Chapter 15 - To Change or not to Change

"But wait just one minute here

I can see that she's trying to read me

Suddenly I know

She's going to change the world

But she can't change me

No she can't change me"

The school's parking lot was full of cars, so it took us more than ten minutes to find an empty place. When we finally got out of the car, we immediately heard the music from the gym.

We quickly reached it, being met by an amazing scenario. Neither of us had seen the gym decorated this year so far, but decorations were better than any previous year. Everything was in orange, black and purple tones, there were tables of Halloween 'foods', pumpkins all over the place, ghosts made with sheets hanging from the ceiling and from the walls, etc.

There were also a lot of different costumes: vampires, werewolves, ghost, witches, Frakensteins, sea monsters, etc. Then there were the costumes that weren't very Halloween related, like mermaids, superheros, spys, etc.

"This is so awesome!" Ellie exclamed. Soon enough a 'ghost' passed by us with a serving tray full of 'vampire cookies'.

"Are you served?" He asked and Ellie excitedly took one cookie out of the tray, happily bringing it to her mouth.

"There are a lot of good costumes this year." Dylan stated, while the music passed to Thriller by Michael Jackson.

"Oh my god, I love this song!" Ellie declared. "Let's dance!"

"I'm gonna get something to eat, but I'm sure Dylan will love to show you his moonwalk moves." I smirked and Dylan shot me a furious glare.

"Let's go then, Dylan!" Ellie pulled Dylan with her to the dance floor and I made my way towards the tables with food. I was eyeing the red fruit punch, which the school had said it had no alcohol (even though I was pretty sure someone had already poured some into it) when I felt someone behind me.

I turned around and met a tall and very pale vampire, also know as Matthew.

"Hello, Mathew." I saluted him.

"Was it that easy to realize it was me?" He questioed as a greetment.

"Pretty much, yes." I answered him. Then his eyes scanned me up and down, making me roll my eyes.

In a rare and daring moment of flirting, I asked him. "Liking what you see?"

If Matthew was surprised by my question, he didn't show it. Instead, his eyes met mine and he smirked.

"I am, actually. You look pretty damn sexy." He complimented without any kind of shame. I shouldn't be surprised. Matthew Clarke was shameless.

"Thanks." I growled, turning around again to face the table of food, something I found way more interesting than the Golden Boy. I decided to pick some 'candy spiders'.

I thought Matthew would realize that I was ending the conversation there, but he came next to me and grabbed some 'ghost biscuits'. 

"What about me? What do you think of my costume?"

"It's pretty traditional." I shot him a quick look,observing his black cape, his fake and sharp vampire teeth, and the red lipstick representing blood. "But it suits you."

Matthew's smirk turned into a real smile.

"Thanks."

"I mean it because I hate vampires." I replied. Well, that wasn't exactly truth. I only hated vampires that didn't look like the Salvatore brothers.

Matthew's smile fell to a sad expression that I could have thought it was real if everything about him wasn't a damn lie. Soon enough his smirk returned to his face.

"Well, maybe I can teach you how to start liking them." He said, while getting closer. His green eyes were staring deeply into mine, but before he could put a hand around my waist I pushed him away,

"Maybe when your personality matches your looks, Matthew." I declared, finally not caring if I had just admitted to him that I actually found him rather good-looking.

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Matthew's POV

"Maybe when your personality matches your looks, Matthew." Kiara stared at me and walked away, leaving me dumbfounded. She had just indirectly told me that she found me good-looking, but surprisingly, that wasn't what had astonished me the most.

Was she insinuating that I didn't have a good personality? I mean, I thought I was great! I was popular, handsome, could get any girl I wanted... everyone liked me! But then I remembered what Kiara had told me in the school's canteen some time ago. "That's exactly what makes you uninteresting, Matthew, you're just like every other popular guy. You think you're so cool because you have it all and you think that gives you the right to despise everyone who is not like you. You think you have lots of friends who admire you, but they talk about you behind your back. The truth is you like school because you're popular and you'll never be on top again. "

Was that really what she thought about me? I didn't really gave it much attention, but now... did all the other people think that about me as well? People that gave me smiles and asked me when my next party would be.... that people talked about me behind my back? Even though I was trying to convince myself that someone as popular as me would have some enemies, I couldn't dismiss the feeling of not having any real friends. Of course I had friends, loads of them... but were they real? Could I trust them? Did they have my back? I laughed with them, talked about girls and such... but Kiara was right. They weren't my true friends. And deep down I knew I already knew that, I just didn't want to admit it. I couldn't be honest with them, I had to be all the time talking about hooking up with girls or they would think something was wrong with me. I had to live to those standards, do those all of those foolish things, submit myself to all the pressure of being popular.

