Sameer Maheshwari 16th April 1996

Its all so surreal, I cant believe that I was actually getting ready to be at my engagement with the girl from St Marys. I smiled at my thoughts, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind she was still the girl from St Marys. I was excited to see her today, especially since she was to be decked up in the colour that I chose. Peach! I know quite an unconventional choice for the nineties since magenta and orange are the current hot favourites for brides at their engagement. Apparently her taiji was scandalised at the choice and had sniggered. Oh I remember laughing it off with her on the phone! Yes we talk on the phone daily for an hour or two and usually its me making the calls when I get the green signal of two rings from her end, that the coast is clear. Usually all in her family are cool with us conversing infact her chachaji has lovingly passed over the phone to her, when the blank calls wouldn't stop from me but her taiji is a piece of art! She has a problem with anything and everything that Naina does. The blame is always on her , since she is a girl. Taiji believes that if she keeps on leading me on like the way she is, then it might smear her reputation beyond repair. What reputation?! I am her to be husband and that too just in 8 days yet offcourse till the time she is married to me officially they cannot be taking risks. I was quite offended at her thought. And I now understand what earful she had to give Naina while she was out with me alone to buy her ring. Its exasperating but then I tell myself its only a matter of 8 days and then she would be mine. The word mine always brings a feeling of contentment. Its as if the ultimate solace that would bring me peace and that is come on the 24th of April when we take our vows as husband and wife. I smiled yet again and looked at the mirror only to find my mother and aunt smiling back, no giggling at my behest. On my questioning glance, they cleared their throat and reprimanded me for taking too much time to get ready and also that I should stop day dreaming. I went red this time and this time I was awarded with their musical laughter and also they started teasing me. Gosh! When would all of this end! I only wanted my Naina by my side. The moment we get married, I am gonna whisk her off to Dehradun where am posted and be completely out of touch with everyone. The only touch that I would pine then, I knew, would be hers. Control Sameer control, your mind is straying to the not so innocent thoughts. So hold your horses!

She looked ethereal, divine mesmerizing, in that peach silk saree. The weather, in delhi was not at its best given the summers and hence we had chosen a fully airconditioned venue. That had been another episode altogether especially the way her tauji and taiji had vehemently rejected the idea saying it was beyond their means. The tension was palpable and somewhere both me and Naina were tensed that it would have a negative effect on our impending marriage. My mother though remained cool yet bristled at the thought of her son getting engaged in some narrow lane of Delhi. I was ok with everything since I only wanted my Naina. This incensed her further. My stepfather wasn't helping either. Rather he was busy fuelling the fire and kept on harping on the status symbol. Luckily for me Naanu chipped in. The great Jaiprakash Maheshwari was always my magic man. As if he had the key to all my problems. He came along with his pixie dust and waved his wand around and soon it was decided that the expenses would be shared by both sides, Naina's chachaji was gracious enough to oblige and agreed readily while her father  grumbled yet I guess we managed since now we were sitting beside each other ready to be exchanging rings.

Wow! I couldn't take my eyes off her, that saree hugged her like second skin and that blouse, is it actually that deep in the back? My mother definitely is modern. I knew she took Naina out for shopping and when asked about any preference of colours for her, I had simply mumbled peach but I didn't know that apart from the colour she had planned to surprise me in other ways. Though the back remain hidden with the long cascade of her hair and even the palloo on her head, yet when I tried pulling her close for a picture together, my hand accidently brushed across her back. I could see Naina going stiff and I the moment my hand came in contact with her smooth skin, it jolted me like I had touched some live wire of 440 volts. Wow! First the kulfi and then this! Sameer you are dead! You are so so dead!

Sameer : " achi lag rahi ho aaj tum"

I somehow muttered since my mind was yet again at work, she mumbled in a thank you though I could tell she was a bit disappointed in my response. Ya she looked divine and when she was walking towards me, I couldn't help but wink at her and she had blushed. Hence the expectation that I might me singing sonnets in her honour isn't actually unexpected. But my mind was stuck at her blouse and the smooth expanse of her creamy skin. How was I to tell that had I had it my way I would have simply whisked her off to a place secluded from all prying eyes and done things to her which were definitely not so innocent. God! What is it with me?! I sound like some pervert to my own ears.

