"You know you're good when you can do it with a broken heart."

–I Can Do it With a Broken Heart, Taylor Swift

T A N N I

I–What?

I half expected someone to materialise in front of me and tell me that I was hallucinating and didn't just get asked to go somewhere with Mark. And not only that but I actually agreed.

???

Life made no sense anymore.

Mark just asked me out! As friends!

But that means more chances of me killing him. Oh God, this was not one of my finest moments, for sure. I could have kicked myself for feeling anything but dislike for him. But Mark had to go and ruin everything by being so kind and sweet and just being himself and it was becoming damn near impossible to control any feelings that I'd been struggling to repress ever since our night out in the village.

Harper had been giving me the side eye for the entire lesson, very obviously trying not to laugh at my confused face. She tried to get my attention more than once but gave up after about five minutes, and resorted to glaring at Celeste and throwing paper aeroplanes at her. That, I had to admit, was funny...But it didn't distract me from my racing thoughts.

After class was over, we both packed our things––I spared a quick glance in Mark's direction and he gave me the biggest smile I've ever seen in my life.

Damn it. Digest those butterflies.

"Tanni," Harper snapped me out of my daze, "we going to the dorms?"

"Yeah, sure," I breathed, barely loud enough for anyone to hear. Harper rolled her eyes and walked away, with me tailing her.

"Hey, Harper?" I asked reluctantly on our way.

"What's up?" she smiled knowingly.

"It's the 16th today, right?"

She nodded.

"Meaning that tomorrow, Friday 17th, is the night of the ball?" I continued.

"And you do realise that Friday is also Mark's birthday, right?" grinned Harper. Every ounce of energy I had in my body was used to resist the urge to react at just his name.

"Why are you telling me this?" I signed, trying to look uninterested.

"Nico and Amira were planning a little celebration for him that day, right before the Ball," she continued, "Nico said we would both be welcome to be in on the surprise."

I snorted. "You really think that I would want to hang out with Mark during my free time?" Idiot, I told myself. You just agreed to see him tomorrow!

"Well considering the way you were smiling like the biggest doofus in the world for the entire lesson today, I'm assuming you didn't just agree to go out with him tomorrow so that you don't hurt his feelings," Harper signed, a sarcastic look on her face. "What is it that you hate so much about him, hm? I know that you've been warming up to each other lately, despite everything you have against each other. But seriously, what is there to dislike about Mark?"

Oh boy. Where would I start?

There was a long long list.

"Well," I began, "he's so stubborn. He always thinks he's right and is always so calm. He gets so much sleep but always looks tired anyway, how does that even work? And he smiles so much at the wrong times, and it's annoying because it's not one of those sinister smiles, it's those cute and happy smiles that are so comforting, it doesn't suit him. And when we're working on the project he always just randomly stops in the middle and decides that we're going to talk about something else and he just rebels, and it's annoying because it works and we always end up enjoying ourselves so much more. He loves to write songs and listen to music, he practically doesn't do anything else. Even when he's walking down the corridor or to class, he's wearing headphones and bobbing his head up and down to the music with a small smile pulling at his lips and he looks like he's trying to hide it and thinks no one can notice him but I notice. And when he gets a lyric idea in the middle of class he pulls out his notebook and starts scribbling at the speed of light under his desk, hoping that Vidius won't see him––and he looks so happy when an idea hits him and it puts him in a good mood for the rest of the day. And he's so awkward all the time, he stumbles over his words and says things that don't make sense and it's so annoyingly adorable. Just like today when he asked me to the ball, it was so cutely awkward because he was so nervous."

I sucked in a breath before I carried on.

"And there are so many more reasons why I hate him but there are too many to list," I finished.

Harper opened her mouth to say something, but a wide grin formed on her face, preventing her from continuing.

"You wish you hated that boy, Tanni," she laughed.

"Yeah yeah, fine. I don't dislike him anymore, we're friends," I replied, "but that's it."

"Okay," she signed.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Right," Harper got up, "I'm going to my session with Nico, I'll see you."

"See you," I smiled as she walked out the room.

♡♡♡

"Thanks, sir," I said, "I'll be back out in a few minutes."

Vidius nodded, handing me the key. "Don't take more than what you need, Miss Evelyn." I promised him I wouldn't, as I opened the door to his office. "Oh, and Miss Evelyn," Vidius grabbed my attention again, "it might be worth mentioning that you brother was, er––very fond of documenting his life, said he did it for you and any friends that might survive the world, he didn't want anyone else to forget––even if he did. I knew James very well, he would be glad to see you asking for details of him."

