Emma's POV

It has been around a week since I have first hung out with Jason. Things haven't gotten any better. Infact, things just kept getting worse and worse.

Becky wouldn't talk to me or reply to my texts and calls. Brendon didn't talk to me either, we would make eye contact in the hallways sometimes but I quickly looked away the second we did. Levi had to go visit his grandparents who lived at another state, so he basically has no idea what's happening whatsoever.

Levi is coming back today though, I told him that I would pick him up at the airport and hang out with him today. Maybe I can then tell him about what's happening?

Not the entire actually story but.. that I'm "dating" Jesse, and that Brendon and Becky are both pissed at me. But then I feel like if I tell him, he will be pissed as well.

But whether I tell him or not, he'll find out sooner or later anyway. 

I quickly changed into a hoodie and a pair of leggings, then putting on my converse. I stared at my mirror, looking at my outfit, I sighed. Why couldn't I look like I actually bothered to pick out an outfit? I don't have the motivation to do anything, even when I really want to do something, my body just refuses to do stuff.

I brushed my hair and tied it up in a pony tail. I guess I'm ready now. Jogging down the stairs, I grab my dad's car keys and left the house.

Sliding into the car, I put on my seatbelt and started the car, pulling the door shut as well.

I turned on the radio and the song Drugs by EDEN was on, as I smiled a little. This song was amazing. I sang as loud as I can, trying to avoid thinking much, and soon when I got to the airport, I parked the car and went to where Levi and I decided to meet.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I stood looking around for Levi, when soon I saw a familiar blonde as he looked up and smiled at me. "Hey!" I yelled forcing a smile, waving. "Hey, Emma! I missed you!" He said, running towards me and pulling me into a hug.

"Of course you did, I'm awesome" I said, as I cringed and faked a laugh. "Yeah yeah" He said rolling his eyes, but smiled afterward.

"So, where do you want to go?" I asked, as we walked towards the car. "I'm starving, let's go to McDonald's," he said, jumping up with happiness as I chuckled.

"Sure, let's go" I said, popping the trunk open for Levi put his suitcase in. I got into the driver's seat and Levi slid into the passenger's seat soon afterward.

"So, how's life? More specifically how are things between you and Brendon?" He asked. "Uh.. let's talk about that later after we get food" I mumbled, starting the car.

"Alright then.." Levi said, then turned the radio on. As I drove to Mcdonalds, Levi told me about his time with his grandparents, and things he did while he was there. "So yeah, then we went to the beach- oh my god, the beach there is amazing" Levi exclaimed as I laughed. "That must have been nice, I'm glad you had fun" I said, turning to look at him for a moment then turning back to the road.

I parked the car and hopped out with Levi. We walked in then ordered our food and sat down at a table. "So, you gonna tell me everything that I missed while I was gone now?" Levi asked, raising his brow. I licked my dry lips and gave a short nod. "Just remember, no matter what happened, or will happen in the future, I'll always be here for you Emma, even if you don't think so, I'm never going to leave you" He said, as I gave him a small smile.

Knowing far too well he was lying. Lying unintentionally. He has no idea that probably when he finds out, he'll be pissed, he won't be there for me. No one ever is, even if they are there for me for a while, they all just gave up and left. Who said Levi is going to be any different from them all?

Look at you! Finally accepting the truth about how worthless and not important you are.

You are just not good enough, no one is going to be there for you. Maybe for now, but they will all just leave without a second thought.

 You're not good enough, that's one of the main reasons why you can't make anyone stay. You're not even good enough for an explanation. 

"Uh, Emma, you alright?" Levi asked as I snapped my head up looking at him

No. "Yeah- uh yeah, I'm alright, just thinking for a second" I said, shaking my head, with a forced smile.

"You sure?" He asked, with a worried face. "Yup, I'm good" I said, cheerfully as I possibly could. 

"Okay then, that's good, so now tell me everything that happened! I'm dying to know" He says with a grin. "Hmm well you left after uh Brendon's house burned down.. so okay, uhh I'm dating someone now" I said. Levi's eyes instantly widened as he smiled. "I knew it! I told you that you and Brendon would work things ou-" 

"It's not Brendon" I said, shutting my eyes tightly. "Oh.. uh well who is it then..?" He asked. "Um.. J-jesse" I mumbled, refusing to look at Levi. "Ooh, who is he?" Levi said after a moment of silence. He probably thought there is another Jesse.

