"Sasabihin mo na ba mamaya?"

Napatingin ako kay Jarred, pinsan ko, habang sinusuot ko ang coat na gagamitin ko sa party. Matagal ko ng pinagiisipan ang gagawin ko na ito, alam ko magbabago ang lahat pag sinabi ko sa kanya ang katotohanan.

Ang katotohanang matagal ko na dapat sinabi.

"Ano pa nga ba," mahina kong sinabi, habang nakatingin sa aking repleksyon sa salamin.

Ito lang ang bukod tanging nakikita 'kong solusyon sa ilang taon ko ng nararamdaman sa kanya. Unless, magpapakatanga na naman ako.

Kaibigan.

Ayan lang ang turing niya sa akin.

Umaasa lang ako sa sitwasyon ngayon. Yes, I'm taking advantage of it. Umaasa ako na baka sakaling pwede naman, na baka pwede ako naman, ako naman ang piliin niya.

Narinig ko ang paghinga ng malalim ni Jarred, dahil sa pag-aalala niya sa aking gagawin.

"Good luck, dude," pag-aalinlangan niyang sinabi.

I saw him in the reflection of the mirror in front of me. He was sitting on the couch while shaking his head. It means he disapproves of my plan.

"Ano 'yon?" tanong ko sa kanya, dahil parang may gusto siyang itanong sa akin.

Nilingon ko naman siya para makausap ng maayos. "Wala," sabi niya, ngunit seryoso naman siyang nakatingin sa akin.

"Pero..." he trailed off.

Tumaas ang aking kilay sa una niyang sinabi.

"...ginagawa mo ba 'to dahil...alam mong nagkakalabuan na sila?" he timidly asked me.

Binalik ko ang seryosong tingin sa kanya. "Siguro," I smirkingly said.

Siguro dahil ito lang ang natitirang pagkakataon ko at ngayon ko ito sasamantalahin.

Pagkatapos no'n ay lumabas na rin kami sa silid na iyon ng tinatawag na kami ng aming kasambahay para bumaba, at salubungin ang mga bisita. Kung saan gaganapin ang okasyon. It's a double celebration of merging our companies, Silva and Evangelista.

Nakihalubilo na kami sa mga bisita na nagdadatingan, nakabuntot lang sa akin si Jarred habang binabati ko ang ilang bisitang kakilala ko.

Ayaw niyang malayo ako sa kanyang paningin dahil hindi siya sang-ayon sa aking plano.

I know I always got his back, but not on this.

It's my fight.

Kailangan kong gawin 'to ng mag-isa, dahil nakasalalay rito ang mga susunod 'kong gagawin.

Since I admitted to him that I had feelings for her, our friend, he's always been worried about me.

Pinapunta ko naman siya sa mga kaibigan niya. "Samahan mo na sila. 'Wag mo na akong pigilan, Jarred." I said as I tapped his shoulder. "Wala ka bang tiwala sa akin?" I jokingly added.

He nodded as he was dragged by his friends.

I can handle this on my own.

Kinawayan ko naman sila nang paalis na ako ro'n, nahagip naman ng aking paningin ang kaibigan niyang babae na seryosong nakatingin sa akin, ngunit ngumiti rin sa akin kalaunan. I timidly smiled back at her.

Nang nakasalubong ko ang waiter na may dalang mga inumin ay kumuha ako ng isa sa mga ito, habang nagmamasid lang akong nakatayo sa may stand table.

Sumimsim ako sa aking iniinom habang pinagmamasdan ang mga bisita na nagdadatingan. Pansin ko lang, ang iba sa mga ito ay mga pamilya ng mga kilala ko sa unibersidad, kung saan ako nag-aaral at ang iba naman sa kanila ay mga kaibigan ng mga pinsan ko.

Hinahanap ng mga mata ko ang babaeng matagal ko nang hinihintay.

Maya-maya'y lumapit sa kinaroroonan ko si Tita Aurora, Jarred's Mom, na kasama ang mga kaibigan niya para siguro ipakilala ako.

"Ito na ba ang pamangkin mo? Ay, ang gwapo!" tanong ng isang matandang babae na kasing edaran lang ni Tita.

I shyly smiled and greeted them, "Good evening po."

On the other hand, Tita Aurora proudly answered her friend, "Yes, my one and only nephew, Nicholas Silva."

Tita Aurora just winked at me, which means I should get a long from what she said to her friends. Napailing na lang ako at hinayaan siya, she knows that I hate the spotlight. But I'll let it slide just for tonight.

"You're so good-looking, Hijo!" Tita's short-haired friend said.

"Yes, you look like your Tita's boy version! No wonder you looked so handsome," Tita's friend gigglingly said.

"Yeah, actually, you're right. My sons looked like a carbon copy of my husband," Tita said while rolling her eyes. Her friends just giggled after hearing that. May kasabihan kasi na kung sino ang kamukha ng anak mo siya 'yong-

"Hijo, do you have a girlfriend? If you don't have one, I'd like to introduce you to one of my nieces."

I looked at them, and they were waiting for my answer. Tita just laughed at them and said, "Oh my gosh! Stop it, you two! Someone already captured my nephew's heart."

