"Everything that kills me makes me feel alive."

T A N N I

"He saved you from the fire?" Harper asked curiously. I nodded slowly, struggling to keep my mind from wandering back to the events of that day. It had been one heck of an afternoon. First Mark starts acting all weird and then I learn how to play piano and then I almost die and he saves me???? Again??? If I was being honest, I'd never felt this grateful towards anyone than I did for him right then. And if he were any other person, I'd be sobbing with gratitude. However, this was Mark; we'd gotten off to a pretty terrible start, and after everything that had happened...I didn't know how to feel about him anymore. I certainly didn't hate him, but I didn't like him either. He still annoyed me.

"Tanni, rest," Harper signed, "you look like you haven't had a proper good night's sleep in ages."

I fought the pain at the back of the throat as I nodded, trying not to cry.

"Anything else you wanna talk about?" she asked.

"I thought you told me to go to sleep?" I teased, weakly.

"Love you too," she grinned softly, shaking her head. So, I listened to my friend––I slept and had another nightmare-induced night.

♡♡♡

I'd like to say that I and Mark got along easier after the whole 'fire escapade'. But the next few weeks didn't go too well.

Well... there wasn't any petty arguing as usual. However, the air was thick, tense, and worrisome. It was a rain cloud looming over us, threatening to rain, refusing to leave. It was wanting to cry but not letting any tears come. Just...awkward.

We went through our questions, each one more personal than the one before. The pain of needing to trust someone I didn't want to trust hit me in the chest like a sharp knife. It was cruel of the school to do this to us. To force us to make a report on our abilities, on our past.

"Are you sure you don't have an ability?" Mark peered at me over his notebook. He hadn't called me Arsonist in a while now, I didn't like it.

"Dude, I think I'd know if I had an ability," I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. Fine. But if you don't have an ability... can you at least give me some background information on your life before––before all this." He widely motioned to the space around us.

"You're not telling me anything about your life," I replied. Mark opened his mouth, about to say something, but he closed it again and swallowed his words.

"Look, I'm going to find Nico," I stood up. Mark frowned.

"Nico?" he asked.

"Yeah––um, detention," I lied, before I began to walk off in another direction. "See you tomorrow."

"Tanni?" Mark called after me. I turned.

"That's not the way to detention," he said.

Oh.

"It's a shortcut," I said, haughtily. And I turned on my heel, heading off in the direction which was definitely the way to detention.

♡♡♡

"Took you a while, didn't it?" Nico beamed when he saw me approach him. He'd asked to meet me at the field behind the school, the one that gave a perfect view of the sunrise. Maybe that was why he wanted me to meet him at five o'clock in the morning. He seemed to be the artistic type.

I was proved right when I saw the canvas and paint beside him.

"It's harder to escape your best friend than it seems," I said. That was a lie, the reason I was late was that I walked into those bloody glass doors the school seems to love––again. "Why did you need to see me?" I took a seat on the frosty grass, beside him.

Nico took a deep breath, and his cheery demeanour vanished. "You and Harper are good friends, right?" he whispered.

"She's been like my sister since the war ended," I said, "why?" I frowned, confused about why Nico was so concerned about my friend.

"I don't know. I––I just feel like maybe I know her better than I thought? Or knew her before this project? I just don't know how, or when."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"I...don't know," he repeated, "has she mentioned me much?"

I paused, things between Nico and I were usually fairly formal; I didn't know him as well as Mark did. But here he was, casually bombarding me with questions about my closest friend, asking me whether or not she ever talked about him.

"She hasn't... no, she's mentioned you when we talk about the project, but that's about it," I mumbled. He nodded, a sad smile painting his features. His blond hair had streaks of blue through it, it stood out against the sunrise. My session with Mark had started really early today, and Nico had asked me to meet him at dawn. Why were these boys such morning people? Why?

"Nico, why are you asking me this?" I said, "if you don't mind me asking." I added, hastily. His explanation of Harper seeming familiar to him didn't convince me, there had to be something else going on.

"It's hard to explain," he smiled. The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, just like Harper's did. Suddenly, a thought came to me.

"Do you like her?" I said, excitedly, "Harper, I mean."