"Um Jesse Wilde, you know him" I mumbled. I jumped a little when he bursts out laughing. "You're joking right? You would never date him, even for a million" He said as I tried not to burst into tears.

"N-no I'm not joking" I said, as my voice cracked. "Wait why? You like him? I thought.. I thought you liked Brendon" he said as I bit my tongue. "I like Jesse now, he uh changed" I said as Levi got up and walked away.

My heart dropped to my stomach as I turned to see where he was going. He went to the counter and took the tray with food and came back to the table.

"Sorry I was just getting the food" He said, and sat back down, placing the tray infront of us. "Its okay" I mumbled. "Are you mad at me?" I asked after a couple of minutes while eating.

"Slightly, but I guess I should be happy for you since you know, you like him and now you're dating him- but honestly you don't look happy about it" he said. "Oh- uh thanks and no, I'm happy don't worry" I mumbled.

"Oh, Becky and Brendon aren't talking to me though" I said, before Levi opened his mouth to say anything.

"It's okay, I'm sure they'll get over it and start talking to you again, plus Becky is your bestfriend, she won't just leave you" Levi said. "You're right I guess" I said, biting into my Mc Chicken burger. "Just one question though, uh why Jesse? What happened with Brendon?" Levi asked after a couple minutes.

"Um, well I guess I got over Brendon and I'm just giving Jesse a second chance" I said, yawning. "Hmm, alright I guess everyone deserves a second chance" Levi nodded. "But wait why didn't Brendon get a second chance?" He asked a second later. "Um I- I don't really know" 

"Well, okay- one last question" He said, pointing his index finger up. "Alright, yea?"I asked with a small chuckle.  " When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?" He asked, as I realized he was inspecting my face. "Just stayed up last night so probably before last night" I lied. 

"You sure? You look you haven't slept properly in days" He said, "Your eye bags are pretty dark, and I'm worried you aren't sleeping" He continued. "I- I'm sleeping I promise, just sleeping a little late and waking up early that's all" I lied, again. I felt guilty but its better than having him worried. That's the last thing I would want- for him or anyone for that matter to stress because of me. I already feel like a bother by just being alive.

"Hmm alright, I trust you, please sleep more though" He said, with a grin. "Alright I will" I said with a smile. "Okay, well let's get going, I've got new movies for us to watch" He said, getting up. "Yes!" I smiled, getting up as well.

We left and Levi decided to drive this time, so I sat in the passengers' seat,  and scrolled through my playlist to find a song because I had the aux cord. I picked the song Bad At Love by Halsey and put my phone down. "This song is so catchy" Levi stated as I agreed.

I mumbled the lyrics because I wasn't sure I knew them properly, but then at the pre-chorus and chorus, I knew every word. While of course, typical Levi knew every single word to the entire song.

We sang the entire way home, which was honestly fun, I missed doing this with someone.  

I got out of the car and walked after Levi, into his house. "Ah, home sweet home" Levi half yelled kicking his shoes off as I did the same. "Hey bro! You're back, I thought you were coming tomorrow" I heard Brendon say, as he continued his way down the stairs towards us.

"Idiot, I told you I'll be back tomorrow when I called you yesterday" Levi said, rolling his eyes with a chuckle. "Oh.. oh right, I'm sorry" Brendon said, pulling Levi into a hug. "So, guys what movie should we watch?" Levi asked with a grin, looking at me then Brendon. I couldn't seem to open my mouth.

I had forgotten Brendon was staying at Levi's house. 

"Uh, anything I don't care" Brendon said, glancing at me for a split second, as I looked down at my feet, biting the inside of my cheeks, trying not to run away. "You guys, ugh start talking! Brendon, you idiot, you can't ignore Emma forever just because you blew your chances with her, don't hate her just because she is with Jesse" Levi said, nudging Brendon. 

Brendon glared at Levi, his hands formed into fists. "Shut the f*ck up Levi, I don't hate Emma, I hate Jesse. You do know she is talking about that Jesse. The specific one and only Jesse who bullied Emma for years, physically and verbally. Even though I know I'm not good for her, how would Jesse be any better?!" Brendon yelled, shoving Levi a little and stormed off, walking down the hallway, probably to the guest room he was staying in. 

