Sameer Maheshwari 17th April 1996

Munna: tune kabhi uska haath thik se bhi pakda hain?

When I nodded in a no, they burst into peals of laughter, my so called buddies Munna and Pandit

Pandit: abbey tu shaadi karne chala hain. ab toh bada ho jaa! Ek baat bata tune Bhabhi se who waali baat toh kar li haina?

I was perplexed at what these two were hinting at. Since I caught the glimmer in Munna's eyes the moment pandit mentioned woh waali. But I was at a loss. Sometimes my friends would talk in code words of their own and I didn't understand. We had been friends since childhood, since the time when I lived with my Nanaji in Ahmedabad, when I was a toddler. You see my step father and his mom were not in favor of me joining my mother in the same house. Hence while she got married to him , naanu took over my responsibilities. I was too young to understand. But while I was growing up, I could tell the tension every time my stepfather would visit with my mother. Though my mother was never short on affection for me yet her absence would prick me in the heart from time to time. I would often cry in private and it was when these two jokers with whom I went to school in Ahmedabad would come and pull me out of my world of melancholy. I remember the time when Mr. Somani had suggested that I be put in a boarding school. I was barely 11 and cried my hearts out to the decision. Naanu had hollered at my mum for being so insensitive and had clutched on to me like I was his life. Munna Pandit then had camped out at my naanu's place till I left for Nainital. Our distress only grew, when the same Mr Somani who until then wouldn't bother to acknowledge me as my mothers's son insisted that I spent part of my holidays with them in Delhi. It was frustrating since I wasn't allowed to call Munna and Pandit there. I remember when I had suggested for the same, my stepfather sneered at me and called my friends pedestrians with no class and that they were bad influence on me. I had fumed from within but kept calm not only for the sake of my mother but also because I knew If I would further protest and be obstinate, he might put a ban on me joining my naanu in Ahmedabad for the next vacations. Hence we settled for a truce and I got to call them each day for 10 mins. Though the distance had grew yet the hearts stayed interconnected to each other and the fondness never lost its charm. As destiny would have it, though Sameer finished his school from nainital, these two joined him in the same college for Engineering and though Munna went to join a private firm, Pandit and Sameer cleared for NDA and joined the forces as Engineers. Finally they were united.

Pandit's question lingered in the air, while their gazes shifted from one to the another. I was at a loss, like I said before. Sometimes to understand the underlying meaning of their talks, one had to employ a special translator. I was growing irritated by their silence and hence i simply asked

Sameer: kya? Kya waali baat? Hum roz baat karte hain phone pe.

Munna: kya baatein karte ho?

The sarcasm wasn't lost on me, I knew he was hinting at something else

Sameer: hum tarah tarah ki baatein karte hain. kabhi humaare interests share karte hain ek dusre k saath toh kabhi hum ek dusre ko apna favourite holiday destination batate hain. yahi sab.

Pandit: oooooo achaaaaa, samjhaaaaa

Saying these the two jokers burst out laughing yet again.

Sameer: tum log yeh gol gol baat karna chodo aur bataon kaunsi waali baat karni hain mujhe Naina se. aur please yeh chidhana bandh karo. Bahut irritation hoti hai mujhe.

Munna: le yeh bhi hum hi bataayein, bhagwaan, tera kuch nahi ho sakta hain Sameer. Ponga humaare pyaare Sant Sameer ko zara batana kaunsi waali baat. Kyunki mujhse ab aur nahi ho raha.

Pandit: haan toh Shri Sameer Maheshwari, baat yeh hain ki tum aur Bhabhi, matlab, Bhabhi aur tum, jald shaadi ke bandhan mein bandhne waale ho. Toh shaadi ka matlab pata haina kya hain? matlab humein yeh pata hain, ki tujhe pata hain, shaadi atoot bishwas, aur pyaar pe chalti hain. lekin jo pyaar hain thoda tricky hain. pyaar k kai padhaon hotey hain uss baarein mein aapne humaari Bhabhi se baatcheet ki hain ki hain ki nahi?

Sameer : matlab? Pyaar pe kya baatcheet karni hain, pyaar toh karta hoon main ussey aur who mujhse isiliye toh shaadi kar rahein hain. haan main eek do baar phone pe I love you bola hain, aur usne bhi me too bola hain. toh kya saara time bolte rahein? Yeh toh mehsoos karne ki baat hain. aur mujhe apne liye pyaar dikhta hain Naina ki aankhon mein aur usko bhi dikhta hoga am sure.

Pandit: satyanash! Abbey mehsoos...mehsoos ki hi toh baat hain lekin shaadi k baad pyaar jatana padhta hain doosre tareeke se. uska kya?

Sameer: ab aur kaunsa tareeka hain bhai? Main aur Naina dikhaawe waale pyaar mein vishwaas nahi karte.Toh tumlog bekaar mein tension le rahein ho. Who samajhti hain mujhe.

