✧ Reviewer :: CoolWhenurBatman
✧ Reviewee :: icecreamsundae5
✧ Book :: A Whole New World

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◖Basics :: 16.5 | 20◗

⚘ Cover :: 03 | 05

◍ I apologize for starting so strong but the people on the cover look off. It's a good cover that matches the story but the execution is lacking. Vector covers are very difficult and I applaud whoever has made this for trying and succeeding to a degree. However matching it is, I'd suggest changing it or improving it (and I hope you improve it because it's a very fitting cover) . Watching some tutorials on YouTube could be a big help.

⚘ Synopsis :: 4.5 | 05

◍ Never judge a synopsis by its first paragraph. The ending gave me a shock and made me go from "oh, not another love triangle story" to "wait wait I neeeed to read this". Mary Sue stories are absolutely a favorite of mine and I think your synopsis has done a wonderful job attracting attention. I pity those who read the first paragraph and then swiped away.

⚘ Title :: 4.5 | 05

◍ Very fitting.

⚘ Execution :: 3.5 | 05

◍ I think your idea is amazing, but you're lacking in performance. I think if you were to fix these you'd be more successful.

○ Plot & Creativity :: 09 | 10

◍ Very interesting plot, can't wait to see where you're taking this.

○ Writing Style :: 07 | 10

◍ I normally don't like informal written books —even though that's how I write— but I absolutely loved your way of writing. So entertaining. I can't say how much I loved this. Reminds me of Percy Jackson books. I love it, but there are a couple of things. First, the lack of description. I have no idea how any of these characters look like besides Nick's leather jacket. I have no idea how to imagine her house, her neighborhood, or anywhere. Try and describe them. How Zee looked before and how she looks now, what she's wearing, how Nick looks, how anybody looks to be honest. Everything should be described so the readers can imagine them and connect with them.

◖Grammar & Vocabulary :: 13 | 20◗

⚘ Grammar :: 05 | 10

◍ It's good but there are some things that should be fixed.

1. When you're ending a dialogue and there's going to be a sentence after it, the dialogue doesn't end with a full stop but rather a comma.

"Hi."

"Hey," she waved.

I smiled, "how are you?"

This is a semi complicated topic so if you want to know more about when this happens and when it doesn't I suggest looking it up online. But the basics are as I stated.

2. When you're going to quote something in a dialogue don't use " rather use '.

"She said she'll be here 'later', whatever that means."

3. Your sentences are short when they shouldn't be and so it leads to repetition. This is a line taken from your book:

"I walked toward him and he gave me a helmet. I put on the helmet and sat on the back of the motorcycle. I put my hands on his shoulders."

The 'I' is very repetitive and gets tiring after some time, instead you could've written:

"I walked towards him and put on the helmet he gave me, and then sat on the back of his motorcycle with my hands on his shoulders."

It eliminates the unnecessary factors while giving it a nicer and less monotonous tone. This is a consistent thing in your whole story and changing it can help a lot. 

⚘ Vocabulary :: 08 | 10

◍ The vocabulary isn't very impressive, not saying it's bad but just that it's simple. Use synonyms to spice it up a little. Besides that you used the vocabulary correctly.

○ Emotions Conveyed :: 07 | 10

◍ I was mostly grinning when reading this because it's hilarious. Their thoughts, their interactions, their actions, they just leave me grinning like a fool. There wasn't much else I felt, due to the rawness of the characters (explained below) and the lack of description. I think fixing those can help the readers connect with the characters and get their emotions.

○ Character Development :: 06 | 10

◍ The characters feel undercooked. They're very raw, not enough characteristics and traits. Nick feels like a robot and Zee took no time to adjust to her new life. They're raw, I don't know how to express it but they feel incomplete. Nick feels more real than Zee and oh boy the irony. I hope you understood what I meant, if not I'm happy to talk more about this.

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Total :: 56.5 | 80

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