An:// my grandma passed yesterday and was sick for the past week so that's why my updates have been so infrequent. I've been working on my writing as it comes. Please bear with me during this time//

I felt a pleasant surprise overtake me as I stepped into the dusky building that seemed eerie from the outside. The ambiance of the inside decor did not match its decaying exterior. A woman sat at the front desk with a smile on her face that she sent in our direction. I felt relaxed by her smile as she beckoned towards the three of us to step forward. 

"You're going to love the pit. It's my favorite place of all time. Plus, you will get to meet Denver and Rocky. I'm so excited", Valerie stated in a soft tone next to me excitedly. She reached out to grab my hand as she pushed towards the front desk receptionist. 

"Valerie, Nixon. The usual?", she asked. I looked at the flowers on the front desk with wonder in my gaze. The beautifully vibrant blue flower made her office seem brighter. I wanted to capture the flowers beauty with my paint brush at a later point. "Your friend has to sign in. It's been a while. We missed you here.", she said cheerily.

"Thanks Sharon.", Nixon said in a kind tone. It seemed like Nixon treated a majority of the people around him with kindness. Even when he spoke to Valerie, he was only teasing her in a brotherly manner. When it came to me, he meant every unkind word that he directed my way. 

"Fill this out before you go in.", The blonde woman stated as she handed me a form. It was a consent form, but I didn't understand the reason I needed to consent. I filled it out anyway because I was curious to see what Nixon and Valerie kept talking about. The woman took my form then buzzed the door open to let us through. 

"They're going to be so excited to see you!", Sharon stated excitedly. I stayed next to Valerie as we walked down a long corridor towards our destination. There was nothing on the walls that give away details about that location, but I felt my heart pumping rapidly in my chest. 

Suddenly a door opened so that we were in a special room with different types of toys littering the floor. I stepped into the room after a very eager Valerie who practically jumped inside. I stood behind Valerie as two massive Bulldogs ran this way. The smaller bulldog ran up to Valerie with its tail wagging excitedly. Valerie embraced the dog by patting it tenderly on the ears as it jumped up to lick her. I knew instantly that the dog she was petting was Denver.

The other bulldog who was definitely Rocky sat across the room chewing on a dog toy, but not moving a single muscle in his body. Nixon stood in the corner, but Rocky just sat there shyly gnawing on his bone. It made me think of how shy I used to be, and I really felt an affinity for this big puppy. It reminded me of my puppy, how could I have forgotten about her?

I used to have a spunky boxer who brought joy to everyone she met. I remembered my father standing in the front door with a box in his hand. 'Gabby, I have something for you' he said with a smile on his face. In the box was a baby boxer with a ribbon tied around its neck. I thought she was the cutest little puppy I ever saw in my life at that time. I remembered scooping the puppy up into my arms thinking about the time we would spend together. 

One day the darkness came that took away everything I loved without mercy. It was too painful to think about that dog, so I buried all my thoughts of my sweet Sally in the back of my mind. The memories were so vivid, I wondered if maybe I would start to remember more details about her. I tried to think about our fun times, but my heart started to ache with a heaviness that made me decide to save thoughts of Sally for another time.  I looked at Rocky, even more determined to have him like me, before I started reaching out to the sad looking puppy. 

I stared at the big dog in front of me that reminded of my little Sally. Instead of scaring me, Rocky gave me a warm feeling in my heart, he reminded me of the happy memories of my childhood. I walked over to the dog slowly and approached him with a gentle smile on my face. Rocky began to thump his tail loudly on the carpeting as I ruffled my hands through his fur softly.

"Aren't you a cute little pup. Just a little shy, aren't you." I said as I pat his ears tenderly. The bulldog basked in my touch by rubbing his ears against my head for more attention. I stood there with him for a couple of minutes as I let him get used to me. I could see that beneath the shyness, there was a desire to be loved that was deep. I could understand those feelings as all I wanted for most of my life was to have someone love me deeply.  

"Rocky is shy, but he is gentle though.", Nixon spoke while I kept softly coaxing Rocky out of his shell. If there was anyone who knew what it was like to feel so cut off from others, it had been me just a few days ago. I felt that if I could come out of my shell, then Rocky could also be able to come out of his own shell with time. I wished that I could bring him home with me and show him that I could care for him.