Munna: ponga iska kuch nahi ho sakta, tu chod inko. Shaadi k baad bhagwaan hi maalik hain inka. Ek acha idea deta hoon tujhe Sameer, tu shaadi k baad Bhabhi ko leke tirth yatra pe nikal jaa. Kyunki sansar se pade hain tumhara pyaar. Toh wahi best rahega.

Sameer: yeh kya bakwaas kar raha hain tu haan? Tirth pe kyun jayenge. Hum honeymoon pe jayenge. Maine toh destination bhi dekh li. Maine socha hain usey leke Shimla jaonga. Usey hill stations bahut pasand hain aur mujhe bi. Aakhir pahadon pe hi toh humaare pyaar ki shuruaat huyi thi.

Pandit: acha hain, lekin wahan jaake karoge kya? Bhajan kirtan? Haan bhai, Shimla mein bhi bahut saare achi temples hain. wahi saara din guzaar lena dono. Tu usko dekhna who tujhe aur saath mein aarti. Waah kya badhiya honeymoon hoga.

I literally fumed at his words while these two wouldn't stop laughing. They were having one of those moments when they were privy to an inside joke while I was in the dark. I grinded my jaws against each other and my mood had clouded. Sensing this, they stopped laughing. The setting had suddenly changed to somber.

Sameer : bhajan kirtan means what? Kaunsa inside joke chal raha tum logon ka? Jo bhi chal raha hain, mujhe bilkul pasand nahi hain. who meri hone waali biwi hain and I expect you both to accord her with some respect. Humesha mazaak acha nahi lagta. Aur rahi baat honeymoon ki, obviously bhajan kirtan karne nahi jayenge wahan. Tum logon ko idea bhi hain ki honeymoon ka matlab kya hota hain? kyun couples honeymoon pe jaate hain?

Pandit and Munna in chorus: tujhe hain?

Sameer : offcourse aur nahi toh kya, main kya ullu hoon jo pata nahi hoga.

Pandit: thank god, matlab tuney Bhabhi se baat kar rahi hain, hum bekaar mein hi ghabra rahein they. Arey Munna apna bhai baap hain in maamlo mein. Tu kya bekaar ki bolta rehta hain haan.

Munna : abbey maine kab bola bekaar ka. Mujhe laga ki aisi baatein shaadi se pehle kar leni chahiye issey understanding theek rehti hain. abhi Sameer bhi kaafi young hain aur Bhabhi bhi. Toh shaadi k turant baad bacha thik nahi lagta. Behtar hain, dono ek dusre ko samajh le phir ek nayi jaan ko iss duniya mein laaye. Nahi toh problems ho sakti hain. isiliye bol raha thaa main. Lekin haan tune sahi kahan humaara Sameer samjhdaar hain, usne pehle hi soch liya hoga sab aur baat bhi Karli hogi humaari Bhabhi se.

Omg! Were they hinting at what I was thinking? I was literally jolted at their talks. And suddenly the silence around felt too heavy. I was at a loss, my friends were right. Though were to get married in a matter of a few days now, yet I had missed out on discussing one of the most important of topics. Contraception!

Our love till now had been Platonic, restricted to talks and sneaking glances at each other and a few hand holds when no one was looking. But after marriage the dynamics were to change. We were to share a room, a bed and obviously, though as promised, I wouldn't jump her and neither would I force her for physical intimacy but ultimately we would be slowly transitioning into our relationship where we would be sharing our love through physical closeness. That would be pious and pure but given our ages, especially when Naina had expressed her wish to study further and me being busy with my work. And also the adjustments that were to follow after marriage, we had to take it slowly in terms of kids. And that means, we would have to use contraception. And I needed to know whether my beautiful wife to be was ok with the plan. I mean waiting for a few years until we have children. And I also had to know whether she had any idea as to what goes beyond closed doors in a marriage. This talk was indeed important. And I had missed it completely.

My friends continued with their chatter while I was busy preparing myself as to how to broach the very subject with my coy bride to be? What if it made her uncomfortable? What if she stopped talking to him? What if, her family break the alliance when they come to know of their talks?

Urgggghhhh! I groaned in agony startling my friends who were busy munching onto their samosas.

Munna and Pandit: kya hua ab? Arey chillaya kyun?

Munna: bhai, zara sambhal k control kar. Abhi thodi der hain, shaadi mein. Tab tak control. Galti humaari hain, khamakhaan aisi baatein karke bhai ko charged up kar diya.

Pandit: ooooo achaaaa! Heheheeheheh

Pandit chuckled

I cleared my throat, while clutching onto the cordless. Gosh! This was all so embarrassing! How would I ever broach this topic? What would I say? I mean. But then with Naina I had to be transparent. Last time my attempts at evading my own attractions towards her had led to her getting emotionally hurt. Its better this time I bare my heart out and speak to her in straight words.

