Emma's POV

The entire time on the way to Walmart, it was silent, neither one of us said a word, or looked at each other- at least I think so, because I was staring out the window while Jesse drove, not sure if he looked at me or not.

I grabbed a cart and started my way through the aisles, getting what was needed. Of course not acknowledging Jesse's presence as he followed me.

It honestly didn't make sense, my dad wasn't the type of person to get mad at such a thing, I could have told him months later and he wouldn't have reacted half as bad about it as he did earlier.

I knew I shouldn't have snapped at him that way though, and I knew it was all my fault. But a part of me couldn't help but blame Jesse. I knew he knew something I didn't and I hated that.

"Emma, I get that your upset about your dad but hey you should have told him about us" He said, walking faster so he was now next to me. "I didn't want to you idiot, I'm not even dating you because I want to, you're forcing me" I said, not slowing down.

"You know you f*cking want me" He said harshly. "Sure, that's totally why I'm happy dating you right?" I rolled my eyes. "You are happy- even if you aren't, I couldn't care less. You're mine and always will be, and if anyone tries to come between us, well they just wait and see" He said, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

"Get your hand off me" I said, pushing him away and walking faster. "You're such a heartless b*tch you know that? All you care about is yourself, you're too blind to see the perfect guy for you wants you" He said, catching up to me again.

"And who is this perfect guy?" I asked, rolling my eyes again. "Me obviously, you should be happy you're dating me. I made you stronger, pushed you to keep going, even made you who you are right now, and in return, you f*cking hate me" He said with frustration.

Okay.

What. The. Actual. F-

I stopped my walking and turned to look at him. "Are you serious? You think you helped
me? You didn't make me stronger, you broke me down so many times, I'm weak because of you and you're hurtful words and actions. You think you pushed me to keep going? You're one of the reasons I want to f*cking die. Don't you get that? You took all the hope I had left, it's like you actually want me to go insane. But yes, you're right about one thing, you are the reason for who I am today. You made me this insecure, depressed, f*cked up, weak and self-harming pathetic b*tch." I almost yelled.

Jesse stood speechless and stared on for what seemed like forever until his mouth finally opened. "Wow, you're really going to blame me for how f*cked up you are? Deep inside you know its all your fault, maybe that's why you hate me. Because it gives you a reason to try to believe its not completely your fault. All I did was help you realize everything you are. A pathetic, ugly, selfish and attention seeking b*tch who thinks can go around and get all the guys to fall for her" He said, as I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back my tears, but failed to do so when I felt a tear drop roll down my cheek.

"I guess you're right" I mumbled, looking down at my shoes. Except no guy would ever want me, neither did I bother trying to get their attention. It was only Brendon. "You know I'm right. Everything is your fault. Even your mom's death. I'm surprised your dad hasn't abandoned you because I'm pretty sure he blames you too, even your brother." He said, with his usual cold, harsh tone. He came closer, making me back up a bit as my back hit the shelves behind.

"F*cks sake, just leave me alone" I said, tears now flowing down my cheeks endlessly. I pushed Jesse away and ran towards the exit.

I kept running and running until I couldn't run anymore.

I stopped running and put my hands on my knees, trying to slow down my heart rate and calm down. I felt so tired, I wanted to collapse on the ground and just die.

Nothing was going right for me. I feel so stupid for thinking everything was going to get better. That day when Brendon and I talked for the first time, I should have known better than to get close to him, or to even think he might like me back.

Seeing a park nearby, I decided to swing a little bit before going home to my dad who probably hates me right now.

I plopped down on the red swing and fished out my pack of cigarettes and took one out. Taking out my lighter as well, I lit the cigarette and took a drag.

I stared at the dark clear sky, thinking about all the things I've f*cked up in life. Why is it even called life? It really shouldn't. We are practically dying the second we're born, so what's the damn point?

That's the thing. There isn't a point. Everyone may have goals and achievements in life but what's the point of all of those when you're going to die in the end. I guess it's to be 'happy'. Like for some people, their goals may be to grow up, go to a good college, fall in love, get married, start a family, and die old and happy, looking back in life and being happy and proud of how far they came and how things worked out. But if you think about it, things never go as planned. 