"I know what it feels like." I stated as Nixon also reached down to pat his hand along Rocky, who was now belly up and waiting eagerly. We sat in silence while petting the big guy for a while and I knew I would never forget this moment. As I reached down to pet Rocky again, my hand brushed against Nixon's gently and I felt my breath catch in my throat. Nixon kept his hand over mine while looking at me with such longing that I felt my throat clench with nervousness.

"Rowen, you only had to ask for help. But you were the one who pushed us away." Nixon stated as he removed his hand and turned his face away from me. I got up awkwardly before walking away from him as I didn't understand what he was talking about. I had done nothing to push him away, nothing that I could recall.

I walked towards Valerie who was standing there with a wide smile on her face as she played with the bulldog happily. 

"Wow, look at the two of you, one could almost think you were friends." Valerie stated as she tossed another toy at Denver who chased it happily. I wanted to know more about Nixon, but I didn't want to break past whatever shacky relationship we currently had. 

"He confuses me, and I don't really get his mood swings. But I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong about him.", I told her honestly as I stared at Nixon patting Rocky gently. I turned away from the interaction between dog and boy to focus on hanging out with Valerie and Denver.

 "How about we focus on this cute little pup right here", Valerie said with a smile, so I grabbed a nearby toy to toss in Denver's direction.

Denver was a much smaller bulldog with a playful nature that seemed to be endless. Valerie and I chased Denver around the play area until he grew tired. He sat down panting on the green turf of the playroom signalizing that he finished playing. As Nixon and Rocky kept off to the distance making slow progress, the receptionist came into the room with a dour look on her face. 

"Sorry guys but these boys have to go back in their cages. I know how much you love them both, but they need their rest", Sharon stated with her arms folded at her sides. I was sad to be leaving this place behind and I hoped desperately that we would come back again to visit. I thought about how much love I had to offer. I wondered if I had could have a normal life, where I owned a dog, one where I sat by the fire and gave him my attention and affection. But then I thought about Aunt Tabby and a knot twisted in my stomach.

"Thanks for having us!" Valerie stated as she smiled widely at Sharon before gripping my hand so we could make our way out of there. Nixon stayed behind with Sharon, but I could catch whispered bits of conversation as we made our way down the hall. Valerie seemed to hear them as well, for she had stopped in her tracks and clenched my hand nervously. 

"Don't mention her ever again", I heard him yell at Sharon with a dark tone. His voice was tense and I wondered what had caused him to have an outburst. I watched with concern as he stormed passed us to the outside of building. Our eyes met and I saw something deep that I could understand in his cold gaze.

 I guess that was why I followed him on his way out, I had felt grief like that before. I also saw darkness in his eyes that I understood all too well and pain too. Valerie was further behind but walked towards this direction with a worried expression on her face. She tried to catch up with us, but the both of us were already too far ahead of her. 

"Stop following me. Can't you see that I want to be alone?", he yelled towards me in a hoarse voice. I could feel the grief emanating from his shaking form as her propelled himself into the parking lot. In that moment I saw Nixon as that pain filled young boy that he used to be. I wanted to comfort him, but what could I offer him, when I was still filled with my own past grief and rage.

"I'm sorry but I can't help myself.", I answered honestly. I felt true sadness towards Nixon who had no outlet to let that grief escape. Even though I felt overwhelmed with grief I always had my painting to remove the grief from my aching soul. It looked like the wounds from many years ago were still fresh in Nixon's mind. I didn't know if we would ever be friends, but I wasn't going to let someone in pain go unnoticed.

Nixon stated as I stared into his soul shamelessly. Nixon moved into my face so that his hot breath fanned across my skin. I wanted to back away, but I had a feeling this was some test and if I backed down now, I would fail.

"I thought you said you wanted to get to know me. This is who I am. I'm a monster who you should be afraid of", he screamed in my face ferociously. I held his gaze as his fist punched into the wall above my head.

"I'm not afraid. There are worse monsters out there. You have no idea", I said to him unflinchingly. Nixon removed his now bloody fist from above my head accidentally running it across my face. He used his sleeve to wipe the blood from my face looking guilty for a brief moment before any expression in his face was gone. Valerie was here now watching the interaction between the both of us with a concerned expression.

"Don't say I didn't warn you", Nixon huffed out. As much as I wanted to stay away from Nixon, I realized I needed to follow through with my word. I had to prove to him that my words were the truth. I wasn't afraid of him, but I was afraid of the way he made me feel. Every step closer to him I felt myself getting closer to something dangerous. There were monsters out there, but he wasn't going to be one of them. What I didn't know, was that there were other monsters, and they were much closer than I thought.