A review of "Sandhailer" by Glyn

The moment I read the first few chapters of this novelette, I knew I'd have to write an in-depth review for it. Allyn's writing deserves to be praised, and I am more than happy to take that responsibility, though I have taken into account what the other judges had to say as well.

​​"The sun impaled itself upon the jagged horizon."

My favorite thing about this novelette is the imagery; how easy it is to envision scenes and get lost in the world. You can tell Allyn took the time to paint a picture, and his hard work definitely paid off. I went through the effort of looking for a picture to portray this particular quote because I love it so much.

One of my favorite scenes is when the "old one" appears. It's a great example of Allyn incorporating world building in the plot, creating danger for the characters by introducing a creature native to this fictional world. I wonder what it looks like and where it came from.

"Sandhailer" scored pretty evenly across the board in all subcategories of the atmosphere category with an average of 9.4. The world Allyn created was complete and integrated perfectly; this story would not be able to exist without the space it occupies, which is exactly what we were looking for. And every description, written so beautifully, can only be described as a treat—I felt spoiled. It was an absolute joy to read.

What stood to me the most were the casual but integral mentions of magic, politics, culture, and the rules of the land. Sandhailer has a clear role among the people, which earns him the title of Rubaan, and Swordeater . . . well, I'd rather not spoil it, but I was definitely surprised!

Something that was said in the judging forms about world building was that there was not enough of it. While it's understandable that people would like to see more of the world, I don't agree with this statement.

Sure, there could have been more, but there was nothing missing. I felt that the balance was just right. There was no info dumping or unnecessary description of people or places that didn't matter to the plot—there was only that which "Sandhailer" needed. Allyn knew how to use the limit he was given, and anything that was left unsaid may be explored in the future if he wishes to write an extended version of this story, which I hope he does.

"Only arrogant men fear powerful women."

I could have highlighted many lines of dialogue to showcase Allyn's characterization, but I chose this one because it demonstrates something critical to this entry's excellence: experience, belief, and circumstance have shaped the characters into who they are. That is evident in how they act and speak, and it has a great impact on the course of the plot. (I could probably ramble about it for as long as the word count of the novelette itself, but I'll control myself.)

While many writers are capable of writing characters who are occasionally funny or lovable and writing a reason for their existence or demeanor, Allyn did something that makes it stand out among the other entries: the characters felt real. There were facets to their personality. Reasons. And it was effortlessly done, too. Backstories weren't forced into scenes; they were revealed organically, and most importantly, when the characters were ready for it.

That also explains why this entry scored so high in character development. Sandhailer and Swordeater are different people at the end of the story. They learned and made decisions they wouldn't have made at first, but none of it was ever out of character or unrealistic; it made perfect sense after the journey they traversed together.

(And yes, I screamed a little after reading the last chapter.)

"He paid a high price for privacy, but considered it both necessary and deserved after his ordeals."

I think the word count was a huge detriment to many contestants. Things needed to happen and they needed to happen fast. It must have been an absolute battle to pick and choose which scenes to include and to determine how much detail they needed, but I think Allyn did a fantastic job in this area.

It's hard to tell exactly how much time Sandhailer and Swordeater spend in the desert together, but all I can say is that it felt right. The conversations they had, and the information they divulged to each other, progressed at a natural pace. It felt like a movie in the sense that TV shows have several episodes to go into detail about all the things that happen, but a movie only highlights the most important scenes.

The quote I chose is a line from a scene in which Sandhailer takes a bath and grooms himself, which might sound like an unnecessary scene, but not every scene needs to be action-packed. The goal of this scene was to foreshadow something Sandhailer would reveal to Swordeater later, and to give the readers a moment of peace before jumping back into the plot and action. It struck me as really impressive that Allyn managed to create such a perfectly balanced story. The pacing is exactly right for the length of it.

The highest scoring subcategory of this entry was conflict, which I wholeheartedly agree with. The characters didn't aimlessly walk around the desert; they had a reason to be there and a reason to keep moving. There were several figures in the story acting as an obstacle, and everything was resolved in the end. Every loose end was tied up.

All in all, "Sandhailer" did everything it needed to, and the execution was superb.

"If there is no good use to it, I should not do it."

I mentioned before, the descriptions are beautiful, so let's just get that out of the way. Sentences weren't written, they were crafted. Allyn has an extensive vocabulary that he used to his advantage without being obnoxious about it. "Sandhailer" is at a level far beyond amateurish, and I hope to see it going places.

But there were a few things that momentarily pulled me out of the story while reading.

Occasional mistakes were ignored in the category for writing quality because nobody is perfect, so don't worry about that. My two biggest gripes with the writing of "Sandhailer" were dialogue and formatting.

The former is obvious in the quote I highlighted. There is a misconception that not using contractions makes English sound better. It doesn't. It makes characters sound like they're not native speakers or like they're robots. It wasn't especially rampant in this novelette, but I would strongly advise to pay attention to it so it's not overdone, because people usually don't make an effort to say every word when they can just combine them.

As for formatting . . . maybe I'm being picky, but dialogue tags and the use of em dashes (or rather, a lack of them) were quite a big issue, and it was a consistent error, too. I'm not going to pull up examples because I'm not here to proofread this novelette, I'm reviewing it. So, Allyn, if you'd like to know what I'm talking about, my DMs are open. I'd also love to be a proofreader if you plan to expand this novelette.

"Speak for yourself, swordeater."

I would really like to see "Sandhailer" published. I know it's easier said than done, but wow. If I was an agent, I'd snatch this one up so fast. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'll let the judges come out of hiding to tell you that themselves.

Thank you for blessing us with this story, and once again, congratulations!