At this, Nico burst out laughing. He opened his mouth several times to answer my question––but he couldn't speak.

"I'm guessing that's a no, then," I grinned.

"A––definitely––of course no," he choked, "she's like a sister to me."

"You've known her for two weeks, Nico," I pointed out.

"I get attached to people easily, Nini," he teased, jokingly. Well, I guess that was my new name.

"If you call me Nini then I'm calling you Picasso," I said. He paused.

"Mark told you?" he asked.

"Mark told me," I confirmed. Book-burner and I might have been awkward and petty around each other lately, but we could still make fun of our friends.

Nico buried his face in his hands, grinning to himself. Finally, he got up and offered me a hand––and nodded in understanding when I didn't take it. Well, he couldn't possibly understand, but I appreciated the gesture.

"See you soon, Tanni," he smiled, "thanks."

"No problem, Picasso," I beamed, "see ya."

I began to walk away when he called out again.

"Hey, Tanni!" he smiled grimly, running a hand through his hair. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Harper about this." I nodded.

"I won't tell a soul."

♡♡♡

"Nico asked me about you today," was the first thing I said when I saw Harper. Okay, don't judge me. If it were anyone else I would have stuck to my promise, but Harper and I had a pact that we don't keep secrets about each other unless it's something that could be harmful to anyone else.

"What did he say?" she looked up sharply. I shrugged.

"Nothing really, he just asked if you talked about him much and that he felt like he recognised you from before."

"Oh."

"Do you know why?" I sat down on the edge of her bed. That was her indication to talk.

"No, I just...He's nice," she signed.

"And?"

"And he's been through a lot, from what he's told me," she cleared her throat nervously. "I want to be there for him, but it's difficult. I mean, we've all gone through tough stuff during the war, but it makes it all the more hard to help other people sometimes. Not just with him, with you too, with everyone." Harper appeared unnaturally nervous. But I understood what she meant––our experiences with the war sometimes made it arduous to be there for others.

"And you and Nico's experiences during the war had similar effects on you, that's why he feels like he knew you before?" I guessed.

Harper did a double take, before replying. "Yeah, exactly."

Although we didn't talk much about it, I knew that Harper had been abused by her parents all her life, and ended up on the streets after she ran away. If Nico had any similar occurrences in his life, then I understood why he might have felt close to her.

"You're doing a great job, Harps," I said, smiling softly at her. "Don't worry about this, yeah?"

Harper grinned at me. "How could I, when I've got you, hm?" she nudged me lightly.

My heart fluttered with pride and gratitude for her. At least I knew that no matter what, I'd always have her.

That is, if I was careful enough to not hurt her.

♡♡♡

"He went corrupt," Vidius declared, slamming his hand down on the table, "his emotions controlled him and it landed six of his friends in hospital."

Everyone sucked in a sharp breath. It was unlikely for Vidius to get so invested in his teaching, so when he did, we knew it was serious.

"And do you know what the worst of it was?" he asked, leaning back on the wall, "well?"

"He stole your food?" Leo muttered sarcastically from the back.

"I heard that, Mr Astell," my teacher warned, jokingly, "though you're not incorrect, this boy did have a habit of stealing from my office." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Mark slouching in his seat, looking rather sheepish. I grinned at him, knowing the story of when he snuck into Vidius's office and fell out of the window. He stuck his tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes, bringing my focus back to the front of the class.

Vidius clapped his hands together. "Anyway. Even though this incident happened before you lot even finished your first year at this school, we need to keep it in mind. Because there will always, always be students who use their abilities for the worse, or they do not know how to control them. Remember, lack of control results in danger."

He looked at all of us expectantly, raising his eyebrows. I swallowed nervously, and tried to appear nonchalant to his speech. Don't be obvious about your ability, I told myself. Mark is sitting right in front of us, everyone is staring everyone is staring everyone is staring.

"Lack of control results in danger," I muttered, along with the rest of the class.

"Right," nodded Vidius. "You have about fifteen minutes until the end of the day, feel free to work on your projects."

There was a collective groan from everyone but Nico and Harper, who appeared fairly pleased with the arrangement and wasted no time in talking to each other (although I doubted they'd even started the project).

