Chapter 26 - Stuck in a Cable Car

"I'll be trouble

You're so nice

And if I chose to listen

I wouldn't take your advice

I'm really sorry

Feeling sorry for myself again

But this isn't working

I wish I could talk to you

You think I don't care but I do

Yeah I do

When you leave me

You think I don't care but I do"

Walking through the forest was tiring, but rewarding anyway. During the morning we watched the nature's beauty: how the trees bowed due to the light December breeze, how the animals hid in the bushes, watching us through them with their prying and restless eyes. Then we came to a place where we watched foxes, deer, and even wolves. The last ones had always been fascinating to me: magnificent and terrifying at the same time.

Their eyes were wise and their grey fur was shouting for me to touch it. Wolves were my favourite animals: so beautiful and free, and so wild and tricky at the same time.

Somehow they reminded me of myself... and James.

I was walking near Dylan, Ellie and Rayla, listening Rayla and Dylan talking to each other. Aiden was not far behind me but fortunately he wasn't bothering me. I couldn't shake the sensation that he was looking at my back, though. 

Lunch finally came and we sat in a picnic area in small groups. I stayed with Ellie, Dylan, Rayla and the other two girls from our tent, Aiden was with his bad boy friends and Matthew with the popular group.

We ate sandwiches and drank from juice boxes and after lunch Mr. Jones announced we were going to continue walking through the mountain until we got to the place were the special surprise was.

It tooks us one hour to finally get there. Once I saw what it was my eyes widened and I gasped.

In front of us was a cable car system that was placed above the mountain and that would allow us to see the forest beneath us and the ocean.

"This is so cool!" Ellie exclaimed. I swallowed. It was not cool. It was freaking terrifying. I was afraid of heights!

"Do you think people that don't want to go can refuse to go?" I questioned.

"Why would you refuse?" Ellie asked in return.

"I'm... afraid of heights." I said in a hesitant voice. This was way out of my comfort zone.

"But... it's such an incredible opportunity! Just imagine the view!" Ellie said and I was afraid she was going to say something like that because inside of me there was a tiny little desire of experience a journey inside a cable car, especially when there was such a fantastic landscape at stake.

"I know but still... I'm not very comfortable with it." We were in a queue now, groups of two students starting to go into the cable cars. Was I the only one afraid of heights, for God's freaking sake?

"But you want to go anyway, don't you?" Dylan asked me with a knowing smile. He did know me better than anyone else. I bit my lip.

"A small part of me wants... maybe I'm crazy." I shrugged.

"I'll go with you if you want." Dylan offered but Rayla was beside him, and I knew I wasn't selfish enough to do such thing.

"It's okay. You can go with Rayla or Ellie. I'm a big girl." I sighed. "I can do this."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Ellie questioned me and I was going to nod in agreement when someone pulled her aside.

"I'll go with her." Aiden smirked. Ellie's smile fell and I shook my head. I was pretty sure he didn't hear the whole conversation so he didn't know about my fear of heights.

"No freaking way." I declared.

"Oh, why not? I haven't talked to you in a while." He said. Thank God for that, I thought.

"Go with Ellie then." I said. Ellie gasped and sent me a censored look.

"N-no. You should go together." Ellie stuttered a little but her face was determined. I understood that she wasn't going to appreciate the ride if she went with Aiden, because she would be more interested in him and she'd be constantly thinking about what to say and what to do, measuring and analysing her every actions.

But now, I was the one who apparently had to go with him and I wouldn't enjoy the ride because of two things: a) I was afraid of heights. And b) My partner would be Aiden freaking Stuart.

"If she doesn't want you to go with her then you can't oblige her." Dylan stated, growing defensive towards me, and I could sense a fight coming, which was the less thing I wanted. I didn't want Dylan involved with Aiden or Matthew. So I did the dumbest thing I could possibly do. 

"You know what?" I stared defiantly at Aiden. "I'll go with you."

All three of them, Dylan, Ellie and Rayla, stared at me in disbelief but I shrugged.

"Enjoy the rides, guys."

