Chapter Twelve

Owe Me Big Time

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko hinugot ang lahat ng lakas ng loob para yayain siyang uminom kahit na wala naman talagang kakwenta-kwenta ang dahilan kong pagsoli ng kanyang panyo. Iyon  lang kasi ang pumasok sa utak ko para makausap siya ulit. Knowing him and how is he doing right now, alam kong hindi siya basta-basta nakakausap. I had to make a huge effort if I really want that to happen. Luckily, my persistence bore him into saying yes.

Halo-halo na ang nararamdaman ko nang mapunta kami sa exclusive bar na nasa loob ng spa. Nagpapasalamat akong rest day ni Jimm kaya walang balakid kung magtatanong ito tungkol sa panyong isinauli ko.

Ang bote ng whiskey na dala niya sa dagat ay may laman pa kaya iyon ang ipinagpatuloy niyang inumin. I ordered a cosmopolitan. Magkaharap na kami ngayon habang nakaupo at halos magkatabi na sa couch. I could feel his heat. Malamig ang buong silid sa lakas ng aircon pero parang namamawis ako. I guess I had to get used to this feeling whenever I'm around him.

"First of all, gusto kong mag-sorry dahil hindi naging maganda ang huling nasabi ko sa 'yo. I am not rude. It made me feel guilty at buong gabi kong inisip ang mga nagawa ko kaya nagpapasalamat akong binigyan mo ako ng opportunity para makapag-apologize sa 'yo."

"You think of me the whole night?" he asked, as if that was the only thing I said to him.

"Because I am guilty."

"You think I am sensitive and got hurt with your words?"

"Alam ko namang hindi. As I've said, it's just me. Ako ang nagi-guilty. It's a bit unfair to you dahil wala ka namang ginawa kung hindi isalba lang ako at mag-magandang loob na yayaing kumain. I should've thanked you and walk away without giving you an attitude."

Marami pa sana akong gustong sabihin pero natigil ako nang mapansing halos hindi na siya kumurap matitigan lang ako at ang kabuuan ko. I feel like he was inspecting my whole being. Not judging, just inspecting and maybe figuring out if what else has changed in me.

I cleared my throat to stop him from staring when his eyes traced down my lips.

"Do you forgive me?" untag ko.

"So you've been a really good girl all these years, huh?" he asked instead.

I hate how my body reacts to every word that he says. Kahit na malinis ang budhi ko at never kong nagawa sa iba ang mga ginawa namin ilang taon ang nakalipas ay parang bigla akong nauhaw sa idea na 'yon.

For once, after all these years I feel like something inside me was awaken by his presence. Something I knew I am longing and needing but kept shoving aside because it seems like it only wants him.

Fuck. Did my dirty mind just say that?

"Any men in your life now, Lacey?" putol niya sa kabaliwang nag-uumpisa na namang lumigaw sa akin nang ako naman ang natulala sa kanya.

"No."

That made him nod slowly. Sa pag-angat niya ng hawak na baso ay kumurba ng gilid ng kanyang labi bago pa iyon tuluyang matabunan ng hawak.

Did I just made him smile? Damn it. The idea of me being single made this Rozovksy smile?

"But that doesn't mean I am available." agad kong dagdag.

"Elaborate."

"I don't want to."

"You mean you're single and not available but you're here begging for my attention?"

Itinago ko ang lahat ng kaba sa pamamagitan ng pagtawa.

"Don't be full of yourself, Andres. I told you my reasons and I am being honest when I tell you that I don't want anything from you. Mas lalong hindi ako nakikipaglandian at nagpapapansin sa 'yo."

"You can if you want to though."

I scoffed at that. "That's the thing, I don't want to. I told you, hindi ako available at wala akong balak maging available sa kahit na sino."

"Saving yourself for marriage?"

I don't know if that was a joke or an insult. Hindi ko na lang ulit sinakyan. I had to remind myself that I need just enough closure so we can finally part ways and so I can finally say that I conquered my greatest fear. Ayaw ko naman kasing habang buhay na isiping iniwasan ko siya dahil lang iyon ang dapat gawin. Somehow, I feel like I need to properly end us so I can finally live the life I created and be at peace with everything in my past. I just had to face him.

"I don't know if you're insulting me or not with that statement pero hindi ako magagalit. I'm here to make peace and nothing else."

"I am just asking."

"I gave you my virginity but it's not what defines me, Toine. It is important to me but I never regret giving it to you. Wala akong pinagsisihan sa lahat ng mga nangyari sa pagitan natin noon. You can insult me all you want about that and my choices in life but I will not be affected by it."

"What made you think I am insulting you when I'm just fishing for information about your love life?"

Hindi ako nakasagot.

"I respect your choice. It's also good to hear that you're not with anyone and I don't care about the reasons why. I can never insult you, Lacey."

"Bakit gusto mong malaman ang love life ko?"

"Why not? You said you're single so technically walang magagalit sa pagtatanong ko."

"I'll leave once I finish this drink." sagot ko na lang sa kanya.

I waited for him to talk again but he just kept his eyes on me, muling sinusuri ang kabuuan ko.