I pretended not to see the tears glistening in my teacher's eyes; I'd always known that Vidius was fighting in the war, alongside my brother...But it wasn't a fun topic to discuss.

"Thank you," I managed to say, again. "I'll just––"

"Yes, of course," he stepped to the side and I made my way into the tiny office, closing the door behind me.

Slowly, I opened Vidius's drawer and rummaged through the many papers. Finding the section for 'war records' I searched for my brother's name. As I'd promised Mark, I asked for permission to look through the war records. Vidius was very happy to oblige, though he did make me promise not to take anything that didn't have anything to do with the war––he knew of my tendency to get over-curious about things. After about a minute, I began to mindlessly flip through the papers, not even bothering to read the names, until I caught sight of an almost blank sheet of paper, with only one sentence scrawled in the middle.

POSSESSIONS AND RECORDS OF JAMES EVELYN WILL BE FOUND IN A SEPARATE COMPARTMENT.

I frowned and slipped the sheet of paper into my pocket––then moved to the other drawer in Vidius's desk. Reluctantly, I slipped the key into the hole and pulled the drawer open, half afraid of what I would find. Why did James need a separate compartment? What possessions? I crouched down and stuck my hand into the cabinet.

There were three things inside.

James's personal records and information.

A camcorder and projector (what?).

And a notebook.

I struggled to ignore my quickening heart-beat, the adrenaline rush, and the phantom feeling of my brother still being in my life. James's signature knock on the door. James's loud footsteps. James's favourite movies and songs. Scattered musical compositions on the kitchen floor. Lieutenant. His horrible army uniform that I used to love playing dress up with as a kid but grew to despise with such a passion as I got older––as it was only a reminder of the place he went to every day and leave me alone.

I burned that uniform the day he left.

It appeared that the soldiers filled in their own information packs, just like we did when we arrived at this school. James's one had little doodles and notes all over it. I assumed he had friends here. I smiled to myself as I read all the different jokes and insults in different handwriting and requests to copy theory notes for their training sessions and it was so sweet and sad all at once because oh god they were kids. They were kids learning how to kill, at fifteen years old.

I was fifteen years old as I read these notes. James was the same age I was when he was told he would have to leave his only family and fight in a stupid war.

These poor children.

Unable to look at the records any longer, I picked up the camera and projector, turning them over in my hands.

What were they for? What had James filmed? Obviously, Vidius's office was not the right place to start watching whatever had been recorded on that camera, so into my bag those objects went. The notebook appeared to be empty, but still––it belonged to James. There was no way it was staying in that drawer.

A knock at the door interrupted my search.

"Oi, Evelyn," Mark's voice drawled from outside, "watcha doing in there?" My heart skipped a beat. I pretended to not realise that and opened the door.

"I'm doing my bit of the project," I indicated to the bag slung over my shoulder. My arm was about to fall off. I'd packed way too many books into that tiny tote bag, and the projector was extremely weighty.

"Give that here," laughed Mark, taking the bag off me, "you're practically toppling over, you midget."

"Not my fault that you're bigfoot," I mumbled, stepping back from him a little, "now I know how Nico feels on a daily basis."

"Quit complaining," he said, "I'll carry your stuff up to the library, then I'll need to leave you there 'cause I have an extra credit class, you sure you won't fall over carrying your things from one table to another?" he teased. I ignored that comment, focusing more on the fact that he wasn't going to stay.

"Extra credit?"

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Can't handle forty-five minutes without me?"

"No, I'm just shocked that a dumbass like you would take an optional class," I bit back another insult.

"Ha ha, you're so funny," he said sarcastically, as we began to walk, "Arsonist?"

"What's up?" I looked up at him.

"What am I supposed to do tomorrow?" He looked especially nervous now.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He cleared his throat, and his usually very pale face went pink. I'd never seen him blush before, but the sight of it made me want to kill myself.

"I mean––er, I mean for the, you know..." Mark blabbered on. "The ball? Like, am I supposed to act a certain way, do something? Is there a rulebook or anything like that because I know that if there is, then I'm out of the loop." He was bright red now, and he'd messed up his hair so much it looked like the top of a tree. I stared at him blankly.

"Well?" he asked, eagerly, "I thought you'd know, 'cause...Well...How do they do it in your books?"

This boy I––

"What?"

Oh wow, she speaks! Finally!

"Never mind," he muttered, "I'm being stupid about it anyway." We finally reached the staircase facing the library. "I guess I'll leave you here," he handed over my bag. "See ya, Arsonist."

