Emma's POV

"Jesse, I didn't lie to you" I said, getting off the ground, glaring.

"Why was your lip bleeding then?" He asked, glaring back. "I already told you! Because I bit my lip too hard" I said, crossing my arms.

"Its easy to say the truth Emma" he said, taking a step closer to me. "I am telling you the truth!" I said.

Next thing I know, Jesse's hand made contact with my cheek, leaving a burning sensation, that stung and it felt as if my cheek was throbbing.

"Just remember, you are mine and only mine." He said, picking up his jacket, walking past me, making sure to hit my shoulder with his on the way.

I sat down on the ground, with my back against the teacher's desk.

Why me? Why do I have to go through all of this?

I grabbed my bag from the ground and got up, quickly leaving the class and headed towards the exit of the school quickly.

I walked out and ran out of the gate before anyone saw me, which I didn't really have to worry about.

Walking on the sidewalk, I decided to go to the public library.

Just as I was about to enter the library, I saw Starbucks on the other side of the road. I stopped for a moment to decide whether I wanted to get a drink from there or not.

I shrugged and walked off the side walk and onto the street. 

I could remember when I was younger, I would always remember what my mom would say "Before you cross the road, look to your left and right, alright? I don't want you to get hurt". I used to sometimes even 'hear' her voice in my head telling me to do so when I cross the road.

But of course that thought faded away long ago, now it doesn't matter. I don't care if a car kills me. In fact, that would be great. I wouldn't feel guilty because I didn't have to kill myself. Staring at the ground, I walked rather slowly to the other side.

I was slightly disappointed when I reached the other side safely. I sighed and walked towards the glass door, and pushed it open, as the tiny bell above the door rang. I walked up to the cashier as she looked up and smiled, showing her perfect rows of white, pearly teeth.

"Hi, what can I get you" She said. "Um, a vanilla bean creme frappuccino venti" I said, as she nodded, grabbing a venti-sized cup, and a sharpie. "and your name?" She asked, looking up at me for a second. "Emma" I told her. She scribbled down my name on the cup. 

She had blonde hair and baby blue at the ends of her hair, her skin was perfect, and it looked like she had no makeup on, besides mascara and eyeliner. Her green eyes were big and sparkly, and she had a few freckles on her cheeks. 

She put the cup down, and looked at the computer. "That'll be $4.45" She said, looking at me with a smile. I reached into my jeans pocket, knowing I had a five dollars in there. I struggled to pull out the five dollars as I looked up at her for a second, as I noticed her staring at my outfit with a confused face. I didn't blame her though, I mean, it is after all almost summer, and pretty warm outside. 

I finally took the money out of my pocket and gave it to her, as she took the money, I stared at her perfect, acrylic nails and slim fingers. I walked away from the cashier and sat down next to the window, staring outside as I waited for my drink.

I pulled out my phone, and sighed. I wanted to talk to Becky, I wanted her to know the truth. But... I knew I couldn't do so. Without thinking, I texted Jason, not sure if he was asleep or not.

I put my phone on the table and drummed my fingers on the table, looking around.  There was a couple sitting nearby, they held hands, above the table, their fingers intertwined as they stared into each others' eyes, as the guy says something, making the girl smile wide, and her cheeks were a little pink.

I sighed and looked back out the window. I'm dying alone, hopefully this thing with Jesse will go away soon. Because if this will go on for a long time, I don't think I'll be able to handle it.

Maybe I could get hold of his phone and delete the video? I don't think Jesse would be stupid enough to not make a copy or whatever though. I had the urge to tell someone. Anyone. I hated bottling things up inside, even though that what I've been doing for the past years.

That's because no one cares.

Think about it, don't you think some people would have noticed? People aren't that oblivious, Emma.

They noticed, but they just don't care. 

I shake my head, as I hear my name being called, I got up and walked to the woman who had my drink in her hand.  "Thank you" I mumbled taking the drink, along with a straw.

I walked out of the store, sipping on the drink, and crossed the road again. Pushing the library door open, I walked inside, heading towards a random bookshelf, and started looking through books.

After a while, I had around 4 books in my hand, as I tried to carry them without dropping the books. I walked to a single couch and sat down, placing my books stacked on the small table next to me. I took the first book that was on top of the rest. 