I tried giving my own self pep talks, c'mon Sameer you are a stud! You can do this. Her family is orthodox, she isn't. she would understand my concerns and wouldn't misread my intentions. After all what I am going to say is in the best interest of us both. So better to talk to her in person and straight.

Every night when I called her, I waited in anticipation to hear her mellifluous voice. But today with every tring tring, my heart went thud thud. I waited not in anticipation but in dread. Since the conversation that was to ensue was not easy. Neither would it be easy for her to respond to it nor would it be easy for me to form sentences. Already I felt like my brain had gone into a limbo and I had lost my power to make sentences and infact I kept wondering as in whether I at all knew how to talk? The phone kept ringing until the soft click and then I could hear her breaths. As if she was running.

"hello" came her soft breathless whisper, and before I could respond, she started rambling on

Naina: sorry sorry sorry, agar thodi aur der hoti toh shayad aap phone hi rakh dete. I know, kaafi der hui uthhane mein. Who actually kya hu ana. Who taiji aaj shaadi k budget ko leki baithi thi. Aapko pata haina who kaisi hain. Bus shuru kar diye taane ek k baad ek who bhi papa pe. Phir kya thaa, chid gayi jung dono mein. Phir chachaji Papa k aur Tauji Taiji k defence mein utad pade maidaan mein. Ghamasaan yudh shuru hogaya. Naa paani, naa chai, na Thanda, nahi sharbat, kuch kaam na kiya. Shaam 6 baje ka shuru hua ab jaake khatam hua. Woh bhi sab khaane pe gussa nikaal k so gaye. Yeh khaane pe gussa nikalna ekdum achi baat nahi hoti. Humne samjahne ki agar koi koshish kit oh Tauji ne zor se humein daant diya. Aap kuch bol nahi rahein? Naraaz hain

I smiled at her innocence. She was such a doll, my stomach knotted with fear about the impending conversation while my mind was battling whether to talk to her about the given topic or just leave at that. But then I knew, I couldn't simply leave it at that since then after marriage it would be a big shock for her and hence I smiled and said,

Sameer: tum rail gaadi ki tarah boley jaogi toh mujhe kuch sujhegaa kya bolne ka. Waise main naraaz bilkul nahi hoon. Tum agar phone nahi uthaati toh mujhe gussa nahi balki hairaani aur fikar hoti. Since tum kabhi mera phone nahi miss karti. So don't worry, aur haan yeh sorry bolna bandh karo ab. Ek baat humesha yaad rakhna Naina. Bhalei hum dono honeywaale pati patni hain lekin usey pehle hum dost hain aur doston ko baat baat pe explaination nahi dete hain aur naahi sorry bolte hain thik?

Ab ek baat bataon. Ghar k bade toh bache bann k khaane pe gussa nikaal so gaye. Tumhaara kya? Bhuki baithi ho abhi bhi?

Naina: hmm, samajh gayi, aapko meri chinta hain aura ap mere sabse ache dost hain aur haan aapke sawaal ka jawaab hain. Nahi, maine preeti ne khana kha aliya. Taiji k chakkar mein main thodi kadhai paneer miss kar sakti thi?

She chuckled at her own joke while I smiled at her simplicity and innocence.

Sameer: acha suno Naina, mujhe kuch important baat karni thi tumse.

Naina: haan boliye

Sameer: Naina who kya haina ki hum ab kuch dino mein shaadi karnewaale hain toh.... Toh... woh..... aisa hain, ki woh main....nahi matlab tum... nahi matlab.....hum dono....actually.

Suddenly my words were in a disarray and words were flying out and going in various directions. Neither of what I said, was making any sense and I was getting frustrated by the minute. What was I to say? How do I broach this topic?

Naina: kya baat hain, aap itna hichkicha kyun rahein hain? Koi baat hui hain kya? Yaa phir us din ki tarah aap waapis kuch chuppa rahein. Abhi toh aapne kahan ki hum dost hain. Toh jise doston se sorry nahi kehte waise hi doston se nahi jijhakte hain aur naahi kuch chupaate hain. Kahiye aapko jo kehna hain aur nahi Sameer mujhe bilkul buraa nahi lagega. Aapki kahi koi baat kabhi galat nahi ho sakti. Aap pe bharosa hain mujhe poora. Ab kahiye.

If there was an iota of doubt that was left, all of it went down the drain with her words. She could sense my discomfort and read my thoughts. As if I was an open book. I knew the first day I laid eyes upon her some magic had transpired but today I was living magic. Indeed Naina is my soulmate and I cant keep anything away from her. Her speech emboldened my spirits and I launched in with confidence.

