Chapter 32 - Past is Past

"Take time to realize

That your warmth is

Crashing down on me

Take time to realize

That I am on your side

Well didn't I, didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you

No it's never gonna be that simple

No I can't spell it out for you"

Aiden's POV

Back to school. If before this meant I was going to get a bunch of girls, this year it meant I was getting none, and all because of a single one. Yet she was more than just a girl. Her name was Kiara Raven, and in my eyes, she was the most badass girl I had ever met.

I liked her, I really did, I cared for her more than I cared for any other girl in my entire life apart from my mother. And it was for that very reason that I knew I had to let her go and so I did. I saw it in her eyes the day she told me and Matthew that she knew all along about the bet. I saw how her gaze was different from ours, how she didn't look at me or Matthew the way we both looked at her. In the end, she was the one to play with us but the fact that she regretted it made everything better for me. We had deserved to be fooled, and for me? It was all fucking worth it because I fell for her.

Matthew, however, didn't think the way I did. Just because I was friends with Kiara didn't mean I wasn't as hurt as Matthew was, but I simply understood the reasons why Kiara did what she did. Matthew was being selfish, but, actually, and, surprisingly, I didn't blame him for that.

I saw Kiara at lunch in the first day of the second term. She was sitting with Dylan, Ellie and a girl named Rayla who apparently had finally become Dylan's girlfriend. Otherwise they wouldn't be holding hands and kissing right now. At the beginning I thought Dylan and Kiara liked each other, which made me automatically dislike the dude, but apparently they had stayed friends. 

I glanced at Kiara from my table. She was laughing with Ellie and the mere glimpse of it made me smile. Then her gaze locked with mine and my heart skipped a beat. I smirked playfully at her and Kiara waved, a smile on her face. Then I looked away, trying to ignore my heartbeat. It was unbelievable what this girl could do to me.

Glancing around the canteen, I noticed Matthew sitting at the Popular Table. He was around so many people but he seemed lonely, staring down at his food. Sighing, I got up from my table, said goodbye to my peers and walked towards his table in my confident way of walking, even though inside I was feeling everything but confident.

"Matthew." I said and he glanced up from the food. His face was shocked at first for seeing me there, as were all the other faces from the popular crowd. I knew they were already thinking a fight would unfold right there.

"What?" He asked. I pointed with my head towards the exit door and Matthew slowly nodded. Honestly, I didn't expect him to come talk to me, but he got up from his table anyway. I guess he didn't want to be around the others that much.

"You and him are friends now?" Some of his friends asked him but he just ignored them. I almost felt sorry for him. I at least had my friends, they could be rude, tough and reckless, but they were my real friends nonetheless, and we had each other's back. Matthew, on the other hand, was stuck with some guys that only talked to him because he was the captain of the football team and with some girls that wanted nothing but to get laid with him.

Matthew followed me outside and finally spoke once we no longer heard the canteen's noise.

"So, what do you want?"

"I want to talk about Kiara."

Matthew crossed his arms over his chest and his face turned into a cold mask. But that didn't impress me, because no one mastered a cold mask better than myself.

"I have nothing to talk about her." His voice was sharp and emotionless but I could see right through it. After all, I was the master of hiding my true feelings.

"Yes, you have, Matthew." I retorted. "Look, I know we aren't the best of friends, well, we probably aren't even friends at all but the thing is, we both like her. There's no denial, it's the truth. And I mean, after meeting her, how is it possible not to like her? She's a breath of fresh air for both of us, telling us things we have been needing to hear for a long time now, things no one else had the guts to talk about."

"So what?" Matthew shifted his weight from one foot to another, visibly uncomfortable with our talk.

"So, what I want to tell you is that, honestly, Matthew, you have no right to be mad at her. She hurt us, yes, but don't forget we hurt her first. Don't you get that? How can you stay mad at her when she's no longer angry at us? How can't you forgive her when she has already forgiven us?"

Matthew looked away.

"It's easy for you to say, Aiden, but not for me. I feel betrayed by her and maybe I just have more difficulty in seeing things the way you do, maybe I'm not able to see things as clear as you, maybe I can't separate the anger I'm feeling from all the other emotions that are boiling underneath."

"I get that, Matthew, but why waste the opportunity to be her friend?"

"Because that's all she wants to be, friends, dammit! I want more, don't you get it, Aiden? How can I be with her in that way? It will feel as if both of us want the other to be a different person, to have a different status. And I can't be friends with her in that situation, I just can't. So how can you?"

"Don't think I don't like her just because I easily understood, just because I didn't get mad. I just reacted faster and for me it's better to be her friend than to be nothing." I told him sincerely.

