Chapter Nine

Once A Playboy

I didn't know how our conversation ended and how I got the courage to walk away from Toine again. Ang sigurado ay ang sakit ng ulo ko at ang bigat ng dibdib ko dahil bukod sa patuloy na pagbalik ng mga alaala at mga emosyong dulot niya ay natatakot din akong hindi na muling maghiwalay ang mga landas namin.

Even though my traitor heart was slowly loving the idea of us catching up, my mind had to remind it the reason why I am where I am and who I am forced to be today. Napakalaking parte no'n ay dahil sa kanya.

"How did it go?" may bahid ng lungkot na tanong ni Matt sa akin kinagabihan.

Hindi lang dahil buong araw akong hindi sumagot sa mga tawag at texts niya kung hindi dahil alam niyang ang dahilan no'n ay si Toine. I heard him sigh quietly as I began telling him what happened after I dropped his call.

Bringing Toine to my favorite restaurant tainted the idea of it as my go to place. Parang kapag pupunta ako ro'n ay siya na lang ang maalala ko. I hate bringing him to my places, but I hate myself more for being so affected still.

"That's it?" Matthaios finally asked after five minutes of me talking non-stop about what happened after I ended his call earlier.

"That's it."

"Why don't you go back to Coastal Rock, Lacey? Paano kung magkita ulit kayo d'yan at kulitin ka niya ulit?"

"Don't you think it's more dangerous if I go back? Paano kung doon kami ulit magkita? Paano kung..."

"Do you need me there?" agad niyang tanong nang matigil ako.

Bigo akong napayuko. "I don't know, Matt. You know I always need you but don't you think I'm just being dramatic? I mean come on, it's been fifteen years. Bakit ako natatakot? Bakit kailangan kong mag-alangan para sa sarili ko? I know everything is safe. Iyon lang naman ang ginawa ko sa lahat ng taong lumipas. Kung mayroon man akong dapat gawin ay harapin siya. I need to be strong and face him like I should if ever we meet again. Hindi ako dapat makaramdam ng kaba, 'di ba? You know how life taught me living in those years."

"Are you really over him?"

"Of course, Matthaios! How can you ask me that?"

"Because Toine is right. I think you're lying. Hindi lang sa kanya, sa akin, kung hindi lalo na sa sarili mo."

"Don't go there, Matt. I'm just surprised that we met. Never in my wildest dreams na naisip kong magku-krus ulit ang mga landas namin."

"And now it does. Pati ba ang mga naramdaman mo hindi mo napaghandaan?"

Naitikom ko ang bibig at hindi na nakapagsalita. I get his point but I feel like he was attacking me. I appreciate his view on this but I don't like it.

"Look Lacey, first things first, figure out what you really feel. Kung tingin mo ito na ang tamang oras—"

"No," I immediately cut him off. Napapaahon pa ako sa pagkakaupo dahil sa idea niyang 'yon. "Please don't ever mentioned that or I'll hate you."

He heave a sigh. "Okay."

"I'm sorry but I don't like talking to you today, Matt. Tama ka, kailangan kong isipin muna lahat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon pero hinding-hindi mangyayari ang gusto mo. I need to go now. Talk to you tomorrow when everything is calm?"

"I'm one call away, Lacey. I'll wait for you."

"Thank you, bye."

Pinatay ko na ang tawag. Imbes na magtago na lang sa suite ko ay nagbihis ako at dumiretso sa gym. Doon ko iginugol ang lahat ng inis para sa sarili. But then the memories of him kept haunting me and I was lost to it again.

"Flowers?" hindi makapaniwala kong bungad kay Toine matapos niyang sagutin ang tawag ko isang umaga.

Wala sa sariling nayakap ko ang bouquet ng pink lilies na kade-deliver lang isang minuto ang lumipas.

"You mentioned you like lilies."

"You remember?"

"Of course, Lacey. You think you're the only one who listens?"

I blushed at that. Nagpapasalamat akong wala siya ngayon sa harapan ko kung hindi ay baka napupog ko na siya ng halik at ilang langit na naman ang marating namin.

"Thank you, Andres."

"You're welcome. How's your day?"

"Never been better especially because of this. You?"

"Same old."

"You're still staying at a hotel?"

"Yeah."

"Anong sabi ng kapatid mo?"

"He's supportive of me. Sinasalo niya lahat ng mga obligasyon ko but you know. It's still the same. That will not make my father forgive me for what I did."

"How many times do I have to tell you that you are not to blame for your mother's death?"

"Tell that to Vladimir." sagot niya pagkatapos ay sinamahan pa ng sarkastikong tawa.

I did not laugh. I never find it funny. Kahit siya alam kong hindi niya gusto 'yon kaya dinadaan na lang sa biro.

"Anyway, kaya ako tumawag para sabihing mawawala ako ng ilang araw. I'll be in Singapore for a business trip."

"Kasama mo si Thelonious?"

"I'm alone. He has his own thing."

"Okay. When are you going back?"

