Emma's POV

I gripped onto the sink gasping for air as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Disgusting.

My face was red with tears running down my face endlessly like a river. My eyes were bloodshot and stung painfully as I tried to rub them slowly.

I sunk down to the floor and let out a pathetic sob and hit the floor with my fist.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Things were getting bad again. It's been 2 days since Brendon confessed and things between us have been good.

Just things with me.. haven't been okay. I've  stayed up the past 2 nights overthinking everything.

I wasn't good enough for Brendon. I'm ugly, stupid, pathetic, useless, worthless. He would be better off with another prettier, better girl who isn't so sad and fucked up.

But I'm too selfish. I didn't want to let him go and I couldn't even if I tried.

An electric shock like feelings spread throughout my body starting at my heart. My hands closed into tight fists as I sobbed louder.

The voices in my head were yelling louder and louder. My head hurt so much, I wanted to put a bullet through my skull and end it all.

With shaking hands I reached out to get my phone. I wiped away some of my tears trying to get rid of my blurry vision.

I pressed call and put the call on speaker.

I laid on my side, curled up in a ball. "Hey beautiful" I heard Brendon's amazing voice say.

Beautiful? He is lying you ugly bitch.

"Emma? You there? Are you okay?" Brendon asked suddenly sounding worried.

Am I okay? No, I'm really not.

I suddenly burst into more tears and let out a sob.

"Emma! Fuck, what's wrong? Where are you? I'm coming over alright? Please be safe" He said and hung up.

I didn't understand why I couldn't just be happy. Why am I never okay? It felt like the only way I'd be okay is when I'm buried 6ft underground, decaying. That I'd only be okay once I disappear from here.

I sat up, and slowly reached into my pocket and pulled out my razor blade. It was the only way for now. 

My mind felt numb, everything felt numb, I couldn't even feel the tears flowing down my face anymore.

I couldn't think, or even try to stop myself. I bit my lip trying to stop shaking and slowly moved my hand to my thighs.

Just as I pressed the silver against my skin, I heard someone burst into my room. Next thing I knew, I was staring at Brendon's worried eyes.

His eyes widened when he looked down at my hand and quickly bent down and took the blade out of my hand.

"Emma, please" he said as tears drops slowly flowed down his face. "No no no, don't cry please don't" I begged as he quickly wrapped his arms around me.

I laid my head on his chest. " it's all going to be okay, I promise" Brendon whispered as my fingers curled into fists in his shirt.

"It hurts, Brendon, I can't do this anymore" I croaked as my hot tears flowed down faster.
"No stop it Emma, you are so strong, I know you can get through it all, and I'll be here for you" He reassured me.

"That's what you said last time" I muttered. "I know, I'm so so sorry Emma, I know you probably don't trust me much but I promise I'll be here, I won't ever let you go, I want to be here to love you and take care of you and always will" He said as I wrapped my arms around his torso.

He stood up and carried me out the bathroom and sat me down on my bed. "Look what I brought you" He said, picking up his hoodie from my bed.

I offered him a small smile and took the hoodie. "Turn around" I said as he shook his head. "Why?" He smirked.

"Because I want to put this on" I said as he shrugged. "I've seen you in a bra before" Brendon pressed on.

I sighed and turned around facing away from him. I pulled my shirt up and quickly pulled his hoodie over my head.

I turned around to see Brendon's cheeks turn pink. "You weren't wearing a bra.." He muttered, gulping. "And?" I said with a smirk.

"You look beautiful in my hoodie" He said, grabbing my waist and pulling me against him. I put my arms on his shoulders and smiled.

His eyes flickered down to my lips a few times as I bit my bottom lip nervously. "Don't do that" Brendon said. "Do what?" I asked.

"Don't bite you lip, its too hot" he said as my cheeks burned. I licked my lips and felt Brendon's arms around my waist wrap around a little tighter.

I wasn't sure who leaned in first but the next thing I knew, his soft lips were pressed against mine.

Butterflies exploded in my stomach as he pulled me even closer to him.

My lips moved in sync with his as my arms wrapped around his neck.

He pulled me up on his lap as I bit his bottom lip. His hands trailed down my waist and his finger tips were underneath my shirt.

He slowly kissed down my chin to my neck as I moved my head up a bit. I felt him suck on my neck as my breathing got faster.

"I love you Emma" He whispered and kissed me again as I smiled against his lips. "I love you Brendon" I finally confessed as he pulled away and stared at me with a big smile.

"Well, you should get some rest princess, you look like you haven't slept in days" he said as I nodded, getting off his lap.

I laid down as Brendon pulled my covers up on me and got into bed next to me. His arm wrapped around my waist as I snuggled closer to him.

"I love you so much, good night beautiful" He whispered, kissing the top of my head as darkness consumed me.

...

"Emma, Emma wake up" I heard someone whisper in my ear then felt light kisses on my face and neck. "Go away" I said, covering my head with the blanket.

"Becky is calling you" Brendon said as I sighed and pulled the blanket off. "Hello?" I said holding my phone against my ear.

"Hey Emma, Theo wants you and Brendon to come over to his house because he wants to tell us all something important." Becky said.

"Alright, we'll be there soon" I said. "Love you bye" she said and hung up.  I put my phone on the bedside table and turned around to face Brendon.

I stared at his messy hair and wanted to run my finger through it so badly.

Without a second thought, I did exactly that. He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose as I felt my cheeks heat up.

I laid back down, snuggling closer to him as he wrapped his arms around me. I suddenly felt his fingers tickle my sides as I jerked up laughing.

"Stop don't tickle me" I groaned and quickly got out of bed, walking towards my closet.
I pulled out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and quickly changed into it, my back facing Brendon the entire time.