I read the title. Red Queen. Looked like an interesting book. I grabbed the edge of the paperback cover and flipped it open. 

...

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at who was calling. "Hello?" I said. "Hey.. uh, where are you?" Brendon asked. "I'm at the library why?" I asked. " I don't know, just got worried" He mumbled.

 "Why?" I asked once again. "Because Jesse isn't here so I just wanted to make sure you were safe" He said, I could feel him getting frustrated.  "Um, yeah I'm alright, Jesse isn't with me" I said, as I heard him sigh. 

"Can we talk?" He asked. "We are talking right now" I said. "Yeah.. I mean like in person" He said. "Uhh yeah sure, my house?" I asked. "Alright, I'll be there in 30 minutes." He said, hanging up.

Did I say yes? Damnit, you are so stupid Emma.

I got up and walked to the main counter, so I could borrow the books.  I stuffed the books into my bag afterwards and walked out of the library, and headed home.

I walked into my house and sat down at the kitchen island, pulling my phone out and playing the song Talk Is Overrated by Jeremy Zucker ft. Blackbear out loud. I sang quietly along, drumming my fingers on the marble island, and bobbing my head to the music.

Suddenly, the doorbell as I groaned, pausing the music and walked to the front door, opening it, as Brendon stood there with his hands in his pocket.

"Hey.." He said, as I moved to the side, opening the door wider for him to come inside. I walked with him to the kitchen and sat back down at the kitchen island. "So um, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, trying to stay as calm as possible.

"About, you know, us" He said. "What about us?" I asked. "What happened to us Emma.. I mean, yeah I made a mistake, I'm sorry.. but you don't understand" he said. "Then help me understand Brendon, help me understand why you kissed me, then went to kiss Mackenzie then that girl at the party" I said, sighing.

Brendon stayed silent as he stared at me. "I thought so... but you know what? Whatever, I don't care, it's not like your my boyfriend anyway, you have the right to kiss whoever you want" I said, shrugging, as my eyes burned, tears threatening to fall.

"Alright.. so um I guess we can forget about it then? Pretend it never happened?" he asked in a low voice.

Forget it happened. No, I can't do that.

" I don't think I'll be able to do that " I said, speaking honestly for the first time. "But.. it didn't mean anything" He said, his voice slightly cracking in the end. "Brendon, did you come here to fix things between us or f*ck me up more? Because you are making things worse right now, you broke my heart several times and I don't think you even realized that" I said, gulping and staring into his eyes.

"I... no, I want things to be okay between us. I'm sorry Emma. I really am, I hate myself for what I did to you.. I'm sorry" He said, taking a step closer to me. I got up and went to a cabinet, pulling out a plate.

I handed it to Brendon, as he gave me a questioning look, he took the plate from my hand. "Throw the plate on the ground" I said. "Huh? Why?" He asked. "Just do it" I said. "Alright" He said, dropping the plate, as the white plate shattered across the floor.

"Did it break?" I asked. "yes" He said, not asking any questions. "Alright, now say sorry to it" I said.  "Um, sorry" He said, looking down at the shattered pieces of the plate. "Did it go back to the way it was before?" I asked. "No" He said.

"Do you understand?" I asked. As he bit his bottom lip. Then I realized his blue eyes became slightly darker.  "Yes.." He said, looking down, as I noticed a tear roll down his cheek. 

My phone started ringing, as I picked it up and looked at who was calling. It was Jesse. 

"You need to leave" I mumbled. "Alright... Emma I- never mind" He shook his head, avoiding eye contact as he lead himself out of my house. I waited for the front door to shut as I pressed the green answer button.

"Hello?" I asked. "Why didn't you answer?" Jesse asked. "I just did" I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, where are you?" He asked. "At home" I said. "Anyone with you?" He asked. "No, I'm home alone" I said. "Where is Brendon?" He asked. "How the crap am I supposed to know that?" I asked.

"Because he isn't at school, is he with you or not?"He asked. "Why can't you f*cking trust me, if you are going to force me to date you, the least you can do is trust me" I said, angrily. I heard him sigh, "Alright... I'm sorry, I got to go now" He said, hanging up.

I sighed and went to get a broom to clean up the broken plate. After doing so, I walked up to my room and sat down on the edge of my bed, trying to find the motivation to do something. 

I picked up my phone and decided to text Jason. 