"I wish I could think like you, Aiden, I really wish. But as long as I look at her and feel the taste of her lips on mine, I won't be able to be friends with her. I hope you get that."

I shook my head.

"What?"

"Don't hurt her."

Matthew narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"As you may know, Kiara is not happy that you're mad at her. So don't go on ignoring her. I'm not telling you to be friends with her, but just don't be mean. You might think she deserves it, but she doesn't. So limit yourself to be formal but please don't hurt her. 'Cause if you do... I'll have to go back to my old self and hurt you, and Matthew, honestly, I don't want that. I like who I am now. I like where I am now, where my life is going to. So don't ruin that by hurting her and making me hurt you. Please."

I was opening up to my biggest rival, revealing my fears and desires, but now I didn't care. Kiara was way more important.

Matthew nodded slowly.

"I never had the intention to hurt her. Of course, I was planning on ignoring her, but I never wanted her to feel bad. She taught me that just because I feel bad I don't have the right to make other people feel that way as well. So I guess you're right, ignoring her may hurt her as well. I'll try to play cool, but I'm not making promises because I don't know how things are going to be. Kiara has that effect on people – you plan on doing one thing and all she has to do is look at you and you do a totally different thing than what you had initially planned."

"Yeah." I agreed. "I content myself with you trying, as long as you stick to your word and actually try. So... are we cool?" I said with a hesitant voice. Matthew looked at me with his cold mask but then his lips twisted into a small smile.

"Yes. Never thought I'd say this, but we're cool. Past is past." He handed me his hand to shake and I gladly did. His grip was firm and so was mine.

We were bonding over this girl we both liked, but above all, we were bonding because that girl had changed us in ways we never thought possible. Never did I think I'd be shaking hands civilly with my biggest rival. But then again, he was no longer my biggest enemy, was he? Neither I nor he cared about our reputations or our records of most popular guys and heartthrobs at school anymore, so we really didn't have anything to compete for anymore. Not even Kiara, because that would be a lost fight. She wasn't into us the way we were into her, so Matthew and I had no longer reasons to be rivals.

And for me? I was happy trying to be friends with him.

Gosh, I can't believe I just said that.

Kiara Raven. What have you done to me?

-------------------------

Kiara's POV

One month later

February had come and I was happy to say 2015 was being generally good to me. There was no longer a game of hearts to be worried about, there were no more lies to hide, no more hearts to be broken.

However, Matthew was still not friends with me. Our conversations were basically 'Can you lend me that pencil' or 'do we have homework", dry words and short sentences.  I wasn't happy about it, but if he wanted to act like that, than it was his problem.

I noticed Aiden was trying to make Matthew less mad at me but it wasn't working. I was sad about that, but there was nothing I could do about it. At this point it was Matthew's problem, not mine. When, or if, he wanted to be friends with me, he would talk properly to me. Until then, I was enjoying the company of my other friends.

Dylan and Rayla had started dating in January. They made a really cute couple, both polite and shy but really passionate about one another.

Lori and Cameron were still together, even though they had had a fight during January that lasted for two weeks. After those days separated they came to the conclusion they were better together.

Roxy and Tyler, well, it didn't go as well. They found out they were better as friends so that's what they decided to be, but honestly, they were the only ones that didn't get that there was more to their relationship than just friendship.

Ellie and I were the single ones of the group. Ellie had started becoming less shy around Aiden as I hung out with him more too. Sometimes he even hung out with me and my group of friends, which made me happy because they were finally accepting him, even Dylan. Ellie and Aiden were getting along but unfortunately I knew he was still not over me. It made me feel guilty because if he hadn't fallen for me he might have fallen for Ellie right away.

But the biggest revelation of 2015 so far was James. We had been spending a lot of time together, and everytime I was with him I just felt utterly happy. Whether it was to get ice cream, to row or to go on a walk, every moment with him felt just right.

The best thing about our relationship was finding more about each other after years and years seeing the other only as competition. We never thought we could be more than just rivals, we never thought we could be friends,but that's what we were now.

James was one of those people that seemed to know everything about you just after three months or so of knowing each other. We had also helped each other in rowing, showing the other techniques, which was improving both of our rowing skills. Overall he was just a fun and carefree person to be with.

So the only thing that bothered me about our friendship was that I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said to me in the café in New Year's Eve. What did he mean by that? That I would be someone else's?

Gosh.

Boys are confusing.

"If you just realize

What I just realized

That we'd be perfect for each other

And we'll never find another

Just realize

What I just realized

We'd never have to wonder

If we missed out on each other, now

(...)

It's not the same

No it's never the same

If you don't feel it too

If you meet me half way

If you would meet me half way

It could be the same for you."

Music is "Realize" by Colbie Caillat :3