They eyed me one time but I gave them a reassuring smile and a thumbs up, and so Dylan and Rayla stepped onto one of the cable cars. My heart was starting to bump in my chest and my hands were getting sweaty.

"Good luck." Ellie smiled at me before entering a cable car with another girl she was friends with, a girl that I had already seen in Ellie's barbecue party and who was in our tent too, so I knew she was in good hands. At least that.

"Ready?" Aiden asked once it was our turn to enter the stupid cable car.

Taking a deep breath, I finally entered it, Aiden following me.

"Good ride, guys." The man who was in charge of the cable cars told us and then the freaking car started to move. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. After some seconds I heard Aiden's voice speak.

"You should open your eyes, you know. It's beautiful."

I did as he told me and gasped. The view was indeed beautiful. The water of the ocean under us shined with the reflection of the sun on it, the forest was of a vibrant green, and the wind was blowing on our faces because the window of the cable car was open.

"You know what? One day I brought a girl to a cable car in a Zoo and we ended up naked." Aiden said out of nowhere.

I rolled my eyes but a stupid small smile crept onto my face.

"Of course you did, Aiden Stuart."

"Not that I'm expecting that to happen with us because—"

"I would kill you." I started, getting closer to the small window, trying to ignore my rapid heartbeat and my sweaty hands. I wasn't going to let this fear prevent me from seeing such view.

"I'd like to see you try." Shivers went through my whole body once his warm breath tickled my ear.

I took my phone out and took some pictures and then Aiden took my phone from my hands.

"Let's take a selfie."

"No way."

"Then you won't get your phone back." Aiden warned.

"Fine." I gave up and stood some good inches away from him but he pulled me closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. I took it out and Aiden smirked at me and then our faces touched and he took the selfie.

"Nice." He said, showing me the phone. Aiden's lips were of course twisted in a smirk and I had an half smile on my face, a smile that I didn't know I was doing. But the real problem was with our eyes: none of our eyes were looking at the camera, we were both rather staring at each other.

Growling, I took the phone out of his hands and demanded "Another."

"Anything you wish." Aiden chuckled and this time I made sure to look at the camera and not towards him and so did Aiden.

"Don't forget to send me those pictures." Aiden said.

"Only if you promise not to put them in any social network."

Aiden put a hand in his chest, faking an offended expression.

"And I would do that?"

"Ye—"

I was cut off by a sudden stop of the cable car system, followed by a tremble and a loud noise.

"Fuck." I sweared once I realized what had happened. The freaking cable cars had stopped and we were only in the middle of the ride.

"This fucking thing stopped." Aiden snarled.

"And the award of statement of the year goes to Aiden Stuart!" I sarcastically snapped. It was one thing knowing I was going in the direction of the end of the ride, simply enjoying the view, and other thing knowing the system had stopped and not knowing when it was going to move again.

My heart started to bump even louder in my chest, so loud I was pretty sure Aiden could hear it. My hands were shaking already, not to mention they were sweaty like I had just run the marathon.

Calm down, I thought, you are not going to have a panic attack in a freaking cable car above a freaking mountain, and especially not in front of the school's bad boy.

My breathing was becoming heavier and heavier as I looked down at the mountain. I knew I shouldn't be looking but it was like my eyes were glued to the window.

"Oh come on, Kiara, it's not the end of the world. Soon enough this thing will start moving again. And I'm not even that boring. You can't stay with me for more than five minutes, is that it?" He was joking, but I was freaking out, and if in my normal state I didn't have patience for his humour, neither did I had it now.

"Aiden, for once, put in your head that this is not about you! Right now I really don't care if I'm with you or with the Pope, I just care that I'm having a freaking panic attack because I'm afraid of freaking heights!" I shouted. Now my hands weren't the only ones that were shaking, my whole body was trembling. "Fuck, I should have never entered this freaking car in the first place."

Aiden stood silently for a moment, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder. When he spoke, he surprised me by how calm and gentle his voice sounded.

"Kiara, stop looking."