And even though I didn't think much of how my life would be if I weren't popular, seeing Kiara, so free to tell what she wanted, to do what she wantedm without having to impress anyone, it made me jealous. She was so sure of herself, she could live the life she wanted, without fearing what others might say if she did this or that.

I needed to ask her how did she live like that.

"Wait!" I managed to say, deciding I'd go after her. I saw her searching for someone, probably that guy Dylan or the English girl, but she didn't find them, so I walked towards her.

"Hey." I said smoothly and as soon as she saw me she crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive movement.

"What?" She asked bluntly, visibly impatient. 

"Can I... can I..." I took a deep breath, not really believing what I was about to do. What was going on with me?  I was never at a loss for words, especially not around girls, but something about this talk messed with me.  "Can I talk to you?"

"You're already talking." She stated sarcastically. I didn't know why but that pissed me off, so I grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd of people.

"What are you doing, Clarke?" I heard Kiara's voice over the music. I didn't answer, and I realized she wasn't trying to get away from me. She was simply curious.

I led her to the back of the gym where there was a door that led outside. Then I started to climb some stairs and she followed me. We got to the roof, seeing the stars and the moon above us.

"I have never been here." Kiara said, looking stunned. I couldn't help but smirk.

"Oh, I come here a lot of times, if you know what I mean."

Her face got defensive.

"If you are trying to hook up--"

"I've told ya, I only want to talk." I assured her but she didn't seem relieved.

"And why is that? You are not a talker person, you prefer the action, right?" She mocked.

"It's different." I sat on the cold floor and Kiara hesitantly joined me. "I don't know why I'm saying this, because it's totally not me, but... you made me realize that there's more to me and to my life than just being popular."

Kiara seemed taken aback by my words. In reality, I was too.

"Why do you say that?" She ended up asking.

"Because I have to be perfect all the time. I have to live up to the pressure of society and of being popular and sometimes I love that, but other times I don't. Sometimes I love bragging about girls I hooked up with, and sometimes I love all the attention, but other times I don't. Sometimes I just wish I could do what I really want without having to almost ask permission, you know? It's like if I don't hook up with girls I stop being popular, or if I say something smarter I'm no longer myself, because the captain of the football team can't be smart."

Kiara narrowed her eyes.

"So you're telling me that hooking up with girls is not your favourite hobbie?"

"Sometimes it is." I asked honestly, intrigued by the fact that from my whole speech that was the one thing that got her attention. "But other times it sucks."

"I don't believe you." Kiara said firmly.

"It's funny how you stand out from other people of society, but you still judge me like them. If I'm telling you that sometimes I really get tired of that, you don't believe me, just like society doesn't believe me."

I saw Kiara swallowing and I knew I had reached the heart of the matter.

"I hope you know you probably hurt lot of the girls you hook up with." She whispered, making my eyes widen.

"Nah... they know it's just for fun. I mean, they know my reputation, they know it's nothing serious." I said, trying to defend myself and ignoring the abrupt chest pain I felt.

"Maybe you're right, maybe they don't care. But you can't expect people to change their opinion about you overnight. You can't expect that while all you do is complain. If you want things to change, you have to change. You have to change your behavior. And no one promises you it'll be easy, no one even promises you it will work. But you have no right of complaining until you actually start doing something to prove people they are wrong."

Her words really got into me. I didn't know what to say, and apparently she was finishing the conversation, because she got up and walked away.

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Kiara's POV

I returned to the gym, thinking about my conversation with Matthew. As much as I wanted to believe he was lying about all that just so he could win the bet, something about the way he told me all of those things made it seemed real. His eyes were so honest and the pain felt so real...

But it couldn't be. It couldn't be because of course he was only doing that to make me fall for him. All he was doing was lying to win the bet, because, if he wasn't, then why would he tell me all that stuff? Why would he make himself vulnerable if it wasn't for winning the bet?

He wasn't changing, that I knew for sure. People like him and Aiden didn't change.

However, entering the gym and hearing the loud music didn't shook the feeling that, maybe, just maybe, people like them could change.

"Suddenly I can see everything that's wrong with me

But what can I do?

(...)

I can see that she's trying to free me

Suddenly I know

She's going to change the world

But she can't change me."

Music of this chapter is "Can't Change Me" by Chris Cornell :)