"I don't know yet, but I will visit you once I am back."

"Okay. Don't forget to call me."

"Of course. I will not let you miss me so much, baby."

Muling kumalat ang init sa magkabila kong pisngi. We talked more until I had to cut the line so I could go to my next class.

The flowers really helped my mood all day. Kaliwa't kanan ang naging asaran at inggit sa akin ng mga kababaihan maski ng mga lalaki. I am used to it though. Kahit na wala na ang kambal sa university ay alam nilang kay Toine pa rin galing ang lahat ng mga regalong natatanggap ko.

Everyone was shocked we are still communicating, that I am still the apple of his eye. Kahit ako, minsan ay napapaisip din dahil magdadalawang buwan na kaming may ugnayan at wala pa siyang ipinapakitang hindi ko gusto. He's really keeping his promise.

We go out like boyfriend and girlfriend even though we are not. He spoil me with lavish gifts like I am officially his girl even though I am not. He let me feel things I never thought I am capable of feeling even though my spot in his life wasn't guaranteed to last.

Kung lahat ay gulat na gulat pa rin, napakarami ring mga taong naghihintay lang na makagawa ng isang mali si Andres o ako para masira ang ugnayan namin.

That was part of my prayers each night.

Sometimes I would see myself begging God to give Toine the clarity that I could be the girl he needed. That God would give him to me so I can finally be happy. And sometimes I would find myself smiling because two months later, he is still with me. That thought alone was an indication that God is hearing my prayers and answering them slowly.

Walang araw na hindi kami nag-usap habang nasa ibang bansa siya. Saktong weekend at wala akong pasok kaya madalas ako ang tumatawag sa kanya. He never missed my call. Minsan kapag hindi ako nakakapag-reply ng ilang minuto ay tumatawag na siya kaagad.

Business trips really bores him. Lalo na kapag utos ng kanyang ama. He usually never attended any of it but this time he said he had no choice. Wala naman siyang naikukwento tungkol sa mga trabaho niya pero dahil lang palagi niyang sinasabi na hindi ko na iyon dapat malaman.

I was always curious but I never asked. Ang alam ko lang, malayo sa gusto ng kanyang ama ang kanyang totoong passion. He always wanted to have a business importing luxurious and limited edition cars. Nabanggit niya minsan na kapag kaya na niya ay iyon ang gagawin niya kahit pa alam niyang hindi iyon magugustohan ng kanyang ama.

I have never met his father yet and I don't know if I'll ever will but base on his stories, he seemed like an awful man and I hate him for Toine.

I am always into fairness. Being a Libra, gusto kong nasa katarungan ang lahat. Maswerte akong ang mga magulang ko ay pantay ang ibinibigay na pagmamahal sa amin ng kapatid ko. I never experience being envy just because they love one more than the other. Kapag naiisip kong nasa gano'n posisyon si Toine ay nalulungkot ako ng sobra. He doesn't deserve it. He is a good man and I wish one day his father would see him the way I did because honestly, he created a wonderful man.

Everything was going fine and almost perfect between ma and Toine Andres. Sa kanyang pagbalik ay nagkita kami. He took me to his place, watched some movies after having a chef to personally cook for us. We danced, talk, and have a really intimate moment together. Mas lalo lang akong nahulog sa kanya.

I never told him how I feel but my actions were enough. Alam ko ring ayaw niyang marinig iyon. I don't want to scare him. Gosh, I never want to lose him just because I'm loving him too much. I settled for what we are and what he can only offer.

Kahit imposible at kabaliwan ay araw-araw tumataas ang pag-asa kong isang araw ay magbabago rin siya. Na isang araw makikita niya rin ang halaga ko. Na isang araw ay yayayain niya rin akong maging opisyal niyang girlfriend at sabihing mahal niya rin ako.

I patiently waited and prayer for it. I had it coming especially because of how good we are the past weeks and months but all of my hopes and dreams for us were crushed with just one chat from my best friend.

Miki:

He's making out with someone, Lacey. He's literally right in front of me devouring a woman's lips and I don't think it will stop there.

Basa ko sa chat niya at bago pa ako makapag-reply ay may isinegunda na siyang short video na palihim niyang kinuha, nagpapatunay sa kanyang sinasabi.

My heart clenched so bad inside my chest. Awtomatikong tumulo ang mga luha ko at walang nagawa kung hindi ang matulala na lang at paulit-ulit na i-play ang video ni Andres habang kahalikan ang isang napakagandang babaeng nasa kanyang kandungan. I felt the world crash at my feet. All the hopes and wonderful dreams were ripped off of me and stomped on. And it made me re-think everything.

I feel like a fraud. I feel like I betrayed myself for deeply loving a womanizer and hoping that one day he will change. Clearly he's not. Because once a playboy, always a playboy. And boy, he played me so damn good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Advance updates and full version of this story will only be available on Patreon and VIP group. Subscribe to www.patreon.com/cengcrdva or message me for full details.
💚GCash payment is accepted💚