I gasped but didn't move so Aiden turned me, and then went to close the window. His face was almost concerned, if that was possible in someone like him.

"You're shaking." He noticed, his eyes widening a bit. I didn't have the strength to reply with a sarcastic comment so I just nodded.

Then he sighed and spoke in an angry voice. 

"Why would you get in a cable car if you're afraid of heights? I'm sure the teachers would understand! Are you crazy or what?"And the Aiden I knew was back.

"I just wanted to try, okay! I didn't walk for so long in a mountain to come here and not try! And I had no idea this thing would stop! So don't blame it on me!"

"Then who am I supposed to blame? You knew you had this fear and still you entered the cable car! You're just... dammit, Kiara!"

I stared at the ground, furious for being embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, okay!" I raised my head and locked my eyes on his, not wanting to believe I was actually apologizing to him. "For being stupid and for pissing you off! Now you're stuck in a cable car with a whiny girl who is afraid of heights!"

"You're not stupid, Kiara, nor whiny." Aiden spoke calmly, but then his voice raised once again. "But you shouldn't have come if you have that fear."

"I already know that! But what can I do? What is done is done and there's nothing I can do about it now! And I'm trembling and fearing for my life and I'm hating that I have this fear and most of all I'm hating that I'm showing this fear to you, that I'm being vulnerable in front of you and that frustrates me and angers me so much, the fact that I'm more worried about what you're thinking of me than about the fear of heights itself!"

I was screaming and I was so out of myself, but I couldn't control it. It was getting the best of me and I was fighting against tears because there was no way I was going to let Aiden see me cry. I had already revealed too much of myself, I didn't want to show him any other weakness.

"You're afraid of what I'll think about you?" The tone in Aiden's voice was of pure incredulity. "How is that possible? I mean, you're Kiara Raven! You don't care about what people think about you! You're you and you don't give a damn about what other people may say or think because you know very damn well who you are and that's amazing. That's what I like about you! So why would you be afraid of what I think?"

Now it was me that was astonished by what he had said. That's what I like about you.

"Well, you're that way too, are you not? That's why you're such a bad boy, because you don't care about what other people say or think about you! Right?"

"It's different. I act like this so I won't get hurt. We're not moved by the same reasons. You're thing of not caring... it's true. Mine.... Not so much."

I shook my head.

"That's just plain stupid. Why are you hiding, then? Why do you pretend you don't care when actually you do? I swear, Aiden, I don't get you! Why can't I understand you? Why are you the piece of the puzzle I can't solve?" At least arguing with him was distracting me from my fear of heights and from the fact that we were stopped in cable cars above the mountains. I just hoped both Dylan, Ellie and Rayla were okay. At this distance, I couldn't see any of them.

Aiden smirked, and in his smirk some of the tension went away. "I like that definition."

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest, and spoke in a more controlled voice.

"There you are, the Aiden everyone knows. The one who doesn't give a damn and smirks and mocks and all that. The one who hides behind a mask so no one can hurt him, so no one can get to him, so he won't get attached to anyone. The one who jokes because  he is too damn afraid to tell what he really feels."

"Well, you're not that different, are you?" Aiden's voice elevated. "You too hide behind your sarcasm so you won't get hurt and you're so skeptical about love! We're not that different, can't you see? But instead of you being a player because you don't believe in love, you just keep to yourself in your own cold way and I go after girls for fun. But, no matter what we do, the primary reason is the same. We're both afraid of getting hurt and we both prefer to keep to ourselves and to be on our own, so no one can control us and so no one can affect us. So we won't have any weaknesses. That's why you're also afraid of being vulnerable in front of me, because we both interpretate being vulnerable as a weakness, but maybe it isn't. We're the two sides of the same coin, can't you see that, Kiara?"

Astonishment. Disbelief. Shock. So many words to describe what I was feeling. How he did Aiden manage to read me so well? 

"That's... that's not true! We're nothing alike, we can't be! You're just messing with me, like you mess with everyone else!"