"Arsonist," Mark nodded, walking casually towards me. Then he tripped over Amira's chair and face planted. "Every fucking time," he grumbled, angrily. His face flushed red as he dusted himself off. Then he looked up at me. "What?"

"What?"

"Aren't you gonna make fun of me?" he questioned in a disgruntled voice. I shook my head, feeling as though I might throw up after the lesson we'd just had.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "Tell Vidius if he asks."

Mark frowned. "Are you okay?"

"Since when did you care?" I snorted, and turned on my heel, leaving the classroom.

Look, I knew I was being rude there...But I couldn't stand being in that classroom one second more. Not after we'd spent an hour learning about students who couldn't control their abilities and landed themselves and others in deathly situations.

Enduring fifteen minutes of the ability project would have been almost impossible. Yet, guilt still consumed me when I remembered the confused expression on Mark's face. He looked heartbroken, for a reason I couldn't figure out. Or maybe I'd been imagining things, or over-analysing the situation.

I'd barely stepped foot outside the classroom before I began to feel dizzy. My head spun like a tornado and my feet didn't feel like my feet anymore, the ground was disappearing disappearing disappearing.

Barely managing to drag myself to the nurses office, I mustered up the energy to knock on her door. I was a regular at this place, always something wrong with me; she wouldn't be surprised if I just fainted at her feet right then.

And that's exactly what happened as soon as she opened the door for me.

♡♡♡

"Is she okay?" I heard four voices whisper-shout, as soon as they were let in by the nurse.

"You're going to have to specify, lovelies," the nurse laughed, "I get around five students here an hour."

"Is Tanni okay?" asked Nico.

"Oh, yes Tanni's doing fine. Just a bit overwhelmed is all," the nurse explained. That was my queue to sit up.

"Not overwhelmed," I said tiredly. That was when Amira, Harper, and Nico all rushed towards me. Mark stayed behind leaning on the doorframe with a serious expression on his face. He talked to the nurse, making sure there was nothing really wrong with me.

"Are you okay?" Amira asked, "no bruises, cuts, or emotional scars?"

"I pass out all the time, Ami," I grinned, "I'm better than ever, see?" I stood up to demonstrate how I was 'better than ever', but that only resulted in another wave of dizziness and me falling back onto the bed.

"Lie back down," instructed Harper, "I can't believe you didn't tell me you were sick, you idiot. We had to get all the information from Mark when you weren't in the dorm last night or in lessons all of today, he said you looked unwell before you left class."

I spared a quick glance at Mark, who was still glaring. "Well what do you know? I guess all the run-ins I've had with fire and smoke lately finally got to me."

"I brought you sweets," Nico decided to speak up, dumping a bunch of chocolates and sweets on my lap. "And you'd better eat them; you need the sugar."

"Thanks, Nico," I smiled, staring down at the food for a good minute or so. Reluctantly, I broke off a small cube of chocolate and nibbled on it slowly.

"I'm going to the dorms," Mark said all of a sudden.

"Mark," Amira said sternly.

"What?" he snapped, "you guys desperately wanted to see if she was okay, and she's okay. I now know that there's no reason to worry about her so I'd like to sleep, thanks."

He left the room. Slamming the door behind him. The nurse looked at him disapprovingly.

"Don't worry about him," Amira reassured me, "he's been in a rotten mood all day."

"Missing you," Harper and Nico said simultaneously. I fidgeted, knowing that they were all lying.

"It's fine," I smiled weakly. "I think I might go back to the dorms tonight anyway, I feel fine."

"If you're sure," Harper frowned.

"I'm sure," I said decidedly, got up and thanked the nurse. I said goodbye to Nico and Amira and thanked them for everything. Harper and I walked in silence to our dorm room.

Harper yawned loudly. "I'm gonna go to bed, today's been exhausting. You should do the same."

I hummed in agreement, knowing that I wouldn't be able to do anything of the sort. Harper fell asleep within the next half-hour, but I lay there, on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

What if I ever became one of the more dangerous students? The question that had been on my mind for the past two days (except from when I was unconscious) returned. What if I never learned how to control my ability? What if I killed anyone else? What if––

I paused, noticing the folded up paper on my bedside table. My heart was about to beat out of my chest; the paper hadn't been there before. Head spinning, I picked it up and unfolded it.

