Chapter 3

“Congrats, my dear!” My dad grinned and patted me on my head.

My heart melted at the proud look my dad wore as he scanned my diploma. Finally, his little girl grew up and would soon be a college girl! I hoped that mom would be as proud as my dad, but the way she coldly congratulated me earlier sunk my heart. It wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would be a joyful occasion.

I glanced at my mother who tried to talk to her in-laws. My jaw clenched at sight. My aunt obviously avoided her but she kept on smiling. I scoffed as I watched mom. 

I could see myself in her. And maybe that’s why we have this love-hate relationship between us. She hated how she sees herself in me and so do I. Still, my father’s family adores me, especially my grandmother. However, the Siopangco wouldn’t give that adoration for free. They wanted something. They expected something from me.

And my mom knows it. Maybe that’s why she was disappointed. I just got a diploma without any flashy awards. She might have thought that my dad’s family would brand me as a failure just like what they did to my brother. Yet, my grandparents told me how proud they were. Even my strict aunt was happy for me.

A sigh escaped from my lips as I looked away.

Why do we love torturing ourselves?

My eyes roam around the house. When I locked my eyes on him, he quickly brushed his hair with his fingers and gave me a slight nod. I watched him walk out of the house before I followed right away.

Wala naman na sigurong maghahanap sa akin dahil malamang ay saglit lang ang mga tito’t tita ko sa bahay. Nagpakita na rin ako sa lahat ng mga bisita namin. Mabuti na lang din talaga pumayag ang pamilya ko na sa bahay ganapin ang party para sa graduation ko ngayon kaya mas makakaalis ako na walang iniintindi. Hindi ko rin kailangan magpanggap sa harap ng mga taong hindi ko kilala.

It was already dark outside and I immediately embraced myself as the night breeze blew.  My long hair swayed along with the wind while my eyes searched for the only person who could comfort me and help me escape these shitty feelings.

Halos mapatalon ako nang may nagpatong ng coat sa akin. Mabilis akong ngumiti at hinarap siya.

Frankie pinched my cheeks. “Don’t force yourself to smile.”

My shoulder relaxed at his deep soothing voice. My heart also calmed a bit and my eyes moistened. I leaned on his chest. Frankie stayed still before he patted me softly on my shoulder.

“Let’s go buy you some sweets,” he suggested.

I nodded at him and let him lead the way. Good thing that our house was also near to a convenience store.

Umupo ako sa bakanteng pwesto sa store habang si Frankie naman ay pumila sa counter para bumili ng ice cream naming dalawa. The rain started to pour outside and I just watched as people started to run and covered their heads with their arms.

Frankie handed me a chocolate ice cream. “Shit. Should we buy an umbrella or just wait here until the rain stops?”

“Or we could just run,” I shrugged.

He chuckled before he sat in front of me. We finished our ice cream before in silence while watching the raindrops. This is what I liked about this store. The tables and seats were placed where we could see outside.

“It seems like your tita wants to adopt you as her own,” he said suddenly. “I could also tell you were offended about it.”

I sighed. “She always voiced out how she wanted me to be her daughter. Actually, she told dad before that she did want to adopt me. It was disrespectful since my parents are still alive.”

I don’t know what my family saw in me, especially my aunt Anna. They wanted me. They were proud of me. But I didn’t want that. I only want my parents to be proud of me. However, making mom proud means I have to make my father’s family proud of me first. Right now, it’s not enough. My mom thinks they would be disappointed in me if I made a mistake.

“You are charming, kind, and sweet. Plus, you’re smart, Tiff. Who wouldn’t want you as their daughter?”

“My mom?”

He shook his head. “Tita loves you. It’s just that…”

I waved my hand at him. “Don’t comfort me, Frank. It’s fine.”

“Right, my presence would be enough to comfort you.”

Isang ngiti ang binigay ko sa kanya. He stared at me for a moment but didn’t say a thing. Alam ko naman na ayaw niyang ngumigiti ako. Lalo na kapag pilit ito. Still, this one was genuine. I was genuinely glad that he came into my life. He deserves a sincere smile from me.

“I’m freezing,” I admitted and hugged myself while wearing his coat.

Frankie nodded before he stood and offered me his hand. I arched my eyebrow at him as I accepted his hand and stood.

We strolled slowly ㅡ not wanting to go home yet. The rain stopped minutes ago and we stayed in the store for an hour already. Everything’s comforting whenever I’m with Frankie. I was always looking forward to tomorrow when I could be with him. The day with him was filled with great memories. He was the reason why I feel like I could pull myself together. I couldn’t imagine myself without him. I’m not even sure if I could bear a single day without him in it.

But can we stay together for a long time? Will it be possible?

I halted and faced him with a pout. He stopped and frowned at me.

“What?” he asked. “Why do you look upset now?”

He chuckled when I just pouted at him even more. Frankie pinched my cheeks.

I slapped his hands. “Stop it.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong. Okay ka na, a. Bakit biglang parang may aawayin ka?”

Isang irap ang binigay ko sa kanya kaya naman natawa siya at napailing. Ang babaw ko pero bigla na lang nag iba timpla ng mood ko. Bago pa ako makapaglakad ulit ay mabilis niya akong hinawakan sa kamay at hinarap muli sa kanya.

“What?” I asked.

Frankie licked his lower lip. “Tell me, please.”

Huminga ako nang malalim bago siya malungkot na tiningnan sa mga mata. He stared at me softly and waited.

“I suddenly had this thought if we could be like this forever or if we’ll be able to stay together for a long time. I felt upset because I know that there was a possibility that our relationship and closeness would change and I don’t think I’ll be ready for that. I can’t imagine myself without you, Frankie,” I said honestly.

He wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes. “Hey. That won’t happen.”

I shook my head. “It will. It might. Frankie, you know that I became emotionally dependent on you. But, I can’t be like this once you found yourself a partner in life. I don’t want to cling to you and expect that nothing will change once you got yourself a girlfriend.”

“Tiff, I’m not looking for anyone right now. Just like what I told you before, you’re more than enough for me,” he mumbled.

“But you can’t stay single forever!”

“And that’s the same for you,” Frankie replied in a low voice.

My hands balled into fists as I clenched my jaw.

I looked away. “I would rather be with you than have a boyfriend. If I ever enter a relationship, I have this pressure that the guy should be someone that my family would be approved of.”

“Someone who is not me,” he smiled but sadness flashed in his eyes.

Frankie cupped my face before his soft eyes stared into mine. He leaned his forehead into mine and shut his eyes. Unconsciously, I did the same thing. I held his hands that were holding me carefully and squeezed it.

Kahit hindi niya sabihin ay alam kong naiintindihan niya ang sitwasyon ko. Alam niya na hindi ko kayang talikuran ang pamilya ko kagaya ng kapatid ko. Kahit nasasakal na ako ay may parte sa akin na gustong maging proud ang aking pamilya sa akin. I won’t fight for the person I like. I won’t introduce someone that doesn’t have the standards that my family has for my future partner. It was the bridge that I would soon cross. And we were aware of that bridge. That’s why we just stayed friends.

We were aware of the bridge that would separate the two of us.

But we keep on pretending that we don’t see it. That we can’t feel it.

We thought that there would always be a tomorrow for both of us.