[Hi decided to update again.]

Laurence's pov

I was surprised to see garroth not in school today. I walked home. As I walked though I heard my name being called. Speak of the devil.

"Garroth why weren't you in school today?"
"Felt a little sick but let's go to your place ok."
"I'm down."

We walked side by side to my place. My parents weren't home sense they work 9 - 6 and it was only 3:30.

"So what compelled you to come find me when you felt sick."
"Actually I was should to go to your house right away but found you along the way instead," He seemed a but jittery.
"Well thats good considering I would have questioned you even more if you had of already been at my house."
He chuckled, "can't blame you there."

We went to the kitchen and u grabbed us something to drink before we went into my room. Something seemed off about garroth. I couldn't put my finger on it though.
I put the TV in my room on and put on some random Netflix movie purely for back round noise. It played extremely low.

"Are your parents home?" He asked finishing his water.
"No they don't get off till 6."
"Well then that's perfect."
"Why?"
"Because now we can make out and not worry about your parents walking in."
"That works for me woop."

I pulled garroth close to me pressing his peppermint lips against mine. I ran my hands through his hair as his arms wrapped around my waist. We ended up actually rolling on the bed a bit until I felt that oddness coming from garroth again. I pulled back and giggled giving him a hug trying to figure out was off with him.

"Is everything alright?" I eventually asked.
"No no, everything's fine why wouldn't everything be fine?"
"No specific reason I just thought something was off about you..."
"Why would something be off with me? Do you think there's something wrong with me because there's nothing wrong with me."
"The way you're wording things is making believing your fine very difficult."
"Why is it difficult to believe I'm fine I mean why would I be here if I wasn't fine? I mean I have to be fine I just made out with you."
"You don't have to be so defensive."
"Defensive I'm not getting defensive why would you say I'm getting defensive?"
"Yeah you're totally not getting defensive."
"Ok maybe I am being a bit defensive but that doesn't mean somethings wrong. I'm fine."
"I mean normally I'm fine doesn't mean I'm fine but I guess I'll just drop the topic."
"Perfect."

I smiled gently at him before he started kissing me again. This was odd. Extremely odd. Last time he was hesitant and I had to make the first move everytime. It's not like I would say no to him or anything I just found it strange.
Another thing if I may point it out is that his kisses were a lot more aggressive.

He fell back his head pressing against my pillows. His lips stayed connected with mine. I pulled back though and just looked down at my silly 'Friend'.
I saw this look in his eyes that lasted for only as second. It was a look.that said 'Im sorry' as if he was doing something wrong. Which he obviously wasn't I mean damn is he a hot kisser.

He sat up. I was basically on his lap but more so on his knees. Which from experience of Dante harassing me by sitting in my was probably murdering him.

"Let's do it." He quickly said.
"What?"
"It."
"I know what you meant but that's kind of sudden...."
"Why would you care that it's sudden you were the one the first day we hung out asked me if I wanted to have sex with you."
"Well that was more so a joke."
"Yeah whatever. You get the point, you wanted this didn't you so now I'm letting you. Just do what you want I don't care."
"Where is this even coming from?"
"It's coming from me obviously. I mean why would you ask something stupid like that," he had the tone of someone who was nervous. You could basically see his heart beat.
"I was just wondering alright... Calm down."
"Calm down? I don't need to calm down I'm perfectly calm."
"Yeah sure you are..."
"Whats with sarcasm can't you tell I'm calm."
"Not really."
"Well you don't need to be calm to do it so why not."
"You're not wrong Garroth but still."
"But still what? I'm doing this for you Laurence."
"Just calm down-"
"I don't need to calm down! I'm perfectly calm it's not like I haven't slept in almost 48 hours. That's Zane's job."
"Is that sarcasm?"
"Depends on what way you'd take it if it was sarcasm."
"Well I don't know what way I would take it."
"Then perfect conversation over with. Lets just do it. Yeah let's just do it, it's what you want isn't it?"
"... Alright."

