Reader 1: No

Reader 2: No

Reader 3: No

Reader 1:
Ok. This story surprised me a little. The first chapter had me rolling my eyes, with the fairy men and the fainting damsel. The second chapter suddenly got a bit more interesting. A tad too suddenly, in that it took me too long to figure out that I was back in Toronto. We're dropped into the aftermath, also, instead of getting the fun stuff, and then a lot of things have to be explained rather than shown – the fact that Moxie was standing at the bus stop when the 'earthquake' hit, for instance, and the fact that there's glass everywhere. But there's more forward momentum, at least, which works well to create interest.
Weird suggestion: switch these first two chapters?

There are a couple grammar hiccups in the second chapter, but nothing awful. 'It's unlikely she would have jumped up and *run* away...' '... opening *it* to boot up the tablet inside.' Once I got to the end, I wanted to keep reading, possibly enough to have bought the book if I was looking for something like it. That first chapter isn't quite there yet, though, so unfortunately I probably wouldn't have gotten to the end of the second chapter.

Reader 2:

What a pair chapter one and chapter two make! In the first one, virtually nothing happens but we've got some great description, and in the second one, a lot happens, but we're stuck with some alien asshats and get virtually NO setting description. Both chapters are lacking in the same area, though -- understandability. We are just as clueless as Moxie in ch.1 about where she landed and how, and in ch.2 we are treated to the aftermath of some kind of time/spacequake (I'm guessing here) but aren't told what exactly happened. There's a lot of confused running and screaming and we see the damage, but -- who are these people looking for Moxie and why should we feel scared? We know where Moxie is. She's hanging out in Candyland and is perfectly safe.

You might try -- as an experiment -- flipping chapters 1 & 2. Start with the boom and the asshats looking for this mysterious Moxie, then give us where Moxie actually is. Perhaps that would work to A) get over the 'we know where Moxie is, so not concerned' and B) make the languid place Moxie's in even more slow and languid feeling. I understand from the blurb that sex dreams are coming up, so languid is probably exactly where you want it to sit.

Another thing is that you might want to add more setting description to the second chapter. I've been to Toronto -- okay, over 20 years ago but I'm sure Bloor Street still looks rather the same and the Danforth hasn't grown legs and moved elsewhere -- but for those who haven't had the pleasure, some outside looking around might help as the two siblings run down the road home.

Also, for me, the writing still fails to convince somewhat in the second chapter. There's the oddly-crammed in mention of hair colour again and all the dialogue at the end has something not quite fluid about it. That doesn't help for improvements, but I think what I'm feeling is a lack of smoothness.

Good bones, but not where it needs to be yet.

Reader 3:

You show us two very separate points of view, but each of them is so short and brief it's hard to get to grips with either. Moxie is on a strange precipice between snarky and whimsical, the Xavier and Alias chapter is doing something, with little clue as to what, and I am getting a bit of whiplash. It's also rather... sedate. Both of the chapters are clearly pointing to a bigger story, but because they are so short and so scarce on information, I am struggling to maintain interest.

Now, don't get me wrong. The world where you've sent Moxie is described beautifully. Her reactions are a bit weak, but nothing that an edit can't fix. At the end of it, however, I'm not as much left with a cliffhanger as feel cheated out of a satisfying conclusion - that's not to say you have to give me the answers there and then, but just something to grip onto. Unfortunately, the sky is purple and there is my coffee cup, now there are some men, and look, I've fainted doesn't quite do that. Neither does a cryptic conversation between two people I don't know if I should care about.

Honestly, having read some of your other stuff (Persephone, for example, or that wonderful short about the zombie bride), this one just feels a bit flat. And not either really in terms of contents, but how it's written. I am a little confused by how... nice (for lack of better word) this all is. Your characters are usually so vivid (pun intended) and here they just aren't. It might be worth having a good think about where you want to take them, and then try to inject some life into the start, because I know how well you can do that, and this just isn't it.