In all of this, Naina saw the colour of my skin change, while when I first walked in my off white sherwani, I looked every bit the dapper along with my killer smile and now I was every bit the flustered. The confidence was gone and in its place was the stiffness that made me sit like a stick with my eyes fixed on nothing yet everything. You know what I mean right? Everything was simply out of focus.

Naina: aap theek toh haina? Tabiyat kuch thik nahi lag rahi aapki

Sameer: "hmm, thik hoon" I could barely look into her eyes when I spoke. I knew I was making a grave mistake but couldn't help.

It was time for us to exchange the rings and the entire family gathered around us while the pandit chanted some auspicious mantras. My mother placed a red chunri on Naina's head while she blessed her with jewels. Everyone looked in awe. I was the only one who was avoiding her gaze. I could feel her giving me a slight nudge with her leg to look her way yet I just avoided. I couldn't look at her without imagining all the x rated pictures that were flashing across my eyes at the time. How was I to confess the same to her? When it was time to exchange the rings, I barely touched her, keeping my fingers fixed at the ring and while she put the ring on my finger I had my eyes set on the gold band that now adorned my ring finger. Everyone clapped while my friends hugged and congratulated me. I was happy from within and the smile that came on was natural. Now it was just about those few days in between and then she would be mine. I looked at Naina who was surrounded by her giggling friends who were busy examining her ring now and praising its shine. But when I looked at her eyes, I could see the twinkle not of happiness but that of tears. Shit! She was hurt by my behaviour. Who wouldn't be. I had behaved like a jerk and now she was upset. I had to get it clear with her. But what was I to tell her that while she was busy putting the ring on my finger I was busy conjuring up x rated images of her with me in the not so innocent poses. I felt like smacking my head and closed my eyes in despair! What had I done?!

Dinner was a quite affair. We seated at a table together while our friends and family sat all around. I so wanted to get some time alone with her so that I could apologise but alas! She avoided looking at me and ate in silence. When anyone said something she would either nod or just smile. All the while I kept looking at her beckoning for her silently to look at me. But she just wouldn't. fair and square! After all I had hurt her feelings. This was to be one of the most special moments for us and I had ruined it completely.

My restlessness continued even after we came back home. She had refused to look at me while bidding farewell for the evening. My mother was perplexed at my predicament and gave me confused stares in the car. But I was pensive, lost in my thoughts of Naina. I knew I had to speak with her asap and clear the air and hence I picked up the receiver without further delay. I gave our usual two ring signal and then made the final call. It was picked up instantly. But instead of the sweet hello I was meted out with silence.

Sameer: kuch bologi nahi

Naina : nahi, bolne ko kuch nahi hain, aap khush haina? Kahin aapko doubt toh nahi ho raha apne descision pe? I know main humaara khandaan aapke status k hisaab nahin hain. Toh agar koi bhool chuk hogayi ho humse toh maaf kar dijiyega. Par please Rishta mat todna. Warna taiji mujhe ghar se nikal degi. Pehle se hi mujhse manhoos hone ka daag hain.

Saying so she broke into tears

I cringed within, what had I done? She had completely misjudged my ministrations. Little did she know that neither was I miffed with her nor was I dissatisfied with the arangements. It was the raging hormones and need for her that led me to behave the way I did. I couldn't help but chuckle at her innocence

Naina: aap has rahein hain?!

Sameer: haan kyunki tum jo soch rahi ho, waisa bilkul bhi nahi hain. Naina mere liye status caste creed kabhi koi importance nahi rakhta. I fell in love with you even without knowing about your cast creed or status and I love you with my heart and yes I am sorry. I need to apologize for my behaviour this evening. I was rude but it was not because of any shortcoming from your end but for a completely different reason.

Naina: kya reason?

Now she was intrigued and I was at a loss for words

Sameer : woh naina.....hmm.... aisa hain.... woh.... Main.... Tum....matlab

Naina: haan main? Kya kiya maine, aur aap itna hichkicha kyun rahein hain? baataiye na kya hua thaa.

Sameer : tum aaj bahut khubsoorat lag rahi thi and your blouse was really hot and hence I lost my mind.

I blurted out all at once and before she could react I had even cut the call. I closed my eyes in despair. What had I done?! This was all going downhill. I was gutted! This is all so embarrassing.