I had to shift my eyes in front of me so I wouldn't be required to stare back at him. Sinubukan kong ubusin ang alak na iniinom ko pero hindi nakakatulong ang presensiya niya. Habang tumatakbo ang oras ay muling kumakapal ang kaba sa aking puso.

"Stop staring at me," pukaw ko sa kanya. "I don't want to be stared at, too."

I heard him chuckled. Literal kong nalagok ang hawak na alak at napabalik ng titig sa kanya dahil do'n!

"I'll get going. Thank you Toine at sana maayos at walang sama ng loob ang huli nating pag-uusap. Thanks for your time."

Akmang aalis na ako matapos tumayo pero parang bigla akong kinadena dahil sa maliksing paghawak niya't pigil sa aking kamay!

Sa aking muling paglingon sa kanya ay nakayuko siya. His right hand was tightening around my wrist while the other was on his lap. Nakatukod ang siko niya sa kanyang hita habang ang kamay ay nakakuyom malapit sa kanyang mukha.

"A-Andres—"

"Tell me what really bothers you and why you wanted to talk to me, Lacey." aniya habang ang titig ay unti-unting inaangat pabalik sa aking mga mata.

"Sinabi ko na. I just want to give your handkerchief back and apologize for being mean at the restaurant."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"That's a lame ass story, Lacey."

"What?"

Nahigit ko ang paghinga nang matikas siyang umahon sa pagkakaupo. Napatingala ako nang tapatan niya ako. I was overwhelmed by his presence.

Toine was six feet and three inches. Hanggang panga niya lang ako at ang katawan niyang malapad ay parang pader sa aking harapan. I never seen him this huge and damn I feel so small in front of him! Parang isang galaw niya lang ay madudurog ako.

"You maybe mastered being a liar but it will never work for me, Lacey," he trailed off, now staring intently at me.

"I-I am not... lying."

"Did you forget that I hate using a handkerchief? I know you do because we had a lot of struggle without that back then. Pinagbigyan lang kita dahil alam kong may sasabihin kang mas importante pa sa mga sinabi mo kanina kaya huwag mong sayangin ang pagkakataon. What is it that you really want to tell me?"

Dama ko ang pagguho ng buong mundo ko sa kanyang sinabi. Muli, I was played good. Gaya noong unang hindi niya sinabing nakilala niya ako at ngayon pangalawa sa pagsakay sa kasinungalingan kong walang kwenta tungkol sa panyo!

Parang gusto ko na lang lumubog sa kinatatayuan lalo na sa mga sinabi niyang tungkol sa nakaraan because damn, I fucking remember it all!

Matthaios is right. I am being dumb and this is not me! Masyado akong nabobobo sa harapan ni Toine and I hate myself for it!

"Iyon lang ang gusto kong sabihin." giit ko.

"So you just want to talk to me for nonsense? Come on, what is it really?"

Sa paggalaw ko ng kamay ay binitiwan niya ako. Nanghihina akong umatras upang makahinga sa init niya.

"I am not lying at wala na tayong dapat pang pag-usapan, Toine. Iyon lang talaga at aalis na ako ngayon. Pasensiya na kung walang kwenta ang lahat ng mga sinabi ko para sa 'yo pero iyon lang ang pakay ko. I hope you have a great night. I hope kahit paano maayos na ang muling paghihiwalay natin. Good night. Thanks for the drink. Good bye, Toine." iyon na lang ang sinabi ko at walang lingon na siyang iniwan.

I thanked God and all the angels and saints because he did not follow me. Hanggang sa makabalik ako sa aking suit ay hindi siya nang-istorbo.

I already took a bath twice and swim at the pool this day. Kotang-kota na ako sa pagligo pero pagkatapos ng naging pag-uusap namin ay hindi ko napigilang sa banyo kaagad dumiretso.

I feel like I took some of his heat with me and I needed a cold bath to wash it all off. Hinayaan ko ang katawang malunod sa malamig na tubig habang nakatapat sa shower kahit na isang minuto pa lang ay ramdam ko na ang panginginig ng katawan ko. I did not leave the bathroom until my stupid mind was calm enough to think of something else aside from Toine and everything about this day.

Matapos maligo at patuyuin ang buhok ay humiga na ako sa kama. My thoughts calmed down but it was too impossible to take him out of it. Mas lalo na nang marinig ko ang door bell sa aking pintuan tatlong oras ang nakalipas.

Kunot noo akong tumayo upang tignan kung sino. My heart went ballistic again after seeing the same man I left at the bar. He's now in front of my door and waiting for me to open it. His face was now red. Mukhang sa pag-alis ko ay inubos na ang bote ng alak na 'yon at bumili pa ng panibago.

I was startled when he pushed the bell button again. He's becoming impatient and that forced me to finally open it even though my heart was totally against the idea.

"You owe me big for wasting my time tonight, Lacey." bungad niya sa pagbukas ko ng pintuan.

"Andres—hmpph!" I whimpered instead of saying more words because in one swift of his hand that snaked around my waist, I was pressing hard against his impatient heat while his lips were punishing mine and urgently taking what he said I owe him.

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