"Bye," I managed to squeak out. He walked away, and I stood there on the staircase, staring after him until he disappeared from my view.

A loud sigh behind me almost made me fall down the steps.

"Such idiots," Amira breathed, "what stupid, stupid idiots."

"Hi, Amira," I greeted her, ignoring what she was muttering under her breath.

"Hi Nini!" beamed Ami, "wanna join me inside?" she indicated to the library doors; I followed her into a corner and plopped myself onto a beanbag next to her. "How have you been?" she asked, once we were both comfortable.

"Fine."

"Liar."

"Sorry."

"Here," she held out a bag of chocolate, little round ones in different colours. I used to love these, before the war. "I've finally managed to sneak some food in here! I usually get caught," she grinned. That's when the librarian looked up and I shoved the bag behind me, making an effort to look innocent.

"Thanks, help yourself," she said, popping one into her own mouth.

I gave her a grateful smile before joining her in her little feast. After a couple of minutes, she spoke up again.

"Why are you only eating the blue ones?" she inquired. I blushed, surprised that she'd even noticed. No one ever had before.

"They were my brother's favourite," I explained, "I used to make fun of him for it since they all tasted the same anyway. But I can only seem to eat the blue ones now."

Amira tilted her head and looked at me with sad eyes.

"That's really sweet," she said softly, smiling, "you know...Mark always makes us save the red ones for him."

"Why?" I laughed, becoming interested in her story.

"No one knows," she whispered dramatically, "but legend says that it's because he watches wayyy too many true crime documentaries. The colour of blood is his favourite now."

"You make him sound like a psychopath," I grinned. Amira laughed quietly.

"Honestly, he may act a little intimidating at times, but he's like an over-excited cat when he's in a good mood, whereas Nico acts like a golden retriever most of the time," she smiled, "ever see him get excited over a sunrise?"

I shook my head, grinning widely. It was extremely easy to imagine Nico getting hyped-up because the sky was a different colour than usual.

"Anyway," Amira said, her voice muffled by all the chocolate, "you never answered my question. How are you?"

The rate of my heart quickened at her question. It wasn't one I was used to in general, but that wasn't the problem. Her voice was so sincere and kind and she looked like she genuinely wanted to be my friend and know how I was doing.

We barely even knew each other.

Amira Sajid had always been someone I looked up to, in every sense. She was one of the most honest people you'd ever meet, but never unkind––though she did have a sarcastic tongue. Her genuinity and eagerness to be there for everyone was remarkable. And on top of that, she was strong-willed, intelligent and looked like the calmest person in the world through it all.

This girl had it all together. And she was taking time to ask me––an anxious, silent mess––how I was doing.

"I'm okay, Amira," I finally replied, "I am, really. Well, more okay than usual."

She studied me carefully for a second, nodding. "That's good!" she said brightly, then added, "hey, did you do something with your hair? It looks sooooo pretty!"

She noticed?

The night Mark and I got home from the graveyard, I rushed to my bathroom and cut my hair to my shoulders. It wasn't long to begin with, it had only been a trim; but watching the tight curls fall to the ground gave me some sense of achievement. Like I had control over my life.

But no one had noticed. Not until now. I didn't think it was obvious.

"I––yeah," I laughed nervously, "I cut it shorter."

"And you're wearing it up today," Amira pointed out, she adjusted her headscarf as she spoke, "it suits you."

"Thanks," I smiled shyly, "it just felt good, I guess. To do something without someone telling me to."

A strong sense of recognition flashed through Ami's brown eyes. And for the first time in my life, I could see something behind the perfect persona of the girl in front of me. It was like a blade, cutting away at the flawless facade.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she mumbled, her voice soft. She blinked in and out of sight. "It's like the world has been deciding our every action ever since the war ended. Not fun, is it?"

I nodded in agreement, unable to gather my words.

"I landed myself in detention yesterday," Amira sprang that information out of nowhere.

"What?" I spluttered, in shock, "you, got detention?"

"Yep!" she laughed, "Miss Williams was lecturing us about how we would eventually need to go out in the world and use our abilities for the 'greater good'. And well, I got sick of it and I told her that we should be able to choose what we want to do with our lives, rather than pick out of the career path options. I don't want to live a life that was crafted for me by someone else."

"What did she say?" I raised an eyebrow. Miss Williams was our Future teacher, and had a reputation for being incredibly nasty to students.