His hands were positioned around my waste as we kissed. I was wearing a button down shirt so garroth started to fiddle with those. He had a sweater on so I had flicked that off of him.
His hands were freezing almost as if he'd been out all day and night.
He fell backwards again on to the pillow. The shirt I were hung open as all the buttons were undone.
I kissed his neck trying not to leave love marks considering we had school tomorrow. Our hands intertwined as I leaned back up to do god knows what when I saw his expression shift from an unknown one to what would be happy. But then of course it hit me like a truck.
Did either of us even want this? He'd been acting strange since I saw him and well now I have him pinned. Literally.
I suddenly just flopped down on to his chest. I just stayed there for a minute.

"Are you ok?" I heard him ask.
"Yes but you're not. I know this isn't what you want Garroth," I leaned up just a little to hover over him.
"What are you talking about I'm the one who asked if you so of course I want this."
"No you don't Garroth... Somethings wrong and I'm sorry but you've actually got someone who isn't letting anything slide."
"What I'm fine," He tried to wriggled out of my grip but even if he did that I could just latch my legs on to him.
"No you're not because I know you're not the kind of person to just want to have sex with someone."
"No im not, But don't you want to do it with me in before I leave!"
"Leave? Where are you going...."
"I don't know.... Just away from here....."
"What?"
"And I'm not coming back so you should savour that I'm spending this last day with you!"
"What do you mean savour this last day?"
"It's not important Laurence! I know how highschool relationships are you get with someone and once they do it once or twice they move on so don't you want to do it so you can move on! Knowing that you got what you wanted from me!"
"How do you know this is even what I want from you?!"
"Because I just do! You just have to be able to have this so you can know you got what you wanted from that one guy who killed himself!"
You could see that expression shift from the moon and back.
"You uh.. know what I mean the guy that just leaves you know....."

I probably didn't have the best reaction. I mean most people- as far as movies and books have told me when someone is suicidal there friend is sad and kisses the scars on their arms and tells them everything is ok. They never leave there side and if someone even says they have something on there clothes they scream at the person telling them they're beautiful just the way they are.
Me on the other hand. Well I slapped him right across the face. This is why I don't have more friends.

"Ouch," was all that escaped his mouth.
"You selfish little bastard do you know how many people would show up to your funeral! Do you know how many people alone were questioning why you missed one day of school??? And think about your siblings Garroth! They care about you more then anything in this world sure they call you a little hoe but I've read that entire journal. That's right I read it after you passed out on my shoulder and they would kill themselves along with you if something ever happened. And if for some reason that's no longer the case think about me garroth. How would I react. Well probably tell same way I'm reacting now I'd just take all my sadness turn it into anger and then ruin my own life!"
"You don't think I've already thought about that! I know damn well but I can't be here anymore laurence. You just don't understand what it's like to have to protect everyone constantly and sacrifice everything you are until there's only a raging demon left. You don't know what it's like to be missing a part of you. Everyone says I'm the king and it's like everything I cared about was put into that crown and then stomped into oblivion."
"You just feel numb inside and you can't control what's going on around you. I know garroth. When I first met Cadenza it was like I had this automatic brother insticnt in planted in my brain. As she got older though I realized couldn't keep her safe from everything. And you know what? That's how life is. You can't control what's going on around you only how you respond to it. And running away to kill yourself is never the answer no matter how sad or how lonely you are. No matter how much you may feel like the world has forgotten you people care. I don't know if you've always felt this way or something recently happened but either way people will cry if you die. Let me tell you something suicide is the hard way out. Don't think that everything is over when things are always just beginning garroth. Because you want to know what the worst thing in life is?"
"What....."
"Taking your own. Then watching from.the grave as everyone cries and it's too late. I know what is like to feel worthless. Useless and everything about that. It's only human nature. But I can't describe how I would feel knowing I lost you....."
His head plopped on my shoulder.

He quivered and shacked as he cried. I she'd a few quiet tears myself as well.
The tears stopped as I held him close to me. He had fallen asleep a solid thirty minutes ago in my arms. I eventually laid him on my bed. He was out like a light. I heard my parents come home and I buttoned up my shirt again.
I sat down as I rubbed his hair. My mom walked in.

"Oh is this your friend Laurence?" She asked.
"Yeah, he's asleep.... He's just having a pretty rough time at home lately."
"Oh well he can stay as long he needs. Make sure when he wakes up to introduce us to him though."
"I will, love you."
"Love you too Laurence."

I looked down at garroth once she left.
"And I love you too... I just hope I get some answers when you wake up..."