"Now you're the one frustrating me, Kiara! Why are you so damn stubborn?" He questioned, raising his hands to his head in exasperation. "Why do you insist on being oblivious? The truth is we're not that different and you don't want to see it!"

"Yes, we are different, Aiden!" I shouted, anger boiling in my words, making me regain some of my posture and strength. "We are different because I would never do what you do, which is breaking hearts because you don't feel good on your own skin! That's your problem, not anyone else's! So don't go on blaming others, don't go on hurting people when it's your fault! Don't go on hurting others because you're hurt too!"

I stopped once I realized what I was saying. Don't go on hurting others because you're hurt too! Wasn't that what I was doing? I was trying to hurt Aiden and Matthew because they had hurt me, they were still hurting me. Was I really that different from Aiden... or was he right?

"Well, I'm sorry for not being the perfect guy, okay!" Aiden responded, his voice angered and strong as well as if confirming what he had said about us. "For not being prince charming and for not having good manners or for not treating girls as they should be treated! But maybe I'm not good on that stuff because I never had good examples to rely on! Maybe I don't treat people right because I wasn't treated right either, and I'm sorry for not filling Miss Perfect's expectations!"

Another complex person with another complex past. With complex reasons and complex motives for doing what they did, for being the way they were. No one was what they seemed. Everyone hid their true intentions, passing a message different from what they were truly on the inside, so that they wouldn't be bothered, or hurt, or seen as weak people.  

"I'm not perfect, Aiden!" I wanted to say so many things but that was all I mastered to declare. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to hide, that he could be more than what his past made him be, that he could go beyond whatever reasons he had for being like this, that he could be different, that he could change. "And I'm just trying to help you!"

"By criticizing me? Because that's all you've been doing since you met me, you can't even give me a second chance!"

"I do that because no one else has the guts to do so!" I defended myself, but suddenly I wasn't so sure about myself anymore. I always told myself that whenever I responded dryly to Matthew, Aiden, and the popular people, it was because no one had the courage to do that, and someone needed to tell them some truths, to reason with them, to make them see they weren't better than anyone else. But maybe I was like that with him because I was also trying to protect myself. "And I understand you may have been treated wrong but you could have acted differently! I'm not telling you you're trying to have an excuse, but maybe the reason why I criticize you so damn much is because I see in you the potencial to be a better man!"

Aiden stood silently at this, but then he finally spoke.

"Dammit, Kiara, you're right, I do treat others like I don't care so I won't get attached to anyone, because I'm too damn afraid to suffer! Everyone thinks I don't care but if only they knew how much I actually do! I just fake it all because... because I feel like I can't help it, like it's stronger than me."

"It's not stronger than you, Aiden!" I fought back with an unyielding tone of voice. "You think it is, but it's not! You can be better, you just don't want to, do you? You think it's too much work, you think it's not worth it, you think you're not worth it, you think you'll fail, and that frustrates me because I'm trying, Aiden, I really am, and you can't even acknowledge that! I'm trying to see you with good eyes, I'm trying so hard to see you're not that bad because something in you makes me want to believe there's more to you than just a rude rebel bad boy, and yes, I criticize you, but it's to get a reaction from you because dammit, there has to be more to you than just that! There has—"

And I didn't finish the sentence because Aiden freaking Stuart pushed me against the cable car's glass, his lips meeting mine furiously. Everything happened so quickly and so slow at the same time. One minute I was shouting at Aiden, staring into his eyes, the next minute he had pinned me against the cabel car's glass and his salty rough lips were on mine.

And fuck, I kissed him back. I shouldn't, I know that very damn well. But it was stronger than me, my lips moving in sync with his.

In a cable car above a mountain.

My fucking first kiss.

"Wish you knew

But I'm too scared

To tell you how I really feel

Got to do this sometime

Might as well do it now

I want you close

But give me just a little room

I'll leave the engine running

That is what I do

Putting on a front

You might like that

But will you like me when I'm real

It seems like a long way

A long way to go from here

You think I don't care but I do."

Picture is showing the freaking cable cars ;)

Music is "You Think I Don't Care" by Jack McManus *-*