Levi sighed but instantly put on a smile when he looked at me. I knew it was fake, I knew he was stressed, yet he was smiling now to make sure I wouldn't get worried, which I am. "Anger issues.." Levi mumbled in a joking tone, followed by a short awkward laugh. 

"Yeah, whatever leave him be, it's okay" I said, grabbing Levi's hand and dragging him to the theatre room. "Hmm so which movie?" I asked. "What about this one" He said, pointing at the screen after a couple minutes.

"Alright sure" I mumbled, not paying attention. I tried to focus on the movie but I couldn't, it was so hard to not overthink everything. It hurt alot, so much to the point it hurt physically. My chest hurt as I could feel my heart rate accelerate, and my body shake.

I looked at Levi who was completely engrossed in the movie he didn't notice what was happening, which was great. "I-I'm going to the bathroom" I said, getting up and slowly walking out of the theatre room.

Suddenly my vision blurred for a split second, making me dizzy as I almost lost my balance. I quickly leaned against the wall for support as I gasped, trying to calm down and slow down my breathing but I couldn't. 

I kept trying to walk down the hallway, keeping my hand against the wall to help me stay balanced and not collapse any second now. My head was now spinning and I couldn't take it anymore. Giving up, I sunk down to the ground with my back against the wall, as I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to keep my voice down as I sobbed.

The voices in my head kept yelling louder and louder. 

Go kill yourself.

No one wants you alive.

No one cares.

No one loves you.

Just go die.

You'll be helping everyone else by just disappearing.

Your existence doesn't matter.

You're a waste of f*cking space, just die already.

"Leave me alone" I whispered, I needed them to just leave me alone... but deep inside I knew they were right. After all, they are practically my own voices.

I looked up and I thought I saw a figure quickly disappear behind the wall at the end of the hallway. I instantly knew it was Brendon, he was watching, he saw me, yet he didn't come to help, he just didn't give a sh*t.

I was starting to get mad. Its not fair, one second he acts as if he cares then the next, its like I'm nothing to him. But why should I blame him? No one cares anyway, doesn't mean he should.

.....

I closed the front door quietly behind me and looked around. I guess dad's not home. I walked to the kitchen and pulled the fridge door open and looked inside. There was barely anything to eat, I should go grocery shopping since my dad is busy with work.

I sighed and turned around and almost screamed when I saw my dad and Jesse standing there, both staring at me. "Something you want to tell me Emma?" My dad asked, as I glanced at Jesse who had a stupid smirk on his face. 

"Uhh, we need to go grocery shopping" I said, pointing at the fridge. "No, Emma cut the crap, why didn't you tell me you were dating Jesse?" He asked with his arms crossed. "We just started dating though" I mumbled. "Like a week ago? That's just started dating right?" He said.

"Well- okay, I'm sorry I knew I should have told you" I said, bititng my bottom lip. "Yeah, damn right you should have, you never tell me anything going on in your life anymore, don't you trust me?" He said accusingly.

"Jeez, I said I was sorry, and you know its my choice whether I want to tell you about things or not, because it's my life, not yours, you don't have to know every single little detail about it, it's not like you even care" I raised my voice in frustration when I saw the hurt on his face, and instantly I regretted everything I just said. I crossed the line, my anger took over me.

And the worst part is that I let it.
I shouldn't have.

My dad opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet, taking out some money, he handed it to Jesse. "Jesse, could you go grocery shopping with Emma?" He said, as Jesse nodded. My dad gave him a small smile and turned to walk away. "D-dad I'm-" I tried to say but it felt like my throat had closed up.

I bit my lip, as I held myself back from running up to my room and bursting into tears. I looked at Jesse who looked at me with a sympathetic smile, "He'll come around, don't worry, but let's go grocery shopping" I knit my eyebrows surprised to hear this kind of caring tone from Jesse, but I knew better than to fall for it.
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Hey guyss!

I'm sorry. Ugh I know, its been yearrrrs- ok maybe not years but a really long time. I've been grounded, and kind of still am. I just have a time limit for my daily phone usuage. Its really annoying tbh, and there has been alot of family drama and other things too, so I haven't had much motivation to keep going and continue writing this story, but then I realized how much of a sh*tty and lazy person I am, so I pushed everything aside and have been trying to write as much as I can in the past- I dont even know how long,  and FINALLLLLLY got this chapter doneee.

I'll probably post the next chapter as soon as possible.

Love you all- again, sorry for such a late update.

-Sarah