Naina Agarwal 16th April 1996

Did he just say that? My blouse looked hot on me. I couldn't stop blushing at the comment. Rather my face had turned a deep red and Preeti miss know it all kept on asking whether I have fever? And I just nodded mindlessly. I was walking around in a daze. My would be husband whom I had fancied since school days found me hot. The thought that he is attracted to me made my skin tingle.

I still remember the day when Usha aunty had pranced through our doors and informed my taiji and chachiji about this Rishta and this guy who according to her was 'laakhon mein ek!"

'Naina betiya k bhaag khul jayenge agar iss ladke k saath baat pakki haogayi toh' she had chirped.

I remember pouring water for her in a glass while eavesdropping and my heart had sunk at the thought of getting married to a stranger since my mind and my heart was held captive by that guy who waited for me everyday at his school gate. My friend Swati had laughed at my thoughts and called it my infatuation and I was incensed at my family who wanted me married asap.

When he had first come to formally see me, I had refused to pay a glance at him and I remember the soft whispers between him and his mom and the scandalous shriek of my taiji when he had suggested that we talk in private. I was grumbling and simpering within. I was enraged at this strangers audacity. How could he? I even thanked my stars when taiji refused point blank but then chachiji and chachaji chipped in and suggested that Preeti be our chaperone. I was determined while walking towards our room, that I wouldn't utter a single word and thinking that I was deaf and dumb, this stupid stranger would say no to the alliance. I even remember the wicked smile that had adorned my face. I stuck to my plan and while he tried to initiate a dialogue, I let Preeti the chatterbox take the lead. I could tell, he was exasperated. The little 'uffs and ah's' under the breath weren't missed by me. I remember being happy within since I knew my plan was near to fruition but that one moment, rather the very moment, he uttered something that made me look up and my fate was sealed with his to be his.

The cycle, the slow pedals and those stares at one another all came flashing back. How he leaned against the iron gates of his school while his hair flew in the wind. I could picture us back yet again in Nainital, in our school uniforms speaking the unsaid language with our eyes. I deliberately went slow near his gate. Only so, that I could look at him a little longer absorb him all in. it felt like we were both elixirs to each other and pined for each other. That was then and now the same boy now a man was to be my husband. And that same would be husband was having not so innocent thoughts about me because of the blouse that I wore for the function. I blushed yet again. And the more I blushed, the more Preeti fussed over me. Thrusting an aspirin in my hand she urged for me to gulp it with some water. I smiled and took the medicine.

It was my mother in law's idea, I mean the blouse. I had gone in with the more orthodox design with the entire back closed. But my mother in law seemed appalled at my choice. She said that it would smother me and I would feel claustrophobic and that I should rather go in for something more open. My eyes had turned to two big saucers at her suggestion since my family especially my taiji and tauji would never approve of such dressing. But she reassured me that they would say nothing and that she would personally speak with them. Yet I chose something a little less orthodox and simple, which she yet again disapproved. I kept on choosing while she kept on rejecting until the time she took it upon herself. She simply turned to me and said, ' beta ek kaam karte hain, main tumhaare blouse ka design khud choose karke masterji ko directions de doongi, tum tab tak kuch dress materials aur kuch saariyan pasand karlo? Theek hain?"

I had nodded meekly since she was to be my to be mother in law and in taiji's language you don't argue with your mother in law since she is always right and I just played along keeping the same mantra in mind. It was only when the blouses and sarees were delivered that we found out about the deep cut, rather almost backless blouse. Preeti's eyes had turned so big, that her eyeballs nearly bulged out while chachiji was speechless. We somehow managed to keep it away from the eyes of taiji. Chachiji simply suggested that on the given day no one would notice with the palla and also since I had decided to keep my hair open as was the wish of my prince charming, it would all be covered. But in the deep recesses of my mind I wanted Sameer to notice since I was curious about his reaction. He had hinted with his gestures that he liked me, rather his loving stares told the story that he held immense love in his heart for me but I wanted to know whether he desired me? Like all other guys ? whether he would get not so innocent thoughts of me, seeing me in such an attire? And he did! He noticed! Rather he also fantasized about me even. He was so flustered and at a loss for words when he had to confess the same on the phone. I couldn't stop my smile. I was overjoyed.