"She told me I was an (and I quote) ignorant child with a selfishly useless ability, and that maybe I should teach the class if I was going to be so defiant," Amira rolled her eyes, turning invisible for a split second once more.

"She shouldn't have come at your ability like that," I shook my head.

"She shouldn't have said it," agreed Amira, "but sometimes people say or do things that hurt others, as long as it feeds their self-satisfaction."

Those words were like a punch in the stomach. I'd been trying to push what had happened earlier out of my mind the whole day, but it had proved difficult. The snide comments still got under my skin.

"Like Celeste," I whispered, suddenly noticing why Amira was telling me some of this.

She nodded. "Like Celeste. I heard the stuff she said about you earlier and...Well you're not the only one she's said things like that to, to put it simply. Trust me, I share a dorm room and a project with her. She goes out of her way to make everyone miserable, even if none of her words are true. None of the stuff she said to you was true, okay?"

"Okay," I said, slowly, "thanks Amira."

"If it helps," she said, her cheeks slightly pink, "I mean, this is kind of embarrassing but...Sometimes when it's like the world is crumbling around me and no one's doing anything, people are just being horrible, and I feel like a helpless mess, I like to do something that kind of helps."

I tilted my head to the side, egging her to go on.

"I take control of the little things, that no one else really cares about," she shuffled in her seat. "You know, cracking a stupid joke in front of Mark when he's having a bad day, just so that he'll have at least one thing that made him smile. Organising Nico's notes when he's going through something, so that it's one less thing to worry about," Amira paused, giving me a quick sideways glance, before adding one more thing, "slipping a bar of chocolate into your bag when you skip meals for an entire day."

"That was you?" I asked, incredulously. Suspiciously, I'd been finding breakfast bars, sandwiches, and chocolate in my bag for the past few days, unsure of where they came from. They usually remained untouched, until I felt ill or almost passed out––then they probably saved my life.

"Thank you," my mind was blank. Was it really possible to thank this girl enough? "Really, Amira, you didn't need to. I-–"

"Oh shush," she waved a hand dismissively, "it barely takes two minutes, I'd rather spend time doing that than having you faint on us again."

Anyway," she continued, "it's not only helping other people. Sometimes the only thing you can control is yourself, that's where I'm really going with this. I wanna see you taking care of yourself more, making impulsive decisions that are good for you, yeah? It really will make life a bit more bearable at times!"

She ended her little speech looking incredibly hopeful, her eyes wide and glistening with tears. She wiped them away hastily. And that's when I realised something. Something important.

Amira really needed a damn hug. She'd been running around her entire life being told what to do and who to be, and the first thing she did to change that was help make things more enjoyable for her friends.

But some people are so full of love that they give it all away, without keeping any for themselves.

I stared down at my gloved hands, heart beating anxiously in my chest. My mind was throwing thoughts at me, dangerous ones.

I shouldn't. It's too risky. I thought to myself.

But before I knew it, I was hugging the girl in front of me like she'd just saved me.

Amira went still; for a moment I was sure everything had gone downhill and oh no oh no oh no I should never have touched her.

But then she wrapped her arms around me, resting her chin on my shoulder. She was hugging me back.

"Thanks, Tanni," she whispered, squeezing me tighter as she spoke. I let out a sigh of relief. She was okay.

When we both finally pulled away, she held out the bag of chocolate we had been eating earlier.

"I need to go to the dorm now," she said, "take this with you. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Okay." We both got up and walked out of the library. At the top of the staircase, she turned to look at me.

"Oh, Nini."

"Yeah?"

Amira smiled knowingly, looking down at the food then back at me. "Maybe eat more than just the blue ones."

I frowned, unsure of what she meant. But as I walked back to my dorm, I looked down at the bag.

There were only two colours left.

And for the first time in my life, I ate the red ones too.

♡♡♡

I barely had a chance to twist the doorknob to my room before Nico slammed it open and strutted out––catching me so much by surprise that I dropped everything I was carrying.

"Dumbass," I chided, "watch where you're going, will you?" I smiled up at him, as I bent down to pick up my books.

"Hi Tanni!" he said, with an equally bright grin––I didn't miss the fact that his cheeks were stained with tears. He helped me gather my stuff.

"Is everything okay?" I frowned, "why were you in our dorm?"

"I––er," he looked extremely nervous, "I think Harper should explain, she's in there waiting for you, right now."

Excited for tomorrow?" he tried to change the subject, looking cheerful all of a sudden. "Mark spent an hour rambling to me about how you were going with him after class this morning."