Are you sure you're safe? Think again, Lieutenant.

––James

It was as though every inch of my body had disappeared; the numbness was overwhelming and intense confusion and terror was the only thing I could feel at that moment.

James.

Lieutenant.

Two names that felt too familiar for me to ignore them. Memories of me and James playing 'pretend army' before we were old enough to understand what war was. I remembered James letting me lead the games and jokingly called me 'Lieutenant' so I could feel in charge. I remembered us marching around the house and annoying our parents.

He couldn't be back. The note couldn't be from James.

Are you sure you're safe?

No. I wasn't. I never had been. But this made my fear grow.

I wasn't safe.

My friends weren't safe.

Harper wouldn't ever be safe.

No one would be...

Another thing, someone had snuck that note into my room. And it wasn't something I wanted to think about right then.

I needed air, so as soon as I made sure that Harper was asleep, I walked out.

♡♡♡

The large number of pillows and blankets that I carried down to the beach was more than I ever had. Comfort was needed that day, and camping out was an odd tradition of mine. When I finally reached the beach, I piled up some of the blankets and duvets I'd brought with me to make a mattress. It wasn't too cold either, so I could easily camp outside that night without freezing to death.

The sand felt rough under my feet, however, the colours of the sky and the way the sun set so perfectly behind the clouds made up for it. It was going to be an okay night, maybe I'd get some sleep after that trying day.

"Arsonist?" a voice from behind me said softly. I sighed, recognising the nickname before I recognised the voice.

"What are you doing out here," I asked defensively, glancing at the pile of pillows in his arms.

"Same as you, it seems," he said, quietly raising an eyebrow. He still seemed just as infuriated as earlier. I almost groaned out loud, of course, Mark would end up being in the same place as me again. I should have seen it coming. Before I could reply, a thought came to me. I snorted out loud.

"You make blanket forts?" I laughed. For some reason, my tired brain decided that Mark building blanket forts outside, as I did, was an extremely amusing topic.

I was tired, okay?

"Yeah," he gave me a crooked smile. "But you can't really say much, can you?"

He had a point. Unfortunately.

What was I supposed to do now? I certainly wasn't going to stay where I was if he was there. But I also couldn't give him the satisfaction of making me leave.

"I'm going to sleep here," I said, moving a few feet away from him, "please stay away from me."

"You don't need to worry about that," he assured me, giving me a deadpan look. He settled himself down where he was, "I'm not planning on moving away from where I am."

I nodded, the sun was beginning to set. After about thirty minutes, Mark was fast asleep. I marvelled at his ability to rest that quickly. I stayed up late, sleep refusing to join me.

Eventually, a feeling of guilt overwhelmed me––we weren't friends, I disliked him, and he hated me (or so I thought). But for some reason, I preferred it when we were arguing rather than it being awkward, cold, and tense. It didn't feel right; he'd saved my life after all, and he wasn't rubbing it in and being cocky about it. Even if he did seem angry with me.

I needed to do something to clear the air quickly.

I pulled out a piece of paper, a pencil, and a fizzy drink from my bag. Hastily, I scribbled a quick note and folded it up, placing it beside him. I glanced up at the sky, the sun was beginning to rise (I'd been up that long). So I began the next part of my plan. I shook the drink with all the energy I could muster until I saw the foamy white stuff at the top. Putting it next to Book-burner, I smiled to myself. This would either make him hate me for all eternity, or he'd love my idea of a prank and we'd get along great.

Either way, it would break the tension.

I gently shook him awake, before running back to my place and pretending to be asleep. I managed to squint enough to see what was going on. Mark slowly woke up, and the first thing he noticed was the note. He read it carefully, smiling to himself before he picked up the bottle. Struggling to stop myself from laughing, I put a hand over my mouth.

The last thing I saw before I ran off was Mark getting sloshed in the face. And I've got to say... that was the best thing I've seen in a long time.

a/n – OMG THIS CHAPTER>>>> SO FUN TO WRITE. asdfghjk what do you think of the rewrite so far??? if ur still reading then I LOVE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH HONESTLY BESTIE THANK YOU <333333 pls vote/comment and have a great day/night :))