I'm just shaking my head from the embarrassment of what Tita revealed to her friends.

I know she knows about my feelings for her, for the girl I love. My tita's the one who made me realize that I had feelings for her. She even knows me more than myself.

"Aww, that's sad to hear. I mean- I'd really want you to meet my favorite niece. She just got back from California for good," she cheerfully said at the last word.

"Oh, really? Is this Adelaide? She's staying here for good?" Tita surprisingly asked.

"Yeah, and I don't know what changed her mind to stay here for good! Her father just let her do whatever she wants, oh well- perks of being an only child. You get what you want," she smirkingly said, yet I knew she was happy about that news based on how her eyes sparkled.

Tumaas naman ang kilay ko sa pinag uusapan nila. That Adelaide looks like a spoiled fucking brat. I don't think it will work if I ever date a girl like her. I think we're just wasting our time.

I butted into their conversation when they asked my thoughts on going on a blind date. "Sorry po, Tita. But I'm not open to that kind of setup," I said timidly.

Hmm, blind date? Does it even work these days?

Mukhang nalungkot naman ang mga kaibigan ni Tita sa sinabi ko. "But If you change your mind, you can tell it to your Tita. Please Aurora give me a call if he changes his mind," nagmamakaawa niyang sinabi kay Tita.

"I highly doubt that will happen, Ingrid. If he says no, then it's a no until the end," Tita laughingly said.

Mahina naman akong tumawa sa sinabi ni Tita. I looked at her, who was just simply rolling her eyes at her friends.

Nilagok ko naman ang pangalawang salin ng wine sa aking baso, nang napansin kong isa-isa ng nag dadatingan ang mga bisita papasok sa aming kabahayan.

"Do you think that will happen, Nicholas?" Tita simply asked me while her friends were still discussing the blind date that they wanted to set me up.

"About the blind date?"

She smilingly nodded at me. "I'm not sure po. But Tita I'll confess tonight to her, the one who captured my heart," I shyly said as I drank the remaining wine.

Ngumiti naman siya ng sa akin at muntik na siyang maiyak sa aking binalita sa kanya. "Good luck, pamangkin. I still remember how your Tito confessed his love to me," she said while patting my shoulder.

"I think that's her and her family," she added while looking at the guest who arrived.

I saw her parents happily greet Tito Douglas, Tita Aurora's husband. While they were busy greeting each other, I saw her whispering something to her older brother, and after that, she went outside to our pool area.

"Go! Sundan mo na, Nico!" Tita cheerfully said.

"Thanks, Tita. You're the best!" I said as I kissed her cheeks after that.

Nagpaalam din naman ako sa mga kaibigan ni Tita na halos ayaw na ako paalisin, dahil kukumbinsihin pa raw nila akong pumayag sa blind date. Ngunit pinigilan sila ni Tita sa pagpapaalis sa akin.

Patakbo akong umalis do'n at hinabol siya, at halos mawala na siya sa aking paningin sa bilis niya mag lakad. Tila nagkalat na rin ang mga bisita namin dito sa labas, kasama na roon ang mga pinsan ko.

Sinundan ko lang siya ng paningin kung saan ba siya papunta, and it looks like she's going to the garden, kung saan walang tao.

My hands are sweating and shaking. I'm nervous when it comes to her. I promise myself that whatever the result of this confession, I'll still love her, and I can't change that overnight.

Naabutan ko siyang nakatayo ro'n at huminga ng malalim na para bang dala-dala niya ang bigat sa mundo.

Tumingala siya sa langit at tila inaabot ang mga bituin sa kanyang kaliwang kamay.

Maya-maya'y narinig ko siyang nagsalita, "Fuck this life. Can you take me there?" she timidly asked the beautiful night sky.

I'll come with you then.

"Joy?" I said as if I didn't know that it was her. I'm just pretending that I saw her here accidentally.

Lumingon siya sa pinanggalingan 'ko, and I saw a tear stremming down her left eye.

"Is that you?" I asked her as I walked toward her.

Nanlalaki naman ang kanyang mapungay na mga mata ng makita niya ako, at agaran niyang pinunasan ang kanyang luha. You're late, I already saw you cry.

She's wearing a bodycon long dress, and all I can see is her damn curves. Napailing naman ako ng napatagal ang tingin ko rito.

"Yes, It's me," she murmured. Umupo naman siya sa bench na naroon habang nakayuko at nagpupunas pa rin ng kanyang luha. Umangat siya ng tingin sa akin na may mga matatamis na ngiti sa labi ng ako'y nakalapit na sa kanyang inuupuan.

Ibang iba sa nakita ko sa kanyang mukha kanina, na para bang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa.

Mahina naman siyang umiling. "I'm bored there, and I didn't see you!" she said while pouting. She's like a cute puppy when she's doing that.

She didn't see me?

Mapakla naman akong ngumiti.

Liar.

She didn't even find me but that's okay.

"I was there, hindi mo lang siguro ako nakita."

Nanlaki naman ang mata niya sa aking sinabi. "Oh! Really? My mind is too clouded then," she uttered while fidgeting her nails.