My cheeks flushed pink. "I'll see you later, Nico," I laughed softly, not answering his question.

"See you, Nini," he waved. Once he was out of sight, I lost all of my dignity and stumbled into the room like some kind of drunk penguin. I rushed to Harper's side, preparing myself to comfort her. But to my surprise, she seemed really calm. Her face was tear-stained and blotchy, and her eyes were red and puffy––but she still seemed so content. She also had a small smile plastered on her face.

"Take your time," I signed, "don't feel rushed to tell me anything, okay?"

"Take a good look at me right now, Tanni," Harper replied, "seriously, just take a moment to take in all my features."

I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Are you high?" I asked her.

"Don't try to be funny right now," she rolled her eyes. "I'm being serious."

"Ok sorry, carry on," I signed.

"Now think of Nico," she continued.

What? Yeah, I was really confused. I'm pretty sure I deserved an award for my ability not to get impatient in that moment.

"People used to say we looked like twins," Harper signed, laughing softly as if she was reliving a very happy memory.

The thing is, I'm two years younger than him. So it got annoying after a while," she looked down, trying to hide her tears. "I never noticed how much I'd miss it until he didn't remember me."

She took a couple of seconds to gather herself before she continued.

"He thought I was dead for eight years, Tanni, " she sobbed, unable to hold back her tears. "My own brother didn't know I existed for eight years, he even forgot about me."

"Nico's your brother?" I asked, beginning to catch on. I saw everything now. Their unruly, wavy hair which never seemed to lie flat, except Harper's was a little more under control. The freckles that dotted their faces, the slight tan they both had. The hazel eyes which crinkled when they smiled...And so much more.

I knew how it felt to lose a sibling. But I couldn't even fathom to imagine what it must feel like to have them forget about you.

She nodded. "That night I ran away from my parents? Nico was with me, and the bomb separated us. He thought I died, and when we came here, he asked the creators of the school to wipe whatever memories he had of me so that my death would hurt less."

My mouth fell open in shock.

"You weren't allowed to tell him that you were related?" I signed.

"No," Harper shook her head. "Apparently, it would confuse him too much, possibly make him break under the pressure of not knowing for so long if you know what I mean. I've been slipping him little clues about it since we started the project. You know, old childhood possessions, his favourite things from when we were kids and all that. Working on the abilities projects uncovered so many family secrets, and then he finally caught on. I had to explain everything."

Everything made sense. The things Nico had been finding in his locker. The little drawings and handwritten notes that looked like they were done by a toddler. The old vinyls and cds. Everything.

It was all Harper.

"And Nico's okay now?" I needed to make sure.

"Oh yeah, he's fine," she signed, "stupid creators underestimated how much we could both handle."

I smiled, proud of her for being able to keep that to herself for so long without cracking under the pressure, but at the same time––my heart hurt for my friend. She put herself through so much pain to protect him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I frowned. "You know you can speak to me about anything, right?"

"I know," she smiled. "I should've told you, but you worry for me so much. I didn't want to put you through that. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," I assured her, "but I bet it feels good to have him back, yeah?"

She nodded happily. "It feels amazing."

Suddenly, she clapped her hands together. "I have an idea."

"Yeah?" I grinned.

"It feels like we haven't seen much of each other lately, what with the project and all that," she signed, "and I know that a certain someone still needs a dress for the Ball––and so do I actually. So how about we go out tonight and buy what we need together?"

I laughed happily, suddenly feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. But before agreeing, I decided to add.

"Can we invite someone to go with us?"

"Who?"

"Amira," I said, "I was just with her in the library, and she looked like she needed cheering up."

Harper leaned back on her bed, nodding. "Girls night it is. Let's go find her."

Grinning, I made sure to add one more thing before we left.

"Race you there?" I signed, knowing full well that she would beat me, but it was something we liked to do anyway.

"Oh you're on," Harper laughed and sprinted out of the room before I could even mentally prepare myself to run.

♡♡♡

"Tanni, make a decision," Harper face-palmed when I picked out the fifth dress that I'd like to try on.

"But they're all so pretty," I replied, struggling not to drop the many dresses I had in my arms.

"Yes, but you gotta remember that we're all broke," she laughed. "You don't have enough for five dresses, things for your hair and makeup and the books you wanted to read tonight."

"The books take priority," Amira chirped up.

"Very true," I pointed a finger at her, then turned to Harper. "I still want to try these on so I can pick a favourite, pretty please?"

"Fine," she shrugged as she took a closer look at the mannequin in front of her. "I swear this mannequin is staring into my soul," she signed warily.