Emma: hey

Jason: Hey :) How r u?

Emma: Ok I think, just really bored

Jason: hmm we can't let you stay bored now can we? Wanna hang out? 

Emma: Sure, where?

Jason: Wherever you want.

I did want to meet up somewhere away from people, somewhere quiet and peaceful.

Emma: Hmm, meet me at the beach

Jason: ok cool, see you soon.

I got up and jogged downstairs, leaving the house, locking the front door behind me.

I walked towards the beach as I groaned. My legs were hurting, I walked way too much today.

By the time I was at the beach, I felt as if I was about to collapse any second. I was also sweating under the slightly thick hoodie I was wearing. 

"Emma?" I heard someone call my name from behind. I turned around and saw Jason walking towards me as I smiled waving. He was wearing a white shirt with the Arctic Monkeys logo on the top right chest of his shirt, and black jeans, which was rolled up on the bottom, and a pair of black converse.

 "Hey" He said, grinning. "Follow me" I told him, as he nodded and came alongside me.

We walked silently towards my lighthouse. "Um... where are we going?" He asked. "Just wait, don't worry, I'm not going to kill you or anything" I said with a small chuckle. "Alright, I guess I trust you" He said.

We got to the lighthouse as I lead him inside and up the stairs. The entire time, he was silent, which I was grateful for honestly.

When we got to the top, I lead him to the bean bags and plopped down, as he sat down next to me. "Uh" He said, probably trying to find the words to ask me why the f*ck we are here. "This is where my mom died" I said, as his eyes widened a bit. "Oh.." He barely said. "Yup" I mumbled.

"Well.. how are you feeling today?" He asked. "Honestly? Like crap" I said, taking out my pack of cigarettes and offering one to Jason. He stared at the cigarette like he has never seen it before, but then shrugged and took it from my hand. 

Lighting his cigarette and my own, I took a drag, instantly feeling relaxed. "So. What's it like to have depression" He asked. "Why would you think I have depression?" I asked. "Well.. because you self-harm so I just thought you might have depression too" He said. 

"Well, yeah I have depression. And hmm its like... drowning while watching everyone else breathing around you, you are screaming for help, but no one has any idea what's happening to you.. like example, when you have broken ribs, you look fine on the outside but every breath hurts. Your body wants to stay alive, but your mind is constantly trying to kill you. Like an abusive relationship with yourself." I said, staring at the blue waves of the ocean.

"hmm dumb question but why don't you open up to anyone? Like a close friend or anything?" He asked. I thought for a moment before answering. " Because, I don't want to seem like I'm seeking attention, I don't want to be more of a bother than I already am by being alive, and I don't want or need help. And a part of me doesn't want to get better. I forgot how it feels to be happy, to smile, a genuine smile, that isn't forced. I forgot what it feels like without the pain, without those stupid voices in my head" I said.

"You aren't a bother, I'm sure you are important to many people, they love you, and care about you, including myself. And its fine to be scared to be happy again, as long as you have someone holding you up along the way, trying to help you find your happiness.And if you don't mind, I would like to be that person, I want to help you, however I can, even if we barely know each other, no one deserves to go through this sh*t alone." He said.

"Trust me, you don't have to bother, you are just wasting your time on me, I can't get better, I can't be helped. And even if you try, you'll just get tired of me sooner or later and give up like everyone else." I said. "But guess what, I'm not everyone else, and I won't ever give up on you." He said.

"But I won't get better. Everyone else thinks I got better. But it's funny because I'm not better. And I keep waiting for someone to figure that out, and they don't! I mean, of course, they don't, because as long as I say the right thing and act the right way, they are happy, because that means they cured me right?"

Jason stayed silent, as I stared at the sunset, then I opened my mouth to talk again.

"Have you ever just sat there and wondered,  why am I still here? I don't even want to be here. I haven't wanted to be here for so long. What's keeping me here? and then you realize the answer is nothing. And the scares you even more than the fact that you don't want to be here anymore. That's how I feel. There is nothing holding me back. So what am I still doing alive?"

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Heyyy guys, I finalllly finished writing this chapter. And since I don't exactly have anything else to do right now, I'm going to start writing the next chapter, hopefully, it won't take too long to finish writing.

Hope you guys liked this chapter~

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-Sarah