Brendon stared at me with his lips slighrly parted. "What?" I asked. "You're so fucking beautiful" He said as my cheeks turned scarlet.

"Uh aren't you going to get out of bed?" I asked. "Uhh you can go have breakfast, I'll be down in a second" He said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Alright?" I said, raising my eye brow and walked out of my room and down the stairs.

After a couple minutes, Brendon jogged down the stairs and joined me in the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" I asked as he nodded. "Yup I'm good, just uh had a little problem but its okay now" he said smiling. I loved his smile.

"What problem?" I asked, as he walked to the fridge ignoring my question. "Brendonnn tell mee" I whined as he sighed.

"I'll just tell you a small part of it. You're just.. really really hot" he said as I gave him a confused look.

Then my eyes widened and I bit my bottom lip, not sure how to respond. "Oh my god, don't do that Emma" he said as I quickly stopped. "Sorry" I mumbled, heat rushing to my cheeks.

"No it's okay" He said, taking a seat next to me at the kitchen island after kissing my cheek. I got up and grabbed a granola bar from the fridge and walked back to Brendon.

I grinned and sat on his lap as Brendon shifted slighty. "What are you doing?" He asked as I shrugged. "Sitting on your lap" I said as I felt his heart beating faster.

I ate my granola bar quietly until I leaned down against the table to get the box of tissues that was far on the other side of the table.

"Emmaa" Brendon groaned in annoyance as I turned around to look at him. "What?" I said as he glared. "I think you know exactly what" He said as I chuckled.

"No, I'm not sure I know" I said as he held my hips. "You're making me want to do things I shouldn't do to you" He whispered, pressing his lips against my ear as my heart almost burst out of my chest.

I put my hand on his and moved it up underneath my sweatshirt a little then quickly moved off of him. "I'll be waiting in the car" I said, wiggling my eyebrows and walking away with a smile. "Emmaa" I heard Brendon yell as I walked out the front door chuckling.

I sat in the car as I patiently waited for Brendon to get out. It took him a couple minutes then he walked out the house with a frown.

"You. Are. Evil" He muttered as he started the car. "I love you" I said, pecking his cheek as he sighed and smiled. "Love you more"

After driving in silence for around 10 minutes, we were finally at Theo's house. Becky and Levi had also just arrived together right after we parked the car.

"Hey guys" Becky smiled as we all got out of the cars. We greeted her back and walked to the front door and rang the door bell.

Theo came and opened the door a couple seconds later and let us inside.

We all sat down on the couches in the living room as Theo fiddled with his fingers nervously.

"Um so it's time I tell you guys something" Theo said as we waited nervously. "I was going to tell Becky alone first but we're all bestfriends and you guys should all know" he said, looking down for a second.

"I- I'm gay and I really like this guy, his name is Jason and that's the guy you saw in my room playing ps4 with me when you came over, I'm so sorry, I was confused, I shouldn't have lead you on, I really did love you but not in that way, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to love a girl that way" He said turning to Becky, his eyes watering.

Becky inhaled slowly and closed her eyes. "You know what? It's okay, that's great Theo, thanks for being an amazing boyfriend when we were dating and always being there for me, as long as you're happy, I'll be okay " Beckys said as tears drops slowly rolled down Theo's cheeks.

Theo nodded and we all got up and gave him a hug. "I'm glad you came out to us, and just incase you're worried, we still love you the same" I said with a smile as Brendon nodded. "Ugh thanks guys, you are amazing" He said.

I looked at Levi as realization smacked me in the face like a truck.

Levi is gay too.

Levi likes Theo.

Theo likes Jason.

I wanted to pull Levi into a hug. I could see right through his fake smile, he was trying to be happy for Theo.

Levi hadn't come out to the other yet, it was only me. It broke my heart thinking about how upset Levi was.

"That's great man, are you guys dating yet?" Levi said, hugging Theo then pulling away. "Uh no, I haven't told him yet, I know he is bisexual though" Theo replied as Levi nodded slowly, looking away.

We all spent an hour or 2 just talking and laughing and the entire time, I continued to glance at Levi secretly. I sighed and looked down at my lap, it hurt knowing one of my bestfriends are hurt.

"Emma, you okay?" Brendon whispered leaning in as I nodded. "Yeah I'm alright" I said with a smile. Brendon smiled back and pecked my lips.

"You guys are adorable" Becky exclaimed as Theo laughed and agreed. "Uh guys I have to go" Levi said and quickly got up to leave.

"We need to go after him" I mumbled to Brendon as Brendon nodded. "We should get going to, I hope we can all meet Jason soon" Brendon said as Becky and Theo
nodded.

"We should check on Levi later on too, something doesn't feel right" Becky said. "Yeah" I answered and left the house with Brendon

"Ugh Brendon" I said as we got into the car. "What's wrong?" Brendon asked worriedly, grabbing my hands.

A million thoughts clouded my head as all the possible 'what ifs' made me want to find Levi as fast as I can.

"We have to find Levi before something terrible happens" I gulped. "What do you mean?" Brendon asked.

"I'll explain later, we have to find Levi now, I'm worried something bad could happen" I said, as I silently tried to shut out the voices in my head.

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UGHRIEHDJ IM SORRY IM BACK NOW. It's been 20 billion years since I've last updated, I suck I'm really really sorry.

I already started on my next chapter so I'll update as sooooon as I can, I swear I'll try my best to finish it by tonight or tomorrow.

AND I CAN NOT SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH, HOLY SHIT THE NICE COMMENTS AND THE VOTES AND THE EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

But I'm sorry about the spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes and things that don't make sense much, I'll try to fix everything when I have the time to- also, yes at first I was going to name the guy Theo likes as Jayden but I changed it to Jason, I'm sorry if I didn't correct that in some of the chapterss.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapterrr

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ILYASM

-Sarah