At least not everything in the plan goes perfectly. I could remember, when I was a lot younger, I had my entire life planned out just the way I wanted. I was going to study hard, get into a good college, then with the money I have, I would pay for all my parents' medical bills and so on.

 As a book lover, of course, I have read at least a billion romantic novels, along with so many other genres, but mostly romance. Those typical cliches, high school/ college romance stories you know?

I've always liked the idea of finding the one.

Like the perfect guy who'll love me for me, and everything I am. Including my cuts and scars. But it's been a long time since I've even thought about that. It's hard to when you hate everything about yourself. I can't even love myself, why would anyone else?

I'm just too sad, ugly and complicated to be loved.

Does it matter though? No, not really. I already accepted the fact that I was going to die alone long ago.

"Mind if I join?" I heard a familiar voice say, as my head shot up looking at who was in front of me. 

Brendon.

"Yeah, I mind, f*ck off" I muttered, taking another drag from my cigarette. "Jeez, who got your panties in a twist" Brendon said, and sat on the swing next to me. "What do you want?" I rolled my eyes. "You" He said, as I burst out laughing. After laughing for I don't know how long, I wiped a tear away and looked at Brendon who's face showed no emotion whatsoever. "What?" I asked. 

"Why is that funny?" He asked. "It's funny because you're such a bad liar, do you think I'm that retarded?" I shook my head, dropping the cigarette and crushing it with my foot. "Do you hate me?" He asked.

No, I hate that I love you- wait what. 

"I take that as a yes?" Brendon said unsurely. "No, wait, no I don't hate you, I'm sorry I just don't want to get hurt again because all you do is hurt me" I said. It took me a couple of seconds until I realized what I had just said. 

Did I just f*cking apologize?

"No, you have nothing to be sorry about, if anything, I should be the one who is sorry for putting you through so much sh*t" He said. 

But no, I knew I had so many things to sorry about. Including the fact that I burnt his house down and basically murdered his dad...

"Whatever its fine" I mumbled. "Can I take you somewhere?" Brendon asked. "Where?" I asked. "It's a surprise, but we have to stop by your house so you can change into something more appropriate" He said, getting up. "Who said I want to go?" I asked, glaring at him. 

"I know you do baby" He said with a smirk as I fake gaged, rolling my eyes. "Yeah sure" I said, not getting off the swing. "Come on please, it'll be fun I promise, I know you hate me right now, but just please give me another chance- at least just forget everything for tonight" He pleaded as I crossed my arms.

"Yeah, okay f*ck it, I'll go with you, but you take me straight home if I want to" I said, getting up. "I promise" He said, running his fingers through his hair. We walked silently to his motorcycle, as I hopped on behind him, holding the sides of his jacket. 

No way in hell was I going to wrap my arms around his torso. 

"You're going to fall" Brendon said. "Well I guess you're going to have to go slow then, unless you want me to go rolling down the street and possibly run over by a car"  I said, not really hating the idea of getting run over by a car. 

"I wouldn't let that happen to you" He said. I stayed silent as he drove down the street at a decent speed.

.....

"Come on, jump down, I'll catch you I promise" Brendon whisper yelled, as I looked down from my bedroom window. "Are you crazy? I'm not jumping down from here" I whisper yelled back. "Do you trust me?" He asked, looking up me. 

No. "Yes" I said without thinking. My head yelled no, yet my mouth decided to spit out the stupid word 'yes'. "Then jump, I'll catch you" He said, holding out is arms.  "Okay, just one second" I said, remembering to cover my cuts and scars on my arms with concealer. 

After a couple minutes, I was finally done and went back to the window. 'Finally, what took you so long? Never mind that, just jump!" He whisper yelled.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this." I mumbled under my breath, climbing out of the window, I sat on the window sill. Closing me eyes, I let go of the sides of the window, instantly falling.

After a couple of seconds, I landed in a pair of arms as I squinted my eyes open to find Brendon staring at me with a grin. "See, I told you" He whispered, then pecked my nose as I glared. I hated that my neck and cheeks started to heat up, thankfully it was dark enough that he didn't seem to notice

What's wrong with him? 

