'm pretty sure it's my tears.

I fûcking blew it. I had her alone, she was right in front of me, and I blew it.

I couldn't remember a single thing that I had practiced so hard, I just couldn't. Now I have ruined my chances of ever explaining myself to the girl I love.

I watch as some redness runs down the drain, blood. My blood.

I look down and see that my cuts have opened up again. It begins to sting, but the only real pain I feel is in my heart. Sounds stupid, but it's true. I am numb to the physical pain, but being crushed under the weight of my emotional pain.

After we first broke up, I hadn't taken the blade to my wrist for two years. Then as soon as I started to really think about everything, I crumbled and it became an occasional thing.

I love paisley so much, I never wanted to hurt her. I wish I never would've broken up with her in the first place, even though it was to protect her.

I was foolish to think that I could forget about her as fast as I thought she could me. She was everything, and I was nothing.

I was just a nobody, I shouldn't have been stuck in her brain like she was in mine.

She shouldn't have stayed up all hours of the night crying because of me, that's only something I should have been doing.

I lost a diamond, she lost some copper.

That's what I am in comparison to her.

I was stupid to let her go.

So stupid.

Paisleys pov

After hours and hours of crying and not being able to calm myself down enough to fall asleep, I finally decide to get up and go for a walk. Just like I used to when I got the nightmares about my bullies or my brother.

I got up and slipped on some appropriate clothing for walking in at four o'clock in the morning. I made sure to grab my cell phone, lots of tissues, a bottle of pepper spray, and some cash just in case I stopped for some coffee or something. Then I leave quietly.

I walk down the many stairs, occasionally letting a small sob surface. When I get to the bottom, I take a deep breath and then leave my apartment building. It's still dark out, and not many cars are passing by. Every once in a while you'll see one, but other then that, it's dead silent.

I take my usual route through the alleyways, it's not the safest, I know, but it calms me. I walk for a good twenty minutes before turning around and walking back to my apartment.

Halfway through, I see a mouse and I get creeped out, so I decide to take the road. I climb over a fence and then walk through the empty road. The lights illuminating off of the motel and gas station signs keep me occupied for a while as I stroll through the cool night air.

"Excuse me ma'am, do you know where the nearest bar is?" I hear from behind me, I stop abruptly and grab my pepper spray from my pocket. Then I turn to face the person.

"Oh my god. Paisley." He says, coming closer to me. At this point, id rather it be some drunk that I ran into, not him.

"Get away from me." I say, holding the pepper spray up at his eye level and backing away slowly.

"Please Paisley, just let me explain this." He says, still coming closer.

"Luke I'm not afraid to use this, get away from me." I warn, taking the cap off of it.

"Paisley, I love you baby please." He says. Wait did he just?

"I love you. Please just listen for a moment." He says, kneeling down and holding out his hands as he begs for me to listen. I drop the pepper spray and stare at him in shock.

Surely he couldn't love me.

He left me.

"Oh thank god." He says, then stands back up and tries to approach me. I keep backing up, showing him that I don't want to be close to him right now. He stops and frowns but begins to speak.

"First off, I'm sorry for all those years ago, I truly am. I am also sorry for earlier today, or yesterday, or whatever you want to call it." He rushes. I stay silent as I listen to him. I feel like I'm going to forgive him already, and that's not a good sign.

"I also have a confession." He says, but then stops and stares at me.

"What?" I ask after a while of him just admiring me. It's making me a little uncomfortable, and he left me with a cliffhanger.

"I never... Wanted to break up with you paisley." He says.

I feel my heart stop for a second, before it starts beating rapidly. My breathing becomes uneven and i get a head rush.

"Then.. Then why did you?" I ask, feeling the tears begin to build up in my eyes.

"I thought it would be easier for you to forget about me when I went to uni." He says, he starts to come closer, but I can't move from my position, I'm frozen in my spot.

"I love you paisley, I never stopped. And I didn't mean for any of this to happen, none of it." He says, I glance upwards into his eyes, his are also glassy like mine. I feel my heart drop to my stomach as I get closer to him. When I get arm's length away, I reach up to wipe away his tears.

"I.. I love you too- LUKE!" I scream as I see the headlights coming straight towards us. I give his chest a hard push and he falls backwards and out of the way.

Then I feel the impact. After that, I begin to feel numb, my senses giving out and my vision goes blurry.

The last thing I see is Luke running to me frantically, worry and tears covering his face.
"Paisley! Baby please stay with me." He rushes, cradling me in his arms and grabbing his phone.

"Lu..ke." I whisper, but i have to stop.

I can't continue my sentence.

Everything goes black.

(A/N)

I am SOrry

I give you full permission to fly to Manitoba and beat my ass.

I deserve it.

-Caitllin