Sameer : Naina, when we get married, some things will change between us, I hope you understand.

Naina: change matlab? Kya change?

Sameer: we will be man and wife, and hence humaare beech who sab hoga jo aam taud pe husband wife k beech hota hain. Lekin.....

Before I could continue, she interrupted

Naina: main samajh nahi paa rahi... aap bol kya rahein ho. Seedhe seedhe bolo na.

Sameer : Naina you intend to continue with your studies I know. Especially I want you to continue as well. Infact I want you to develop professionally as well. I want you to know that I will support you every step of the way. And given my responsibilities in my current job, I might not be around 24/7 and infact some days I might fail to return home or come home very late in the night. You see in the forces we are a dedicated lot and usually when it comes to our country we are supposed to keep it at the helm, ahead of our families. So I would want you to understand.

Naina: I know Sameer, mujhe pehle hi toh aapne bataya thaa aur main bhi aapka saath har waqt har muqaam pe doongi. Toh phir yeh sab waapis baatne ki kya zaroorat hain?

Sameer : naina zaroorat hain isiliye toh bata raha hoon. Jaise main kabhi kabhi ghar pe late aaungaa aur kabhi aungaa hi nahi waise hi kabhi kabhi main tumhaare liye chutiyaan bhi liyaa karunga. Hum ghumne bhi jaynge aur tumhe shopping bhi karaunga. Aur hum quality time bhi spend karenge aur humaare quality time mein hum dheere dheere husband wife jaise behave bhi karenge. Lekin uske liye humein thoda savdhaan bhi rehna hoga

Naina: matlab? Savdhaan kis liye?

Sameer : Naina tum samajh nahi rahi ho.

It was actually frustrating, and I was fast losing plot to continue this conversation and hence I felt, it was better I spilled the beans all at once

Sameer : physical relationship Naina, I am talking about us being together intimately.

I blurted out

Though I couldn't see her yet I could picture her shocked stance and her red face. She must be feeling shy. All at once my chirpy wife to be had gone speechless.

Sameer: hello, Naina , tum ho ya behosh hogayi

Naina: hmmm she responded

Sameer: dekho Naina agar tumhe acha nahi laga toh rehne dete hain. But mujhe laga its important that we are on the same page about when we are going to have kids.

Naina: kids.....

Came her soft whisper

Sameer: yes kids, and I hope you know, how kids are made , I mean, you know right what happens? This relationship that we share may be it is platonic at this point with a few hand holds here and there but it wouldn't be the same post marriage. I am not a saint and neither do I wish to stay celibate. But I also don't wish to have kids early on in marriage

Naina: aap ko bache nahi pasand?

Speaking in soft whisper she asked

Sameer: bahut pasand hai, muje ek nahi do chahiye, ek khubsurat ladki bilkul tumhaari tarah aur ek dashing ladka meri tarah.

Naina: dhatt!

Sameer: dhatt! Kya dhatt? Main jhooth nahi bol raha, am serious. Uske baad decide karenge cricket team banani hain ya football team.

I was suddenly enjoying this conversation

Sameer: kya hogaya naina chup kuin baith gayi? Kuch bolo. Chalo main hi bol eta hoon, toh jaisa ki maine kahan, post marriage we will evolve as husband and wife and like I mentioned I don't wish to stay celibate. But I want us wait atleast 3years before we have children. And hence I think its important that whenever we get intimate, it should be with protection.

With every word, I could feel her blush deepening. Though she stayed quite yet I could feel her consent. Never for once she stopped me in between.

Sameer: so Naina, I hope we are on the same page right? Since I think 3 years would be perfect for you to finish your studies and start working while we would be well settled into our bliss. Fingers crossed! So...

Naina: to answer your question, whether I have any clue as to what transpired between a man and woman post marriage, let me tell you, I know what happens. Don't be stumped, I have read enough romance novels. Our biology in class 10 had made us curious enough to be scouring through libraries to find out about what goes beyond. So I know and about you and me being on the same page, yes I agree with you on this since marriage itself is a huge change and we both need to be well settled and adjusted before we bring in a new life into this world. Am glad you spoke on this topic. And yes we should .... I mean... when we decide to come close....be intimate that is... use protection but I have a question, would you be using protection everytime or do you want me to consult a gynae for contraceptive pills?

God! What was this woman? Enchantress, seductress? Or a prankster? I thought I had put her in the spot and infact I was enjoying her blush though couldn't see it and here this female simply stumped me to silence with her speech. What should I say now?

Naina: waise Sameer koi jaldi nahi hain, soch samajh k jawab de dijiyegaa muje intezaar rahega.

With that she clicked the phone shut while I sat dumbfounded in a corner. For a minute or two I had held the phone to my ears listening to the dial tone until my reverie was broken. She was pulling my leg!? Gosh! I am taken!