'Let me down now" I said. "As you wish" He said letting me down to my feet. "Okay, let's go to wherever the hell the place is" I mumbled., walking towards his motorcycle. 

The laid my head on his back, pretty tired from everything that's happened today, adding the fact that I hadn't gotten any sleep last night. 

...

"Emma, wake up, we're here" Brendon said, as I looked up, rubbing my eyes. "Where are we?" I asked, getting off the motorcycle. "Just come with me, you'll see" He said, grabbing my hand.

We both walked into an old looking building and started down the stairs. We got in front of a giant metal door, as I started to wonder whether this is where I'm going to die or not.

" Is this where you kill me?" I asked. "why would you even- no I'm not going to kill you" He said, shaking his head. I guess he didn't catch that I was joking, did I really sound that serious?

A few seconds later, the metal door slides open, as my jaw dropped. "Oh my god, that looks fun" I said, "What'd I tell you?" Brendon said. 

I quickly walked inside, as the music blasted into my ears,I looked around, everyone was dancing, most of the guys were shirtless and the girls wore tank tops and crop tops. They all had glow in the dark body paint on their body and faces. Along with glowing necklaces, wigs, bracelets and so on.

"Where do we find the paint?" I yelled trying to get Brendon to hear me. He grabbed my hand and dragged me through everyone as we got to a big table where there were buckets of paint and paintbrushes.

I took off my jacket and turned around so my back was facing Brendon. I moved my hair to the side so that he could paint something on my back. 

"Okay all done, now turn around, I'll paint your face" He said, as I turned. He picked up a small paintbrush and painted next to my left eyes, down my cheek and all the way to my collarbone.  "All done" He said, leaving the bucket of paint on the table. 

"My turn" I said, picking up neon orange and painting lines on his forehead and down to his cheeks, then I grabbed the neon green and covered the rest of his face and neck with lines as I laughed.

Brendon smiled and pulled me through everyone who was dancing and stopped, grabbing my hand and twirling me around.

"You still want to go home?" He asked. "Hell no, are you kidding?" I said as we danced. "See, I told you" he said with his stupidly attractive smirk. 

I wanted to kiss him so badly. 

We kept dancing and drank a few drinks and soon I was tipsy. I put my arms around Brendon's neck, staring into his vivid blue eyes. I leaned in to kiss him when he moved his face so I ended up kissing him on the cheek. 

I couldn't help but back away. I knit my eyebrows confused, why didn't he want to kiss me? 

Not being able to hold back the tears, I rushed out of the place, when a hand grabbed my wrist and spun me around. "Why don't you want to kiss me?" I asked. "I do want to kiss you- more than anything but you're drunk Emma, you aren't thinking straight, and I know you're going to regret it if you do later on" He said.

"I'm not drunk" I said, when I suddenly covered my mouth when I felt food go up my throat. I quickly moved away and threw up on the floor. "I barely even drank anything" I exclaimed, wiping my mouth with the tissue Brendon gave me. "You took 8 shots of pretty strong vodka mixed with some other sh*t, then proceeded to drink a few other drinks too" Brendon said. 

"Come on, let's get you home now, it's been 3 hours and you're tired" He said, helping me up to my feet along with putting on my jacket. We walked out the building and to his motorcycle and hopped on. This time, I fully wrapped my arms around his torso tightly, afraid I was going to fall asleep and fall off.

...

Brendon covered me with the blanket and kissed my forehead, then went out the window.  I closed my eyes to sleep from how exhausted I was.

"Where were you?" I heard someone ask, as I shot up and looked around. Jesse was sitting on the other side of the bed glaring at me. 

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "You know what I'm talking about you fugly slut"' He yelled, coming closer to me. I tried to back away but Jesse quickly grabbed my wrist. "You're mine and only mine, if I have to, I'll kill anyone who tries to come between us" He said, tightening his grip on my wrist and leaning in to kiss me. 

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Hey guysss, I finished this chapter a little faster than I thought, but hope you guys liked it!

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-Sarah