"It's a statue, Harper," I laughed. I shouldn't have said anything, because as I walked past said mannequin, its wig fell off.

"OH––" I managed to stop myself from cursing since one of the store assistants was looking at me suspiciously. Smiling sheepishly, I bent down to pick up the wig and place it back on the mannequin––it fell off again. So, I gave up and scurried away, Harper and Amira following closely behind with their hands clamped over their mouths to muffle their laughter. Dorks.

Once we were far away from that cursed statue, I told the other two that I was going to try on my clothes.

"Okay," they replied. Both of them had picked out their dresses wayyy before me––and looked like absolute goddesses in it.

I found an empty fitting room and closed the curtain. I tried on every dress I'd picked, stepping out every now and then to show my friends––they gushed equally over every single one.

"Ok, this is the last one," I signed when I tried on the last dress. It was a really flowy, light purple, off-the-shoulder gown, with little flowery stuff at the waistline and bottom of the skirt––the dress didn't stand out too much. It made me feel like a fairy.

It was perfect.

"Ohmygoshyes," Harper squealed, running towards me. "You look adorable."

"You've said that about every single one so far," I pointed out, walking towards her. The gown was easy to move in too, I didn't have to waddle across the room like I did with every other dress, though I did have to hitch it up a little.

"Yes, but this one just feels like it was made for you, it suits your personality," Amira explained, "ooh! You should wear a tiara with it." She ran to her bag and pulled out one of those tiara hair-comb things (no idea why she had that in her bag).

"Guys, I'm not a Princess," I blushed while she adjusted the tiara on my head.

"You're right, I should've gotten you a crown instead because you look like a Queen," gushed Amira.

"Very true," agreed Harper.

I rolled my eyes, suppressing a smile over how well they were getting along and peered over Amira's shoulder to see how I looked in the mirror.

Wow.

I wasn't not one to give myself many compliments but damn I looked great. I would fall in love with myself if I walked into a ballroom looking like this.

"I look beautiful," I muttered under my breath.

"Of course you do," Amira stepped back to get a good look at me. "Don't think you can hide your happiness from us, Tanni. You deserve to feel good about yourself, yeah?" She smiled. Harper nodded.

"Yep, you're our gorgeous best friend whether you like it or not, deal with it, idiot."

"Better not call her an idiot in front of Mark, he'll think you stole his line," Amira waggled her eyebrows at me.

"Oh yeah you're right. Though he does call her a lot of things, idiot, Aronist, love of his life," Harper teased.

"Of course. He can barely go an hour without going to talk to her, can he?" Amira said.

"Both of you shut up."

"Never," Harper stuck her tongue out at me, "are you ready to buy some books? I know you've been waiting."

"Yeah, let me just get changed out of this real quick, and then we can go pay," I replied.

An hour later we were back at Harper and I's dorm, the three of us half asleep and ready to pass out any second. That was when someone knocked on the door.

"I'll get it," I signed tiredly. I got up and opened the door to find Nico standing there––he looked extremely tired but excited.

"Mark's birthday," Nico yawned, "tomorrow, we need to get the surprise party ready and he just fell asleep. You guys wanna help?"

"Hell yeah," I yawned too, I turned back to Harper and Amira, explaining why we were needed, and they both looked like they'd downed five cups of espresso at the mention of a birthday party.

The next three hours were spent blowing up balloons, decorating a cake, hanging up decorations (we'd agreed that––except from my notebooks and manuscripts which were scattered everywhere), Harper and I's room was the cleanest––so we would have the party there, and just having fun.

I marvelled at how well Mark seemed to have taught Nico sign-language, as Nico was now almost fluent in the way he spoke to Harper. I smiled, watching them having a good time and seeing Nico struggle to blow up balloons. He fell off the bed twice trying to do it. I listened to Amira tell me stories about Mark's life (it was very entertaining). Harper stopped me from tripping over the cake three times, and I saw her squirt herself in the face with icing five times. Eventually, we all fell asleep by accident, with our icing-covered faces, messy hair and clothes, and smiles on our faces.

And although the idea of it scared me more than I could ever imagine, I thought that...maybe, this is what it felt like.

This was what it felt like to have a group of friends.

This is what it felt like to have fun.

To feel free.

a/n–– long chapter!!!  this was one of my favourite chapters to write cause the platonic fluff between tanni, amira, and harper always warms my heart haha. another question: if you could pick one of these characters to be your best friend, who would it be? have a nice day/night and please remember to vote and comment!!!