"What's your problem? Hmm? You can tell me," I sweetly asked her. May kutob na ako kung ano 'yon, pero gusto ko rin malaman galing sa kanyang bibig.

She shook her head a little and just smiled at me. "Uhm, we fought...nahuli ko na naman siya."

Fuck him! If I saw him, he would fucking borrow his face to the dog.

"Well...I shouldn't tell you this. We should be happy! It's your freaking birthday!" she exclaimed like her news wasn't big news!

Oh, But I'm glad that she still remembers my birthday.

She stood up and opened her arms to hug me tightly. Hindi naman ako makagalaw sa kanyang ginawang pagyakap sa akin. Maybe for a long time, she also needs a hug.

"Happy birthday, my Raziel," she sweetly whispered.

I hugged her back. I hope we stay like this forever, but I know there's no forever. But we can make our forever if she wants to.

"Are you okay?" I gently asked her while rubbing her back.

"If I say yes, I'll be a freaking hypocrite. So, No, I'm not okay, Razi," she mumbled.

I'm still rubbing her back as she calmed down from the feelings that she had at the moment. I smelled her so-damn-sweet perfume that lingered on my nostril forever, and it's so freaking addicting to smell.

"I'm here now, Joy. You'll be okay."

"Sorry, Birthday mo pa naman. Wala pa akong gift sa'yo," she softly murmured against my shoulder.

"Why? You forgot about it?" I teased her.

"No! Wala lang akong maisip na ireregalo sayo, e. Nasayo na ang lahat."

Oo nga, Ikaw na nga lang ang kulang.

"That's not true," I said as I nervously laughed at what I thought.

As we hugged, I felt this was the right moment to confess to her. I deeply sighed about how I should start to tell her how much I love her.

"Joy..." I called her.

"...I have something to tell you."

"Hmm? What is it?" she mumbled while still hugging me tightly.

"I love you."

Damn! I felt her stiffened on what I said. Bumitaw naman siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at tiningnan ako sa mga mata.

She even nervously laughed, "Aww. So sweet of you. I love you too, my Razi," she whispered with a little voice while looking intently at me and still holding my hands.

"You look handsome tonight," she continued as she looked intently at my eyes. I know that she's just diverting this topic.

While looking at her longer, I know I'm falling deeply on her little moves.

She reached for my hair to fix it while she was humming. Napapikit naman ako sa kanyang ginagawa at tila nakikiliti sa pag dampi ng kanyang kamay.

She'll always act clueless that she doesn't know what I feel about her. Whenever I plan to confess to her, she avoids it. I'll just let it slide when It happens. Maybe that isn't the right time.

All I know is that she knows what I felt towards her.

I gulped and seriously said, "No, that wasn't what I meant. I know...that you knew what I meant!" I exclaimed.

Nanginginig ang kanyang mga kamay ng bitawan niya ako sa pagkakahawak.

"Raziel, I love you...but as a friend."

"That's what you meant, right?" she nervously asked.

Malalim akong huminga at dahan-dahang umiling.

"No. More than that...more than friends. I love you romantically as a man." I nervously uttered, "Hindi mo ba nararamdaman?"

I knew that it was gonna happen. I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't-

"You know...I have a boyfriend, Razi!" she laughingly exclaimed.

Fuck!

Tumango tango naman ako, "I thought I might have a chance. He cheated on you!"

"So, you suggest to me that I should also cheat on him?" she exclaimed as she faced back and forth.

"No! That wasn't what I meant! I've never let you be like him, a cheater," I darkly fumed.

"I have loved you ever since I first laid my eyes on you," I continued.

"It's just an infatuation, Razi! You just thought you loved me more than friends, but you're not. Trust me!"

I know that It's going to hurt for the both of us, but I didn't expect to be like this.

"And...I still love him. Even though he cheated on me countless times. I love Kieve!"

Double kill.

"Iyang nararamdaman mo mawawala rin 'yan. I also felt that before..." she said with a cracked voice while she was on the verge of crying.

Triple kill.

Lumapit naman siya sa akin at mahigpit na hinawakan ang dalawa kong kamay. "Don't do this, Razi," she pleaded while shaking her head.

"We're just friends..."

"...right?"

She's trembling as she says those words that are the last thing I wanna hear from her.

She look straight to my eyes nakikita ko sa mga mata ang takot. Takot na masira ang pagkakaibigan namin. We should saved it before It's too late. It's more important other than my love to her. Matagal ko ng pinag-isipan itong pag-amin sa kanya dahil alam ko sa oras na sabihin ko ito, maraming magbabago.

I faked a smile and nodded slowly at her. "Yes, we're friends," I said as I looked gently into her eyes.

I saw her tears streaming down slowly in her pinkish cheeks.

"Don't waste your precious tears on me. I'm not worth it," I whispered at her while wiping her tears.

"Razi..."

I guess I should follow plan b.

"Forget what I said. Let's just pretend that nothing happened here, okay?" I said with a little voice while wiping her tears and slowly tucking her hair into her ear.

Kaibigan pa rin niya ako...

Walang makakapagbago roon.

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》《

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